Catherinelle by Diane Portman-Ray

26

 

The second day of the New Year, I was spread on my stomach on Hugo’s bed, wearing a lace thong and one of the workout t-shirts that had become mine by default. The satin dress I had on was in a pool on the floor, ripped clear in half. The moment we walked through the door, he pinned me to one of the pillars in the middle of his loft and took me with longing rooted in our time spent apart. He screwed my brains out, and I was grateful for it. I had needed the release before bombing him with my fears.

We weren’t supposed to meet today, but he came by the house to talk to Gino, and I grasped at the opportunity. I told them I was sleeping at Bianca’s house and asked Hugo to drive me. I didn’t have to tell him to change the course to his apartment; he must have seen the signs on my body. The entire ride here, my knees were pressed together, and I couldn’t find my place in my seat. There was a line of tension inside me, stretching more and more with every second, but now, all of that was gone. For the first time in days, I was content. Feeling his pure, vital force under my palm, the strength of his body, made me feel safe, and I knew he’d take care of me no matter what. I was in trouble, but I wasn’t alone. The man I loved was a force of nature, and I had nothing to fear.

Hugo went to the door to get the food he had ordered from a restaurant near his place while I stretched my sore muscles, looking out at the dark Hudson River. I liked the view from here, especially when the sun went down, and the water turned into liquid tar and sparkled under the moonlight.

“Baby girl.” His gruff words pulled me back to reality. “You seem distracted.”

“You could say that. We need to talk, Hugo.”

“You also need to eat. There’s no good Italian here, but I got us some lobster with French lemon butter. I know you like it.”

He wasn’t wrong. I could eat lobster all day, every day. My mouth watered when he pulled out two containers with lobster, cutlery, a sliced baguette, sliced lemon and containers of the lemon butter drizzle. He had made an effort for me, ordering something fancy from a French restaurant, but I would have been ok with lobster rolls or McDonald’s.

“What do you want to talk about, Catherinelle?”

“First, what happened at the New Year’s party?”

He looked at me genuinely confused while poring white wine into two glasses.

“Huh?”

“Gino told me you were out there trying to get laid.”

He sipped his drink and chuckled.

“Did he, now?”

“Yes. I told him I’d like to come with him to the party, and he said I couldn’t because you were not available for guard duty.” I paused and glared. “Because you were trying to fuck some woman.”

“Jealous, princess?”

I smacked him in the chest.

“Yes! I just want every one of them to know you’re mine and stay the hell away.”

He reached for me and touched my face with his rough palm.

“Ask me if I fucked anyone, princess.”

“I know you didn’t. It just pissed me off that a woman was coming on to you, and I couldn’t even get there. It put me in a bad space.” Especially because I was freaking out that I might – probably – be carrying his child.

“I didn’t even look at her, Cat. She’s a waitress and a courier sometimes, Melanie. I fucked her before, and she tried to peak my interest all night. Her boobs were in my face, and her hands were on my thighs.” Why the hell was he telling me this? “My dick didn’t even flinch. I was stupid drunk and with blue balls, but it didn’t matter. You have ruined me, Catherinelle Nucci. I’m all yours. You might as well cut off my dick and carry it in your purse.”

Hugo telling me he was mine did a number on me. My heart was ready to jump out and hide in his chest.

“Let one of your whores touch your thighs again, and I might do just that.”

“Possessive little thing.”

“Yes,” I purred. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”

I’d been dragging it out for too long.

“Eat first. I exhausted you.”

I guessed it could wait for a few more minutes.

I opened my takeout container, eager to dig into my lobster since stomach had been empty for the past couple of days. My aversion to food got more intense every day, and it seemed now my body hated lobster.

The moment the lid went up, and the buttery smell hit my nostrils, a wrecking ball of nausea hit me full force. My mouth started watering in the worst possible way, and my palms were sweating all of a sudden. It was a miracle that I made my way to the bathroom in time to throw up the inside of my gut. Hugo came running behind me.

“Baby girl, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I just…” I flushed the toilet and ran to the sink to use some mouthwash and clean my face. “I don’t know what’s in that lobster but I can’t eat it.”

“I’ll get you something else.”

“No need, Monster. I’m not that hungry.”

His brows furrowed, and he was visibly worried.

“Let’s get you to bed.”

I wasn’t given the chance to protest. He picked me up and tucked me under his bedcovers, fluffing my pillow to make sure I was comfortable.

“Baby, I’m fine. Listen to me, I need to tell you…”

“No. I’ll grab a shower and make a run to the pharmacy to get something for your stomach, and then we can talk some more. I need to make sure you’re alright first.”

