Giving Away by Lola King

CHAPTER 16

‘Heaven only knows when I’m in hell’

Pray - jxdn

Jake

I squint my eyes at the two zipper bags in front of me struggling to find the one with Jacob White written on it in thick marker. I had to take my contacts out an hour ago when I couldn’t hold the burn anymore. It smells like mold and piss in here. My head is pounding and the harsh white light from the police station isn’t helping. Nothing ever fucking happens in Stoneview and they still manage to have a dirty, stinking station.

Nate grabs the other bag, his knuckles are colored with dried blood. His or mine, I don’t even fucking know anymore.

The lady officer before us eyes at the last name on our bags, then us.

“Oh, boys,” she smiles cheekily. “Brothers’ quarrel?”

Neither of us acknowledges her as we grab our different items. My phone, watch, and wallet take me about three seconds to gather and I’m already on my way to the door, Nate close behind, when the police officer calls again.

“Trust me, boys, she ain’t worth it.”

I don’t even know if the grunt I hear is from me or him, I just keep going. I don’t hold the door for him and as soon as I’m in the waiting room my eyes search for my sister, but she isn’t there.

In fact, no one is here except a small-shaped form asleep on a seat. One that I’d recognize anywhere even without my glasses on. She waited for me. For hours. I hurry to the seat where she’s sleeping and put a hand on her shoulder as I squat in front of her.

“Jamie, baby, wake up,” I whisper.

She wakes with a start and looks around, confused. Her eyes stop on Nate, somewhere behind me, and my heart freezes. What if she didn’t wait for me? What if she waited for him?

All those hours in the interrogation room, I didn’t feel one hint of remorse. Nate had it coming. After everything he did, he deserved every single punch to his perfect face. I wish I could say I was so mad because of the years of bullying or because he got us in a gang. But I know I’d be lying to myself. The main reason I wanted to beat the shit out of him is sitting right in front of me and I just have to pray I didn’t make the worst mistake of my life tonight, getting in a fight over her.

I used to get in stupid fights with weak assholes over Camila. She was the queen of making me jealous with other guys just for me to show I cared for her. She was thrilled when I would let my rage out on a poor bastard. But I didn’t care for her, I was possessive because I’ve always been, it had nothing to do with Camila. Now, it has everything to do with Jamie.

“Oh my Gosh, are you okay?” She sits up straight and takes my head in her tiny hands, making me wince when her thumbs graze the countless bruises and cuts. “Jake,” her voice tightens like she’s about to burst out crying. “I was so worried about you.” Her head drops on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

As soon as her warmth touches my skin, I know she’s here for me. She sobs on my shoulder and I hold her tight enough that my bruised ribs beg at me to let her go but I can’t. I can’t let her go. Not now. Not ever.

“None of this is your fault,” I reassure her.

How could it be her fault? Nate and I simply decided to add another element to our ongoing feud. I get up and help her up in the process.

“Where’s Ozy?” Nate’s cold voice makes me want to turn around and bust open his lip all over again, but Jamie’s frightened eyes chill me.

“Jamie? What happened?” I ask, not even sure I want to know.

Something’s wrong, I can see something’s wrong. I can feel something is wrong from my heart beating against my chest hard enough to jump out. It’s telling me there’s a reason my sister isn’t here. She would never leave me here on my own.

Jamie grabs something on her seat and turns around holding Ozy’s phone.

“She said to keep this and tell you she was in D.C.,” she tells me as my worst fear falls down on me.

I don’t realize Nate is coming toward us until both his hands land on Jamie’s narrow shoulders.

“‘Me,” he almost shakes her. “Was Bianco here? Was he here?”

I will my body to push him away from her, but my head is already running the worst scenarios on repeat. Everything we’ve been avoiding, praying to escape forever, it’s all here. One night, one mistake and it all came back.

The cold sweat suddenly covering my body makes me shiver. Was Bianco here? He must have been, otherwise, why would we be out?

“I–” she hesitates, her eyes darting to mine.

Nate is leaning towards her face, his eyes full of love for Jamie but his face filled with concern for our sister. He tries to soften his movements and his words but he’s struggling because he’s scared. He fucked up and he’s worried about what Bianco’s going to do for his slip up, not that he would ever admit it.

“This is very important, ‘Me, we need to know,” he insists.

My brain finally clicks. “She doesn’t know what he looks like, asshole. Get off her,” I push him away, ready to beat him up all over again. Adrenaline is controlling my mind and my body, so is panic.

“I think he was here,” Jamie whispers to me like she doesn’t really believe it herself.

As fucked up as it is, it means something to me that she says it to me. That she talks to me and not him.

“Are you sure?” I double-check, putting a hand on her cheek to selfishly keep her attention on me and block her view of Nate.

She nods. “With two other men, like…like guards or something. He gave a wad of cash to officer Miller and Rose left with him.” She scratches her throat before saying something we both already know. “I think she was scared.”

She was scared. He’s her worst nightmare. He’s everyone’s worst nightmare. We’ve spent the last three years trying to stay off his radar and all it took was a stupid fucking fight with Nate.

Rose probably hates me right now. All the times we ended up at this police station before, knowing we took a risk of needing him to bail us out. We promised each other we would never do something bad enough to have anyone on his payroll call him on us. I broke that promise. Gun possession. After Jamie warned me I was putting us in danger by carrying. Maybe I should have just listened to her.

I should have just walked away. I should have just grabbed Jamie’s hand and walked the fuck away. But I had to prove to him I was better, that she chose me. For someone addicted to control, the situation is well fucked and truly out of my hands.

Nate is already on his way to the officer at the counter.

“You called him?” I hear him say calmly.

I can imagine the look on the guy’s face is probably giving Nate even more confidence. That officer knows the calmer Nate is, the more you should fear for your life. The hold he has on his anger puts my control to shame. It makes me truly jealous to know he has the kind of control over himself I’ll never have. When he explodes though…apocalypse.

“Mr. White, I had to get you out.”

I can’t help but snort at hearing him call my brother Mr. White. What a fucking joke.

“Where’s Chris?” I ask Jamie.

“Last time I checked he was at the ER with Luke.”

I walk to Nate and settle next to him. “What the fuck are you doing talking to this guy? Ozy is with Bianco, and it’s your fault,” I seethe.

“My fault,” he laughs sarcastically. “I’m not the one who stole my brother’s girl. I was bound to split your head open with my fists at some point.” His voice is low when he finishes his sentence, rage boiling low in his chest.

