Push by Sadie Rose

 

The weekend ended and Monday morning I was back in the car to my mother’s house. Miller had dropped Roman off at Devereaux Industries and continued on with me in the car. Roman knew that I was going to a doctor’s appointment and when he told me to let him know how my appointment went I distinctly saw the look that Miller gave me. I tried to ignore it but the longer we were in the car, I couldn’t.

“Okay, just say it. I know you’ve been thinking about it,” I practically shouted at Miller.

Startled by my tone, his eyes met mine in the mirror. “It’s not my place to judge Olivia.”

He obviously had a strong opinion on this, I knew from all his interactions that he was being short with me. We sat in silence for a few more minutes and I thought he was going to drop it altogether. Then he said to me, “It’s not my business but personally Olivia, you need to tell him. I can’t keep covering it in my logs for much longer and honestly, I think he has a right to know.”

Miller’s soft approach to this impossible situation hit me hard. I looked down at my hands in my lap and just laced and unlaced my fingers over and over. I nodded. He was right and I didn’t have any rebuttal. I vowed right then to tell him on Friday night. We had already made plans for me to spend the weekend at his house outside the city. Today was my mother’s only treatment this week so I wouldn’t be missing any more work and no reason to lead Roman on about doctor’s appointments.

When the car pulled up to my mother’s house she was waiting on her porch step, as always. Today she looked tired and I could tell last week’s two treatments were already taking their toll. I got out of the car and helped her walk from the porch to the car. Miller watched us from the passenger door and I could see that he cared for my mother’s wellbeing. That warmed my heart. If Miller could be invested in this situation, then I’m sure Roman would understand everything I had done.

We spent the next several hours at the doctor’s office and then made the slow crawl on the freeway to get back to the city. I loved living in the city but going back and forth was hard so it made me appreciate Miller a lot more. I needed to do something nice for him. He had been making this trip with me now for two weeks and while I knew it was his job to drive me around he could have easily shared my secrets. He was driving me around for hours of his days instead of just back and forth to the office. I’m sure he had other things he needed to be doing.

To make the time pass in the car and avoid Miller’s scrutinizing gaze, I pulled my phone out to finally check and respond to my messages. I always tried to give my mom my full attention during her treatments and tried to keep her mind busy. So it wasn’t a big surprise to me that I had several messages and missed calls. The first message I had missed was from Raymond. He knew Roman was back in town because he had seen him at work and wanted to know how the rest of the weekend had gone. I had filled him in and told him to get back to work. Then there were Madison’s messages asking me if Miller would be dropping me off tonight. Since Friday night she had tried to work him into almost all of our conversations and that hadn’t gone unnoticed by me.

Of course the person messaging me the most was Roman. He was asking how my day was going, that he missed seeing me in the cafeteria, and letting me know he was going to be at the office late trying to catch up on work. When he asked me if I would stay with him at the apartment I couldn’t tell him no. I felt such a pull to him but I wanted to push away until I could tell him what I had been hiding from him. I felt torn but the feeling of wanting to be near him far outweighed my other emotions so I agreed to meet him there. I’d have Miller run by my place to get clothes for work the next day and then get over to his apartment.

As I laid in bed, Roman’s arms wrapped around me. I thought about all the things he had shared about himself. I thought about how our conversations always flowed with ease and how he was weaving me into his everyday life and his future. Tonight, before sleep had overtaken him he told me he was thinking about all the places he wanted to take me. It made my heart flutter and I laid there in a haze of happy contentment. I could feel his chest on my back, rising and falling in a steady rhythm. I could feel his warm breath on my neck, his nose buried in my hair. I drifted to sleep still smiling.

The next morning, I met Raymond at our desks and filled him in on everything that he missed and he filled me in with a ton of work we had to do. We didn’t take a break until lunch and when we sat down in the cafeteria we were shocked to see Roman stroll in and sit down beside us with his lunch. I could feel the entire cafeteria’s eyes on us and I knew they were talking shit about me. Since knowledge of our relationship was out, Roman had avoided any gazes by being on his business trip. I, on the other hand, had been subjected to their whispers and side-eyes. Raymond always came to my rescue so it wasn’t a shock at what came out of his mouth next.

“Finally, these other bitches can settle down now that your man is here and eating with us.”

Roman’s eyes met mine as I smiled at Raymond. “Ollie, have you been having problems here while I was away?”

He sounded concerned but I didn’t want to complain about some idle gossip and tattle like a teenager about some catty comments that had been directed towards me. So I just shrugged, “It’s nothing I can’t handle. Don’t worry about it.”

He kept the concern on his face but finally just said, “If you’re sure but the moment it gets to be too much or if someone crosses a line, you tell me immediately.”

Before I could respond, Raymond started fanning himself and pretending to swoon over Roman. It made me burst out in laughter and when Roman realized what was going on he too started to laugh. We spent the rest of the week exactly like this. Raymond and I would work all morning, then meet up with Roman for lunch. Then in the evening Roman and I would head up to his apartment. We were falling into a pattern that felt like we had been doing this for years.

When Friday rolled around, Roman and I had plans to head out to his home outside the city. The only snag in his plan was that Miller needed to drive him to a meeting in the opposite direction. So we agreed that I would drive Madison’s car out to his house so we wouldn’t lose hours of the night together making Miller drive back and forth. He didn’t like the idea of me driving on my own but I assured him I would be ok.

As I drove to his house, I thought of how I was going to calmly sit down and tell him about my mother and the trip. I ran the whole speech through my mind and I knew exactly what I wanted to say to him. I could even imagine his responses. He would probably be upset that I didn’t come to him sooner. I’m sure he would offer me the rest of the money I needed but I wasn’t going to take it. I wanted him to meet my mom, and learn what a special lady she really is, and hopefully love her as much as I do.

I pulled up to the house and punched in the gate code that Roman had given me. I parked Madison’s car out front under the portico and made my way inside. I had only been here those few nights so I felt a little awkward walking around on my own. I sat down in what seemed to be a living room and leaned my head back to rest and wait on Roman to arrive.

I don’t know how long I sat there waiting but I was startled when the front door flung open and hit the wall in the hallway. I jumped up and ran to the hall to see what was going on. I should have run the other direction but hindsight is 20/20. When I got into the hallway Roman was standing there, his face in a deep scowl and his eyes searching the room. When his gaze landed on me, I felt something from him I had never felt before. Pure ice over a layer of burning hot rage.