Never by Blue Saffire
Chapter 35
Our Place
Gutter
“It’s not much,” I mutter.
I thought I was nervous the first time I took Sal to my room at the clubhouse. I’m ready to shit a brick as I open the front door to my apartment. Don’t get me wrong. It’s a nice place.
It’s clean, and the layout is nice. However, it’s still the box I signed the lease for. Other than some professional enhancements no one knows about. I can’t help feeling this place is going to reveal my secrets.
Sal tugs at her T-shirt and twirls her fingers in it as we stand in the foyer. I shove my keys into my pocket and reach for her waist with the other hand. She stiffens a little and my heart sinks.
She hasn’t said much to me since our fight yesterday. Fight, I think that’s what happened. I hadn’t noticed how bad it was until the end of the night.
Sal slept damn near on the edge of the bed, away from me. Normally, she falls asleep across my chest. I played our fight over and over in my head while I sat awake.
Definitely a fight and I’m totally in the doghouse. I keep fucking up. Hopefully, being here in the apartment—without a ton of people around—we can figure some things out.
I follow as she moves forward into the place and stops in the open kitchen and living area.
“Wow,” Sal says as she looks around. “Pierson. I… wow. You weren’t lying.”
“We can get whatever you want. You know, make the place feel like home for you. The couch and TV can go too, if you want to replace them.”
She turns and looks up at me with a weak smile. “We’ll build around them. Sometimes all you need is a little change.”
Her words hit their mark. I’m going to have to change to make this work. I know this, doesn’t make it any easier.
I take a breath and try to push forward. “We need some place to eat. I should probably get some pots and things for the kitchen.” I place my hands on her hips.
She ducks her head away and the sting of her words runs deeper. “I’ll make a list and we can head to the stores. It’s way better than the clubhouse. It will be good to finally get out of there.”
It runs across my mind to sit her down and talk about what could happen with us living here together. It’s right on the tip of my tongue, but she spins out of my hold and starts to move through the apartment, popping her head into rooms and closets.
“For tonight, we need bedding and towels and things. Hey, no radio?”
I frown. “No.”
She takes a pause in the doorway of the third bedroom. Spinning to face me, she gives me a quizzical look. At first, I think she’s going to drop it like she’s been doing everything else. Something I’ve been grateful for, but she presses forward with her thoughts this time.
“What’s that about? Why’d you say it like that?”
I blow out a breath. I don’t want to add to the tension, so I give her an answer. Staring down at my feet, I begin to speak.
“My stepmother used us as show pieces. We were the entertainment. Terry and I can both sing and play instruments.
“Listening to music in the truck with you, singing for you. Those are things I’m doing solely for you. I’m not big on listening to music for pleasure. It jogs memories sometimes. Especially if I’m listening to some random station or something,” I say.
“Oh, I didn’t know. Music calms me. I’ll make do with headphones from now on.”
“You don’t have to. We’ll get a system for the place.”
Sal closes the gap between us. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine.”
“It’s our place. If music calms you, we’ll have a system. You can have this room, by the way. It can be your office,” I say, pointing to the room at her back.
“Add office furniture to the list.”
I hold her gaze. “I’ll replace it all, you just say the word, but if you want anything from your place in New York, I’ll arrange that too,” I offer.
Watching her place be invaded couldn’t have been easy. I’ve been thinking about this for the last two weeks. I don’t want her to have any triggers here. This is a safe space.
“Mix already sent someone for the things I need. I’ll need to get some clothes to replace my wardrobe, but my tech stuff is already on the way. Thanks for being so thoughtful.”
I place my forehead to hers. The surge of energy between us starts to fill the space, but she turns away, breaking the connection. I throw my head back and stare up at the ceiling.
“Gutter,” she whispers.
I turn to look at her sad face. “Yeah, baby girl?”
“I don’t think—”
Her phone chimes, cutting her off. She pulls the phone from her pocket with a grimace on her lips. However, her lips turn up and she looks at me with bright eyes when she looks up from the device.