“I’m not the one who used his girl to spy on his siblings,” I retort, feeling Jamie shift behind me.

Two officers notice our argument renewing.

“All of you, get out of here before the situation gets worse for you,” one of them yells. Jamie takes hold of my hand, squeezing tight enough to let me know she’s scared.

She wants to leave. Just like she wanted to leave Cal’s house. I didn’t listen then, and this is where it got me. I need to listen now. I should know by now that following Jamie’s instinct only brings me good, so I head toward the door with her.

I look back at Nate again, he’s standing still in front of the reception. “You,” he points at the officer Jamie called Miller, “you’re coming with me.”

From here and without my glasses, they’re both blurry shapes but I can imagine the look on my brother’s face clearly. Jamie must see me squint my eyes and she quickly hands me the glasses I had put in her bag. It warms my heart to be with someone thoughtful and observant like her. Fuck, it’s nice to see properly again.

“Thanks,” I whisper to her as Miller walks around the counter to join my brother.

You’d think a police officer wouldn’t listen to a twenty-one-year-old who just got released from custody. I guess that would be true if that cop had an ounce of courage in his body and he wasn’t facing the new gang boss in town that has him by the balls.

“Let’s go,” I say, squeezing Jamie’s hand.

I grab her golden purse and start walking, opening the door out of the station for her.

It’s only once outside that I realize I don’t have a ride or a working phone.

“My phone is dead, you?”

She only shakes her head no and hands me Rose’s phone. Fear curls around my stomach and clutches too hard for me to ignore. I need to know she’s okay. I need to know he’s not hurting her. She’s not okay though. The invisible bond we share between twins always tells me when she’s not fine.

I unlock her phone quickly, typing the password she’s convinced I don’t know, and look at her recent calls. Chris is getting his tooth fixed. Luke is with him. Either way, I wouldn’t want any of them to come with me to Bianco’s house. I can’t put them at risk.

There’s only one person I know that will be here in a split second without hesitation and as I’m about to tap his number on the screen, his car pulls up in front of me. At the same second, Nate settles behind me, his hand on the shaking shoulder of the officer that called Bianco.

“I-I only did what you had told me, Mr. White,” his shaking voice forces me to roll my eyes. What a fucking coward. “You said to always get you out.”

Nate ignores him completely and walks to Jamie. I can’t help sliding an arm around her shoulders.

“You need to go home. Can anyone pick you up?” he asks her.

Behind Nate, Sam has gotten out of his car and lights up a cigarette as he lays back on the driver’s door.

“We’ll drive her home,” I reply before she can say anything.

Nate barely looks at me but gives Jamie a single nod.

“Where are you going?” she questions me.

Nate is already talking to Sam and the latter is looking right into the cop’s eyes, a wicked grin slowly forming on his lips. The fuckers are out for blood but they’re only wasting time.

“You’re not going to D.C., are you?” she insists.

How can I tell her no? Of course we are.

Rose is only surrounded by people who love and adore her. Some of them are even obsessed with her but out of all of them, only three would kill for her and that’s us. As much as I want to keep Jamie close to me right now, I have to get my sister back from Bianco and it’s too dangerous for her to come with us. Even Nate knows that.

“I am,” I reply. “I have to.”

What else can I say? ‘Sorry to leave you after you waited all night for me, but I need to make sure my sister doesn’t get molested by the guy who runs the gang I grew up in.’ I shiver at the thought.

I try to be strong, I really do. But I can be the strongest man on earth, Nate and Sam can be the toughest, but in the end, your weaknesses always lay in the ones we love.

Thankfully Jamie doesn’t ask for an explanation. If it’s because she saw Bianco, if it’s because she saw the fear in Rose when he showed up, then she can only understand.

“Please, be careful.” That’s the only thing she says. Her voice is a mix of pleading and understanding.

She doesn’t say anything when I settle her in Sam’s white SUV that he should have never been able to afford. She keeps her eyes fixed on the headrest in front of her when Sam knocks out that cop and we both put him in the trunk of his car. This is when I understand that Nate has a bigger hold on this city than I thought. He’s not worried the slightest to kidnap a cop in the parking lot of a police station. He thinks he’s invincible, like always.

Jamie still doesn’t talk when I settle next to her and Sam starts driving to her house or when that cop wakes up and starts screaming in the trunk of the car.

She lets me hold her hand when Nate calmly pulls out a gun from the glove compartment, Sam stops the car, and my brother opens the trunk to get Miller to keep quiet by knocking him out with the gun handle. I’ve seen these kinds of things countless times during my childhood, and it doesn’t affect me anymore, not like it does to her right now. Her body is with me, but I think her mind has escaped. I think she doesn’t want to be here with us because it’s gone too far for her.

I leave her be, I stay quiet beside her, squeezing her hand to show that I’m here and she’s safe but inside me, there’s havoc. Is my life really going back to this? Three years of peace, that’s all I got. All I was allowed.

I wouldn’t be surprised if that was their plan, if they knew they were gonna get me and Ozy back all along. Mateo and Nate were counting the days until they were going to take over Stoneview and have us back on their side. Nate played dead for three years, getting his perfect plan ready.

My brother sits back in the car and turns to Sam. “Drop her home. Then I need to fix this shit with Mateo.”

I hit my head against the headrest, praying that tonight can be it. I can drive to D.C., get Ozy, and go back to my normal life in Stoneview.

Who the fuck are you kidding?

Life won’t go back to normal. The clock started ticking as soon as Sam showed up at our school and we had already lost when Nate magically reappeared. He might have come back from the dead, but he doomed us all when he came to get us.

I can drive to D.C. all I want, I can bring Ozy back, it won’t stop Mateo. He knows where we are, and I’ve given him a chance to waltz back into our lives with a big smile on his face.

When we park at Jamie’s, I plan to walk her to her front door. I need to make sure she’s safe and locks herself in. It’s not like she has the kind of typical Stoneview driveways that take you up to the front door. We have to park on the street because her house is a cottage up a flight of stairs. Now that Mateo’s found us, I need to be extra careful with everyone I love.

I put one foot on the ground and Nate’s voice cuts through the heavy silence.

“I don’t have time for your teenage bullshit, Jake. You leave this car, you stay here.”

I grind my teeth, my jaw already killing me and my whole body tense. I’m about to snap back but Jamie’s hand comes to rest on my shoulder.

“It’s fine. I’m fine, honestly. You go.”

