Expecting the SEAL’s Baby by Katie Knight

Twenty-Four

“Quinn?” A young lieutenant standing in the doorway caught Jeremy’s attention. “The base commander is asking to see you, sir.”

“Now, you’re in for it,” Blake said with a smile as he got up. “I’m going back to bed. I slept all day, and now I’m going to sleep all night.”

“It’ll help you heal,” Gina said.

They were still talking when Jeremy followed the officer to the base’s command building. He was ushered into a room and invited to have a seat.

“Is this a debriefing?” Jeremy asked Colonel Alman after they’d exchanged pleasantries. He wasn’t surprised that he’d been called in. It was standard protocol.

“Not exactly. You’ll get a full report about the incident and a debriefing at a later date, but I’ve been ordered to give you this.” The colonel handed him a letter written on Navy letterhead.

Jeremy scanned the page quickly, and then read it again more slowly. The letter was signed by the Chief of Naval Operations, the highest-ranking position in the naval hierarchy. The formally written page informed Jeremy that he had been reinstated to his former position with the Navy SEALs, effective immediately. Furthermore, the admiral offered his apologies for the “misunderstanding” that resulted in his early forced retirement. Jeremy had to accept or decline the offer by a specified date.

Jeremy was blown away. In his mind, there was no decision to make. Of course, he was accepting. He’d hoped for just this, but had never thought it would happen so quickly. He’d expected to have to petition and fight to get his spot back on the SEAL team, but here it was, handed to him. Did his family have something to do with it? Perhaps, but he hadn’t spoken to them yet.

“Congratulations, captain,” the colonel said.

“Thank you, sir.” Jeremy stood, saluted, and left the office. He stopped at the clerk’s desk and asked him to fax his acceptance of the offer.

He’d gotten what he’d hoped for. It was tough to get his head around, but now his future was clear. He’d return to what he loved and continue on with his career with the SEALs. He needed to tell Gina about the letter and his decision. It wasn’t going to be an easy conversation, but it had to be done.

With that in mind, he returned to the guest housing. Blake was already asleep, and at first, Jeremy couldn’t locate Gina, but then he saw her sitting on a little patio area. The last of the golden light from the sunset lingered in the sky, picking up glints of red in her hair. It was going to be hard as hell to leave her, but it’s what they both needed.

“Can I join you?” he asked, walking out the door to the patio.

“Of course.” She gestured to the chair next to hers.

“I thought you might have gone to bed early like Blake did,” he said.

“I’m not sleepy,” she said and then hid a yawn from him.

“Looks like you are.” What he had to say could wait for the next day, he decided. A delay wouldn’t make any difference. She needed time to recover, and he wanted her to have that.

“I’m not,” she insisted. “It was just a yawn.”

“Aren’t yawns an indication that you’re tired?” he teased. “I’m not a medical professional, but that’s what I’ve always heard.”

“I think I would know if I was tired,” she said, and he heard the testiness in her voice. “You’re always telling me what I need or don’t need. It’s irritating.” She gestured with her hands. “I need to rest. I need to stay put. I need to let you rescue Blake on your own.”

“I did rescue him on my own.” He wasn’t bragging, simply stating a fact.

“I know, and I’m grateful.” She clammed up then, and they sat in tense silence for several minutes.

“Gina, please talk to me.” He hated being so at odds with her. He was hoping they could part amicably. “I promise not to be irritating.”

“Just saying that makes you irritating,” she muttered and then sighed. “Forget I said that.”

“You’ve been under a lot of stress.” He spoke softly, but she still shot him a quelling look. Apparently, what he thought of as an expression of how much he cared for her was interpreted as him bossing her around. He was in a no-win scenario.

“You’re right,” she admitted a moment later. “I have been stressed, but I need to tell you something.”

He steeled himself. Was this about the baby? She’d suggested earlier that all was well, but…

She pulled something from her pocket and handed it to him before shining a penlight onto what he saw was a picture of some kind. “What is this?”

“The baby,” she said, pointing to a little blob with her finger. “That’s our baby.”

“And she’s okay?” he asked, unconsciously using the feminine pronoun.

“The doctor here thinks so. She was able to find the heartbeat with no trouble, even though it’s early,” Gina said. “I asked for an ultrasound because I was worried after the cramps and being in the jungle, but she’s doing fine. I thought you’d want to know.”

“Of course, I do,” he said, looking more closely at the image. He couldn’t make out a baby shape, but that would come later.

“I’m sorry you weren’t there in person, but…” she trailed off.

