Grand Love by JC Hawke

16

Nina

“What the hell!”

Stumbling back, I bump into Mason’s chest. His hands land on my shoulders, pinning me in place.

“Go and sit on the sofa, Nina. I need to explain this,” he grounds out the words but they don’t stick, my thoughts lost and now on the woman who stands in the open doorway.

“You think you can talk yourself out of this?” I snap my head around, stepping away from him. “Who even are you?!”

My heart aches in my chest.

He has no idea how much he hurts me. I go to leave but he reaches for me. “No! You aren’t fucking running; you will hear me out this time!”

I fight in his arms, not giving a crap that she watches on. “Let me go!” I shout.

Elliot and George appear at the door, obviously hearing the commotion. They both look completely mortified. “Mason, let go of her,” Elliot snaps.

“You aren’t leaving me.”

Mason’s grip is tight, and I can feel the fear in his hold. I look at the woman standing in his bathroom with her gaze locked on me. I see the pity on her face and my eyes instantly sting with tears.

How did I end up as this woman?

“Let me go,” I tell him, completely deflated.

“Mason!” Elliot says sternly.

“I did this for you,” he speaks into my ear, loosening his arms and then lowering me to the ground.

I move quickly away from him. Elliot catches my hand the second I reach him. He leads me down a corridor to what I presume is his office, ushering me inside with a hand on my back. It’s hard to see through the tears pooling in my eyes.

The door clicks shut and he pulls me to his chest, holding me tight. “Nina—”

“Did you know?”

“Yes,” he answers honestly.

“Elliot.” I push off him. “Why?” I shrug, my shoulders shaking with my tears. “Why am I still putting myself through this?”

“It’s not what you think, Nina. You need to hear him out. Promise me you will let him explain this.”

“No. I’m done with all these promises! Promise me I don’t have to hurt at his hands anymore, Elliot. Because I am done feeling the way I do.”

“I’m not asking you to promise him anything. I’m asking you to promise me.” He gets eye level with me, resting his hands on my shoulders. “I’m going to be honest with you.”

I snivel, wiping my face with the palms of my hands.

“That man in there” —he shifts his head towards the wall— “is petrified that you are going to run, again. Not just today either, but since that first night.”

“We were nothing back then, Elliot.”

“I don’t care. You may not have meant to, but you conditioned him to keep things from you right from the get-go. Because every time he told you something that had the potential to hurt you, you ran.”

My jaw clenches tight as pain pulses through my chest and shoots right to my fingertips. “I don’t want to run.”

“I know you don’t.”

“It’s always been my shield. Things get bad and I put one foot in front of the other and move. Leave before the pain hits.”

He stands to his full height, pushing his hands into his pockets. “But did it work, did you manage to stop the hurt? When you were a kid? And when you left Mase?”

I frown.

“I’m not trying to be a dick, Nina. But you say you run to stop the hurt, but you seem to live by a rule that doesn’t seem to protect you.” He pulls me back into him and I let him, hiding my face in his chest. “Ellis left him, Nina, way before her time. Then his dad. He’s just afraid you’ll do the same. You need to hear him out this time.”

Lifting my head, I look up at the special man who comforts me, someone who I have grown so fond of over the past year. “You’re a good friend, Elliot.”

“The best.” He grins, letting me go. “It’s not what you think, I promise.”

“I want to run,” I admit.

“I know.”

“Will you stay with me?”

“Of course, I will.”

I nod. “I will listen to what he has to say.” Instantly, my head is filled with visions of the two of them together and a fresh wave of tears fall. “Try to at least.”

“Like, now?”

“If I don’t do it now, I won’t ever. Can we stay in here?”

He nods once. “I’ll go get him. Go freshen up.” He points to the bathroom, then leaves.

Elliot’s office is the same layout as Mason’s, although it’s moodier, with lower lights and a more homely vibe with the décor. He has photos around the office of his family and of him and the guys and plush cushions scattered on his sofas.

I use the bathroom, splashing water on my face and straightening out my hair, then text Logan and tell him I will be slightly later than planned. Although, the idea of going to work right now is the last thing I want to do. It’s been a long weekend without Ellis, and then I had to work today.