Before she opens the door, she grabs my face with both hands and puts her soft lips on mine. She kisses me long and deep and my heart swells with pride and love. I don’t need to prove anything to Nate, she’s doing all the work herself, and fuck if I don’t fall deeper for her after this.

“Please be safe,” she whispers in my ear before heading out.

Jamie has flaws, she’s too shy sometimes, not very social, and stubbornly curious, but when it comes to her qualities, they shine over everything like a thousand stars. Right now, the fact that she’s one of the bravest people I know and trusts me – even though there’s so much we need to talk about – is reassuring me that I can go see Bianco without worrying about her.

Nate watches her walk to her house and as soon as she closes her front door behind her, he nods to his best friend. It kills me how much he cares for her. Sam abuses the gas pedal out of town and about twenty minutes later he stops at the edge of a forest.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I scold him.

He ignores me, being the usual quiet asshole, and gets out before leaning back on the car and lighting up a cigarette.

It’s like he loves being a cliché of himself. The typical dark, brooding gangster. Always silent, sporting his tattoos like medals, proof of a tough life. Never seen anywhere without his black jeans and a tight black tee, tight enough to show that one of his punches knocks you out cold.

He keeps to himself but, really, he loves having to prove himself, to have an occasion to get in a fight and demonstrate he shouldn’t have been provoked. He won’t do anything without reason but when he does, he revels in it. Like stopping a fight between me and Nate. He wouldn’t do it until Ozy begged him to but fuck if he wasn’t delighted to put us both down in front of her. A fucking hero in her eyes.

Nate finishes typing something on his phone and opens his own door to come out of the car too. I follow, fuming, to see my brother is opening the trunk to let the half-conscious cop out of the car.

“Are you for fucking real?” I seethe as he drags Miller out and a few steps into the forest. “You just said we have no time to waste.”

This fucker has always had every priority wrong. He’s all about imposing fear and dominance, never about doing the right thing. He would rather prove this guy he should have never defied him than go get his sister out of trouble. Even when it has anything to do with caring for one of us, he’ll make sure he goes about a psychotic way to do it.

Miller slowly comes back to reality as he watches Nate looming over him with his gun. Sam is still smoking his cigarette against the car and I slam the door before joining my brother.

“Nate, we have more pressing concerns if you don’t fucking mind.”

His face is bruised up from our fight and he hasn’t had a chance to clean his cut lip. Just like I haven’t had a chance to wipe my cheek from all the blood that splashed out when he got me right in the eyebrow. This one will leave a scar, for sure. It took hours to stop bleeding even with the tissues one of the officers gave me at the station. I might need a stitch but don’t have the time nor do I care right now.

My brother smiles wickedly at the cop and tuts at him when he whimpers and tries to crawl away.

“If you try to run away, I’m going to kill you very slowly, Miller,” he taunts.

I can’t fucking watch this. This is exactly why I don’t want to be part of this life. I don’t have the guts it takes. I don’t have Sam’s composure or Nate’s pleasure for torture. I don’t want money and domination.

I want to go to college and have a normal life that I can control. I’ve had my share of fun and fucked up situations. Now I want nothing or no one else but Jamie. Go to college with her, settle down together. Far, far from Bianco and my brother. But that’s not about to happen, is it? I’m a lightyear away from my dreams. I haven’t been given this chance.

At birth, you either get the lucky side – you get ups and downs, but overall life isn’t too bad – or you get the shit side. Downs only. The few ups only give you false hope. I’m far deep into the shit side and the older I get, the more I realize there is no bridge between the two opposite sides.

I try to look away, but Nate’s voice keeps bringing me back to the scene in front of me.

“You know what you did wrong here, my friend?” my brother asks like a teacher scolding his elementary student.

“I thought I was doing th-the right thing, sir. You said to get you out if you were ever in custody. I did…I did.”

“Not by calling Bianco, you fucking idiot.” I can hear the way he rolls his eyes from his tone. Like I or Rose would, thinking ‘I’m surrounded by idiots.’

“Please don’t kill me, Mr. White. I’ll make it right. I will…I-I–”

“What you did wrong,” Nate cuts him off, sick of the whining, “is that my sister begged you not to call Bianco and you decided her opinion wasn’t worth listening to, didn’t you?”

Nate has no proof but we both know this is what happened and for that reason, Nate wants to punish him. This is how different we are. I just want to get to my sister, he wants revenge. Always revenge on his mind. Don’t get mad, get even.

“She’s a White. That makes her more important than you or any of your pig friends. You work for me first, Bianco second. Do you get that? She gives you an order, you listen. She asks you not to call Bianco? You don’t. Fuck, if she asks you to crawl on the floor, I want you on all fours licking it.”

Nate squats down and puts his gun to the cop’s head. He’s gone into his rant. He’s made himself angrier than he initially was, and he could snap any second from now. He starts talking through gritted teeth as if barely containing his rage anymore. He wants to pull the trigger so bad.

“Do. You. Understand?”

“Yes, Sir, yes! Please, p-p-please don’t kill me.”

I glance at Sam, he’s stopped smoking and is just watching the scene, his arms crossed over his chest, casually. The calmness on his face brings a chill down my spine. Does this guy even feel anything? I wonder what he looks like in Ozy’s eyes because he looks like a fucking sociopath in mine. For as long as I can remember, I’ve never seen him laugh.

The cries of mercy from Miller are starting to irritate me and I almost want Nate to shoot him already. Cut this short, I need to see my twin. Nate’s words have made me angrier at this cop. I want to take out my rage on him too. Had he listened to Rose, I wouldn’t be wondering if she’s still alive or not. I know she’s alive, Mateo would never kill her, I mean alive on the inside. Our ex foster parent has always made a point to kill the flame that burns so bright in her.

Nate straightens back up. “I’m gonna let you live, Miller.” His voice is cold enough to freeze fire. “Because I need someone to tell everyone what happens when you put my little sister in danger. Or any member of my family for that matter. Don’t. Piss. Me. Off.” As he says the last word, he shoots Miller in the calf.

The sound makes me jump. I didn’t expect it and this kind of sound is not exactly part of my daily life anymore. The cop’s strident scream pierces my ears and I look at Nate deadpan.

“You just said you wouldn’t kill him.”

He looks down at the mess of a guy crying on the floor. “Stoneview is about four miles that way,” he points somewhere behind the trees. “You should hurry before you bleed out.”

