Dungeon Master by Golden Angel

Chapter Fourteen

Leah

Dr. Silverwood wasn’t anything like what Leah had pictured, although she hadn’t quite known what to expect—a sweet, older woman who Gavin could push around, maybe, or a younger woman who was easily dazzled by Gavin and maybe even had a bit of a crush.

Instead, Dr. Silverwood was a no-nonsense woman who gave off a similar energy to Cyana. She was perfectly poised and very much in charge of the room from the moment Gavin and Leah entered, and she had a very calming presence. Silvery blonde hair, similar to Leah’s, was cropped short at her chin in a classic bob, and she wore silver-rimmed glasses, a beige pantsuit, and chunky silver jewelry. Her smile was small but present, and she regarded Leah warmly, which was something Leah had been a bit nervous about, considering she didn’t know what Gavin had said about her.

He said he wanted to get back together with her, so she supposed whatever he’d told Dr. Silverwood couldn’t be too bad, but…

“Welcome, Leah, I’m glad you could join us today.” Dr. Silverwood shook Leah’s hand before settling into the chair in front of her desk. She held a clipboard and pen in her hand, balancing them on top of her crossed legs when she set them down.

“Thank you,” Leah said, but she didn’t say she was glad to be there. She wasn’t actually sure whether or not she was. Both Cyana and Esther had been encouraging after talking to Jax and Aiden, who both thought Gavin was in earnest and ready to make a real change.

At least Leah was comfortable. There was something very soothing about the room. The walls were painted sky blue, and the chair Dr. Silverwood was sitting in was a darker shade of blue that went well enough to be calming to her eye. There were two more armchairs made of the same fabric, as well as a matching couch. Dr. Silverwood could easily face either from her current position, but Gavin headed straight for the couch, leaving Leah wondering whether she should sit next to him or put some distance between them by choosing one of the armchairs.

After a moment of hesitation, she sat on the opposite end of the couch, the same piece of furniture, but still giving them some distance. When she peeked at Gavin, he was looking at her, and he smiled as if to say he knew what she was thinking. Leah pursed her lips and looked back at Dr. Silverwood, who was watching them with a neutral expression.

Leah wondered what their little interaction had indicated to the psychologist. Was she thinking Leah sitting on the couch instead of farther away in the chairs meant she was interested in getting back together with Gavin?

Shit. Did her choosing the couch mean something?

Argh. Why was this so scary? She needed to get her shit together.

“So, Leah, we can start with you if you’d like to tell me a bit about yourself, or if you want some time to get comfortable, I can start with Gavin.” Dr. Silverwood’s eyes were dark brown and as penetrating as any Dominant at Outlands. She was a scary lady, without even trying, yet Leah felt comfortable with her, maybe because she was used to hanging around Cyana. Possibly.

Part of her wanted to start airing her grievances immediately, so Gavin could really understand what he was up against, but curiosity propelled her to see what he had to say first.

“Can you start with Gavin?” Even though Dr. Silverwood had offered, Leah couldn’t keep the note of uncertainty out of her voice. The therapist studied her for a moment, making Leah want to shift uncomfortably in her seat, wondering what Dr. Silverwood thought about her request, before turning her attention to Gavin.

Of course, Gavin was completely unperturbed by the woman’s sharp focus. He even looked relaxed, with his hands on his thighs and a small smile as if he was perfectly happy to be there.

Of course, he is, now that it was his decision to come here when he wouldn’t before.

“So, Gavin, how has your week gone?” Dr. Silverwood asked.

* * *

Gavin

As much as he wanted to know what Leah had to say, he supposed it was only fair she got a chance to acclimate and see how open he was willing to be during this session. Not knowing whether he’d get the chance to have Leah come with him again, he intended on being as open as possible. This might be his biggest chance to really demonstrate how serious he was about making things work with her again.

Considering how much time had gone by, he didn’t think it was going to happen unless he was willing to give it his all, so that’s what he meant to do.

“Good. No, great,” he corrected himself, turning his head slightly to flash a smile at Leah. “I was thrilled Leah gave me the opportunity to convince her to come with me today.” Leah’s eyes narrowed dangerously. Yeah, he doubted that was how she’d put it, but that was how he saw it. “I’ve been working on being more open with my feelings and communication. On Sunday, two of my friends came over for a bit. They wanted to know what was going on with Leah and me, and I told them.”

“How did you convince Leah to come in today? Last week, you didn’t seem hopeful it would happen any time soon.” Dr. Silverwood studied him intently. For all intents and purposes, they were acting as if Leah wasn’t there, which made it a bit easier on him. He’d gotten used to sharing with Dr. Silverwood but being vulnerable with the person who could actually hurt him… that was harder.

He also didn’t want to inadvertently embarrass her. Slanting a glance Leah’s way, he waited for her nod before he filled Dr. Silverwood in on their weekend activities. Since he wasn’t facing her, it was hard to tell Leah’s reaction to his recitation, but he saw her shifting in her seat a few times as she listened.

Surprised by how much he was willing to share?

Embarrassed?

Hopefully, he’d find out soon.

“I really wasn’t expecting her to be willing to come in so soon, but just like when she showed up at the club, I wasn’t going to waste the opportunity.”

“What opportunity were you grabbing by scening with her at the club?”

As always, Dr. Silverwood went straight for the throat, which was actually one of the things he liked best about her. She didn’t skirt around the issues or let him slide with brush-off answers but went right to the heart of matters. For someone who had trouble expressing himself, it was uncomfortable but a relief.

“I saw the opportunity to keep her tied to me,” he said honestly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Leah jerk in reaction. He turned his head slightly, giving her a rueful, almost apologetic smile. “I know she won’t go looking for other men if she’s sleeping with me, which cuts down on my competition. I want her whole focus.”

