Willow by Erin Osborne
Chapter Twenty
Trinity ‘Willow’ Walsh
OVER THE LAST few days, things have been slowly calming down. I’m not sure what happened but I’ve heard murmured conversations about the jerks who shot at Crave and me being caught and taken care of. Also, I don’t know how they were taken care of. The less I know, the better. There are a few extra guys here at the clubhouse with us and I know they’ve been helping this club take care of the problem though I haven’t talked to them or spent a lot of time out in the common room. When they’re here, the men sit out in the common room drinking and playing pool while spending time with the sweetbutts of the club. At least until they disappear in a room for a while.
Tonya made sure I knew what those women were here for and how they are a part of the club in their own way. I understand their need to be here and what they do for the club. However, what I don’t agree with is the rest of us cleaning, cooking, and doing everything else the Prospects aren’t doing while they sit on their asses and do absolutely nothing. It’s not right, but I don’t know if it’s my place to say anything. So, I clean and help out as much as I can while the other women sit on their asses and talk amongst themselves or watch the rest of us working. They even expect us to cater to their needs. I’m not about to do that no matter who it is. Unless it’s gram, Crave, and Breaker, I’m not doing shit to help anyone out. Well, maybe if it’s a patched member than I’ll do what I can to help, but that’s about it.
The guys are still out all day and come in just before they have to leave for work. Or they don’t come in until really late. I have no clue what they’re doing, but all the men ride out in groups. Crave and Breaker typically don’t ride together. I know this is because of our relationship; one of them will always come home to me if something ever happens beyond their control. However, they also are both out most of the day and into the night. There is no reason for me to feel any type of way about this because they can do anything they want. I’m not going to complain and whine if they decide they want to be with other women. They just won’t be with me at all. I’m not down for that and both men know.
Today I’m cleaning up the common room from the party last night. If my gram is gonna come out here for any reason, I don’t want her seeing it how it is now. Beer bottles litter the tables and floor, there’s sticky shit all over, and I’ve seen more than one used condom on the floor. Most of the shit, I don’t even want to know what it is as my shoes stick to the floor. As I go through and pick up all the empty bottles, set glasses on the bar top to be washed, and then wipe down the tables before sweeping and mopping the floors. The women are sitting on the couches and continue to glance over at me every few seconds. Their conversation is definitely about me and I’m ready to say something to them.
“Can you believe they actually want her?” one of the women says, her voice raised just enough so I can hear her. “She’s a fat cow and there’s nothing good about her. It’s a good thing she’s doing our job so we can make sure we’re ready for when the guys come in.”
“I plan on getting Crave and Breaker in my bed. Tonight,” another one says as she looks right in my direction.
“Have at it,” I tell her, not stopping my cleaning. “I’m not their keeper. But I know you’ve been pushing up on them for days and they haven’t given you a second glance. So, if you think they want you, go ahead and try it. I imagine they’re tired of the loose pussy, weak blow jobs, and the desperation clearly rolling off you in waves. Not to mention, you’re the laziest women I’ve ever seen in my life. I was here when Tonya reminded you of your jobs here and it’s not to sit on your asses while everyone else works and cleans up.”
“Bitch, you don’t have a leg to stand on. You and that old bitch with you are staying here for free. It’s about time you fucking do something to earn your stay here,” the first woman yells out, her voice full of hate.
“I work and I’m on my feet for hours each night. It wasn’t my idea to come to the clubhouse. That would be on Breaker and Crave. You know, the men you want in your bed. I bet you go after all the men who have ol’ ladies because you’re so damn desperate for attention for whatever reason. Again, it’s not on me. What I do know is we as women, should be supporting one another and trying to lift each other up. You want to sit on your ass and watch the ol’ ladies clean, cook, and do everything else, that’s fine. It’s a good reason none of the men here will ever see you as more than a warm hole to stick their cock in. You lack everything they’re looking for and don’t even realize it. So, I’m going to continue cleaning and taking care of things here.”
“You have no right to talk to any of us. You’re nothing more than an incubator for Crave’s baby. He already told me as soon as it’s born, he’s gonna take it from you and never let you see them again. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it either. You’re nothing more than a stripper who is trying to trap him into being with you,” the first woman says.
“Like I said, you want Crave and Breaker, they’re all yours. As far as my baby goes, you’ll never see him or her. You aren’t fit to take care of a rat much less a baby. My child will never know what the fuck you are or that you ever existed. Now, go run along and cake on more make-up to hide the fact you’re a hideous human. No man thinks that’s attractive. Ever. Or rub some lotion on your back to make sure you don’t get nasty marks or something because it’s all you’re ever on,” I tell her, dumping an armload of empty bottles into the large garbage can I pulled out when I started cleaning.