Miller struggles to get back up but manages and stumbles out of the way, hopping on one leg.

Once settled back in the car, I look at Nate through the rearview mirror.

“No time to walk Jamie home but enough time to shoot a cop to teach him a lesson, huh?” I point out.

He smiles at me with that wicked grin that shows he perfectly knows what he’s doing.

“Maybe I had a problem with you walking my girl home.” I see him shrug and I’m about ready to fuck him up all over again.

“Shut the fuck u–” I’m cut off when Sam accelerates suddenly, my back hitting the seat, then speeds up on the highway. His way of telling us to quiet down.

The sun is starting to rise by the time we get to the private drive of Bianco’s house. A horrible feeling settles in my stomach as soon as we stop by the gate. I know exactly what stands after the long road that leads to him. A gigantic Mediterranean-style house that doesn’t fit with the American architecture of this elite area of Washington.

A house that screams ‘Look at me, I’m invincible!’ to the cops and all his enemies. A house where it’s difficult to pass security to get in and impossible to get out. A house I moved into when I was just an eight-year-old boy. When I had no idea what true monstrosities life could throw at you. This is where Nate lost his soul, this is where Rose suffered silently for five years. This is where my life was dictated, where I bled and cried, forced to do unthinkable things. Things I will never forgive myself for – where the beast inside me was born. The one that protects me from being hurt again.

I feel sick to my stomach, but I don’t let anything show. Every single wall that the Murrays tried to break through, that my friends sometimes took down, that Jamie somehow absolutely destroyed, quickly come back up. Brick by cemented brick.

We’re stopped at the gates by two guards armed to the teeth but as soon as Sam rolls down his window they step back and the gates open. As soon as he’s parked, Sam holds his hand out behind him, toward me while Nate gets out of the car.

“It’s dead,” I simply say.

“You know the rules, mate. You can stay in the car if you want.”

You can go fuck yourself, mate. His British accent makes me want to stab him in the throat every time he opens his mouth. It’s a good thing he never talks.

Bianco and his stupid fucking no-phone rule. I put my iPhone and Rose’s in Sam’s hand. Every second that passes, I feel sicker. My heart gets heavier, and I have to dig out my old courage to open the door and get out.

The yellow villa stands tall, and I remember the number of times I wondered if I could hang myself with the ivy that hangs over the walls. We walk around the car and toward the front door. Guards nod at Nate and Sam but clearly don’t recognize me.

I do. I recognize every single one of them that tried to stop me and my sister from leaving when we were just desperate kids that didn’t want to be in pain anymore. Some are older, some are new, but I know exactly which ones are at the top of my list of people I wish I could kill.

Before Nate passes the front door, he turns to me and whispers in a warning, “Keep your pretty boy mouth shut and let me do the talking.”

I don’t bother replying. I don’t want to talk to Bianco. I don’t want to face him. Does that make me a coward? I don’t give a shit. I just want to get my sister and leave.

I remember the first time Ozy and I walked through these doors. We looked at the twenty-five-foot-ceiling main entrance with big eyes and mouths hanging open. It was impossible to separate us back then, always holding hands, always reacting to everything the same way. My sister has always been boy-ish and before height and muscles separated us, we were just two little kids that looked exactly the same. People always thought we were identical twins, that’s how similar we were. We were gobsmacked by the long gallery decorated with Italian paintings and marble floors. I’m not impressed now.

I started hating the floor the first time Bianco smashed my head against the marble. I couldn’t look at the golden china vases when Nate threw one at Rose. His excuse was always the same: ‘He hates it when there’s a fuck up on her stupid, perfect face.’

Is it normal that it took me so long to get it? Was I too young? Too naïve? Too stupid? Maybe I just refused to understand. Nate believes he was doing the right thing, that’s why he never felt bad about beating her up. That’s why he feels so betrayed that she tried to get rid of him. As I said, his priorities were always fucked up.

If he really wanted to save her, he would have left with us or at least helped us leave. But he didn’t, he helped Bianco keep us here for their own selfish benefits and he manages to sleep at night by telling himself he was saving his sister from being raped because he hit her every time we left the house. Fuck knows how Ozy’s face stayed so perfect after the beatings she took.

We cross the gallery and head straight for the dining room. None of the rooms here actually give in to the front of the house. It’s too risky, Bianco’s got too many enemies for that. We have to walk deeper into the gallery to reach the bright dining room decorated in sharp reds, greens, and yellows.

My stomach drops when I see Bianco but as usual, nothing shows. I’m a block of stone. Control over myself is all I have right now.

There’s a feast of breakfast on the table, made of pastries, fruits, and all sorts of eggs and bacon but there are only two people sitting. Bianco at the head, as always, and Ozy on his left. My throat dries up and I have to tighten my fists to stop myself from shaking.

I feel like I’m being thrown back into my childhood. Bianco in his white linen suit, my sister constantly within his reach. Always with her tight high ponytail so he can see the letters he branded on her neck when she was nine years old.

My hatred for him has never been so strong. It was easy to tame it when we were rid of him, when we thought Nate was dead and we wouldn’t be found. It’s impossible now. I hate him with my entire being.

He looks a little older but barely. A few extra wrinkles around his eyes and between his brows. He has some grey hair now, he never had grey hair before. He was young and handsome three years ago. The kind of charm that no one can resist. The kind that hides demons behind a beautiful face.

Rose is looking at her full plate in front of her, an arm splayed on the table and the other with an elbow on the edge and holding her head by the temples. She tries to act like she’s fine, but I can see her whole body tensed up. She looks like she hasn’t slept, still wearing her dress from yesterday, now with a dark grey hoodie. She looks exhausted and I’m praying that it’s only because she was waiting at the station all night for me to get out.

Bianco is beaming as if he’s been hit by the light of a thousand gods. He’s happy, truly happy because he’s been reunited with his obsession. He’s eating his breakfast talking to Ozy and making big gestures with his knife and fork, but she doesn’t acknowledge him. Neither of them has noticed us yet but Nate quickly corrects that.

“Boss, how you doing?” he asks casually as if he is just meeting with an old friend, not with someone fifteen years his elder that groomed him into becoming a gangster.

When Bianco dies, Nate will take over his organization, his precious mafia family, and Sam will be his right-hand man. Where do Rose and I stand in all of this?

