Chapter 18 ~ Sofie Von Bayern

 

The ride home was uncomfortable. I rode in the Lion’s arms. I had also spent the night in his arms.

I wished that my husband would let me ride over his lap again. That had been a kindness that I hadn’t known to appreciate back then. I’d bet that he hadn’t meant to be kind.

He was protecting me and making it clear that I was his. Something had changed completely for us since I last saw him. He was much nicer to me, even caring.

He thought that I might have learned my lesson, but the truth was that I had never done anything to harm anyone. Neither had my father. He was a good man.

The odd thing was that I believed that my husband was convinced that my family had wronged him and attacked him first.

I feared that this war had started by some mistake. My father, my brother, and my husband had died for nothing. That broke my heart.

I swore to myself that I would always tend to their graves and never forget them. They didn’t deserve what had happened to them. I feared that my new husband would never understand, and he would always blame me for what had happened to us.

“Your being very quiet,” the Lion told me.

I peeked over my shoulder at him. “I’m well.” I turned around and looked straight ahead.

“You aren’t,” he stated.

“I was just thinking.”

“What were you thinking about?” he asked me, trying to tease me.

“I know that my father didn’t attack you first. He heard that you had a bad reputation with women, that’s why he denied you when you asked for my hand.”

“A lot of good it got him.” I could hear that he was proud of himself because he got what he wanted in spite of my father saying no.

“That wasn’t my point. My point is that I believe you. You didn’t start the attacks. But then who did?”

“It was your father who attacked me. Maybe you knew about the attacks, maybe you didn’t. I think it would be best if we didn’t discuss this topic any longer.”

“But don’t you understand? If it wasn’t my father, then it was someone else. Someone who might still want to harm you?”

“Sofie, cease this talk. We’re starting out anew. Fighting about the past won’t help us mend what we can of our future. You may no longer talk about the attacks or who started them.”

“But don’t you realize that it might have been a trick.”

He cut off my words by flipping me over on his lap and giving me several swats as he rode on. “When I say to stop, I mean you should stop.”

“I’ll stop,” I promised him.

He believed that he didn’t start the war, but he was certain that my family had.

I didn’t mention my fears, but they made me worry. The war might not be over.

~

My husband kept me locked in the castle. I wasn’t allowed to stray further than the chapel and the graveyard. I visited both places every day.

Because I was unclean, we didn’t touch each other. My courses had come again. I could tell that he was disappointed that I didn’t have a baby growing under my heart. He wanted an heir.

I liked the thought of having a daughter. One who I could spend time with. The ladies at court were very polite, but they kept their distance and stayed close to each other. They knew how I had come to be the lady of this castle. I hadn’t earned it, and my husband punished me as if I were a small naughty beast, who he hated and loved all at once.

I felt left alone and ashamed of myself.

I knew that he liked being with me in bed, but he also liked to punish me. I’d seen it. It wasn’t something that he was shy about. His manhood stood straight away from his body when he had need for me, and he did when he punished me or when he didn’t. His manhood stirred whenever I undressed. He wouldn’t let me go behind a screen. Indeed, there was no screen in his room. There was no chance for privacy.

As soon as we had returned home from the convent, he brought me upstairs. My courses had started on the journey home. I was surprised that it stopped him, but he told me that he was a religious man. He knew that he wasn’t allowed to touch me during that time.

That granted us a week when we had to deal with each other in a new way. Sometimes, he joined me when I went to chapel. He didn’t accompany me to the cemetery, but we ate our meals together with the court. At the table, he spoke to me often, asking me about my interests, my likes and dislikes. He listened to my replies and often commented, sharing his thoughts. It was almost comfortable.

I was still waiting for the right moment to approach him with my worries about some third family wanting us to have disputes, to put it lightly.

My husband and I weren’t so close as to be able to talk about anything of real importance. In fact, there were few topics that I felt we could share with one another.

However, it was nice to see him dealing with the people at his court and his servants. He was never harsh with them.

I recognized a face here and there, a servant from Werdenfels, or from Tirol. They now served the Lion.

The servants seemed to take to their new life faster than I was. I saw them talking to other servants and smiling. They were happy here. I could tell.

Could people tell that I wasn’t happy? Or that I wasn’t sure how I felt?

Secretly, I was starting to get used to my husband and his odd ways. He was a contradiction in everything he did. He spent hours working with wood.

I knew that he had started to build a cradle. The cradle was in fact already built. He was carving pictures into the wood. If I entered the carpenter’s shed, he covered it up with a cloth. He wanted a baby from me and soon.

Would he stop the punishments if I were pregnant like he was doing because of my courses?

“Sofie, you’re back from chapel.” A smile spread over the Lion’s face as I entered the hall.

“Yes, I am, my lord husband.” I dipped down to him to show my respect.

“I think it’s time that you called me Lukas.”

“Yes, Lukas.” I bowed to him again to let him know that I still respected him as my lord, the lord of this castle.