Leah appeared shocked, but he couldn’t tell if she was shocked by how manipulative he’d been or because he’d admitted it. Hell, she might as well know if she hadn’t figured it out already.

“And if she did date other men while you two are still scening together?” Dr. Silverwood drew his attention back to her. Jealousy roiled in his chest, and he rubbed his hand over the spot that tightened as if he could loosen it with his fingers.

“I wouldn’t like it, but I’d deal with it and hope she didn’t want to do so for very long.” His smile was wry now. “I’d like to be exclusive with her, but that’s what I want. I don’t know yet what she wants.”

* * *

Leah

What do I want?

The answer to that question felt further away than ever. She was caught somewhere between yearning and resentment, hope and fury. The amount of anger bubbling up inside her was shocking. She’d thought herself over it. She’d thought she’d moved past it, but being here in Dr. Silverwood’s office, listening to Gavin talking the way she’d wanted him to years ago was bringing up all sorts of emotions she’d thought were buried. Emotions that had raged after the divorce and before they’d managed to settle into their new routine, where she expected nothing from him, and they only saw each other for game night and kinky sex.

Yet she still melted at what he was saying.

Her emotions were like a yo-yo, yanking her back and forth and making her feel more vulnerable than ever, even though she hadn’t said a word yet.

“What about you, Leah?” Dr. Silverwood asked. Leah froze, thinking the doctor was asking what Leah wanted before she went on. “How was your week?”

“Confusing.” The word popped out of her mouth, a gut reaction. She could see Gavin frown and averted her eyes, focusing on Dr. Silverwood. It was so much easier to focus on the therapist than look at him. Her emotions didn’t go quite so haywire when she couldn’t see more of him than a fuzzy shape out of the corner of her eye. Pressing her lips tightly together, she found herself clenching her jaw. Now that they were here, it was surprisingly difficult to talk, despite Gavin going first.

“Was there anything in particular that confused you, or you’d like Gavin to clear up for you?” Dr. Silverwood made a small gesture above the clipboard on her lap—which she hadn’t written on once so far.

“Not that he can clear up. He’s made himself perfectly plain.” Leah’s jaw clenched again.

One of Dr. Silverwood’s brows arched upward, questioningly, but she patiently waited for Leah to continue. If this lady wasn’t a Domme, Leah would eat her hat. And if she wasn’t, she easily could be if she wanted to. The single subs at the club who liked women would be crawling at her feet in much the same way they did for Cyana.

“I guess it’s my own emotions that are confused. I know I should be grateful Gavin wants to do counseling…”

“Should you?” Dr. Silverwood asked when Leah’s voice trailed off. Her brow had lowered, but she was still treating Leah to her particularly penetrating gaze. “Instead of talking about how you think you should feel, let’s talk about how you actually feel.”

“Confused. Again.” Leah laughed, but it was a bitter sound. “Because part of me is grateful. Hopeful. I feel like I’m getting everything I ever wanted. But it’s years too late.” She waved her hand, and out of the corner of her eye, she could see Gavin flinch. “This is what I wanted a decade ago. Not now.”

“If you don’t want it now, why did you agree to come in today?” Dr. Silverwood asked. There was no judgment in her tone, only curiosity. Gavin, on the other end of the couch, was stiff and silent. Leah sighed.

“I guess because there is a part of me that does want it, but I’m afraid of getting hurt again.”

“Understandably.” Dr. Silverwood nodded. “You also seem a little resentful.”

A bitter laugh bubbled up again, and Leah didn’t like hearing it. She noted Gavin’s wince with some satisfaction. It appeared he didn’t like hearing it, either. Well, good. He should know she was ticked at him. In the past, she’d often hid her frustrations from him, not wanting to rock the boat, but now…

Fuck it.

“Resentful. Yes. Because once again Gavin is getting what he wants.”

“I didn’t want a divorce,” he said quietly. Leah made herself turn to look at him again. There was enough pain in his eyes, in his expression, to touch even her heart, and she tried to harden it against him. “I tried to give you what you said you wanted.”

“No, you didn’t want a divorce, you wanted to go to couples therapy. Except I had already asked you to go to therapy with me months before that, multiple times, and every time, you turned me down. It wasn’t until it was on your terms, you were willing to go.” She pursed her lips and waved her hand again. “And here we are. On your terms.”

“I’m sorry, love.” His smile was weak. “Trust me, I wish I could go back and do it all over again… listened to you sooner.”

The air rushed out of Leah’s lungs, along with a lot of the bitterness. Hearing him say that soothed a lot of the anger churning inside her. Mostly because she knew there was no point to it. It’s not like they could go back and do it all over again. They could only go on from here.

“Me, too,” she said, but she said it softly, without any rancor, without the bitterness that had tinged her previous statements. She closed her eyes, turning her head to face front again as she took a deep breath.

Something touched her fingers, and she looked down, just then realizing she’d placed her hand on the couch beside her. It was on the center cushion, closer to her side than Gavin’s. He had reached out to touch his fingertips to hers. Not holding them, not trying to grasp them… just touching them, tip to tip.

She looked up at him.

“Just the tip,” he whispered, and she burst out laughing. Without the bitterness, without the anger, pure laughter that carried so much of her stress away. It wasn’t even that funny, but Gavin was grinning and laughing, and Leah couldn’t stop giggling. Even when she managed to tamp it down, little hysterical giggles kept escaping. It felt like forever ago they’d watched Archer together. She’d already been frustrated with him at the time, but she’d loved watching the show with him. It had appealed to both of their slightly fucked-up senses of humor.

“Well, I think this was a good start,” Dr. Silverwood said, her lips very slightly curved into a small smile. “Same time next week?”