A Vow of Forever by Lylah James

CHAPTER FOUR

Julianna

Four and a half years later.

Ragna let out a wet huff as I brushed her white coat. She was a little grumpy today and I was sure it had something to do with Cerberus. It appeared he wasn’t giving my sassy mare enough attention. I couldn’t believe that I was witnessing a lover’s quarrel between horses.

Except, it wasn’t all that surprising.

I thought horses were monogamous animals, but Ragna and Cerberus had been inseparable over the last few years. There was long courtship and of course, my mare played hard to get before finally giving in.

While Cerberus was arrogant and a bit wild, I got to see his emotional side a few months ago when Ragna was sick. She was taken away from Cerberus while her health was monitored closely. That was the first time I had seen a depressed stallion.

“She’s beautiful,” a deep voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked over my shoulders to see Gabriel striding toward me, a full smirk on his face. He came to stand beside and laid a hand over Ragna’s forehead, giving my girl a little pat.

“Her mane is so long,” he admired, his gaze flicking between Ragna and me. “And her white coat is shiny. You keep her well groomed.”

“Thank you,” I said, delightfully pleased with his praises. “How many new horses did you bring this time?”

“Two stallions. They are wild and too stubborn,” he responded with his thick British accent. Gabriel had been Killian’s business partner and a close friend for almost a decade. They were close, and that basically made Gabriel family. He had a habit of rescuing horses and bringing them to Killian for training.

I dropped the brush over a stack of hay and gave Ragna a pat. “Aren’t they always?”

“Nah, these two are really difficult. I think Killian’s going to have a hard time with them.”

“He’s a horse whisperer, Gabriel,” I defended my husband haughtily. “There’s never been a horse that he can’t handle. And you’re lucky he even found the time to train them.”

But then again, Killian would never say no to horses.

“He’s that busy, huh?”

Killian being busy was an understatement. Now that he was officially running for President, my husband had more important things to take care of. His country.

From attending debates, to rallies and fundraisers where he gathered his supporters, Killian was dedicated through and through. I loved that about his. Loved how strong and stubborn he was. Loved how passionate he was about his job and his love for this country.

But I missed him.

Except, that didn’t matter at the moment. I was his wife and right now, our country came before my needs. Some days, I was selfish and tried to keep his bed but I blamed that on my pregnancy.

I cupped my round stomach at the thought of that. This morning Killian left bed before I woke up. I knew he did that because he thought I needed the rest, but I wished he had wakened me up.

Gabriel snapped his finger in front of my face, bringing me out of my thoughts. “I lost you there. What’s up?”

I shook my head and gave him a shaky smile, before glancing at Ragna with longing. “Oh yeah, I meant to say Killian is quite busy these days. Of course, you know that already.”

Gabriel was silent for a moment while I petted Ragna. She was quiet as she moved closer to me, bumping her head against my hand. She could feel my emotions and I tried not to let my misery bleed into her.

“You’re looking at your horse with such sad eyes, Jules,” Gabriel said, ever the observant one. “Why don’t you ride her?”

I itched to get on my mare but I knew I couldn’t. Not when I was pregnant and Killian made me promise that I wouldn’t ride Ragna alone. I thought he’d lose his protective instincts over the years but I was very wrong.

Killian was still the same overprotective and overbearing man I knew.

Especially now… that I was pregnant after two years of fertility issues.

A year after the birth of Cameron, I started experiencing irregularities with my menstrual cycle. It was nothing alarming at first until I went eight months with my periods and that was when I finally went for a check-up, only to find out that I had developed Polycystic ovary syndrome – which eventually made it hard for us to conceive.

We were happy with Cameron being our only child, until I got greedy. I always wanted a big family and so did Killian. And so it began. The painful process of trying for another child while struggling with infertility.

Two years of uncertainties.

Two years of IVF shots and praying for successful retrievals.

Two years of hoping for fertilized eggs only to realize the embryos would not make it through the transfer process.

Two years of hopelessness and not feeling good enough.

One successful transfer ended up in a miscarriage.

And that was when I finally broke down.

It was tormenting. Being so hopeful, thinking you were finally getting what you wanted the most, only for it to be ripped away from you – so cruelly.

Killian and I eventually decided to stop trying. The pain of losing our baby killed us and he wasn’t willing to put me through that again.

I agreed. Until six months ago, when I had a dream.

Of a little baby girl calling me mommy. It was so real and till now, I could still hear her sweet voice calling out to me. It was a dream, but I swore, that was our future.

So, I convinced my husband for us to try again.

I caressed my eighteen weeks baby bump. We didn’t know the gender yet, but I knew it was a little girl. She was so real in my dreams, with her dark hair like her father’s and my grey eyes. Her soft, round cheeks and her pouty lips.

