The Embrace by Vivian Wood

32

Aweek later, I step out of my cab and peer up at a bland beige Manhattan city building. Checking the text message that Lucas sent me earlier again, I confirmed that it's the right address. My heart pounds in my chest.

Since I walked out of the apartment that I shared with Calum, I have been keeping my head down. There have been paparazzi following me everywhere, so after practicing several evasive maneuvers, I headed to stay with my mom in a fancy hotel.

I don’t know how to cope with anything. I don’t know how to start planning an alternate future, one with no Calum.

A future with a baby.

I was just lying on my back, staring at the ceiling, and wishing everything had turned out differently when I got a text from Lucas.

9-1-1. Come to 4170 Jefferson Street ASAP.

Little fool that I am, I am following his instructions.

“This had better be worth my time,” I mutter to myself. But I know in my heart that even if it isn’t, I can’t do anything about it. I feel weak and powerless without Calum here by my side, propping me up.

My stomach turns as I consider the building. This is the address that Lucas sent me, but I don’t recognize it. I furrow my brow and head inside.

I enter the building, taken aback by how simple the lobby is. I assumed somehow that maybe this would be a fancy lobby but it isn’t… the floors are made of brown stone and the walls are all a tan color. There is nothing special about this place at all.

I spot the building attendant sitting at a small desk by the elevators. I am a little confused walking up to him. He perks up.

“Ms. Walker?”

My heart beat speeds up even more, pounding in my ears. “That's me…” I say, confused. “Do you know why I'm here?”

He shakes his head. “Nope. I would just told to let you know that Mr. Fordham will meet you on the roof.”

“The roof?” I ask. “What's on the roof?”

He shrugs a shoulder. “No idea. I've never sent anyone up there, to be honest with you.”

I hesitate, my eyes swiveling to the elevators. Lucas didn't give me much information to go on so I am practically walking into this situation blind. I turn back to the lobby attendant.

“This building doesn't have any medical offices in it, right?”

I hate to ask, but it has definitely occurred to me that I could be walking into a women’s health clinic that does very discreet terminations.

He frowns. “Not medical doctors… There are a few therapists. Does that help you in any way?”

I give him a reassuring smile. “That's fine, thanks. I should head on upstairs.”

I walk to the elevator and he just bobs his head at me.

The ride up in the elevator is mercifully swift but filled with anxiety for me. When the doors open, I expect one of two things.

Either I will see some dazzling display set up on this rooftop, yet another of Calum's apologies. There is probably a dazzling view or something worth seeing on this rooftop, in that case.

Or perhaps it is Lucas that I am here to meet. Though what he could have to say I’m not sure.

But when I step out of the elevator doors, I see neither.

Instead, I see Calum pacing back and forth on the building rooftop between two air conditioning ducts. When I step forward and a clear my throat, he looks up. The expression on his face is so fraught with nerves that it somehow makes me less worried to be here.

If Calum is nervous too, I'm in good company.

He clears his throat as I approach, eyeing him carefully.

He gives me a little bow. “I wasn't sure you would come. Thank you.”

I pull the lapels of my coat tighter around me and cast my gaze over the rooftop. “I wasn't sure that I would, either. Now that I'm here, I'm not quite sure why you asked me to come.”

He jerks his head over to a rickety wooden bench that I didn't see before now. “I’m just glad you're speaking to me. Can we sit?”

My eyebrows arch delicately but I already know the answer. I nod my head and make my way over, perching on one end of the bench.

Calum sits down, sucking in a huge breath.

“I don't know quite how to begin. I guess I'll start with an apology.” He looks at me, pinning me with his gaze. “I am so sorry, Kaia. I know that probably won't go near making excuses for me or my behavior the other day…”

I cut him off. “Calum…” I sigh.

He holds up a hand. “Wait. Please, hear me out. Then you can decide whether you want to leave or stay.”

I scan his face, hesitating. My thoughts are an absolute mess. But honestly, what is the worst thing that he can do right now? After all, I'm already here. I might as well listen to what he has to say.

I cross my arms and lift a hand in a sweeping gesture. “Go ahead. Say what you came here to say.”

He inches closer to me, touching the back of my hand. My lips thin.

I don't make any move to pull away, but neither do I turn my hand over. My heart drums loudly at the very touch of his skin. I swallow and try to keep my face compose in a cool mask.

He clears his throat, looking down at our hands. “First of all, I want to apologize. I’m sorry, Kaia. I was really upset the other day, which doesn't excuse my behavior at all. I said things… I called you names… I blamed you for getting pregnant, which obviously is not your fault.”

He pauses, his mouth twisting to the side. “I know that I am not ready to be a parent just yet. But I have seven or eight months to get ready, to be a good parent and a good partner. And that's what I want.”

