Catherinelle by Diane Portman-Ray

27

 

The next morning, I woke up from a restless sleep with vivid dreams where I was walking through a field. It was an open field, with tall grass and hard terrain that was hard to walk. All I knew was that I had to go somewhere. I made it to the end of the field, but it was almost impossible to push forward. The worst part was that I was alone. I kept looking left and right for someone, but there wasn’t anyone there.

Shaking off the odd and overwhelming feeling of loneliness, I prepared myself for the day. I didn’t feel like dressing up since I was basically going to war with my brother, so I picked out a pair of simple white pants that were tight on my body and a black, oversized sweater that hid me well. There was nothing to hide yet, but without my Monster, I felt like I needed some kind of protection.

Taking a deep breath to gather my courage, I stepped into the elevator, punching the button for the third floor. It was already 9AM, and chances were Gino was already up. My only hope was that Muse brought down the hammer last night, and he got his sanity back, but as the last couple of days showed, I was shit out of luck.

The elevator doors opened, and mayhem erupted. Gino was yelling, his voice hitting the walls with the force of a thunderbolt while another voice – mymother – was trying to talk over him. I also heard Roman and Muse trying to say something to Gino, but he didn’t stop his rant. He was talking about a girl who was destroyed. It couldn’t possibly be me, right?

Sick to my stomach after listening to him for thirty seconds, I barged into the room, getting right in my brother’s face.

“Is that how you see me? Destroyed?”

“Ah, look who decided to join us. I hope you packed your bags. I don’t want mother waiting for you.” He was cold as ice, and I heard mom mumbling something behind me, but I ignored it.

“I am not destroyed, Gino. I’m in love!”

He puffed out a breath and threw his hands up in the air, exasperated.

“I don’t know what you think you got yourself into, but it’s not love, Catherinelle. He’s not capable of love.” That struck me in my chest. Gino had no idea what he was talking about. “I trusted Mustafa, and he took advantage of you.”

“He didn’t…” I turned to look back at my mother and felt my cheeks burning up. “If anything, I took advantage of him.”

This made my brother take a step back and laugh.

“I’m sure you did, Cat. He got you all fucked up in the head.”

Mom pulled my hand out of nowhere and stepped between me and Gino.

“Do not talk to your sister like that. Ever.”

“Mother, how aren’t we on the same page with this? She betrayed my trust and ruined herself…”

“She made a mistake!” my mother countered.

Oh, my God, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“It was not a mistake, mom.” I raised my voice, and she turned to me.

“Sweetheart.”

“It wasn’t. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I wanted it. I’m not ruined, for crying out loud.” They had to understand. Over my mom’s shoulder, I pointed to Gino. “You sleep with Muse every night, and you’re not married. Is that how you see her too? A good for nothing, ruined girl?”

“She is a woman; you are a child.”

God almighty!

“No, I’m not, even if you refuse to see it. It’s not Hugo’s fault anyway. He tried to push me away. Gino, whether you like it or not, I’m the one who made that decision, and if you’re going to hold it against Hugo, I will never forgive you.”

Gino launched at me like an arrow, but Muse grabbed his arm and stopped him. I was never afraid of him, no matter how hard we fought, and we did, but this time, I took a step back out of reflex. It didn’t matter because Muse stopped him by grabbing his shirt and pulling him back.

“I can live with that. I don’t care if you don’t say another word to me till the day I die, Catherinelle. I’m your brother. How do you think I could let this pass without protecting your honor?”

My honor? My honor was just fine.

“You can’t push your brother away just because he fell for me.”

“Jesus Christ, listen to yourself. You really think he loves you. He doesn’t, Catherinelle. Hugo doesn’t love; he fucks. He’s fucked many women, but he crossed a line when fucked you.”

Everyone in the room gasped, me included. From the corner of my eye, I saw Roman clenching his fists, looking at my brother like he was ready to put him down if he said another word.

“You think Hugo hurt me, humiliated me, used me. He didn’t, Gino, but look at what you’re doing. You’re humiliating me by talking about my sex life in front our mother and Roman!” I was fine with Muse being here, but everyone else’s presence made me feel mortified. “Hugo might not know what love is, I’ll give you that, but he feels it for me. He’s gentle and playful when it’s just us. He brings me flowers and makes sure I eat. If you insist on knowing, he did fuck me. Several times.” God help us all. “But he also held me when I was lonely; he made me laugh, and most important, he made me love him. Why can’t you be happy for me? If it wouldn’t have been Hugo, it would have been someone else. A guy who probably didn’t give a shit about me the moment we stepped out of bed.”

“Catherinelle, I swear to God, you’re gonna make me do something I’ll regret. Shut up.”

“That man you found me in bed with? He was sick with guilt because we were going behind your back. He tried to break it off, but I wouldn’t let him. Gino, I’m sorry I lied to you; we both are, but I’m not sorry for taking a chance on Hugo.” Nothing could ever make me regret loving him. Ever. “I mean it. Whatever you do to him, I’m going to do to myself. If he hurts, I’ll hurt too.”

Mom turned on her heel to look at me, horrified.

“Whatever are you saying, Catherinelle Nucci?”

“Look at him, mom. This is not my brother; he’s an angry man who wants to gut someone, and I won’t let that happen. Not to my man!”

“We’ll figure it out, Cat. I’m sure if Gino talks to Hugo…” She was cut off by Gino’s bark.

“However I choose to handle Mustafa is none of your damn business. You,” he looked at me with cutting black eyes that were still predicting death, “will never see him again. If – and I mean if – I let him live, the moment he steps within a hundred yards of you, I will turn the assassin into the target.”

My mouth dropped for a second, but I bounced back. This was what I prepared for. This war.

“You might not get a choice, Gino! This is not about you, and you can’t control me for the rest of my life.”

“You will not get out of Great Neck any time soon, Catherinelle, or so help me God.”

“I am NOT going to mom’s house! Oh, my God, you…you are just like dad.” I knew I had fucked up the moment my own words hit my ears, but it was too late to stop. I felt my ears ringing and the blood flowing through me, and I felt heat and a clutch in my chest. “Crazy with anger. You just care about your stupid ego and the fact that Hugo disobeyed you. He is not a dog, so suck it up. Right now, Gino…right now, you’re acting like the man you swore you’d never be.”

To say that enraged him would be a joke.

“Watch your fucking mouth, Catherinelle. I don’t give a shit how mature you think you are….” And then suddenly, his words started mushing together, like a low buzz. I couldn’t make out sounds or syllables anymore, and my movements were slow and heavy. It was like a fog fell down on all my senses.

Not knowing what to do, I looked down, and to my horror, a huge red stain was growing on my immaculate white jeans. Good Lord, what was happening to me? I thought I should have known why I was bleeding, but my mind was too lazy to connect any dots.

My name echoed somewhere in the room, and I realized it was Roman when his face came toward me, and he stretched his arms. Only then did I realize I’d been falling. Roman’s worried eyes were the last thing I saw before being swallowed by a pitch-black void.