“Killian doesn’t let me ride her,” I finally told Gabriel. “At least not alone. And since he’s always busy, I haven’t had a chance to get on Ragna for a long time.”

He’d actually blow up a blood vessel if he saw me on a horse, alone. My husband liked to that he was invincible and that he was my shield.

Except he can’t protect me from everything.

Gabriel scoffed. “Well, you’re not alone now. I’m here, so why don’t you get on Ragna?”

“Oh no, please–”

“What? You think I’m not strong enough to protect you?” he asked arrogantly before flexing his big muscles over his tight black shirt, as if to show me just how “strong” he was. “Anyway, Ragna is your mare. She’s pretty docile, isn’t she?”

I rolled my eyes but I was very… tempted to take him up on his offer. If Gabriel was with me, I wouldn’t be alone so it wasn’t like I was going against what Killian wanted.

Gabriel grabbed one of the helmets off the hook and presented it to me, waiting patiently for me to make up my mind. I glanced at Ragna’s pretty face and my heart swelled. God, how could I say no to such tempting offer?

I put on the helmet and then Gabriel hoisted me onto Ragna’s back. The moment I settled on the saddle, my fingers curled around her pretty mane. My chest tightened and I practically choked on my emotions.

Maybe it was the pregnancy…

“My beautiful girl,” I whispered to her. Ragna neighed in response, as if she understood me.

Gabriel chuckled and I glanced at down to find him grinning at me. “Now, that’s a smile I like to see.”

“I missed her,” I confessed out loud.

Gabriel grabbed the reins and I pressed my heels into Ragna’s sides, urging her forward. “Let’s go for a walk, sweet girl.”

We walked out around in circles in the open field, keeping a steady pace that Gabriel could follow on foot. He stayed by my side, fingers around the rein and I felt safe enough.

“You’ve got a breathtaking smile that would make any man weak to their knees,” he said after a few moments of silence, touching my calf to grab my attention.

My scars itched at the unexpected praise. “You’re just being sweet.”

Gabriel patted his chest. “I’m an honest man.”

I opened my mouth to respond when I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. My husband was stalking toward us and when he was close enough, I noticed the look of pure rage on his face.

“Gabriel,” he snapped.

My eyes widened at his tone but his friend wasn’t fazed at all. “How are the horses looking? Do you think you can handle them?”

Killian snatched the rein from Gabriel. “Leave,” he ordered coldly.

“What–

He glowered at Gabriel and the poor man didn’t even have a chance to say anything before Killian was leading Ragna back to the stables. Once we were inside, he pulled me off my mare and settled me on a stack of hay. This place was smaller than the one we had on the island.

But with Killian running for President, we had to leave Isle Rosa-Maria behind. So, we had officially moved to Spencer Manor in Washington D.C, bringing our horses with us.

Killian locked Ragna in her stall before finally facing me. My husband was positively livid and I internally winced. He stood to his full height, shoulders rigid and his fists clenched to his side.

“What is this all about?” I slowly asked.

His eyes flared darker. “He was flirting with you.”

“He wasn’t!” I hissed, getting to my feet. “He’s your friend. God, what is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with me is that you deliberately went against what I told you when all I wanted was to protect you and our baby,” he said in a deceptively low voice. Killian didn’t raise his voice at me; he never did – and I couldn’t remember the last time he was angry at me.

“You’re overexaggerating!” I couldn’t even hide the indignation in my voice. “I was completely comfortable and safe with Ragna and Gabriel. I was in no imminent danger. You’re speaking as if I am new to horses. I’m not. You taught me everything I need to know about horses. Are you saying you’re not confident about your own teachings?”

“I’m not here to tempt fate, Julianna,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Neither am I!”

“The risk of you injuring yourself–”

“So what? Am I going to spend the rest of life confined–”

“Hey, is everything okay?” Gabriel interrupted, slowly walking back into the stables. His gaze flickered between Killian and I. “Is there a problem?”

Killian tensed. “I’m speaking to my wife,” he practically snarled at his friend.

“It’s fine,” I said, giving Gabriel a practiced smile. “We’re just talking.”

“Right. Um, okay.” He backtracked quickly.

Once he disappeared from our view, I rounded on Killian. “I know you’re worried but you need to calm down for a second.”

He took a staggering breath. His eyes were still dark and furious but I could see the moment he started to calm down. The corded muscles in his neck unclenched and his jaw was not longer tight.

I moved forward, pressing my body against his. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just missed taking Ragna on a run.”

He swallowed hard before his arms curled around me. Protectively. Finally. “I didn’t like how close he was to you,” he rasped.

