Twist Me by Mia Monroe

Grey

To say I’m nervous is an understatement. I need a new word to describe the sensation flowing through me. I’m equal parts excited, anxious, and terrified. But I want this. It’s been months of consideration and careful exploration. I know Mitsu will not let me suffer, so I have to trust him. I do trust him. It’s time I show him.

We bring our dishes to the kitchen and wash up, the sexual tension already brewing between us. As I hand him a bowl to dry, I study his face. He looks serious, deep in thought, but he always looks that way. He is always thinking.

Once we’re done I start to leave the kitchen, but Mitsu pulls me into him, nuzzling my neck. “You’re absolutely sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“Okay, then. Come.”

We walk down the hall holding hands, pausing in front of the double white doors leading to his play space. He opens the doors and I step in, my body heat kicking up immediately. Mitsu turns on the dimmer, filling the space with soft lighting. My eyes shoot straight to the large wood frame in the center of the room where I watched Mac dangle upside down.

Mitsu motions for me to sit on a pillow, so I do. He sits across from me, our knees touching.

“I believe in the importance of exchanging energy.” He takes my hands in his. “I want you to focus on what you want out of this experience, whatever it is, as you breathe in and out slowly. I will do my best to receive your intentions.”

Silence falls over us as I follow his directions. My focus? I let my mind answer that question.

Lack of fear. Openness. Freedom. To understand Mitsu better.

His soft breath hits my face and the warmest feeling settles over me, like that moment when you sink deep into a steamy bath, allowing the water to submerge you and relax away your tension. I want this so much with him. I want him to do what he wants. I want him to fuck me in those damn ropes.

“Whooo,” he exhales in a slow whoosh. “Thank you,” he whispers.

I open my eyes to see his intensely watching me. “You felt what I was thinking?”

“I always feel what you’re thinking, Grey. Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“So am I.” He squeezes my hands before releasing them. As he stands, he pulls his shirt off. As his arms raise, my eyes greedily soak in his body—the muscles in his torso and arms, the light dusting of dark hair, the veins in his forearms. He gazes down at me. “Should we start with something simple?”

“No.” I stand, almost matching his height. “We should start with whatever you want to do to me.”

He tilts his head, brushing his fingers under my chin. “If we do what I want, you’ll be in for an experience.”

“That’s what I want.” I step closer, stealing a light kiss. “Are you going to fuck me after you tie me up?”

A smirk pulls at his full mouth. “Would you like that?”

I nod. “I think so.”

“We’ll find out together your tolerances, your desires, your fears. You’ll leave them here with me, never carrying them on your gorgeous shoulders again. That’s what the ropes can do for you. Just let it all go.”

“Please.”

Mitsu’s eyes soften. “You have no idea what that simple word from your lips does to me. Anything you ask for, anything you desire, I want to be the one who gives it to you. Always.”

My stomach does a pleasant flip. “Always is a long time, Mitsu.”

“I know.” His hands slide down my arms. “I don’t say it lightly.”

I cast my eyes away for a second as his words move through me. “I never thought I could crave someone’s touch. I thought I was broken, but every time you even put a finger on me, I’m better. With every touch, I’m just...better.”

“You were never broken, Grey.” His fingers drag through my hair. “But I’m overjoyed that it’s my touch you seek.”

“I feel lucky we met.”

“I don’t believe in luck.” He lifts my hand to his lips and presses a kiss there. “I do believe in…” He shrugs. “Destiny, fate, whatever you want to call it. You were meant for me, Grey, and I am meant for you. We would have found our way to each other no matter what. This was our time to come together. We’re ready.”

“That’s beautiful.”

“Like you.” He exhales, gifting me a gorgeous smile. “Shall we begin before I throw you down on these pillows and skip the ropes?”

I laugh softly. “I’m ready.”

“If you’re comfortable, I’d love to work on you in the nude.”

“Okay.”

I start stripping out of my clothes while Mitsu walks over to his wall of ropes and begins selecting some. He chooses black and royal blue then walks back to me, kicking off his linen pants as he gazes at me. I love looking at his body—lean and muscular, radiating strength and grace.

He walks me over to the frame, studying it as if it’s the first time he’s seen it, then looking at me the same way.

“Please get on your knees, facing me.”

I nod, doing as asked.

