A Vow of Forever by Lylah James

CHAPTER FIVE

Killian

Two months later

“Daddy,” Cameron whined sleepily when I closed the children’s book. “Another story, please. The last one.”

I tucked his bedsheets snuggly around his little shoulders. “You said that for the other two stories,” I drawled, quirking up an eyebrow. Putting Cameron to bed was my job; this was our father-son time and my boy knew exactly what my weakness was.

I could never say no to him.

There was a knowing look on his face and then my son gave me the sad eyes and pouty lips. “This is the last one. I promise.”

“Last story,” I agreed, before opening another book. Giraffe’s Can’t Dance. This was his favorite bedtime story and I knew he was waiting on this one. Cameron sighed happily when I started reading about the timid Giraffe, who had probably fitting in before he found the confidence in himself to do what he wanted.

By the time I finished the story, he was fast-asleep and I grinned, while I looked at his peaceful face. Cameron was basically my carbon copy. Same hair. Same strong nose and full eyebrows. He looked a lot like me when I was his age. The only difference was his eyes. They were his mother’s. The prettiest grey.

I pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Sweet dreams.”

He sleepily smiled in response and I knew he was somewhere far away, in a dreamland of horses and giraffes. Instead of leaving, I stayed there, sitting next to him on his little bed, watching my son sleep.

It was crazy how in a few weeks, we were going to go from a family of three to a family of six. Cameron was going to be a big brother to his three sisters. I didn’t doubt for a second that he was going to be a loving and protective brother. He had been anxiously waiting for his younger siblings. Yesterday, he put his head to Julianna’s swollen belly and told his sisters all about his day. He was already bonding with them and they weren’t even here yet.

Shit, it still felt surreal every time I thought about the triplets. Julianna struggled with her infertility and I knew how badly it affected her that we couldn’t have another child. That despondent look on her face. The dejected slump of her shoulders. The sobs she tried to hide from me while she was in the bathroom.

My wife felt like she was robbing me of the big family I had wanted. That something was wrong with her.

Julianna told me so, one night – when she thought I was sleeping.

That was when I decided that we’d stop trying; to end the IVF treatments. Because I didn’t care that we couldn’t have any more kids. Sure, I wanted a big family but not at the cost of my wife’s mental health. Julianna and our son were enough for me. We were happy and that was all that mattered.

But then it happened.

One dream turned into three little miracles.

It was absolutely batshit crazy and I was here for all of it.

Eventually, I left Cameron to sleep and went back to my own bedroom. Where my wife was peacefully sleeping. Naked under the bedsheets. She didn’t even twitch when I got in bed.

Julianna was on her side, facing me, with her blonde hair on her face. I tucked the stubborn strands behind her ear and her nose twitched with a breathy snore.

I settled back into my pillows, not at all sleepy. So, I did something else, like stalk my wife online. I grabbed my phone and searched up Julianna Spencer on google. There were multiples new articles that had gone up in the last two days. My chest tightened because I knew what to expect when if I opened any of those articles but I had to know. I had to see what they were saying about her.

I scrolled through my phone, reading the comments on a newest article I found about Julianna.

My blood boiled as my stomach churned. The comments had only gotten uglier and more hateful since the last time Julianna and I were photographed together. That was two days ago.

The media had been vile to Julianna for years now, since Bishop’s truth came out to the world. She was the daughter of a criminal and when I announced that I was running for President, the personal attacks began.

They tried to degrade her as a woman.

They vilified her, and painted her as the daughter of the country’s enemy and not as Julianna Spencer, my wife. Though she had tons of support online, the public’s hate for her was unrestrained and exceeded the support that she got.

Her innocence had been proven many times, but they didn’t care. We thought we’d be able to clean her image and goddamn it, we fucking tried – but nothing worked. The people had made up their minds about my Julianna and it killed me.

The hate surrounding Julianna had somewhat affected my presidential run but my opponent was a piece of shit and I was the next best candidate for the country and our citizens knew that. So, I still had a chance at winning – especially after back-to-back successful campaigns.

My gaze flickered to a sleeping Julianna for a moment and then I went back to the comments.

Actually, I always thought Gracelynn was a better match for Killian Spencer.

My fists clenched as I read the next comment. I’m not falling for her innocent act and sob story. There’s just something about her that doesn’t sit right with me. Like, it’s just a feeling and my feelings are never wrong.

Fuck this.

I always found it weird that she survived the accident. Do you think she planned it, so she could get with her sister’s fiancé?

There was a reply to that comment. OMG, I thought the same too! I always wondered if she liked Killian while he was engaged to Gracelynn. We all saw photos of the crash. It should have been impossible for her to survive that accident, yet she did and now poor Gracelynn is dead. What if? She’s hella shady so I won’t be surprised. Time for conspiracy theories. Who wants to join me?

With a curse, I turned my phone off and dropped it on the nightstand. Beside me, Julianna rolled over and pressed closer into my body, as if seeking for my warmth. I wrapped my arms around her, my throat swelling with emotions.

