Chapter 15 ~ Sofie Von Bayern

 

It was clear that I had to escape. Night for night, the Lion bound me to that thing and made me choose. I chose punishment as long as I could, but with each day, I could take less.

Instead of building up a tolerance for it, I got worse at accepting my punishments. In the meantime, he needed only to glance at me, and I obeyed him instantly, saying and doing what he required of me.

I feared him, but I feared what he could make me do more. I didn’t like the person who he had found inside of me. She must have been there the whole time, but he needed only to touch me, and I would do and say whatever he wanted.

He tested me, and I obeyed him. He asked me to do things that no lady should, and I obeyed him. If I hesitated, he beat me.

We both knew that the beatings made my desire for him grow. I grew wet between my thighs, and then I eagerly followed his orders. I even took his manhood in my mouth until he spilled his seed in my mouth.

I was forgetting who I was, or maybe it was better to say who I used to be. I was no longer a sweet young girl. I was a wife who knew her place, princess or not.

I watched the happenings at the castle, and I prayed every day at the chapel.

At first, I thought about asking Marcus for a fast horse so I could run away, but where would I ride to? My castle and Frederick’s were destroyed. I couldn’t go there. I had no one besides a husband, who was clear that he hated me even if he did hold me in his arms every night while I slept.

When I was on my knees in the chapel, I prayed and thought about my options.

I decided the best thing to do was to go to a nunnery and devote my life to God. Maybe I’d be able to find forgiveness through years of service and prayer.

My mind was set. I was going to run away from my husband and become a nun.

~

Several days later, I got my chance. My husband was gone to a nearby village to collect taxes. I went out into the garden and picked a handful of flowers. Then I went to the graves of my brother, father, and husband. I laid flowers on their graves as I often did and prayed.

Then instead of going to the ladies’ sewing room. I went out of the cemetery gate. Then I went to the woods, acting as if I had a right to be moving about in spite of my husband strictly forbidding it.

Once I was in the woods, I ran. I ran until I was out of breath, but I kept on walking until I could run again. My heart pounded as if my lord husband were chasing me with his hunting hounds.

I knew that I couldn’t make it to the Abbey before nightfall. I’d have to sleep outside in the woods. The woods were a dangerous place filled with witches and wild animals.

Being here proved how much I wanted to get away from my husband. I was taking every risk upon myself for a chance to be free.

I slept in a grove of trees that promised to hide me from humans as I slept. It wouldn’t protect me from animals, but God did. He watched over me throughout the night and gave me the feeling that I was doing the right thing.

In the morning, I walked on. By nightfall, I was at the door of the abbey. I begged to speak with the Mother. She greeted me in the chapel. Her kind smile brought tears to my eyes.

My story spilled out of me, telling her everything that had happened and how I feared my husband.

“Child, no. You are married. You belong at your husband’s side,” she stated as soon as I finished my story.

“But he beats me and forces me to do ungodly things that can’t produce an heir,” I pleaded with her.

“He is your husband. If you had wished to avoid a husband, then you never should have married.”

“I was forced twice. Coerced first by my father to ensure peace and then by the Lion himself.” I explained.

“The Lion is good to the convent. He protects us and sees to our welfare. I cannot cross him.”

“But what about me? Who will protect and care for me?” I demanded to know with tears running down my face.

“Your husband will. With time, he’ll be gentler. I’ve heard such complaints before. When men get older, they change. Some for the better and some for the worse.”

“What if he changes for the worse? He’d kill me,” I told her.

She looked away from me and didn’t answer me.

The Mother locked me in a room and wouldn’t let me out. When she brought me something to eat, she scolded me for running away from my husband, telling me that only a very wicked woman would do that.

She sent word to the Lion, telling him where I was.

I had to wait for him to come and collect me. The waiting and wondering what he would do to me when he got here filled my thoughts with terrible images.