Wringing my hands, I move and stand at the back of the sofa. I count to ten, trying to calm my nerves.

One… Two… Three… Four… The door whooshes open, stealing the air in my lungs and what feels like every bit of oxygen in the room. Elliot walks to me first, giving me a small smile.

Mason stands in the doorway, his brow cast low, shielding his dark eyes.

“I want to speak with you alone, Nina.”

I shake my head, biting my lip until a metallic tang oozes on my tongue. “I have nothing to say. I promised Elliot I’d listen, and I will, but I want him to stay.”

His jaw clenches, his nostrils flaring with his obvious anger.

“I’m standing here, like a damn fool, willing to hear you out. You’d do well to keep your anger in check,” I snap.

I consider walking away before he can talk and make everything worse than it already is.

“Let’s sit down,” Elliot suggests, forcing my feet forward with a hand on my shoulder.

Mason remains standing.

I can tell he is processing his words as if he needs to get them right before he speaks them.

As if he is perfecting his lies.

“I was set up.” He runs his hands through his thick hair, making it stand on end. “You know this.”

I only stare at him, waiting and unwilling to agree.

When he realises I’m not going to say anything, he carries on.

“I had to know who it was. I had Vinny and Scott look into it, and I was confident that they would get me a name. There was no money trail to Jasmine, to the point that we started to think maybe the images were photoshopped. The club’s security footage confirmed that she was in fact real.” He swallows thickly then continues. “She turned up just over a month ago. She has two children in care and a baby who was living with her when we found her.”

Bile rises in my mouth and I close my eyes, unsure if I even want to hear what he has to say.

“The children’s father is an addict; he’s the reason the children are no longer in her care. I made her leave her apartment, she handed her baby over to the authorities, and I gave her a job.”

I grip Elliot’s hand tight, petrified of what he might say next.

“She doesn’t know who set me up, I’ll admit that was my intention at first.”

I feel my brows draw together. “Why help her then?”

“She has children. A baby the same age as Ellis. I offered her the security she needed from her ex—”

“So you offered her money… to get something you wanted, I presume? You thought you could get a name.” My voice shakes.

“No. I offered her a step, one that she could build on and eventually get her children back.” He puts his hands on his hips, licking his lips. “I wanted her to be better before I introduced her to you.”

“You think I’d want to meet her?” I look at Elliot, who sits with a grim look on his face.

“No, but I hoped that one day you’d accept the situation for what it is.”

“So help me God if you tell me you love her.”

His face drops along with his shoulders. He moves to sit on the opposite sofa, dropping his head in his hands. “You have no idea how much it kills me to hear you say that fucking bullshit!” He sits with his head hung, his shoulders hunched. “She’s your sister, Nina. She is your goddamn sister!”

I sit statue-still, the static air around me sending goose bumps scaling up my arms. “Sorry?”

“Your father had children after he had you,” Elliot tells me. “Jasmine is one of them.”

“She hasn’t had it easy, but she is working to get her life back on track. I thought—”

“I’m sorry.” I cover my mouth. “Please stop.”

“Nina,” Elliot pleads.

“What do you expect me to say? You’ve just told me I have a sister who last year was pictured with my boyfriend.”

“I don’t think—”

“I’m serious, sorry. I cannot do this right now. I need a minute.”

The room spins, and my body flushes hot then cold.

“I did this for you, Nina—”

“Don’t, Mason. Please.” I stand, taking in several deep breaths to calm myself down. He isn’t with her. He hasn’t been with her. Elliot’s words come back to me as I prepare to leave. “I’m not mad. But you need to let me leave. I heard you out, now you’ll let me leave.”

* * *

I don’t wantto cry, not in front of Mason and definitely not in front of her. My feet carry me to the elevator on autopilot, my mind still processing what he’s just told me.

Jasmine and George are nowhere to be seen and I’m thankful for the privacy that allows me.

A sister. Or a half sister, from the man I’m yet to meet. Does she know him? Do they go for dad and daughter lunches? Does he fix her car when it breaks down?

I never considered that he might have a family. It’s been twenty-nine years, of course he has a life and kids. Jasmine is one of them, Elliot had said.