Mitsu kneels in front of me, cupping my face and kissing me gently. “I’m going to tie your arms and legs and use a spreader bar. I’ll suspend you slightly, but your body and weight will be completely supported.”

I nod. “Okay.”

“And then, I’ll fuck the sense out of you.”

My skin prickles with goose bumps. “Fuck yeah.”

“Just remember to breathe and to tell me immediately if you experience any discomfort.”

“I will.”

“Let’s discuss your safeword. It can be helpful in the heat of the moment.”

“A safeword. Right. Um…” I think for a few minutes then answer. “Dulce.”

“Dulce?”

“The bakery name. I’m addicted to those damn pastelitos, but I think that would be hard to say if I was stressed out.”

Mitsu smiles. “Good thinking. Deep breath now.”

We inhale and exhale together. My next sensation is Mitsu wrapping the silky ropes around my wrist. I wait for panic to set in, my eyes shifting rapidly to his, but when it doesn’t, I smile.

“Good?” he checks.

“Good.”

He continues, engrossed in his intricate knotting. It’s not simple tying he’s doing. It’s elaborate, stunning, and it’s on me now. Mitsu works in silence, but I’m aware that he’s watching my every reaction. Amazingly, I’m not freaking out about this so far.

My arms are wrapped, bent at the elbow with my palms together as though I’m praying. Mitsu tugs the ropes, then gazes at me.

“How does this feel?”

“Good.”

“Keep going?”

“Please.”

Mitsu scoots behind me and begins working on my ankles. He locks a small bar between my ankles, keeping my legs slightly apart. It’s at this point where I’m expecting to feel uncomfortable. When he’s done, I’ll have no ability to run or get out of it unless he helps me. My body warms at the thought, but in a surprisingly pleasant way. I feel tugging, wrapping, rubbing, Mitsu’s lips briefly on my shoulder blade as he places a kiss there and then keeps working.

As he envelops me in his ropes, a sense of calmness comes over me.

I am safe.

The words dance through my mind, settling any remaining nerves. I give myself over to Mitsu and his ropes, exhaling slowly and feeling the tension leave my body.

“Good,” Mitsu whispers. “Keep trusting me. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Ever.”

“I know.” And I do.

“I’m going to suspend you now. Just a little. About to my waist.”

A little shiver runs down my spine. “Perfect height.”

“Yes.” He twists his fist in my hair, tugging just slightly as his lips suckle at my neck. “You look unbelievable right now. I’ve imagined it several times since I met you, but I wasn’t prepared for this level of intoxicating beauty and sensuality.”

“You make me feel so good, Mitsu.”

“It is my joy to make you feel good.”

He stands, leaving me with shaky breath. When my knees leave the floor, my breath hitches, but I exhale slowly, relying on his expertise and secure in knowing he won’t let me fall. Mitsu appears in front of me, crouching slightly to meet my eyes.

“Gorgeous.”

I nod, taking in his body. He’s slightly aroused, which stirs my own desire, but that sting of dysphoria nags at my gut.

Mitsu moves some hair from my face. “What’s on your mind, my sweet?”

“When I see you naked, sometimes I wish I had a dick like that. Like cis men have.”

Mitsu tilts his head. “Tell me more about those thoughts.”

“Dysphoria is real. So many times, when I was younger, I would reach between my legs and pray for a dick. A real one. Later I used to have nightmares that I woke up and all my old parts were back.”

Mitsu nods, gently comforting me with his warm gaze.

“I would look at pictures online and wish. After my bottom surgery, I felt good and happy. I would reach down and feel a dick, you know? But it’s not like yours. It doesn’t do the same things yours does. It never can.”

“Do you realize how perfect and desirable yours is? How I want to lock us in here and spend days and weeks and months pleasuring your body? How good you feel in my mouth and my hands?”

My mouth falls open.

“I can’t pretend I understand how you feel. I can only conceptually try, but to me, your body is amazing. Your dick is amazing.”

I laugh softly. “Definitely glad I waited for you.”

“So am I. Shall I show you how much I desire you by worshipping your body? Shall I make a sacrifice at your feet? Shall I show my reverence with my mouth and my hands and my body? Prove how much I adore you and your cock that is just right for me?”

“Please.”

His eyes darken. “With absolute pleasure.”

Mitsu kneels in front of me, running his hands up and down my body from my chest to my thighs. It feels strange to be dangling in the air in a kneeling position, but it’s also kind of cool.