“Trin, there a problem here?” Blood asks, his voice hard and unyielding.
“Not at all. I’m just cleaning up a little before I go spend time with gram. Did you need something?”
“Nope. Well, not with you. Why don’t you go see if you can find somethin’ for gram to eat today? I’ve got to have a conversation with the women in here. And, don’t believe you have to clean for your keep or whatever. You’re an ol’ lady and a guest here.”
“I have no problem cleaning or doing anything else. It’s good to stay busy.”
“We appreciate it,” Blood tells me, giving me a kiss on the top of my head. “Go spend time with gram and Tonya will be in soon to see her.”
Nodding my head, I leave the common room of the clubhouse. Heading in the kitchen, I take in the huge mess here. Like the common room, empty bottles litter every surface, condoms are on the floor next to tables, and dishes fill all the counters, tables, and other surfaces. Everything is just piled up and all over the place. There’s so much to do and clean before I’d ever consider making my gram something to eat in here. Paislie walks in just behind me as I look over my shoulder at her. She’s shaking her head at the mess in front of us.
“If you take half the kitchen, I’ll take the other half. We can get this done in less time if we work together,” Paislie suggests as she stops by my side.
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll start on the dishes and counters.”
Paislie and I get to work on cleaning up the kitchen. I checked on gram before starting to clean the kitchen and she was still sleeping. The nurse told me she didn’t have a good night and was up for most of it. This has been happening more frequently the last few days and it’s really hurting to know she’s awake and won’t let me go in and sit with her. Breaker and Crave are worried about her too. They’re just trying to hide it from me. It hasn’t escaped my notice of the time they spend with her though. When they’re not on the road or working, they’re in with gram. Even when they’ve been asked to have a drink with their friends, they refuse to spend time with her. It’s making me fall even more in love with them than I already am.
As Paislie and I clean the kitchen, two of the women from the common room make their way in the room.
“We’ll get this cleaned up. You can go do what you have to do,” one of the girls says, her voice full of guilt and shame as she looks everywhere but at us. “I want to say I’m sorry for what happened out there. And that I’m not one going after the men regardless of if they’re single or taken.”
“I appreciate you telling me that. Breaker and Crave are fair game as far as I’m concerned. They don’t answer to me and know where I stand on things,” I tell the girls, my voice wavering as emotions take over.
It would hurt to know they wanted someone other than me, but men cheat. Not all, but when you’re confronted with free pussy on a daily basis and women who parade around in next to nothing, the temptation can get too much for most of them. Especially when I won’t be able to have sex for several weeks after I give birth. I’ll never keep Crave’s child from him, but there is no reason for me to remain with them if they want other women. However, I’m trying to keep those thoughts from my head, or I’ll never be able to trust them. Especially when I’ve heard some of the men believe in the phrase, ‘what happens on the road, stays on the road.’ That’s not something I’ll ever be able to deal with and the truth always have a way of coming out.
“I’m just going to make some soup and head in to see gram. She didn’t have a good night last night,” I tell Paislie as the two women begin cleaning up the kitchen.
Washing a bowl, I find a can of soup and heat it up for gram before grabbing her some orange juice. Tonya has made sure it’s been stocked since we’ve been here. Paislie told her about my gram’s saying she could only swallow her morning pills with the juice and now it’s here in the clubhouse with a large note on the carton. Tonya won’t let anyone else drink it unless they buy their own. She even made sure to grab the same brand we have at the house. With her juice and soup, I carefully make my way through the common room and into the hall where her room is.
In the common room, the women who were mouthing off to me toss a glare over their shoulder as I walk through. Neither one says a word to me though. It could have something to do with Blood sitting at the bar and watching over them. I offer him a small smile as I continue on my way toward gram. When I get to her room, Vanish is coming down the hall toward me. He nods and opens the door for me before making sure it closes behind me. The only light in the small room is from a small lamp sitting over by the window. Her nurse, Wendy, is sitting by her bed. Today she doesn’t even greet me with a small smile. Instead, pain fills her eyes. Wendy has been here since Blood hired a nurse for her. There are others, but Wendy is my favorite.
“How is she today?” I ask, looking down at my gram.
She looks so damn small in Crave’s bed with the blankets pulled up to her chin. Her skin has a grey hue to it, and I know this is not good. Gram has been so cold lately. There is no way she can last much longer like this. My heart breaks as I set the bowl of soup and glass of orange juice down next to the bed and take the seat Wendy was just sitting in. Reaching under the blankets, I hold her hand and take in how cold she really is. I want to climb in bed with her and let her have my body as heat as the first tear slides down my cheek and Wendy puts her hand on my shoulder.