“My men are predicting rain yet today,” he told me.

“I can feel it coming too,” I agreed with him. Today was a very cold day.

He opened the door to his office and bowed to me, wanting me to go in first. I was a tad scared because there was no one in the room. Why did he want to talk to me in here?

He closed the door and stepped in beside me. He looked down at me for a moment, smiled, and then he went over to his desk. His desk was tiny, and he was huge.

The desk must have been designed for a man with my father’s build. The Lion, I mean Lukas, was too huge to look right at the desk. He looked better sitting on a horse and wielding the sword. God formed him for war, not for writing desks.

He sat down on the desk top and folded his arms. I wasn’t certain, but I got the feeling that he was blushing slightly. I looked closer and saw that he truly was blushing.

A long minute went by.

“I wanted to talk to you in private because I wanted to ask you if…” His hand lifted up and turned in a slow circle.

It was clear that he thought that I should know what he wanted to say. I didn’t. I shook my head to let him know that I wasn’t trying to anger him, but that I truly didn’t know what he wanted.

“I’d like to have a child,” he stated.

I nodded at him. He was a good ten years older than I was. He was ready to be a father.

“Thus, I wondered.” He did that thing with his hand again.

“Yes, I’d like to have a child too.” I figured that he was asking if I also wanted to have a child.

At first, he seemed to be disappointed by my answer. “Good. That’s what I wanted to hear. I also wanted to know if you’re up to it. Now,” he added on after a long break.

I nodded at him, thinking that he meant the birthing. My own mother died giving me life, and Frederick’s mother also passed that way.

Then I realized what he was really getting at. “Oh, I understand.” Now, I was the one blushing. I was deeply embarrassed. I stuttered for a bit not knowing how to put it into words.

“It stopped in the night. I guess I’m ready again.” The heat in my face was burning all the way down to my nipples. I wasn’t used to talking about such matters. Especially, not in a room that wasn’t our bedchamber.

The corners of his mouth lifted up, and he removed his tunic, I could see a bulge forming in his trousers.

A chill went through my body.

Immediately, he moved over to the fire and added another log. “Take off your clothes,” he told me without turning around.

I hadn’t expected it. Instead of obeying, I looked at the door, wondering if someone could walk in on us.

“Sofie,” his sharp voice called out to me.

“I’m sorry, my lord husband. Is the door bolted?”

“The servants and the lords alike know better than to come into this room without knocking. Do as you’re told.”

“I understand.” Shyly, I removed what I could as goose bumps formed on my arms. I went to him and turned so he could open the laces at the back of my corset.

A shiver went through me when his fingers brushed against my naked skin. We were standing so close that I could smell the musky, hot scent of him as we stood in the cool scholar. The wood in the fireplace crackled, making me jump.

“Are you nervous?” he asked me. I could hear the humor in his voice.

“Yes, my lord husband.” I had no reason to deny it.

My skirts fell to the floor. He swatted me on my rump, making me jump again. “I told you to call me Lukas. I want to hear you say it. Turn around so I can see your sweet lips form the word.” He spun me against his chest.

I gasped, breathing in his scent and suddenly becoming aware of it again. He smelt warm like an exotic spice.

Slowly, I moved my lips. “Lukas,” I said. It was as if his name rang throughout the room.

The sides of his mouth curled up. He reached down and lifted my shift up over my head. I stood completely naked in the cool room. The fire hadn’t been lighted that long ago.

He turned away from me and poked at the fire. His shirt tightened as he bent down to stoke the fire.

His face was flushed with the heat from the fire when he turned back to me. He stopped and stared at me for moment. “Everyone was right. You are the most beautiful woman that God ever created.”

My jaw dropped. It didn’t seem like him to say something like that, especially not to me. “Why are you being nice to me?” I asked him.

He stopped coming closer when I spoke. I dropped my eyes. I had angered him.

“Sofie, look at me.”

I forced myself to look at him.

“When I returned home and searched for you, and you weren’t there, terrible thoughts went through my mind. I don’t want you to be apart from me. You are my wife.” He pounded his pointer finger into his chest. “I’ve known that you’re beautiful since I first saw you. It took me until now to be able to tell you.”

I nodded at him. Then I realized that I probably should say something nice to him in return. “You are very gifted with woodworking,” I stated, feeling ridiculous as I said it.

He smiled at me. “I feel at peace when I work with wood. If you ever needed anything, I would make it for you.”

“If we have a daughter, she’ll need a dowry chest,” I stated, not ready to ask him for the things I needed.

“Our daughter will have a dowry chest that will be fit for a princess. All who see it will know her status, and that she is well-loved by her parents.”

I exhaled, first then realizing that I had been holding my breath. I nodded at him, giving him permission to continue.

He removed his trousers and grabbed hold of me, lifting me up so I was sitting on the top of his desk. He took hold of my ankle and lifted my leg up so it was pointing up to the ceiling. The Lion kissed the inside of my calf, making me tremble.