“Killian,” I started, fighting back a smile. “Are you jealous?”

He scowled. “I’m not jealous.” His voice dropped to a low growl. “You’re mine and I’m territorial. Big difference, Princess.”

It was basically the same thing but I wasn’t going to argue with him now.

“Fuck,” he swore under his breath, shaking his head. “I saw you up on Ragna and my heart fucking stopped, Julianna. I forgot how to breathe. A hundred different scenarios of you being hurt played in my head.”

I pressed my face into his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Thud. Thud. Thud. “You’re right. I should be careful and I was. Ragna is safe and I wasn’t alone. Don’t be mad, please.”

His arms tightened around me. “I’m not mad.”

“You are.”

“I am,” he finally responded.

I stroke his chest. “How can I pacify you?”

Killian’s finger dug in to my hips. “You don’t want me to answer that.”

My eyes flickered up to his face, taking in his harsh and raw gaze. Hungry and possessive. “Tell me,” I breathed.

His hips bucked against mine, in a silent answer. “Here? Now?”

“Here,” he rasped. “Now.”

When I didn’t refuse, he walked me back to the stack of hay. Killian unbuckled his pants and my throat went dry as I stumbled back and planted my ass on the hay. I stared up at my husband’s brutally handsome and my sex clenched.

He wrapped his hand around his semi-erected cock and jerked it. His eyes darkened when I licked my lips, suddenly craving the taste of him.

Keeping our gazes locked together, I slowly got on my knees in front of him. I was now eye-level to his groin. A better position for what I had in mind. I knew Gabriel was somewhere close and he could probably hear us and I bet that was he reason Killian wanted to fuck me – here and now.

“What are you doing, Princess?”

Holding his throbbing member in my palm, I gave him a tentative squeeze. “Making it up to you, for going against what you told me when all you wanted was to protect me.”

I watched as his length thicken and felt it pulse. While making sure he was looking at me, in my eyes, I slowly descended downward on his dick. He watched me as I took him into my mouth and licked up and down his shaft.

“Fuck,” he hissed. “Julianna.”

I hummed in response, before closing my lips around him, sucking. My cheeks hollowed and his hips bucked upward, forcing him deeper into my mouth. I felt him at the back of my throat, hitting the spot that almost made me gag.

His groans and the naughty sounds of me sucking him could be heard around the stables but that didn’t stop me. “Goddamn it. Your fucking mouth – oh shit.”

My head bobbed up and down, before I pulled him from my wet mouth. My tongue then licked the head of his shaft. I circled the little slit dripping with his seed with the tip of my tongue. I tasted him, his manly and bit of salty essence of him. I teased him, like he’d do to me. Slowly licking and tracing the veins along his length. Feeling each pulse before slowly slipping him back into my wet mouth.

I noticed the muscles of his thighs tightening as each thrust of his hips grew jerky. His heavy panting filled my ears. He was close...so freaking close.

I doubled my effort, wanting to drive him crazily over the edge. Killian fisted my hair, pulling me hard down his cock, deeper...harder... forcing my throat to swallow him.

Without warning, he pulled out of my mouth and grasped me by the arms. I squealed as he pushed me back into the stay of hay and flipped me onto my stomach. “Hands and knees,” he ordered in a thick and barely constrained voice.

My heart thudded in my chest as I quickly got on my hands and knees. Killian crowded into my back, pressing his body against mine. He flipped my yellow dress over my hips and I felt the cold breeze on my bare skin. He pushed my panties to the side and I was already so wet for him; dripping and aching.

“This is going to be fast and hard, Princess.”

It sounded like a threat and that was the only warning I got before he shoved inside me. I gasped at the hard invasion and then whimpered as I clenched around him.

He pulled out half-way through before sinking into me again. “Julianna,” Killian grunted. “You feel so goddamn good.”

This was just a quick rut in the stables. A rough fucking to get the anger out of his system. It was downright filthy. This was carnage. Desperate and passionate.

Killian pumped into me, wedging his cock deep inside with each brutal thrust. My walls clamped around his shaft every time he pulled out and I cried out every time he pounded back in. My fingers curled around the hay and I bit on my lips until I tasted blood.

“Don’t ever scare me like that,” he growled. Thrust.

“Yes,” I gasped.

Thrust. “You’re mine.”

A needy sound left my throat. “Yours.”

My breasts felt heavy and swollen. My nipples ached. My sex throbbed.

It felt so good. It hurt so good. And I. Needed. To. Come.

His fingers brushed against my folds as if he knew what I was thinking, what I needed. He flicked my clit and my body tightened.

Killian found his release in a powerful rush and then my orgasm hit me so hard, my eyes rolled back into my head.

