Heart and Soul by Carrie Elks

29

The driver pulled up outside Meghan’s parents house. Isla was sitting next to her, playing with the new iPad Dylan and Natalie had bought her so they could keep in touch while Dylan was touring. Natalie would be staying in L.A., but she seemed to love Isla as much as Dylan did, and promised to play Animal Crossing with her over the internet.

Her father’s car was parked on the graveled driveway. That wasn’t unusual for Friday at 5pm. He always finished work on time on Fridays – the weekends were strictly for church and family. Even as a child, she could set her watch by him.

“Could you wait here please?” she asked the driver.

Isla looked up. “We’re at Granny and Gramps house?” Her little brows knitted. “Why?”

“I just want to talk to them for a minute.” Meghan climbed out of the car and leaned in to help Isla unbuckle her strap. “Then we’ll go home.”

“Can we swim tomorrow?” Isla asked. “I can’t wait to show my friends how I can dive now.” Dylan had spent yesterday teaching her. “I’m almost a professional.”

Meghan and Dylan had spoken this morning, just the two of them, while Natalie took Isla out for breakfast. Dylan wanted to pay for a security guard to take care of them, but Meghan had refused. Apart from Carlyn, they weren’t in danger from anybody in Angel Sands. The thought of having a guard with her constantly made her feel like she was a child again.

He’d asked about having his name put on Isla’s birth certificate, and Meghan agreed to liaise with his lawyer about that. He also wanted to deposit a huge sum of money into her account, but she’d refused that.

“You can spend your money on her when she’s with you, and I’ll spend my money when she’s with me,” she’d told him.

Dylan had frowned. “But she’s with you more.”

“It’ll even itself out.” She was certain of it. And she didn’t want to be beholden to anybody. “Why not set up a college fund for her? That would be something good to do.”

“College. Yeah.” Dylan had nodded, his eyes wide. “Man, when she goes to college she’s definitely having a guard.”

Tomorrow he’d fly to Europe, and wouldn’t be back for months. She could tell from his demeanor that he was finding that thought difficult. Strangely, Isla was okay with it. She’d patted his hand and promised to FaceTime with him a lot.

Taking Isla’s hand, Meghan walked up to her parents’ house, pressing the bell and smiling down at Isla. “We’re not staying long,” she told her. “I don’t know about you but I want to get home.”

To her little apartment. To her shop. To her life.

And to all the problems she’d left behind for a few days. She took a deep breath in as the front door opened, and her mom’s beaming face was revealed in the gap.

“Well this is a surprise,” she said, leaning down to hug Isla. “Oh my goodness, you look like you’ve grown again.”

“Have we come at a bad time?” She wanted to get this over with.

“Not at all. I was just getting started on dinner. Would you two like to join us?”

“No. But maybe a glass of something cool. We’re on our way home, but I wanted to drop in and speak with you and dad first.” Meghan glanced at Isla. “In private.”

Her mom’s smile dissolved. “Is there a problem?”

“No problem.” Meghan touched Isla’s shoulder gently. “Why don’t you go play with your iPad in the living room. I’ll speak with Granny and Gramps in the kitchen.”

“Sure.” Isla was clutching the tablet like somebody might steal it from her. It was funny how attached she already was to it.

Meghan’s father was in the yard, tending to his roses. Her mom called out to him from the kitchen and he looked up, his brows knitting when he saw Meghan standing there. Her mom was wringing her fingers, as though she was anticipating the worst.

It took Meghan a moment to realize why she seemed so edgy. The last time she’d dropped in without notice was when she’d told them she was pregnant with Isla. They hadn’t spoken for months after that.

Her dad walked into the kitchen and scrubbed his hands clean, drying them on a towel before turning to look at Meghan. “Is everything okay?” he asked, shooting a strange glance at his wife. She shrugged and pressed her lips together.

“Everything’s fine. I just need to let you guys know something. We’re on our way home from L.A. and I thought it would be better to tell you face to face.”

Her parents shared another glance. “I guess we’d better sit down,” her dad said, pointing at the kitchen table.

Her mom carried three glasses of cool lemonade over, passing them out. She was silent as she sat down, and she looked at her husband with a wary eye.

“So what’s this about?” he asked Meghan.

“Isla’s father came to see us last weekend. We’ve been in L.A. with them this week. He wants to be part of her life.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Her dad leaned forward, his brows raised.

Her parents listened as she explained the events of the last few days, leaving out any mention of Rich and their mess of a relationship. She explained who Dylan was, knowing she’d never quite given them the whole story eight years ago.

“He’s a drummer?” her dad asked, shaking his head. “And all this time he ignored you.”

“What does this mean for you and Richard?” her mom asked. “How does he feel about another man in Isla’s life.”

“Dylan is Isla’s father, not just another man. And Rich and I are taking a break.” Meghan exhaled softly. It was the understatement of the year.

“I don’t like the sound of this drummer,” her dad said. “Or of you and Isla in L.A.. Do you know the things that go on there?”

“We were mostly at his house. And nothing went on. He’s in his thirties, and engaged to be married. His fiancée was lovely to us both.”

“His fiancée?” Her mother’s voice lifted. “He’s engaged to another woman?”

“Yes.” Meghan kept her voice low, aware that Isla was only a room away. “And she’s very kind. They’re a nice couple and I know they already love Isla a lot.”

“What if he tries to get custody?” her mom asked, clutching her blouse. “And takes Isla to live with him.”

