Twist Me by Mia Monroe
Mitsu
“Tell me things about you.”
Grey’s simple request brings a smile to my face as we lie on pillows, our heads turned to face each other. His arm is still wrapped, and I like that he seems comfortable with it. Maybe he’ll want more.
“Where should I begin?”
“How old are you?”
“Almost forty. You?”
His lips twitch in a worried smile. “Twenty-five.”
“And you’re already out on your own. Much different than my life at twenty-five.”
“Why?”
“My parents were in their mid-forties when I was born. I wasn’t expected. My mother was told she couldn’t have children. I was their joy, but they were very overprotective. I stayed close to home. As they aged, they needed me more. When I was twenty-one, my mother slipped and fell one day while I was at work. She never woke up from the head injury. My father seemed to lose any desire to go on and died in his sleep eight months later, but really he died the day we took my mother off of life support.”
“Oh my god, Mitsu. That’s so tragic.”
“I don’t see it that way. Not anymore. Immediately following my father’s death, I took off. They left me a little money and I used it to travel. I went to Japan first to experience my heritage firsthand.”
“What was that like?”
“Magical. It’s where I discovered Shibari for the first time. I stayed there for two years, learning Japanese and apprenticing with a Shibari master. After that I traveled Europe, Australia, and most of Asia. I lived this amazing vagabond life, absorbing cultures and languages and people. I let go of the guilt I felt for not being home the day my mom fell. I grieved them and, in the process, I found who I am at my core. I knew I would build the art of Shibari into my life, but I didn’t know it would be my career. I came back to the states after being gone for twelve years. I was in my mid-thirties at that point. I went to California first, where I was raised, and tried a few cities there, but California didn’t feel like home anymore. I went to a few places that were promising, but when I visited Miami, something clicked. I stopped searching and settled here.” I smile from the memories. “That was a few years ago. I’m happy with the decision. I like it here and there’s a thriving Shibari community.”
“Is that why you didn’t have a major relationship or marriage or something?”
I nod. “Yes. I couldn’t see myself settling down at that point in my life. I suppose if I had met someone who wanted to explore with me, I would have been open to it, but I never did.” My answer lingers between us for several seconds. “Is that something you’re interested in, Grey? Settling down?”
“Um, I’m kind of young still. Like I’m not ready for kids and stuff.”
“Do you want children?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. Not really? Do you?”
His eyes search mine as if he’s afraid of my answer. “I’ve never seen that for myself.”
“Oh.”
“But life has taught me to be open to what it has in store for me. I am nearly forty though. I don’t want to be an old parent like I had.”
“You’re not even close to being old.”
Smiling, I reach for his hand but stop myself, not wanting to push him too far. “I’m not old yet, but the clock is ticking.”
Grey’s brow furrows, but he stays silent.
“Talk to me, Grey.”
A smile steals his frown as his face softens. “I guess I was trying to envision that. Me as a father. I can’t see it.”
“It’s not for everyone.”
More silence and then, “So you don’t mind dating someone as young as me?”
“I like you, Grey. You specifically. Regardless of our age difference, I know there’s a connection.”
He nods, rolling to his side and propping himself up on his elbow. “I want to...experience things with you.”
“I want that too.”
Grey gazes at me with so much unbridled lust in his eyes that it stirs a long dormant part of me. Not that I don’t feel arousal. I do, especially when I’m doing rope work, but it’s not usually directed at a specific person.
“I want to feel the ropes more.” His voice is pure conviction. “I know you won’t hurt me or leave me. I might still need patience though.”
“You’ll have it.”
“And I want...um, I think it would be cool if…” His eyelashes flutter as he stumbles through words.
“You can say anything to me.”
Grey nods as his cheeks blush. “I want you to be the one, Mitsu. I want you to make love to me someday. If you want that.”
His words, his vulnerable request, cause an explosion deep in my chest. “Grey. My sweet man. I would be profoundly honored to accept such a gift.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not a gift. I have no experience. I won’t be a good lover for you, but I want it anyway.”