Ozy snaps out of wherever she went to escape reality and looks up at us. She was probably listing shit in her head. That’s her thing, she remembers everything. Like the exact ingredients for the box of cereals in front of her. Or the names of every single previous owner of this house. Whatever she hears, sees, or reads she remembers. When she has nothing to focus on, she lists whatever comes to her head. People think it’s a blessing and call her a genius, but it drives her mad because she can’t stop it.

Nate walks over to sit on Bianco’s right. His right-hand man is always on his right and Sam on Nate’s right. Nothing has changed. Absolutely nothing. I should be on Ozy’s left but I can’t bring myself to do it. If I sit next to her, it’ll be like it’s always been, and I won’t let that happen.

“I don’t know, son, it seems you’ve been dying to waste my damn time lately.” Bianco smiles at Nate.

Nate grabs a strip of bacon and pops all of it in his mouth, taking his time to chew. Sam is casually sitting at the table, he doesn’t touch anything, doesn’t move but his eyes are fixed on Ozy.

Nate shrugs as he swallows and lays back in his seat. “Jake and I got in a bit of a disagreement.”

Bianco’s steel grey eyes snap to me and his smile sharpens. That lying smile that he uses to lure everyone in. I slide my hands in my tux pocket, that I’ve been wearing since last night, to hide my tightened fists or he’ll take it as a threat, and I don’t want to start anything.

I just want to grab my sister and leave.

Mateo replies to Nate, but his gaze stays on me. “I thought you’d be busier than that. I did give you a whole town to take over. How’s my old friend Volkov?”

Nate pulls the sleeves of his shirt up and grabs another piece of bacon. There’s blood on his shirt but Bianco doesn’t say anything. He just keeps staring at me. A housemaid walks by me and goes to Nate to pour him a cup of coffee.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” he mumbles with a hand on her lower back. She blushes but he doesn’t notice. “Hiding somewhere with his puppies, as usual. I haven’t been to Stoneview much. Ask Sam.”

So that’s why we haven’t seen him much since he turned back alive. He wasn’t in Stoneview.

Bianco’s gaze finally goes back to my brother and he raises an eyebrow. The first step into showing he disapproves. After that, it goes straight to punishment. It’s his only warning. Nate clicks straight away but he doesn’t show any fear, his behavior stays relaxed, and he carries on explaining.

“I have other cities, Mateo, I can’t be in Stoneview all the time.”

Unsatisfied, Bianco puts his cutlery down and lays back in his chair. He crosses his legs, resting an ankle on his knee, and rests his arms on the armrests of his seat.

“Your other cities run themselves. I need all eyes on Stoneview, I need you on Volkov. He’s the last big head of business that hasn’t associated with our new alliance in this area.” And by alliance, he means mafia, motherfucking mafia.

Ozy slightly turns to me and digs her gaze in mine. She wants to leave. She needs to leave.

“Do you know why my other cities run themselves?” Nate insists. “Because I know how to do my job. Let me handle this my way. Sam is doing fine. We’ve taken over all Volkov’s sellers. They’ve sided with us, including the Diaz brothers. Volkov can produce all he wants, he’s got no distributors to bring it to the city. He’s got no link either. We cut all his transportation. All we’ve got left is his sex trafficking, and I need to get in with Stoneview’s politicians for that. So, again, let me handle it.”

Sam doesn’t even move when his name is mentioned. He stays his stoic self.

Bianco laughs loudly and slaps a hand on the table playfully but hard, making Rose jump in her seat. “You fear nothing son, that’s why I trust you.”

I look at Rose again and that’s when I see it. For a second I’m not sure if I made it up but when she readjusts her right hand holding her head, I see it clearly, the purple bruise on her wrist. Her oversized hoodie hides her arm, and I don’t know how far it goes but what I’ve seen is enough. We’re leaving, I’m done. I take a few steps further in the room and stand by the other end of the table.

“We’re leaving,” I say in a voice of steel.

Everyone suddenly turns my way, even Sam. I can hear Nate’s thoughts in his eyes; ‘I told you to let me do the talking’. I don’t give a shit, I have no doubt he’s seen the same bruise I have since he’s sitting right opposite her. Fucking bastard. This time, Bianco raises a brow at me, and I stare back at him, giving him my strongest face. I’m not your foster kid anymore, you can’t do shit. All he can do is kill me, which I know he won’t because he knows Ozy would never forgive him, and he cares what she thinks of him.

“Nate, tell your brother to sit down,” Bianco orders his right-hand man, his eyes piercing through me.

Nate insists with a look and I know I have to sit down but can’t get myself to. I’m still weighing if I should listen to them and do this the peaceful way or if it’s about time I fuck Bianco’s face up.

I take too long to decide though, one look from Mateo behind me and I recognize the sound of guns cocking. I turn around and watch two guards settle by the door. Fuck. The bastard has no limits when it comes to keeping his favorite close to him.

I run a hand in my hair and take a seat. But I have to make a point, so I sit on the opposite end of the table, at the head, like him. A smile tugs at Bianco’s lips and he turns to Nate again.

“Who’s raising him now, huh? Where’s the respect?”

Nate shakes his head, unimpressed.

“What’s this?” I quip. “Big family reunion?”

My statement makes Bianco chuckle, and Nate throws me the darkest looks. He’s hating that I’m not folding like all of them expect me to.

They don’t know me anymore. Not even a little bit. That kid that used to do everything he was told because he was scared to death, he’s gone. The teenager that followed every order thinking they would hurt him and his twin. Gone. The only one left is the cold-hearted bastard in control of every single thing in his life.

“How’s life been treating you, Jake?” Bianco asks as if he is truly interested.

It’s been good, Mateo. I have foster parents who love me. I’ve fucked countless girls. I’m on my way to an Ivy League college and, most of all, I’ve met Jamie.

Jamie.

I need to get back to her, like, last night.

“None of your business,” I reply without an ounce of feeling in my voice.

I could use a cigarette right now. Or a joint. I don’t smoke half as much as Ozy does, but I need something to take the edge off.

“Something’s wrong with you, son.” Hearing this word coming out of his mouth twists my stomach. I feel so fucking sick and I know my control is slipping, stirring burning rage inside me.

“Wrong?” I smile a wide grin. “I’ve never been better.”

I lay back in my seat to act relaxed, but I need a fucking drink to stop my heart from hammering in my ears. I want to look at Ozy but I can’t look away from him. I can’t show weakness, he’ll feed on it.

“You’re not scared anymore. That’s what’s wrong with you. It’s going to get you in trouble.” He gives me a sardonic smirk and points at what I can only imagine is now a black eye on my face. “Seems it already has.”