“Hugo, I’m ok. It was just some nausea.”

“I don’t care. Let me take care of you, baby girl. Please.” His face, usually so tight, was softened by concern. The charcoal-grey eyes that were usually staring at me burning with desire, were now drowned in distress.

“Ok. I’ll sit here. Go grab that shower, ok?”

He kissed my forehead and brought a cup of water and placed it on his nightstand next to his Desert Eagle that was abandoned there before going into the bathroom and turning on the shower. I imagined him stepping into the black granite cage that was his shower and the hot water streaming down, following his every edge. I closed my eyes and visualized him with his hands on the wall, gloriously naked between clouds of steam. He was brutal, a man proud like a mountain. Every tattoo, every scar, every imperfection that the world saw, made me love him even more. He was my protector. All my life, he was there looking over me.

Just when I was starting to comprehend the idea that he was my entire universe, my bubble of happiness burst. One second, I was at peace, the only sound in the room being the sound of water going down the drain, the next, someone kicked Hugo’s door down. The loud bang echoed between the walls like a bomb going off, and I pushed myself up to try and see what the hell was happening. This wouldn’t have been the first time I woke up with a SWAT team breaking into our house. At least I still had Hugo’s t-shirt to cover me.

But it wasn’t a SWAT team. It was a man who looked like he was there to kill and inflict pain, and I had no doubt he was capable of just that. From the other side of the room, my brother looked directly at me, his face dark, his fists clenched, and he shook with anger. The angel of death would have feared him.

“Gino…”

He didn’t say anything, just sat there, fuming like a devil risen from the pits of hell. Roman was standing behind him, astonished to see me here half naked. He tried to put a hand on Gino’s shoulder and calm him down, but my brother pushed him away. This was a scene cut from my nightmares, and I had to say something – do something – to calm him down. Gino was my big brother. My big, crazy, protective brother, and I knew he wasn’t thinking straight when his family was in the middle.

“Gino, please don’t get mad.”

“Roman,” he said, pulling out a gun from the inside of his coat and screwing on the silencer, “take my sister to the car.”

“Gino, brother, take it easy.” Roman tried again to talk him out of his murderous haze.

“Now.”

To make things worse, that was the moment when Hugo slammed the bathroom door opened, walking in covered by just one towel.

“Cat, are you ok? What the hell was…” He didn’t get to finish because that was when he saw my brother’s gun barrel pointing at his head. “Gino.”

My heart squeezed when I saw the hurt striking his face like a lightning bolt, and his eyes turned into abyssal pits of turmoil. He wasn’t scared; he didn’t give a shit about the gun. He was ashamed for betraying my brother. I had ruined his life just like he said I would.

Gino’s expression didn’t change one bit. He was impassible just like a statue.

“Do you have your affairs in order, Mustafa?” he boomed into the room. “Because you will die tonight, you sporco bastardo.”

“Gino, stop,” I begged him. I tried to get to him, put myself in between the two men, but Roman came behind me and chained my waist with his arms.

“You have to let them figure it out, Cat,” he whispered in my ear, but I didn’t listen to him.

“Gino, please, please, put the gun down. Please don’t do this. It’s not what you think.”

“Shut up, Catherinelle,” my brother spit through his teeth.

“I love him,” I started crying, his image getting blurry through the tears. “I swear, Gino, I will never forgive you.”

“Catherinelle!” My brother finally turned to me. “Let Roman take you to my car, or you’ll see your lover bleed out in front of you. It’s not an easy image to sleep with, Cat.” The coldness and detachment in his voice was horrific. He was talking about gutting Hugo like we were chatting over a cup of coffee. I couldn’t take it. I had to stop it.

I started to wiggle and push Roman away, trying to get free, but he only held me tighter. Hugo saw me struggling, and against his better judgment, he decided to say something.

“Don’t hurt her, Roman. I swear to God if you hurt, her…” My monster. Always looking out for me.

“I’m not going to hurt her, man,” Roman said, trying to hold me still, but instead, I scratched his face. “I’m trying to stop her from hurting herself.”

“You hurt her,” Gino said, pinning Hugo with his merciless look. “I trusted you to take care of my sister, and you took advantage of her, Mustafa. She’s seventeen, for fuck’s sake. I should have known that father’s nasty habits rubbed off on you; after all he was the one who made you who you are. He liked young girls too.”

“Gino!” I yelled again, but he ignored me. With every word he said, I saw Hugo praying for the bullet to come and spare him the shame.