A tear rolls down my cheek, and I couldn’t tell you why. I know my mind is still stuck on the initial shock of finding Jasmine in Mason’s bathroom—my hands still tremble as I reach out and call for the elevator, but it’s also the fact that I have a sister.

I have a sister, and Mason was definitely set up.

I feel like it’s information overload, and all I want is to cuddle my baby boy. He came home from Mason’s and fell asleep straight away last night, and then I had to open the gym this morning. Maggie was at mine by seven thirty to take him for the day. I miss him so much, and the weekends are getting harder. With my working hours being more at the gym, I don’t see him anywhere near enough. It all feels too much.

I feel lost in my own head with no clear path to guide me to sanity.

The doors slide open, and I slip inside, my throat aching as I hold back the sob that threatens to wrack through me.

“Nina!” Mason shouts, striding towards the elevators.

His hand shoots out just as the doors start to close. He steps inside and stands watching me with nothing but anguish on his face.

“I didn’t want to tell you like this.” He hits the button for the ground floor. “I’m sorry.”

Reaching out, he swipes my tears away with the pads of his thumbs. But he knows it’s not enough and that I’m about to break—he always knows. I’m thankful when he hits the emergency stop button and pulls me into him.

“I can’t stand to see you cry, baby.” He breathes into my hair.

I try to get closer, nestling myself into his chest even farther. His arms are wrapped around me, his head resting on mine. His smell, the feel of his chest beneath my head, and the warmth that surrounds me, makes everything else fade away. I’m safe here, and I don’t want to leave.

I don’t want to leave.

I. Don’t. Want. To. Leave.

“I can’t do this anymore.” I swallow down the lump in my throat, feeling completely overwhelmed. Leaning back a little, I look up at him. “I can’t do this.”

He frowns back at me, not following.

“I love you, Mason.” Another tear falls, but he doesn’t reach for it this time. He just leaves it to fall down my cheek. That should be my first warning sign. “I never stopped, and I know I shouldn’t have left you, but I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know then, but I do now, and I’m sorry. I need you. You and Ellis, you’re the only things that ground me.” I grasp at his lapels, craving the contact. “I need you Mase, and I can’t do this anymore.”

His eyes search mine, dilated and lost. His hands are spread wide on my shoulder blades where he holds me. I watch as his jaw clenches, then I lose his eyes.

“I don’t trust you,” he says, ashamed, stepping away from me. “I want you, more than anything on earth.” He lets out a snicker. “But I don’t trust you not to leave me.”

“You kissed me,” I croak out.

His head snaps up. “I want to kiss you all the fucking time! Right now. When I wake up in the mornings. When I get out of the shower. When I leave for work. When I get home, and when I go to bed. There’s no doubt in my mind whether I want you or not, Nina. It’s everything outside of the want. I can’t live walking on eggshells, afraid that something I do could have you walking out the door. Just look how you reacted to me trying to buy the photos.”

“If you can’t trust me enough to give me the chance, why are we still doing this, the push and pull? Why make me feel when you have no intention of being with me?” I shake my head at a loss.

“Because I can’t seem to let you go, Pix.” His eyes seem to shine with unshed emotion, and it only makes this conversation that much more painful.

He’d rather hurt than be with me.

“I hurt you that bad?”

He works on a swallow, our eyes transfixed on each other, as his hand reaches up to push my hair behind my ear. “No more than I hurt you.”

My head drops, not being able to meet his unrelenting stare.

There was a house I used to run past when I was younger. It was perfect. So perfect that I used to stop and pretend to catch my breath each time I passed. A deep sense of longing to have what was behind the white picket fencing would plague me not just in the moment, but long after I got home and climbed into my bed.

Looking at Mason is like looking at that house. The house I could never get into.

I used to tell myself to be brave. Step up, and demand to be let inside.

That never happened.

But this is my house now. My home. My Mase.

I just have to make him trust me again.

I step forward, closing the distance he put between us. “It’s okay,” I tell him. “You waited twenty-six years for Elliot to find your Pixie.” I brush my lips against his, rasping out against them. “I’d wait forever for you, Bossman.”

I pull on the emergency stop, and the lift starts to descend again.

I don’t dare look at him as I leave him in the elevator. I let the doors close behind me but know that I’ve driven a wedge between them, with the hope that one day, he lets me in.