“He won’t. We’ve already agreed to a plan. His life is too unpredictable for him to have a child in his care full time.” And Dylan didn’t have much experience with kids, but he knew enough that it was better for Isla to have calm and order in her life. “He just wants to be her dad. To be part of her life. I think that’s wonderful for Isla.”

“I don’t know.” Her dad shook his head. “This is all too sudden. You should have called us before you went off with him. We could have talked to him with you. Did you sign anything?”

“Not yet. And before I do, I’ll have my own lawyer look over it.” Meghan took a sip of lemonade, cooly surveying her parents over the rim. “I don’t need your help to sort this out. I’m an adult, and I know what’s best for Isla.”

Her mom blinked.

“It won’t change anything for you,” Meghan added. “Isla still loves you, she still wants to stay with you every now and again. But now she has even more people loving her. That can’t be a bad thing, can it?”

“I don’t know…” Her mom shook her head. “It’s all so sudden.”

“Well, Dylan’s headed to Europe now, so nothing will change for a while. You’ll have a chance to get used to it.”

“Can we meet this man when he’s back home?” her dad asked.

“Yeah. You’ll be seeing a lot of him, I imagine.” At birthday parties, school shows, and then one day at graduations and weddings. Meghan’s stomach contracted as she thought about that. Each day Isla was growing up, and one day she’d leave home to start living her own life.

It was a bittersweet thought.

“Yes, time. That’s what we need.” Her dad nodded. He looked older than she’d noticed in a while. Smaller, too.

Maybe he wasn’t shrinking. Maybe she was growing. Not in size – she’d stopped at five-feet-three back when she was sixteen – but in confidence. In the knowledge that she could do this alone, but that she didn’t need to.

She’d gone from being a single parent to having to share her child with others who loved her. She’d have to get used to it, too.

“We should go,” Meghan said, “and let you eat your dinner.” There was one more hurdle she needed to face. She was going to have to get used to living next door to Rich Martin without being part of his world. To see him without touching him.

Maybe that was the biggest hurdle of all.

* * *

Work, eat, sleep, repeat.

That was all he seemed to do nowadays. And it made him feel even more exhausted than ever.

But exhaustion was good. Exhaustion meant you didn’t have to think. Not about the mistakes you made in the past, or the ones he was still making.

He restarted hearts, mended broken bones, called for consults on blood test results. Then he trudged home and threw himself into bed only to do it all over again the next day.

But today was different. Today he could see that the envelope sticking out of Meghan’s mail box was gone, and that there was a sticky fingermark on the tenth floor button on the elevator. Like a kid had eaten ice cream and licked her fingers before pressing it.

A kid like Isla.

None of this is actually about Meghan. It’s about you and how scared you are of getting hurt again.

James’ words echoed in his mind, the way they had since their coffee break at the hospital.

Twice she’d tried to talk to him, and twice he’d pushed her away. She’d been a stronger, braver person than he could ever hope to be. The thought of it felt like a weight pushing down on him, making him walk slowly out of the elevator, and over to his apartment.

You push people away before they can leave you. But the end result is still the same. You’re still alone.

He was still alone. He’d never felt it so keenly as he was right now, looking at her door and knowing she was there. He wanted to knock on it, to throw himself at her mercy, to beg her to forgive him.

But it wasn’t enough. She deserved more than empty promises. She deserved somebody who’d fight himself for her. Who’d always put her and Isla first.

And he wasn’t that guy. Not yet. But he wanted to be, so much so it almost hurt.

The door to Grant and Kevin’s apartment opened, and Grant grinned at him, waving his purple cast like he was so damn happy to see him.

“Hey! We’re having a cookout at the pool this weekend. You’re coming, right?”

Rich blinked. “A cookout?”

“Yeah, on Saturday. It’s Kevin’s birthday and we thought what better excuse than that? Plus, we want to thank you and Meghan for all you did for Gloria while we were away.”

“I didn’t do much.”

“Apart from save her life.” Grant smiled. “And then check on her every day since. So it’ll be us, you, Gloria, Meghan and Isla, plus some friends from mine and Kevin’s work. We’ve booked some tables at the pool area, and a couple of the grills.”

“I’ll need to check my schedule.” The thought of being with Meghan and Isla made his heart ache.

And whose fault is that?He blinked, swallowing hard.

“But count me in, unless you hear otherwise.”

“Perfect.” Grant grinned. “I was hoping you can man one of the grills and Kevin can do the other. I’ll be hanging around looking pretty and maimed.” He waved his cast again.

“Sure.” Rich nodded. He looked over his shoulder at Meghan’s door, and ran his tongue along his dry lips. “So you’ve met Meghan and Isla then?”

“We have. It’s nice to even the sexes out a bit on this floor.” Grant lowered his voice. “It was getting a little too testosteroney for my liking.”

Rich nodded. There wasn’t anything else to say. Not that didn’t involve him begging Grant for more information on their neighbors. He wanted to know if they were okay. If Meghan was holding up. If she still hated him.

Of course she hates you. You’re an asshole.

“I’ll see you later,” Rich said, giving him a nod.

“On Saturday,” Grant reminded him. “Five o’clock. Don’t be late.”

He knew for a fact he wasn’t working. Sure, he could give some excuse for not being there. An appointment with Belle or an emergency at the hospital, but that would be stupid.

Meghan would be at the party. And he needed to see her.

Because he needed to find a way back into her life.