“Close your eyes, Grey.”

I do, and I feel a slight tug on the ropes until I’m gently swinging. The warm air of the room gently swishes around me as soft music suddenly fills my ears.

“Are you comfortable?” Mitsu whispers in my ear from the side.

“Yes.”

He swings me again.

“Tell me what you want me to touch first.”

My breath catches from his simple request. Everything is not a good answer, but it’s what I want. Amazingly. I want Mitsu’s hands everywhere.

“Talk to me, gorgeous boy.”

He’s behind me now, his hands dragging slowly through my hair. With my eyes still closed, I try to focus on what I want him to do first, but a well of emotion bubbles up, and I find myself on the verge of tears.

“You can tell me anything,” Mitsu continues. “I am your safe place.”

I nod as a tear escapes and trickles down my cheek. My thoughts are running wild. I try to breathe through it, and then I feel his warm hand on my heart.

“Feel,” he says. “Feel all of it.”

His words seem to break a dam deep within me as a sob leaves my lips and my body is overcome with emotion. I cry without shame, leaning into Mitsu when his arms wrap around me.

“Speak if you want to,” he whispers.

“It’s too much.”

“Do you need me to let you down?”

“No.” I shake my head. “Not the ropes.”

Mitsu steps back enough to wipe my tears away with his fingers. I rarely cry, especially in front of people, but I can’t hold it in anymore. Mitsu gives me the space to feel through it until I can collect myself enough to speak.

“I’ll be right back. Just getting water. You’re safe.”

I nod. “Okay.”

While he’s gone, I use my body weight to swing the ropes again, smiling at the sensation. It feels like being cradled and comforted.

Mitsu returns, offering me a sip of cool water. “Better?”

“So good.”

He smiles. “Do you want to talk?”

I nod. “I just had this sense of overwhelming emotion bubble up in me. For years I’ve avoided touch. I’ve avoided intimacy and dating and all the things that go with that. I’ve been terrified of everything. I thought the ropes would feel constricting. I thought I would panic and need you to take me down right away.”

“But?”

“I feel incredible. I feel ten feet tall. I feel like I could fly. You’ve given me so much, Mitsu.”

“What did I give you?”

“The space I needed to see myself differently. To find out there’s more to me than the restrictions and fear I’ve used to guide my life. I…” I pause, trying to think of better words, but I can’t. “I hope this comes out okay.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“I had to push myself to call you. I was intimidated because that’s how I live life. Automatically deciding I wasn’t good enough for you, so why bother? I decided the ropes would be too scary and it was too much a part of you, so if I didn’t like them, you couldn’t like me.”

Mitsu nods, his expression neutral.

“Mac pushed me, bless him, because this has truly been the best experience of my life. All of it. You’re amazing, Mitsu. Thank you.”

“You’re the amazing one, Grey. I didn’t do anything. You did it all. You came to me. You opened up. You accepted the offered experiences. I am in awe of you. You faced every one of your fears and challenges and took them down.”

I smile, nodding. “Sometimes I feel like such a fraud. It’s why I go speak, you know? It’s not easy realizing you were born in a body that isn’t right. It isn’t easy telling your parents their daughter is a son, or your friends, or cringing every time your grandmother misgenders you or your cousin uses your dead name. None of that is easy, but I never had to deal with my family disowning me or not getting the healthcare I needed or being forced to live unauthentically.

“At the youth center, I hear stories all the time about families disowning kids, people turning to substance abuse or suicide because their parents wouldn’t love them anymore. I never understood why their parents didn’t still love them like mine loved me.”

“You will never be able to answer those questions, but you’re not a fraud just because you had support and resources. You still did those hard things.”

I nod, shifting my gaze to the floor for a minute. When I look up, I smile. “The ropes are everything you said they would be. I don’t understand how being restrained settles and weirdly releases me.”

Mitsu smiles. “The ropes are magical that way.” He cups my chin, searching my eyes. “I’ll tell you what I think?”

“Please.”

“It comes down to trust. You know in your soul that I am here and will never leave. I would never let you fall. You needed a safe place to push your fears aside, and I became that for you.”

“That’s it. You’re my safe place. What do you get out of this? What am I for you?”

“You are my heart, Grey. My breath. My desire. My heaven. What I get out of this is you.”