I squint at him. “And how are you going to do that, I wonder?”

My sarcasm doesn't go unnoticed, but he merely nods.

“I want to change. I really, really want it. I think I wanted it since before we met, honestly. I've been walking around for so long with all this anger and hatred and fear inside me, compressed down so deep that it's almost a part of who I am.” He looks up at me, his blue eyes glinting. “I knew that it was a problem before I even ever met you. But in the process of falling in love with you, I've realized that I want more from my life than walking around angry all the time.”

I purse my lips and cock my head. He holds his hand up, signaling that he is not done.

Calum grips my hand, turning it over and stroking my palm. “I can't change alone. You have taught me that. I think that if you went back in time and talk to me several months ago, I would not believe that I am in the position that I'm in. That I'm asking you for another chance. I think I used to flit from one girl to another because it was easier than letting my heart settle down.”

I draw a deep breath. “What you're saying is good to hear. But I don't really see how you’re going to change. I see willingness but I don't see a vehicle.”

He squeezes my hand again, reminding me of the connection that runs between us.

“That's actually why we are here. We are on top of the offices of Dr. Lane.”

At that word doctor, my heart rate shoots shy high. “Is this about the pregnancy?”

He shakes his head. “No. Dr. Lane is the psychologist. And he has agreed to see me. Four times a week for the next four weeks. Then we can re-assess my needs.” He squeezes my hand again.

“Please, if you can find a way to forgive me, I swear that I will work hard every day at being your perfect man. And I will use Dr. Lane to dissect why I am so afraid of having a child. By the time that the baby is born, I swear I will have my head on straight. That I promise you.”

He looks so earnest just now, peering down at me.

“Please, say you will give me another chance. It's the last one I will ever ask you for.”

I bite my lower lip, tears misting over my eyes.

“I love you, Calum. I really do.” My voice breaks. “But I can't go through this again. A person can only put up with so much, even for someone that they really love.”

He bows his head low and brings my hand up to his lips. He places a kiss there, lingering for a long moment. When he looks up again, I see a sheen of tears in his eyes.

“Please, Kaia. I love you so much. And whatever you say, I will abide by. Whatever rules you set, whatever boundaries. I will do anything for you. You have to know that.”

I swallow against the lump of emotion that rises in my throat. “You're saying all the right things. You know that?”

He scoots a few inches closer, his eagerness apparent. “Give me another chance.”

I stare at him, my heart breaking all over again. The tide of my emotions is rushing up and any moment now, it will overrun me, make weak.

For this man sitting in front of me, there is almost nothing that I would not do, nowhere I wouldn’t go.

I already know that I'm going to say yes when I open my mouth again.

I look at him firmly, my eyes searching his. “There have to be rules,” I say. My voice is barely more than a whisper, but he hears me just fine.

The joy and relief immediately apparent on his face is about the most satisfying thing that I have ever seen.

“I love rules,” he says. He glances down and scrunches his face up. “That’s a lie, I hate them. But I can learn to love them.”

I exhale a shaky breath. “You can't ever raise your voice to me in anger. Never, ever again. For any reason. Any time you are angry, you have to learn to control yourself. That's my first rule.”

He grabs both my knuckles and brings them up to his mouth, kissing them.

“Anything,” he says. “I swear it.”

I nod. “I don't forgive you. Not yet. But I am willing to work on things with you. That is, assuming you are serious about seeing a therapist.”

“Absolutely. In fact, I asked Dr. Lane to be in his office downstairs in case you were willing to start right now, this very second. I’m ready to prove myself to you.”

I have to pull one of my hands away to dash away tears that start running down my cheeks.

“Calum, I love you so much. I would do anything for you. As long as you can love our baby too, that's enough for me. That would make my heart happy.”

He takes a deep breath. “I can't say that I am thrilled to be a father, especially now, when you are so young. But I will work through it. I will figure out how to be happy. I will try my absolute hardest to love this baby as much as I love you.”

I wipe both my eyes and Calum stands up, offering me his hand. I slip my smaller hand into his big one and he pulls me up right, stepping in close to press his frame against my body.

It feels endless, the act of kissing him. Without even thinking about it, my hands twine around his neck, my face tips upward, and I press up on my tiptoes. He meets me halfway, his mouth finding mine in a hungry kiss.

Demanding, possessive, searching.

I sigh against his mouth and let him in, let him invade and dominate.

Hell, I welcome it. He tastes sweet but salty, fresh but impossibly deep. My heart slams against my ribs, happy and confused and excited to be in his presence once more.

Eventually, he pulls back an inch, looking down at me. “Should we go? Dr. Lane awaits…”

I slip my arms around his shoulders and give him a quick, hard hug. “I think we should.”

He steps away and tucks my arm against his elbow, leading the way to the elevator.