“But you aren’t ready to tell Blake,” he said. He got why she hadn’t sent for him.

“Are you? He put on a good show tonight, but you know he’s still fragile, physically and emotionally. He’s got enough on his plate, and I don’t want to overwhelm him.”

“I think he’ll be happy about a niece or nephew,” Jeremy said. He fully expected to take a punch for sleeping with his friend’s sister, but once they got past that, Blake was going to relish being an uncle.

“I hope so. I’m just not ready to have that conversation with him. I don’t even know where to begin or what it’ll be like.” The words seemed to gush out of her. “I mean, how do I assure him that we’ll be a happy family? We don’t even know that yet. Is it even possible? So much is hanging in the balance. Will you get reinstated? And if you do, will you go? I need to know that before I can make any decisions.”

Not knowing what to say, he pulled the letter from his pocket and handed it to her.

“What’s this?” She used her penlight to scan the words and silently handed it back to him. “Will you accept the offer?”

“I already did,” he said in a quiet voice.

* * *

“What?” Gina could feel her ears growing hot, a sure sign that her blood pressure was rising. She forced herself to take in a deep breath of the cool evening air, knowing that getting upset wouldn’t be good for the baby.

Besides, what right did she have to get angry? Of course, he’d already accepted the offer. Of course, he hadn’t felt the need to discuss it with her. Why would he? What was she, but the mother of his unborn child? Why had she expected anything different?

“Did you even consider refusing it, even for a second?” she asked.

“No, why would I?” he responded. “It’s what I wanted.”

“Right. Sure. What you wanted.” She got up and walked back and forth on the small patio.

“Gina, I don’t know what you expect from me,” he said. “I’m a Navy SEAL. That’s what I am. I don’t know how to be anything else. I don’t want to be anything else. And I don’t get why that’s a bad thing.”

She huffed out an angry sigh. He truly was clueless. Why didn’t he see that this wasn’t just about him anymore? “It’s fine,” she said after a tense minute. “Go do your thing.”

“Why are you mad at me?” He rose and stood in her path. “I swear I can’t do one damn thing right with you lately.”

She had been going to hold her tongue, but his statement burst the dyke open and words poured out. “You don’t get it, do you? I suppose you can’t possibly understand the way I grew up, the way my father broke our hearts because he was never around and unfaithful to boot.”

“I get that he was a shitty father, but if this is about being in the military, you need to rethink your argument. You’ve got a double standard going. Sure, your dad was no good, but you give a free pass to Blake. You tell him you’re proud of him, which you should be. You’ve even called him heroic, and he is. He’s a military man, too.”

“That’s different,” she said.

“I don’t see how,” Jeremy said. “He’s gone for long deployments, home sporadically, just like your father. I told you before not all who serve are the same. If Blake can be in the military and be a good man, how come I can’t?”

Gina collapsed back into her chair and dropped her face in her hands. “It’s not a question of being a good man. Of course you and Blake are both good men—I know that. But Blake’s not in a relationship. He’s not the father of a child who’s going to spend years waiting around, wondering if Daddy’s going to be home for Christmas, for her birthday, for her first day of school. She won’t be able to count on you. I won’t be able to count on you.” She needed more from him then he could give on a thirty-day leave once a year.

Jeremy scoffed. “You want me to be the perfect partner and father. You want me to check all the boxes. I’m never going to be able to do that no matter what,” he said. “It wouldn’t matter if I was right next to you or a million miles away. You want someone who’ll never let you down, and that’s not someone I can be. It’s not who I am, so that’s why I think it’s best if I go back to the life I know.”

“So you’re saying that you don’t want to be part of the baby’s life?” Somehow, they’d gone from not raising the child together to him being gone to serve to him checking out as a father all together. How did that happen?

“I do want to be,” he said, “but we both know that it’s best if I’m not.”

Best for whom?she wanted to shout. Not for her and not for their baby. She wanted the life she’d imagined with him. They’d be together, raising their child, taking walks in the park, going to the beach. All the things that would make them a family. They’d argue and snap at each other, but they’d make up, too.

“I’ll support the baby financially,” he continued. “Whatever you want, it’s yours, but the baby will be better off with a strong woman like you as her mom and without a guy like me as her dad.”

A guy like me. Why did he think so little of himself?

“So that’s it? It’s over between us,” she said, her heart breaking. She hadn’t wanted this from him. Why wouldn’t he fight for her? Why was he giving up on them so easily?

“It has to be.” He leaned over her, placing a soft kiss on her forehead, and then he was gone.