She buried her face into my neck and a pained groan spilled from her throat. My body tensed and I thought she was in physical pain, but then I heard it. The unmistakable sound of Gracelynn’s name on her lips.

“Grace,” she whimpered again. “No, please. No.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. Just when Julianna was finally letting go of Gracelynn’s ghost, finally moving on without any remaining guilt at the fact that she survived the accident when her sister didn’t – the media had to ruin it all.

I wasn’t stupid; I knew she read those articles and comments online even when she’d lie and say she didn’t. I knew because her nightmares were back again, after years of them being silent.

My wife whimpered in her sleep and my heart broke at the pained sound. A lonely tear slid down her cheek as I brushed my fingers over her forehead, trying to smooth out the tension lines.

“It’s okay,” I whispered as her body did a full twitch. She cried out softly. “I got you, Princess.”

She eventually settled back to sleep and I kept her body anchored against mine. Cupping her pregnant belly, I smoothed a hand over the heavy mound, tracing the uneven streaks and lines over the stretched skin. I expected one of the babies to kick in response, but it appeared they were all napping. Good, Julianna needed some sleep.

“Daddy?” A little voice called out from outside the door. Cameron must have woken up from his sleep. “Mommy?”

“Yeah, Buddy. I’ll be there in a second.” I untangled myself from Julianna’s side and got off the bed. When I opened the door, Cameron was there with his little giraffe plushie under his arm and his thumb in his mouth.

I instantly knew something was wrong. He only put his thumb in his mouth when he was scared or worried. “What’s wrong, Cameron?”

“I had a bad dream and then woke up.” He sniffled, his little face scrunching up as if he was about to cry. “I can’t s-sleep.”

I hoisted my shaking son up in my arms and he pushed his head into the crook of my neck, sniffling some more. “It’s okay, daddy got you. Everything is alright,” I crooned in his ears.

I walked back and forth in the hallway, still holding him in my arms while he calmed down. When he was half-asleep, we went back to his room only to find that he had wet the bed. Well, shit. There was no option, other than putting him in my bed, next to his mother. I watched at he cuddled up next to Julianna and my heart swelled.

My wife and babies were here and all together, safe and comfortable in my bed.

I might have done a lot of things in my life that I was proud of, but this right here – this perfect scene was my real pride. My family.

I did forgo sleep for cleaning up Cameron’s bed so Julianna didn’t have to do it in the morning. It was when I took out the clean bedsheets from his drawers that something else caught my eye.

A wrinkled paper under all that stuff.

Why was Julianna’s medical document in Cameron’s drawers?

I scanned the paper, feeling my heart drop in the pit of my stomach as I read along the words that didn’t really make sense to me, but I somehow knew what they meant. What the risks were.

***

Julianna

I woke up with a start, my eyes flying open but I didn’t know what woke me up. My heart thudded in my chest and I wondered if it was another nightmare that I couldn’t remember.

I look at my left and while Killian was missing, Cameron was in his place. I smoothed a hand over his head, admiring his cute sleeping self before I got out of bed to find my husband. A quick glance at the clock told me that it was almost three in the morning.

The Spencer Manor was quiet and dark as I made my way to his office on the opposite end of the hallway. The door was half-opened and I peeked inside to find him standing on the balcony of his office, shirtless and staring into the night.

My brows furrowed in confusion as I walked up to him, when something else caught my eyes. A wrinkled paper on the floor, as if it had been carelessly thrown to the ground.

My heart dropped in the pit of my stomach when I noticed what it actually was and my palms started sweating. My medical documents. How did he find them? Oh God.

I took a shaky step onto the balcony, wringing my hands in front of me.

“Killian–”

“Why?” he questioned, his voice deceptively soft. Too calm.

I swallowed hard. “Why what?”

He pivoted around so fast that I stumbled back, my eyes widening. His face – the raw and wretched look on his face – it hurt to see that tormented expression on his handsome face and knowing that I somewhat had a hand in putting it there.

His eyes darkened with rage and I let out shuddering breath. “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought there would be no more lies and secrets between us,” Killian accused sharply. I was taken aback by his cold and detached tone.

“I’m perfectly healthy,” I started to explain but he cursed under his breath and stalked forward until he was close enough for me to reach out and touch him, but I didn’t dare to.

His body was tensed and I didn’t think my touch would be welcomed right now. So, I curled my arms around myself instead.

I suddenly felt so… cold and alone.

“Stop lying, for fuck’s sake!” Killian snarled. “All you do is lie to my face, Julianna. We started this marriage with deception and you vowed you’d never do it again.”

“I was going to tell you,” I stuttered.

He let out a mocking laugh at my response and unshed tears blurred my vision. Killian paced back and forth in front of me, running his fingers through his hair before pulling on them. “How do I trust you? Goddamn it!” He paused and his gaze flickered to me angrily. “When did you find out?”

I flinched at his outburst and hiccupped back a sob. “Early on. When I was around fourteen weeks pregnant,” I confessed quietly. “Doctor Jennings told me about some of the complications that might come with this pregnancy. Gestational hypertension is common for women with multiple fetuses but with my history of seizures and high blood pressure, I was at risk of having eclampsia. Which could also lead to placental abruption.”