I chuckle to pretend he’s wrong. “Like Nate said, disagreement.”

Bianco nods slowly showing he understands. “That disagreement had anything to do with the gorgeous creature who was waiting for you two at the station?” He grins as he says this like he’s got both of us all figured out.

He does have us figured out because he raised us, and there’s nothing I can do about that.

“Did you have anything to talk about?” I ask, avoiding his last question. “I don’t get what we’re doing here. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care, but I’d love it if you could get your bitches out of the way so I can go back to my parents.”

I never call the Murrays my parents, they’re not, but it’s time to hit Bianco where it hurts. His face goes from mocking to a deep scowl, and I can’t help thinking I’ve won this round.

“The Murray’s aren’t your parents, Jake. You’re a White and you don’t just get to leave because some lonely wealthy couple is guarding you. We’re not some bullshit street gang, we’re a family, there’s no way out of that, and your real family needs you.”

My family? Who the fuck does he think he is?

He thinks because he bribed some judge into giving me the last name he chose and because he kept me hostage here means he’s my family?

I raise from my chair so hard it falls back in a heavy thud. When my fist hits the table to the point that I feel my bones rattle, I know I’ve lost my temper. But if Mateo fucking Bianco thinks he’s still got a hold on me, I’ll have to show him he’s got no chance at getting us back.

“Don’t call yourself my family, asshole. You’ve got your two sluts doing your dirty deeds, it’s more than enough. Leave us out of this, let’s not make reunions a weekly habit, or I’m sure the cops would love to hear about all your dirty secrets. You know what? Fuck the cops, they’re all your dogs, I’ll go straight to a judge. I’m tight with a few of them, trust me.”

My whole body is dying to shake from anger, but I manage to keep it all under control. My teeth are taking the fall but who fucking cares right now.

Bianco explodes laughing, throwing his head back. Nate and Rose are looking at me like I’ve lost my fucking mind, but Sam is still looking at my sister like he can read her mind or something.

“Are you threatening me, son?” he keeps laughing. Fuck him.

Fuck.

Him.

“Interpret this as you fucking wish. Rose, let’s go,” I order.

I have to call his bluff that he would never kill me, but I might be in a body bag by the end of the day. You know, after he’s taken a few hours to torture me. Let’s hope I still know him well.

Ozy’s gaze is following a tennis match between me and Bianco. She’s scared to move but dying to. I nod slightly to encourage her. She takes a shaky breath as she stands up.

“Ozy,” Nate tries.

He’s not warning or threatening her, he’s begging. It breaks his heart every single time she chooses me over him. I hope it’s shattering into a million pieces right now.

She makes a move to get away, but she hasn’t taken a second step before Bianco’s hand clamps around her wrist. I see her face contorting as she winces, but she doesn’t make a sound.

“Un minuto, bellissima,” he whispers low and angry.

“Mateo,” she growls through gritted teeth.

The way Sam’s fists clench tight on the table, I really think he’s going to intervene. But he doesn’t move.

“Sit your ass back down. Now,” he orders Rose.

She looks at me, a million questions in her eyes and the main one being: What do I do? She’s going to kill me when we get home. For playing a dangerous game and putting her in the middle of it. Hell, she’s going to kill me for ordering her around when she’s already sick of Mateo telling her what to do.

The staring contest between Bianco and I seems to last forever. It only stops when Rose makes the executive decision of following his order. She slowly sits back down and the smile growing on Mateo’s face – telling me he’s won this round – makes me want to scream and break everything.

“You too,” he says when Rose is back in her initial position.

This time her bruised wrist is in Bianco’s hold instead of holding her face. She’s too exhausted to fight. Scratch that, she stopped fighting him a long time ago. She chose running away instead, we both did.

I sit back down, this time on the edge of my chair, ready to pounce if anything happens.

“What did you think was going to happen, Jake? Don’t you know who makes the rules around here?” His steady voice shows he’s back in complete control and I feel like a failure.

Something cracks inside me when I see him releasing Rose’s wrist, satisfied that everything is going his way again. I’m suffocating from his authority and I wonder how long I can last before I turn to Nate for help, before I ask Sam to do something. That would be the ultimate defeat but if it means we’re both going home safe, maybe I can put my pride aside?

“Our family is expanding, and you want to be with the winning team when shit goes down,” Bianco explains, unwavering. “I can give you a good life, both of you.” His eyes dart to Rose and she squirms uncomfortably in her seat. “I’ve always given you a good life, you were just too young to understand back then. I’m hoping you’ve matured enough to agree with me.”

I hate it when he talks to me like I’m a kid. He’s far from stupid but I’m too smart myself to fall for his shit.

“What do you want, huh?” I ask. “You want me to fight for you? The money you get from those fights is spare change to you.” He only nods in return, so I keep going. “What do you want Rose to do? Move packages? Fuck Bianco, do you realize the kind of potential you’re wasting when you ask us to do that? A lot. I’d hope you’ve matured enough to agree with me.” A smile tugs at my lips when I see his face harden but I shouldn’t be happy to make him angry. He’s dying to make me pay for my words.

“I don’t make decisions for you and your sister, Jake.” Liar. Fucking liar, you’ve dictated our whole lives. “I can only warn you: you’re either with us or against us. There is no in-between. I raised you, that makes you Volkov’s enemy. You don’t want to be mine as well.”

The threat in his grey eyes makes my skin prickle but I keep my face emotionless.

He continues, “I should’ve killed both of you for running away. I’m nice enough to offer you to pick up where you left off. You won’t be fighting for me forever. I have big plans for you. It’s your choice only, whether you accept my offer or not. If not, good luck.”

And here we are ladies and gentlemen, Mateo Bianco’s special offer. The specialité du chef: pretend it’s your choice when he’s backed you into a corner.

He gives me one last poisonous smile and lays back in his chair. I hadn’t even realized he had moved forward to talk to me.

“Take your time to decide. No rush.” He slowly extends his left arm from his chair and below the table until I know it’s resting on Rose’s leg from her eyes squeezing shut.

Nate frowns and scratches slowly behind his right ear, his head slightly to the side, like every single time he’s trying to think fast.

“We’re meeting with those kids from the North Shore of Silver Falls today. We shouldn’t leave too late,” my brother suggests to his boss.

That’s his only way to get us out of here since he’ll never actually stand up against Bianco. I guess that’s his way of being nice to us.