“Sugar’s showing signs of responsiveness,” she says as she types back quickly. Her shoulders slump. “Eva says they’re not letting anyone in her room for now. Thor is running tests.”
“We can go shopping and head over after we get everything back here. That should give them some time to sort things out and then you can check in on her if you like, if they’ll allow.”
“Yes, please.” She throws herself into my arms and hugs me around the neck.
I’m a Lost Soul, of course I’m going to take advantage of this moment. This is the most she’s said to me all day. I take her lips and force back all my doubts and demons.
She whimpers into my mouth and reaches to link her fingers into my hair. I groan and push her back against the nearest wall, lifting her onto my waist. I’m so fucking hard.
Sal starts to grind against me, causing my need to shoot through the roof. I palm her ass and claw at her tight jeans as I grind back into her. When I break the kiss, she whimpers and bites her lip as she gives me a lust-filled look. As soon as I go to tug her lip loose, my phone rings.
“You have to be fucking kidding me,” I growl.
I roll my eyes when Sal unwraps her legs from around my waist and her heavy boots hit the floor. The sound is like a door closing. The moment is gone. I loathe this person, no matter who the call is from, and I have this sinking feeling in my gut telling me just who it is.
Sure enough, my past strikes again. I bare my teeth at the phone as I send the call to voicemail. What doesn’t he get?
“Baby, I—”
“I’m going to make that list. We should head out. We have a lot to get.”
She turns and heads toward the front of the apartment. Frustration runs through me. And as if the world knows my mood has turned to shit, text messages start to file in left and right.
Sal
This day is ending on a sour note. We’ve done all of our shopping and put a lot in place, but it’s all been done with me silently brooding. I have to say, I’m glad we were interrupted. We’re not going to solve our problems with sex.
I’m still pissed from our fight. Earlier was a small moment of weakness. I was vulnerable after getting the news about Sugar. My mistake.
I chew on the last bites of my burrito like I’m chewing on cardboard. Nothing has any flavor to me, or it might be that I’m too busy in my thoughts to taste a thing I’ve eaten. I’m startled out of my musing as the lights flash.
It’s been raining since we got the last of our things in the building. Thankfully, we didn’t get caught in the downpour. However, we decided against heading out to the clubhouse in the storm. Word is, Sugar hasn’t woken yet anyway. The lights flash again, and I groan, I didn’t think to get candles.
“There’s a backup generator,” Gutter says. “Come on, I’ll show you where the flashlights are in case it ever doesn’t kick in.”
I get up and follow him. He stops at the closet in the hall and opens the door. Running a hand through his hair, he looks at me as if he’s thinking something over.
He reaches for the top shelf and pulls down a flashlight before turning it on. “This isn’t just a closet. Step inside,” he says.
I stare at him for a beat before cautiously stepping in. He shines the light ahead of me, while reaching around me after entering behind me. A lever comes into view as he grasps and turns it. I take in a sharp breath when a door opens to some sort of control room.
This is the last thing I was expecting. I quickly realize there are screens revealing every room in the apartment. Gutter’s eyes are on me as I move around and take it all in.
“It’s a safe room. It has its own generator if all else fails. If something were ever to happen and I’m not home, you bring your ass in here and lock the door. You feel me?”
“Yeah, but…” I shake my head. “Never mind.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
He closes the space between us. “I’ll always come for you. You just sit tight and wait for me.”
“And if you don’t come?”
He shakes his head. “Never gonna happen.”
“But if you don’t?”
He frowns and laces his fingers with mine, tugging me across the room. “We’ll get you printed. The lockbox only opens by fingerprint. Not that you will ever need to unlock it, but I keep the guns in here.”
He turns and pinches my chin between his fingertips. “I’ll be there when you need me.”
He kisses my forehead. I can’t help wondering if that includes emotionally and physically, because we’re falling out of sync. Whatever he’s been keeping to himself has changed us and his fears are only widening that gap.
Don’t give up, Sal.