“I’m so sorry,” Wendy tells me, her voice low and almost a whisper. “She should really be in a hospital but has refused every time I bring it up. It’s just a matter of time now.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” I tell her, my heart shattering in my chest. “Gram, can you hear me?”
Leaning over the bed, I place a kiss on her cold, wrinkled cheek. My grams eyes flutter open as she blinks to clear the sleep from her sight. Turning her head slightly, grams looks at me. Instead of love, contentment, and happiness filling her eyes, all I see is pain. It’s now written on her face as her body begins to shake and her breathing becomes labored. I know what has to be done. It’s my turn to give my grams what she needs; I need to give her up and let her find her new source of freedom and peace.
“Grams, we need to get you to the hospital,” I tell her, trying to keep my voice soft and gentle. “It’s time. I know it’s not where you want to be, but it’s the best place for you to be. Can you please go there? If only so you’re more comfortable.”
“I want to be where you are,” my gram says, her voice feeble.
“Well, then I’m going to the hospital, and I hope you’ll come with me,” I tell her, a small, sad smile on my face.
“Okay sweetheart. I’ll go to the hospital,” she finally says, closing her eyes once more as the small conversation with me has seemed to zap any energy she had.
Wendy pulls out her phone and places the call for an ambulance to come get gram. I remain sitting by her side and don’t let go of her hand. Even when it goes slack in mine, I continue holding onto her. It’s the ground I need in this moment. After having a conversation with the ambulance company, Wendy lets me know they’re on their way and she’s going to let Blood or Tonya know so they can be let in the gate and clubhouse to pick us up. There is no way I’m not riding there with her.
I lose all track of time as I sit with my gram watching her chest rise and fall. When the paramedics come in the room, Tonya and Blood are with them. Tears are falling down my face as I let go of her hand and step back so they can load her on the gurney. The hospital already knows she’s coming and what they have to do for her. Tonya pulls me in her arms and holds me as we watch them wheel my gram out of Crave’s room at the clubhouse. The three of us follow the gurney out of the clubhouse and I don’t pay attention to the people standing around and watching what’s happening. They don’t matter to me.
“Are you gonna be okay in the ambulance alone?” Blood asks me, taking me from Tonya’s arms.
“Yeah. She needs me. Said she won’t go anywhere I’m not. I’ll find a way back when I can,” I tell them, pulling from his arms as I climb up in the back of the rig with my gram.
Taking a seat on the small bench, I grab onto my gram’s hand as the paramedics continue hooking up monitors and all that shit on my grandma. As I take in everything around me, the ambulance begins moving and I don’t let go of my grandma’s hands. Tears continue to course down my face as we leave the clubhouse. I wish Crave and Breaker were here with me, but they’re out on club business. Hell, I wish anyone were with me. My gut is telling me we’re down to minutes, not days or weeks for my gram. Her breathing is even more labored than in the room she was staying in, and her skin looks even worse than before. As I sit here and hold her hand, the heart monitor beeping away, it suddenly gives one long noise. The paramedic frantically begins grabbing things from various compartments.
“What are you doing?” I ask him, my voice wavering as sobs wrack me.
“I’m going to get her heart started again,” he answers, looking at me as if I’m stupid.
“You can’t. My gram has a DNR on file. Her nurse relayed this information when she called for an ambulance to transport her to the hospital. No sirens or anything else. Please, just let her be and shut the machine off so I don’t have to hear this,” I plead with the paramedic.
He nods his head and puts everything back where it belongs. Shutting the machine off, I take a shuddering breath and say a silent prayer. This is where the hard shit comes in. I don’t have the heart to do any of it right now. Bending over, I rest my head next to my gram’s body and let the tears fall from my eyes and hit the floor of the ambulance and side of the gurney.
“Gram, I love you so much and wish I could have told you one last time. You were everything in the world to me,” I tell her even if she doesn’t know I’m saying these words to her.
“We’re here,” the paramedic tells me, his voice filled with pity and sympathy.
Nodding my head, I get ready to exit the ambulance. When the back doors open, I step down with help from the driver as I stand off to the side. Before pulling her from the back end, they pull the sheet up to cover her face. I almost fall to the ground with the realization staring me in the face. My gram is gone. There is nothing we can do to save her because it was her wish to not be on ventilators and all that shit. So, I’m going to honor her wishes and grieve for my loss. The only person who has never left me. Until now. Gram is just one more person to leave me, even if it wasn’t her choice to leave. Now, I’m all alone as everyone goes about their night as if nothing has happened. They’re not devastated by losing someone so important to them.
