Healed by Evan Grace

Chapter Twenty-Four

 

Heidi

 

Colton naps on the sofa, and I watch him from the chaise lounge I’m snuggled up on. I take comfort in watching his chest rise and fall. These past two months have been the hardest to get through.

Between Colton’s treatments, watching him get sick, and worrying about whether I might lose the baby, I’m almost to my breaking point. Don’t get me wrong, I’d take care of him every day for the rest of my life if that is what he needed from me.

My beautiful man has lost twenty pounds since he started chemo. The nausea is daily, but the vomiting is only the first couple of days after treatment. He’s been doing edibles, and that’s helped him maintain his weight in between treatments. My six-foot-four, and normally, two-hundred and twenty-five-pound man is almost under two hundred.

I don’t dare tell him I wake up at night and feel for his pulse because I dreamt he was dead. If I feel like I’m going to break, I go into the shower; it drowns out my crying.

I’ve taken a lot of showers lately. I’m trying to be strong for him, I am, but I’m hanging on by a thread. I feel selfish for even thinking about all of this. Colton’s the one having poison put into his body to fight something trying to kill him.

“You’re staring.” I blink and realize I spaced out while looking at him.

I smile and stand, moving to lay next to him. His big hand immediately goes to the baby bump and rubs over it. “Did you have a good nap?”

He nods and kisses my forehead. “I did. Those edibles knock me out, but they give me the munchies, so I’ll deal with needing naps.”

“Are you hungry? I could make us some grilled cheese, or I can heat up the soup your mom brought over.”

“How about both?”

That’s encouraging. “Sure, but only half; let’s see if you can keep it down.”

He nods but looks ticked suddenly. He gets up and leaves me laying on the sofa. “I’m gonna take a shower.”

Colton disappears down the hall and slams our bedroom door. He’s cranky a lot, but everything I’ve read online says it’s normal. I know he feels bad when he’s like that, but it’s hard because sometimes I want to be crabby too, but I keep it together for him.

I head to our room and hear the shower kick on. After leaving our bedroom I go to the back deck and sit on the steps. I cry silent tears because this wasn’t supposed to be how our happy ending goes.

It’s a while later when I hear the back door open and feel Colton sit down behind me. He wraps his arms around me. “I’m such a dick,” he whispers against my ear. “You have taken care of me, and this is how I repay you, by making you cry.”

I ignore him and get up, walking around him, heading into the house. I grab a banana and eat it as I head into the bedroom. It’s too early to go to bed, but I’m exhausted. I quickly get ready for bed and then crawl under the covers.

I fall asleep immediately.

 

***

 

My earbuds are in my ears as I work on my client’s huge back piece. He’s wearing earbuds as well. This is good, though; I don’t feel like making conversation. Colton and I aren’t speaking, or I should say that I’m not speaking to him.

I feel so lost because I love him more than anything. I do, but I’m tired, hormonal, and worried constantly. I’m overwhelmed to say the least. Part of me wants to tell Colton how I’m feeling, but he’s already going through so much that I don’t want to burden him.

I focus on the piece I’m working on, letting the vocal stylings of Taylor Swift fill my head. Luckily it doesn’t take too much longer before I’m finished. After I wipe it down, I give him the mirror to look at it.

“This looks amazing, Heidi; thank you so much.”

I take the mirror from him and smile. “I’m so glad you like it. It’s the perfect piece for your back. Let’s get it covered, and then I’ll send you to the counter.”

Ten minutes later I’m wiping down my station. I have a dull headache and need to take some Tylenol. In the office I find Mona sitting behind the desk. “Hey, you,” I say as I sit on the loveseat.

“Hey, honey. We haven’t had a chance to talk—how’s Colton?” She gets up and comes around the desk, sitting on the coffee table. “Is everything okay? You seem sad.”

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. I’m afraid that if I start again, I won’t stop. “I’m tired.” I stand and move toward my purse when my ears start ringing, and my hands begin to tingle. My attempt to take a deep breath is thwarted when my vision goes hazy.

“Heidi? Hey.”

Why does it sound like she’s so far away? I stumble back to the loveseat, closing my eyes the minute I’m on my back.

Mona’s face appears above mine. “Sweetheart, what’s going on? I’m calling Colton.”

I don’t even have the energy to tell her not to; instead, I close my eyes. It’s a half hour before I hear the door open. “Baby?”

As soon as I lay eyes on my man I begin to cry. He rushes toward me and gets down on his knees next to the loveseat. Colton wraps me in his arms, and for the first time in months I let him comfort me.

“I-I’m so-sorry that I’ve been giving you the silent treatment. I’ve been tired, hormonal, and worried. I didn’t want to burden you with it.” Fuck, I didn’t want to tell him, he doesn’t need this.

Colton closes his eyes for a second. “No, baby. I’m sorry that I was too blind to see that you were struggling. You’re always so strong for me, but you’re cooking our baby. You need to stay healthy for us.” He kisses me softly and then pulls back. “Things have been stressful, and I’ve been an asshole, but I swear to you that I’m going to take better care of the two of you.”

“We’re a team, Colton. We fight together, remember?” He nods. “I promise I’ll talk to you if I feel I need to.”

“Good, now let’s get you home, and tonight I’m going to take care of you,” Colton says as he stands. He lifts me to my feet and then grabs my purse for me. “We’re leaving your car here.”

Mona comes in as we’re walking to the office door. “I cancelled your last appointment. She said to call her tomorrow to reschedule.” She wraps her arms around me and squeezes me tight. “Take better care of yourself, sweetheart. My niece or nephew needs their momma to be healthy.”

I nod, and then Colton wraps his arm around my shoulders, and I lean in to his side and wrap my arm around his waist. We head out to his SUV and he, as always, helps me inside. He grabs my hand and I hold his as I lean back and close my eyes.

We pull into the driveway and I press the garage door opener. As soon as it is open all the way, he pulls his vehicle inside and then shuts the garage door. He leads me inside with a hand on the small of my back, making me lay on the sofa. “Now stay here.” Colton returns with some hot tea for me.

“Thank you, baby.”

We spend the rest of the night snuggling on the sofa, watching movies, and talking quietly. For a while we can forget everything and just be Colton and Heidi.