I reach out to him, emboldened when he doesn’t move, and touch his hair. Most of it falls down his back but just enough of it hangs over his shoulder.
“You’re wrong. Any time someone shares their body with another, it is a gift, regardless of experience. You’ll be a wonderful lover because you want to be. We’ll learn together what feels good.” I swallow hard, pushing down my desire. It’s not time yet. “Grey.” I pause, still collecting my thoughts.
“What?”
“When I make love…” I pause as his eyes open wide. “I immerse myself in the person I’m with. I go all in and leave part of myself with them. I hope when we’re ready, you will do the same and deposit a bit of your soul in mine. I will treasure it. I will keep it safe.”
“How will we know we’re ready?”
“You’ll tell me.”
“I’m ready.”
I laugh softly. “Not with your words, Grey.”
His brow furrows, but he nods. “My energy will tell you.”
“Yes.”
“I understand. Will you kiss me again? While I’m getting my energy ready?”
“I would love to.”
Grey leans into me, opening his lips and allowing me another taste of his sweetness. His kiss is hesitant, mirroring his general demeanor, but I see glimpses of what’s beneath his breakable armor. There is strength. And a man dying to let go, to put down his sword and feel safe doing so. It is my sole endeavor from now on to provide the safety he craves.
As his body presses into mine, I’m aware of his hardness. It’s been a million years since I’ve made love to another man, but it was a revelation that I wanted to experience again and again. Finding the right person has been challenging until now. I cannot wait until Grey is ready. Truly ready. When he can let go and trust me fully, I have a feeling it will be life-changing for both of us.
“God I want you,” he whispers. “I’ve never felt like this before.”
“Like what?” I brush his hair from his forehead. “Tell me with words.”
Grey studies my eyes, his lips parted as he searches for words. “Myself. I’ve never felt so myself. Does that make sense?”
“Tell me more,” I encourage.
“Most people don’t know me. They don’t even know that I feel weird when strangers touch me. They don’t know that I am so much more than what they see. But you know and you still want to kiss me. You want to touch me. I don’t have to hide any part of me to be wanted by you.”
“The opposite is true. I seek your exposure and your safety in knowing you can be your whole self with me.” I place my hand on his chest. “I want the Grey inside your heart.”
“I want him to come out. I want to peel back the layers and maybe even meet him too.”
I smile. “We’ll find him together.”
We lie quietly again for several minutes until Grey speaks.
“Tell me a secret.”
Smiling, I twist my head to face him. “I have none.”
“Then make one up.”
“Okay.” I think about it for a few minutes. “I secretly enjoy pineapple on pizza.”
Grey dramatically gasps. “Say it isn’t so?”
I nod. “It is. I admit it. I am a closet pineapple pizza eater.”
Grey grins, biting into his bottom lip. “That’s a pretty good one. For the record, it’s not my go-to, but I don’t hate it.”
“It’s actually true. I enjoy all kinds of strange toppings on pizza.”
He giggles. “Funny.”
“Your turn.”
“Okay. I listen to boy bands from the nineties and early two’s when no one is around.”
I laugh. “Boy bands?”
“Yeah, you know. NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees. It just cheers me up. My older brother loved it and it rubbed off on me.”
“Interesting. Favorite?”
“NSYNC. Justin Timberlake is adorable.”
“He’s handsome, yes. On the music topic, I guess it’s a secret, but I got hooked on karaoke when I lived in Japan.”
“You can sing?”
“Terribly, yes.”
Grey laughs. “We’re so doing that one day.”
“I will indulge you in the true horror of my singing voice.”
“What’s your favorite song to sing?”
“Anything from the eighties.”
“Love it. See, you’re full of secrets.”
“Apparently.” I use my index finger to tap his nose. “Are you ready for dinner?”
“Pineapple pizza?”
“Whatever you want.”
“This is what I want, Mitsu. Spending time with you. I hope you don’t get sick of me.”
“I don’t think I ever could.”
With hope blooming in my chest, I help him up. He steps close, and I kiss him softly, sweetly, restraining the desire surging through my veins. Someday I’ll make love to him.
I can’t wait.