After adorning my leg with kisses, he pushed my leg to the side as if it was a nuisance that was in his way. He stood between my legs with his soft cream shirt covering my belly and my womanhood. He stepped closer, rubbing his penis against me. It came to rest on my belly, hidden under his shirt.

His breath was staggered as he looked down at me. He said nothing and neither did I.

We stared at each other for a long time. Then he pulled back and thrust into me.

I gasped as he entered me. My entire body moved with his body, panting and softly crying out with each of his movements.

He stared into my eyes as he gave me powerful thrusts. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and clung to him.

This was different. This was like it had been with Frederick. It was very nice. He wasn’t hurting me, and he hadn’t hurt me before he made love to me.

That was when it became clear to me. He was making love to me. He had told me that he cared and worried about me before he made love to me, and he wasn’t doing anything to hurt me. I got the feeling that he didn’t want to hurt me for the first time in our marriage.

He gulped for air and held me so tightly that I couldn’t move. He gave me his seed, filling me with loud grunts. With the last thrust, the door opened, and his adviser walked in.

I clung to the Lion’s body so I would remain covered.

He looked over his shoulder. “Out,” he bellowed. “Get out.”

His adviser was frozen with shock. “Many pardons. Excuse me.” He left then.

The Lion was mad. He pulled away from me and got dressed. I was picking up my garments and getting dressed as best as I could alone by the time he reached the door. “Get dressed and leave as quickly as you can,” he ordered me, making me feel as if I had only been a quick fuck to him, as if I had been a servant girl who wanted a favor from him.

He left me alone. I dressed as quickly as I could, not able to do my laces in the back. Red-faced I hurried up the stairs to go to our chamber. In the hallway, I met a servant and asked her to bring a tub and warm water to my room for my bath.

She looked me up and down as I clutched my gown in front of my breasts. “Yes, my lady.” She bowed and took off.

I went to our room and sat down on the bed and had a good cry.

When the door opened, I wiped my eyes so no one would see that I had been crying. “You can set up the tub over there.” I pointed to the corner that was behind the door. It seemed the most modest place.

“Why are you crying?”

It was him, my husband and not servants. I shook my head. I couldn’t explain what was wrong because I was too upset.

“You don’t have to be ashamed. I made it clear that he can never walk in again,” he told me.

I doubted that he could understand why I was crying. He was my husband. He was supposed to protect my honor, and he hadn’t. Instead, he shamed me twice: first by taking me where someone could walk in on us, and then by making me leave his scholar not properly dressed.

“I can’t get dressed alone,” I told him.

He said nothing and walked around the bed. I could feel his eyes on me. “I understand that you are trying to tell me something, but I can’t understand what it is.”

My shoulders slumped. “I had to walk up here not dressed properly. Everyone saw me. I can imagine what they thought. I was so ashamed.”

There was a knock on the door, saving him from having to understand what I was trying to say.

The tub had arrived. I stood up and went to the corner so I wouldn’t have to face anyone. I was choking on my shame as I held my dress to my body to cover me.

The Lion gave the servants the instructions and even tested the temperature of the water. “I’ll need a maid to help my wife dress in an hour. I seemed to have messed up her garments a bit.”

Shocked, I looked over my shoulder at him, and the rake winked at me.

When the servants left, I turned on him. “Why would you say such a thing?”

“So there was no doubt that I was the one under your skirts. If you get with child, there will never be any doubt that I’m the child’s father.” He laid his hand on my shoulder and gave me a hard shake. “It was good of you to explain what I had done wrong so I could fix it. If I ever do anything that could place your honor in question, tell me immediately,” he scolded me.

I nodded at him.

“Get undressed and into your bath.” He stood where he was and watched me lay my things to the side. “I’ll have to learn how to pack you back up in all of those things,” he told me as I laid my vestments to the side. It was quite the pile.

Every morning a maid helped me dress. Every morning it was a different maid. He didn’t want me to have my own maid or my own friend. A lady needed her own maid. Should I explain that to him?

I stepped into the warm water, and he moved to the side of the tub

“I’m sorry that my adviser walked in on us. He assured me that all he saw was my naked arse. I made it clear that he would be frayed if he ever did that again.”

“Perhaps we should limit our marital activities to the bedchamber?” I suggested.

“No, I’ll take you where I need you, but I’ll be more careful about letting anyone see you. I promise. I should have listened to you.” Had the Lion just told me that I had been right about something, thus admitting that he had been wrong?

He picked up the washing cloth that was laying over the side of the tub and washed me tenderly.

By the time I was clean, he had need for me again. He shed his clothing and stepped into the tub.

I stood, wanting to get out so he would have room to wash, but he bent me forward and entered me from behind while we both stood in the water. “I’ll get you pregnant this month. You’ll see.”

I moaned out and hated myself for it, and he slapped his body into and against mine, fucking me with great need.

Again he came, and I didn’t. He didn’t say so, but I knew that he was disappointed.