Bianco nods at him and indicates behind me in a head gesture. He smiles at me politely.

“You can leave now.”

I can’t help the sardonic chuckle from escaping my lips. He was fine with us leaving all along, he just wanted it to be on his terms. He wanted to summon us and order us to leave at his will. He is so predictable.

I get up slowly, taking my time to walk around the table, and put a hand on my sister’s shoulder. “Let’s go, Ozy,” I whisper.

She gets up in a rush, pushes my hand away, and hurries out of the room. I don’t hesitate to follow her.

“I want to talk to you two,” Bianco orders Nate and Sam but the latter shakes his head and gets up from his seat.

“Later,” Sam growls at Mateo in his low voice before following me and Rose out of the room.

As soon as the door closes behind us, Ozy lets out a heavy breath. As if she had stopped breathing the whole time we were in there. She has to put a hand on the wall next to her to hold herself as her other palm rests on her heart to calm herself down.

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck,” she keeps whispering in panic.

I take a step closer, but she looks up at me and her dark eyes stop me in my tracks. She straightens back up and takes a step toward me to push me with both hands.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! What were you playing in there? This is no fucking joke, Jake.” She pulls her hair with both her hands at the roots, messing up her ponytail. “Why are you trying to get us killed?” Her voice falters when she says her last word.

I take another step towards her, but she turns around and bumps right into the arms of Sam waiting behind her.

Her fucking knight in black armor. Black and covered in sins. He wraps his tattooed arms around her skinny frame and leans down to whisper something in her ear. I can’t hear what he says but she nods, her head nestled on his shoulder. He pulls away and looks up.

“Get in the car, I’ll be out in a minute. I’ll drive you both home.”

As soon as both car doors are closed, I turn to my sister. “Let me see your wrist,” I say in a soft voice.

She’s already done being mad at me because she smiles at me and shakes her head.

“I’m fine Jake, honestly.” She makes sure to keep the ends of the sweater sleeves over her wrists, holding them with her fingers.

I’ve never been the kind of person who shares their feelings. My sister is exactly the same. Rose is not one to open up. She never will. She never explicitly said what happened all those years at Bianco’s house, only that he was obsessed with her. Nothing else.

She never told the police, never told the social workers, never told her best friends Chris and Luke, never told her precious girl Rachel. She never told me.

It hurts but that’s how it is. Some things she can only survive if she pretends they didn’t affect her, and I can respect that. But how can we keep going if what we ran away from catches up with us? Could she take it all again without saying anything? I sure as hell couldn’t.

“Ozy,” I start but the driver’s door opens, and Sam sits behind the wheel.

He doesn’t say anything, just gives us a look through the rearview mirror before starting the car. We drive in complete silence.

After a few minutes, Rose puts her head on my lap. Her ponytail is knotted, and she smells of alcohol and cigarettes. I probably smell the same on top of blood and sweat. We both haven’t been home since we left for Stoneview Prep’s winter ball.

There’s nothing I can say or do right now, so I undo her hair because I know she hates it up and I keep quiet. I let my head fall back against the headrest and scratch her head like she expects me to. This is about the furthest she’ll go in showing her vulnerability.

The whole ride, I hear her whisper the list that is going on repeat in her head. Water, sodium laureth sulfate, citric acid, cocamidopropyl betaine, sodium hydroxide, etc., etc. I think that’s her shampoo bottle. Rachel tested her the other day. We were in our cozy living room, she was holding the bottle in her hands and giggling as my sister was repeating the chemicals to her in a bored voice. She hates doing it, but she did it for Rach because she loves her like that.

As soon as we park by the Murrays’ gate, it opens as if Chris was monitoring our arrival. Sam drives all the way up the hill and stops by the front door. He hands me mine and Rose’s phone and we both take them. Chris is waiting by the door, arms crossed over his chest and the darkest look on his face I’ve ever seen. He’s got a light bruise on his left cheek, but I doubt he even feels it.

Sam gets out to open the door for Ozy but my friend is already on it.

Chris’ gaze is not leaving Sam’s and the latter doesn’t move any closer. This is not about us right now. This is not about their hatred for each other. Rose heads to the front door, probably straight to Chris’ room, her official safe haven.

Sam nods at us and leaves without a word. As soon as he’s left, I reach under my glasses to rub my eyelids with my thumb and index finger. I’ve got another terrible headache coming my way.

“Jake…” Chris scolds.

“I know,” I cut him off.

I respect the shit out of Chris. I don’t think I’ve ever respected someone as much as I do him. He’s the big brother Nate never was. That’s the only reason he’s allowed to tell me off, to suggest, to scold and I let him. I try to listen to him as much as I can. I do my best to follow his path when it comes to keeping calm. But how could I when Nate tried to put himself between Jamie and I?

So yeah, I know. I know I fucked up. I know if I hadn’t gotten in a fight with my brother over pride, none of this would have happened. I fucking know. And I know this is all far from over.

By the end of the day, my headache is absolutely killing me despite the pills I took. I fell asleep on my bed as soon as Chris came to tell me Ozy was asleep in his.

When I wake up, I head straight for the shower and scrub all of last night away. My ribs on my right side are deeply bruised and the knuckles of my right hand are cut. I look down at my stomach and I have another bruise from when Sam kneed me in the guts. Asshole.

I wipe the mist on the mirror and look at my bruised face. I’m glad my eyebrow has stopped bleeding hard because I don’t have the strength to go to the hospital. I put a band-aid on it and head for the kitchen to grab ice from the freezer. My black eye definitely needs it.

Now that the adrenaline is gone, all my muscles are aching, especially my shoulders and back. I could sleep for three days, easy. I put the ice cubes in a towel and head for my phone in my room before realizing I forgot to charge it. I let out an annoyed groan and plug it in. This headache is going to be the end of me, I need fresh air.

I get out of the pool house to find Ozy leaning on the wall next to the door, a cigarette in her mouth. Her hair is clean and down, her make-up from the night before all gone. She’s wearing one of Chris’ Stoneview Prep hoodies that are about five times her size. She looks up from her phone when I close the door and gives me one of her mocking grins.

“You look like shit,” she chuckles.

I try to smile back at her, but I can’t get myself to. It annoys me how normal she’s acting after spending the whole night at Bianco’s on her own.

“How are you feeling?” I ask.

I try to not sound too worried as I grab a cigarette from her pack, but I know she can read it in my eyes.