I collapsed onto the straw and Killian settled on top of me a second as he caught his breath, before he pulled out of my tight sheath and rolled over. I felt a warm gush between my thighs, his seed spilling out of me.

“I made you dirty,” Killian rasped in a low voice.

His fingers brushed against the inside of my thigh, before pushing his cum back into me. My sex was so hypersensitive and my sore muscles clamped down at the intrusion.

He pressed his lips against my temple. “Are you okay?”

“Uh-huh. Perfect,” I replied deliriously. “I think you just fucked me into a coma.”

Killian chuckled and while I laid limply onto the stack of hay, he rearranged my dress for me so that I was decent again. Then, he swept me into his arms and carried me out of the stables. I buried my face into his throat, inhaling his unique scent.

Drowsily, I heard him speaking to Gabriel but I couldn’t make out their conversation. His steps lulled me into a sleep and I didn’t fight against it.

I was safe in Killian’s arms and I’d wouldn’t choose to sleep anywhere else, except right here.

***

“And how are you feeling, Mrs. Spencer?” Doctor Jennings asked me as I laid down on the exanimation table. My previous Gynecologist, Doctor Johnson, went on her own maternity leave, so Pearl was my new doctor.

“I feel completely fine and healthy,” I responded as Killian laced his fingers through mine.

Pearl kindly smiled at us. “Well, let’s take a look.”

She placed a cold gel on my stomach and then pressed the transducer to my swollen abdomen, moving it around while looking at her screen. “Heartbeat is strong,” she observed and then her expression changed.

Worried gnawed at me and Killian leaned forward. “What’s wrong?” he asked urgently. “Is there something wrong with my wife? The baby?”

“Nothing.” Pearl was quick to assure us, but there was just something strange about her expression. I couldn’t tell if it was bad or good. “I checked your reports and Doctor Johnson said you’re having twins, right?”

Killian was silent for moment before he barked, “What?”

Pearl’s gaze flickered between my husband and me. “You didn’t know?” she asked in confusion.

I flinched but my husband didn’t notice because he was staring our doctor as if she had grown two heads. I knew we were having twins…

Killian didn’t.

It was an innocent lie; a secret because I wasn’t ready to tell him yet.

I could see that my husband was still reeling from the news because he was shaking his head. “No, that can’t be right.”

“You’re right,” Pearl agreed. “It’s not correct, because there are three heartbeats here.”

Shock coursed through my body. “Three?” I choked.

“Yes. You’re not having twins. You’re having triplets.”

“Oh. My. God. Triplets…” My voice trailed off because now I was in shock.

Pearl moved the transducer around my stomach again and she stared intently at her screen before breaking into a smile. “Yup, triplets and all girls. You’re having three daughters. Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Spencer.”

Three daughters…

Oh God.

I was shaking and Killian still hadn’t said a word. He was frozen in the spot; too still for my liking. His expression was completely blank and dread filled my chest. Killian stared at the screen, watching the three tiny bleeps.

“Killian,” I said nervously, while my heart swelled with excitement. Three babies!

When he didn’t react, I called out his name again. This time, he blinked slowly.

“Triplets,” he whispered, so quietly I almost missed it. I clenched his hand in mine and then he did the most unexpected thing ever.

His eyes rolled back into this bed and my strong, arrogant husband collapsed.

I blinked. And then blinked again.

“Oh dear,” Pearl gasped.

Did Killian… just pass out?

Alarmed, I sat up and stared at his limp body on the floor. The doctor checked his pulsed and then coughed, but she was probably holding back her laugh. “He hit his head on the corner of the table when he passed out. Won’t need stitches but that spot is probably going to be sore.”

“Um, o-okay,” I stuttered.

I wiped away the gel from my stomach before kneeling down at Killian’s side. I patted his cheek, once and twice and then harder. He groaned and then his eyes fluttered open, giving me a dazed look.

“Triplets,” he said, in awe.

I nodded and then giggled. “You passed out!”

Killian rubbed his temple, where he was quickly bruising and then winced. “I didn’t pass out. I was merely resting my eyes,” he announced begrudgingly. “It’s good to… rest your eyes, every once in a while. So yeah, I was doing that. My eyes. Resting. Didn’t pass out.”

This time, I threw my head back and laughed.

I had never seen Killian like this. He was always so composed and right now, he was absolutely not. He swore under his breath and then our gazes locked. “Three babies,” he said, his voice thick with emotions. “Three daughters.”

And then he was taking me in his arms, kissing my lips like he had been dying to taste me all along. “I fucking love you, Princess.”

Yeah, I loved him too.

More than I could ever put to words.

And that was why I lied. For now.