Killian nodded. “I called Doctor Jennings,” he said coldly. “She explained all the risks and complications that came with you being pregnant with triplets. Your placental abruption could lead to postpartum hemorrhage.”

“But that’s only the worst possibly outcome,” I was quick to say, as if to defend myself. “I’m perfectly healthy and my body is strong enough to carry our babies. The risks are there but–”

“And you didn’t think that I need to know that? That I should be aware of my wife’s health or the complications that might occur?”

My chest tightened as I sucked in a shaky breath. It pained me to breathe. It hurt me that Killian was hurting. And my husband’s coldness; his rage decimated me.

I slowly advanced toward him. “What would you have done if you knew? Tell me, Killian. If you knew that this pregnancy was risky for me… What. Would. You. Have. Done?”

The corner of his eyes twitched, his neck cording with tensed muscles as if he was trying so hard to keep his fury in check. His dark eyes flared. His expression turned into disbelief and then understanding when he realized what I was trying to tell him.

“I know the answer to that,” I whispered. “You would have asked me to terminate this pregnancy.”

Thatmade him still and then his chest shuddered with a harsh exhale.

Saying those words out loud made me nauseous. My stomach churned with a sick feeling and I could taste the acidic bile on my tongue. When I tried to swallow, I found myself gagging on it.

“And I can’t. I won’t do that,” I choked out. “But if you had asked me, I wouldn’t have been able to say no to you. If you knew about the risks, you would have treated me as if I was on my death bed and I can’t see you hurting. I wouldn’t have survive watching you watch me with those tortured eyes as I grew bigger with our babies. It would have killed me.”

The wind picked up and a loud thunder rolled through the dark sky. The drizzle started next and I flinched at the coldness seeping through my nightgown.

My husband was unfazed to the change of weather. His fists were still clenched at his sides, his body still tensed and unwelcoming.

“That wasn’t your choice to make, if I deserved to know or not.” Killian shook his head with a cold, humorless laugh. “I’m your husband and this marriage is supposed to be based on trust but you keep lying to me about such important things in our lives?”

I looked down at my feet, ashamed because he was right. “Tell me the truth, Killian. Would you have wanted me to terminate this pregnancy if you knew of the risks?”

“Yes,” he deadpanned.

I flinched at his quick because he didn’t even pause to think. “And there’s your answer as to why I didn’t tell you.”

The triplets were my miracle babies and I couldn’t bear to lose them, not like this. Not when I knew I was strong enough to give birth to them. And especially not when my last pregnancy ended with a miscarriage.

“You’re a maddening woman!” Killian barked. His arm snaked out sharply and he gripped my bicep, shaking me. My gaze snapped to his and he was glaring down at me. “Listen to me carefully because I’m only going to say this once. Yes, I would have rather you terminate the pregnancy because I don’t want to risk losing you. But if you wanted to have our babies, I would have never forced to have an abortion.”

I started to speak but he cut me off. “Where is the trust in this marriage, Julianna? Don’t you trust me?”

“I trust you,” I whispered.

He released my arm, but curled his hand behind my neck instead. “Liar,” he hissed.

I let out a cry. “I’m sorry.” I pressed my body closer to him, seeking out his warmth and he didn’t push me away. I stroke my hand over his chest and he shuddered under my touch. “I was scared.”

He squeezed his eyes at my choice of words. “And that’s the exact reason why you should have told me. You wouldn’t have to carry this burden alone.”

Another thunder rolled through the sky, this one roaring with a promise of rain.

“I swear I was going to tell you.”

His gaze landed on mine again and his brow furrowed. “When?”

“Soon. Next week, at our doctor’s appointment.”

When he didn’t respond to that, my heart dropped. “Don’t hate me,” I pleaded with Killian.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

The sky opened up and the rain come down hard on, drenching both of us. But neither of us moved.

His eyes darkened, thunderous and pained. His fingers tightened in my hair before wrapping my ponytail around his fist, tugging my head back. I let out a choked sob when I realized that I was hurting us again. The rain washed away my tears.

Killian lowered his head and his lips brushed against mine, tenderly. “I can’t lose you again.”

“You won’t,” I promised into the kiss. He stole my breath from my lungs, kissing me hard before pulling away.

“Doctor Pearl have been monitoring me closely,” I explained, breathlessly. “I’m healthy. The babies are healthy. I haven’t had a single seizure during my pregnancy. My blood pressure is somewhat stable and I’ve practically put myself on bed rest.”

“I wish you had told me,” he rasped, his voice raw and harsh.

I sniffled. “Me too. Are you still mad?”

“Yes.”

“Do you hate me now?”

Killian dropped his forehead against mine. There was tenderness in his gaze now and my heart swelled in relief. “I can’t ever hate you, Princess. No matter how angry you make me.”

He swept me up in his arms and carried us back inside, away from the thunder and safe from the rain. “Don’t lie to me again, Julianna. No more secrets. And I’m serious this time. You have to trust me with your worst news and I have to trust you to tell me when things are not good.”

“No more secrets,” I breathed.