“Dude, I’m fine. Don’t be a Chris.” She holds my gaze and I know she means it. Leave it alone.

I hold the ice to my eye and grab a chair from the patio to sit in front of her. She lights my cigarette as I put it between my lips.

“Was Bianco for real? About offering us to pick up where we left off? Is that really what he and Nate want?” My voice trembles slightly at my questions.

“Fuck if I know,” she exhales smoke as she lets her head fall backward.

She looks at the sky full of stars and goes silent for a minute or so. Does she really not know? Doesn’t Bianco tell her anything when he spends time alone with her? My stomach clenches at the thought and I look at the sky too, trying to calm myself. I hate winter, it’s nighttime at six pm and I slept all fucking day, so no sun for me.

“How does that even work in his mind? Surely, he knows that it’s not that easy to get back foster kids that have asked countless times to leave your house. Especially since we’re doing so well at the Murray’s. Social services won’t just send us back to him.”

My sister laughs at my statement like she knows something I don’t. Or like she’s already figured something out that I haven’t. Yeah, that’s probably it.

“Alright, give it to me. Show me how stupid I am compared to you,” I say as I run my hand through my hair.

“You really don’t get it? Let’s see.” She pushes herself off the wall, leaving her cigarette between her lips, and rubs her legs with her palms.

How is she not freezing with just a sweater on? It barely reaches the top of her legs, she’s too tall to wear guy’s sweaters as dresses like Jamie does with mine.

Once she’s warmed herself, she starts stretching her arms. She can’t start explaining things without doing something else. She has to put her attention on something else.

“Is there anyone you can think of who is of age, wants us back in, and would be close enough to us that it would make sense for social services to move us with him? Wait. Let me give you another clue. He looks a lot like us, but a blond, fucked up version.”

My heart practically stops. How could I not think of this before?

“Bianco is not rushing us to come back because he knows he doesn’t need to. I’m sure pretty soon, we won’t have a choice.” She shrugs as she concludes her theory.

Theory that we both know is entirely true. She shrugs but I know deep down she’s terrified. If Nate becomes our guardian, our lives are over. There’s no way we can get out of that one. We can kiss goodbye to our best friends, Stoneview Prep, Jamie. We’ll be back to being surrounded by gang members, some probably even younger than us but with a will to please Nate much stronger than ours.

“He can’t do this to us,” I whisper in disbelief. She gives me a sad smile as a response.

“Didn’t Jamie tell you where he lives? He just bought a huge ass mansion in Stoneview, Jake. He’s already planned it all.” She looks back at her phone after it pings.

“Is that Rachel?” I ask, trying to change the subject.

What are we going to do about it anyway? I want to talk about her night at Bianco’s but she’s never going to tell me what happened, so I’m left with changing the topic.

“Nope. It’s Sam.”

I’m surprised she told me the truth. She usually hides when they’re texting or seeing each other.

“Rach is over my shit for good. Trust me.” She takes another drag and talks as she exhales the smoke. “Sam, however, is texting to tell me, to tell you to lay low for a few days. Unsurprisingly, Nate is pretty pissed about the whole situation.”

“I don’t fucking care what Nate thinks. I’m not scared of him,” I snap.

Why are we still living our lives depending on what that fucker threatens to do?

“Jake,” she sighs. “Nate isn’t just your big brother that used to order you around. He leads gangs now. He’s building a crime syndicate with Bianco. He’s got people working for him, dangerous people, and he’s pissed at you. You stole his girl. You, Chris, and Luke kicked his ass. And now you fight him in front of his distributors. Don’t act so fucking stupid, you know he’s gonna get back at you. Try to use that brain of yours and take Sam’s advice for once.”

“I didn’t steal his girl,” I growl. “She was already mine.”

Rose raises an eyebrow at me, unimpressed. “Really? You gonna pull this shit on me? I’m glad you found a girl you fell in love with, but I was there, Jake. I saw it all. You can’t bully a girl into being your girlfriend. Especially when she was holding back because she had a boyfriend. That boyfriend was Nate.”

“Who’s fucking side are you on, Ozy?” I shout uncontrollably.

It makes me lose my shit when she sides with him. Does she really believe I stole Jamie from him?

“Fucking hell, what is with the guys in this city and their obsessivity? Why do I always have to pick a side? You and Nate, Chris and Sam. Can’t you get in your fucking heads that there’s right and wrong in everything you do? I’m just stupid enough to forgive your shit.”

She gives me a second to think but she’s not done.

“Nobody’s perfect. I’m not choosing sides, you’re not a side to pick, Jake, you’re my twin. You’re part of me. But Nate is my brother too, and he’s allowed my forgiveness. If not that, at least my understanding. You pushed him to his limits, and you know it. I’m just trying to protect you and him both.”

I laugh. It’s loud and cold. So. Fucking. Cold.

“Protect us both?” I slowly get up from my chair and lower the ice from my eye. It’s crushed in my clenched fist now. “You shot him in the chest you fucking hypocrite,” I fume before going back into the pool house.

I slam the door behind me. How can she talk about forgiveness after everything he did to us? That’s Rose White for you ladies and gents.

I’ve met a lot of different girls in my life. I don’t have a mentality of ‘you’re not like other girls’ because everyone is so different and similar at the same time. Camila is a cold bitch, even to me. She likes to hide and manipulate her feelings and when she doesn’t, she looks weak. Jamie is the opposite. She’s whole. When she’s mad or sad, it breaks her heart. She cries easily and laughs heartily. But when she loves, it’s deep and warm like a summer afternoon.

Rose…her brain is wired differently. Her feelings for people change like her mood. Love them one day, hate them the other. She forgives people she shouldn’t and breaks the hearts of those who would do anything for her.

Rachel has given her everything and my sister threw it away despite loving her with all her heart. Nate has betrayed her in ways I can’t even describe, and she still desperately looks for his approval. Sometimes, I wonder if she truly believes she doesn’t deserve love and happiness.

That’s what abuse does to someone though, doesn’t it?

I grab my phone and look at my texts. Luke is offering to spend time together this evening, ‘just us four’. He wants to make sure we’re all okay, but I think he also wants to take his mind off Emily.

I ignore it and go straight to the number of the only person I know will make everything better. She sent me countless texts, but I wasn’t exactly in a situation where I could reply.

I tap on her name and the only fact that her picture shows up on my screen takes a weight off my shoulders. Jamie Williams has some sort of power over me and right here, right now, she can make all the pain go away. I know she can.