My heart literally flutters in my chest. I think...I might be…oh god, how do I know? Am I falling in love with him? I think I am.

“Do you want to come down now?”

My eyes snap back to his. “Have you fucked me yet?”

Mitsu chuckles. “I have not.”

“Yeah, I know. We should change that.”

“I agree.” He steps closer and kisses me, his lips drawing a soft contented hum from mine.

As his tongue explores my mouth, I lean forward as much as my constraints will allow, desperate for more. More tongue, more touch, more taste. More.

Mitsu’s hands grip my ass cheeks, pulling them apart as his finger tickles my entrance. I gasp against his mouth, rubbing into him as best I can. When he breaks the kiss to walk behind me, I whimper but give in since there is nothing I can do. Hmm. That realization actually feels good to me. I can’t do anything but feel. A smile pulls at my lips, but it’s quickly replaced by fire shooting through me as Mitsu buries his face between my ass cheeks, sucking and biting my hole. I’m tilted forward so I’m facing the floor slightly, then Mitsu is under me, sucking my dick into his hot mouth.

“Oh fuck.”

He responds by sucking harder and playing with my hole. He continues playing with me until I come apart, crying out his name and shaking as my orgasm rips through me. Mitsu doesn’t relent though, standing and gripping my hair to pull my head back. He bends down, kisses me hard, then guides his dick into my mouth. I suck hard, gagging on his length, and grinning through every second of it.

“Fuck my mouth,” I grit out.

Mitsu does just that, leaning back so he can fuck into my mouth. He hits the back of my throat more than once, dragging moans of pleasure from me as I try to take his length. He backs off suddenly, bending forward to breathe.

“Fuck, your mouth is amazing.”

“Fuck me. Please.”

He shakes his head. “That word.”

He moves behind me, gripping my hips as he pulls me into him. The ropes are soft but tight, reminding me of their presence as Mitsu manhandles me. He’s inside of me in seconds, pushing in slowly but firmly. I don’t know when he got lube, but I’m glad for it. When he makes it past the tight ring of muscles, the burning sensation subsides and pleasure takes over.

As usual, Mitsu doesn’t hold back, pounding into me relentlessly, exactly the way I need it. He knows my body so well. It’s like he said—I was created for him.

I exist for him.

I belong to him.

The feeling of being fucked like this—completely suspended, unable to participate, the bar between my legs rubbing against my skin—is intoxicating. My hair falls forward, swaying with every thrust as Mitsu does his best to turn me inside out. The only thing I wish is…

“Want to see you,” I get out as he tears me up. “Please.”

“You want to see me fuck you?” he whispers into my ear. “You want to see the pleasure you bring me on my face?”

“Please, please, Mitsu. Please.”

“Mm, yes, I want to see you too.”

He pulls out of me, coaxing a frustrated groan from my lips, but then he’s in front of me, his glorious dick inches from my face. I open my mouth, and he obliges, fucking my throat for a few strokes before moving away again. I’m lowered down, and then tilted so I can lie on my back. My legs and arms are in the air, which seems uncomfortable until Mitsu does some more working on the frame and I’m raised up again. Now I’m face up but suspended. Mitsu positions himself between my legs and, using the ropes for leverage, hoists my hips up so he can enter me again. All of that seems to take about five point two seconds before he’s fucking me again.

This time I can see his face. His brow is tense, focused, his lips curled up in a sexy smirk, the vein in his neck popped out. His hair falls around him like a cloak of velvet as he pounds into me. He leans in, kissing me roughly and biting my lip, then finishes me off by going hard. The sound of our skin slapping is so loud that I wonder if I’ll have bruises. Oh, I hope I do. That would be cool.

“Fuck,” Mitsu murmurs. “So fucking good.” He closes his eyes. “Gonna come. Gonna fill you up, baby.”

“Please. Fill me. Feed me.”

Mitsu’s eyes open, hooded and lust-blown. “Yes, feed you.” He shakes his head, then tenses, his fingers digging into the ropes as he jerks within me.

“I love this part,” I whisper. “You mixing with me. Inside me. I’m yours, Mitsu. Yours.”

“Mine.” He slumps forward, holding me to his chest and burying his face in the crook of my neck. “You are absolutely divine.”

As I hold on to Mitsu, I realize with a warm peace that I’ve never felt so good in my life.