“You were a dog in the street, and we took you in, Mustafa. Mi famiglia took you in. You would have died a rat if it wasn’t for us, and this is how you repay me? Nineteen-seventy-four,” he pointed the gun at the huge 1974 tattoo on Hugo’s abdomen. “That’s the year we swore brotherhood, the year you said you were reborn, and you broke that vow, motherfucker. You disgraced my sister and signed your death sentence with the blood of her virginity, brother.”

Hugo just…gave up. He gave up on us; he gave up on life, and he put his hands up, accepting the sentence. Gino was his judge, his jury and his executioner, but I wasn’t ready. Things couldn’t end like that. I needed more time. I needed Hugo in my life.

Roman was distracted by Gino, and I seized the opportunity to gather my force and pushed him away from me. A second was all I needed to grab the gun in Hugo’s nightstand and raise it to my temple. That shut up my brother.

“Catherinelle, what the hell are you doing? I told you to go to the car.”

“No!” I screamed at him. “You’re angry, I get it, but you need to be angry at me, Gino. You’re looking to defend my honor when the only thing you’re doing is hurting me. I. Love. Him. I’m in love with him. And if you pull that trigger, you might as well kill me too.”

“Catherinelle!” my brother said my name like it was a curse and a threat at the same time.

“If you shoot, I shoot.”

Hugo looked at me, begging me with his eyes to stop, but I ignored him.

“Catherinelle, Gino’s right. You need to let Roman take you home. Put the damn gun down.”

“No, Monster.” I smiled warmly to him through my tears. “I’m your protector now.”

“Catherinelle, you are my sister, and you will do as I say, God damn it.”

“You’re not listening to me, Gino. You said it’s not easy to watch your lover die, but will it be easier for you to see me with a bullet in my head?”

Gino clenched his jaw and flexed his finger over the trigger, but the determination in my eyes stopped him. I was ready to die for the man I loved, and he knew it. I was a Nucci, and we always kept our word. Gino cursed out loud and put his gun away. I heard Roman exhaling deeply behind me, relieved that it was over.

“Roman, give Catherinelle your coat. We’re leaving.”

“Yes, boss.”

“And you, Mustafa? I will see you tomorrow to talk this out like men. If you have at least an ounce of dignity, you’ll off yourself by then so I don’t have to.”

I ran to Gino and slapped my hands on his chest.

“Stop!” And I hit him once more before he cuffed my wrists in his hands. “Just stop, Gino. Let’s go.”

My brother started dragging me to the door without giving me the chance to say another word to Hugo. All I could do was turn around and mouth ‘I love you’ to him, and he nodded with a smile that made me shiver and be overwhelmed by nausea again. There wasn’t a trace of joy in that smile. It was a fucking goodbye, and it made me stop in my tracks, even though Gino tugged at my arm, ready to break it if I didn’t move.

“I meant it, Hugo,” I said over my shoulder. “If you die, I die. Today, tomorrow, it doesn’t matter, so be careful what you do.”

I wanted to be sure he wouldn’t do anything stupid out of some sick sense of loyalty to Gino. Again, he didn’t say anything, and Gino took me away, this time not stopping until he had stuffed me in the back of his Jaguar. While he was brooding away, I looked up at Hugo’s window, seeing his shape watching over us as we drove away, and my chest constricted painfully.

I would do anything to make my way back to him. It didn’t matter that I had to fight the king of New York’s underworld to do so.

Gino didn’t say a single word to me on our way back. He drove in complete silence, forcing Roman to ride in the back with me, like he was afraid I’d jump out of the car. I couldn’t blame them. I had just threatened to pull the trigger on myself minutes ago.

“Are you ok, Cat?” Roman’s voice cracked the silence, but he couldn’t look at me. “Are you…hurt?”

“No!” This was ridiculous. “No, I’m not hurt. And stop avoiding my eyes, Roman. You’re acting like I lost my halo or something.”

In their eyes I had. I had lost my halo and my wings, and I’d been stripped of my sanctity. I was always the little girl. Sweet Catherinelle, the precious child, but not anymore. It was about time everybody started seeing that I hadn’t been in junior high for quite a while. I didn’t braid my hair; I didn’t go to the petting zoo to ride the ponies, and I could love a man. I loved him with everything I had.

“It’s hard, Catherinelle. You’re my little sister too, you know?” It was hard not to love Roman. He was the voice of reason most of the time, even when he was battling his own demons. “Mustafa was supposed to protect you.”

“He protects me, Roman. He’s my…”

“Stop it!” Gino yelled from his seat right when he was pulling to the townhouse.

I closed my mouth and wanted to open my door, but Roman stopped me with a slight touch on my knee, making me wait for Gino to open the door. My brother held both my wrists, like I was a serial killer walking into a max security prison. I saw Hugo walking like this once, when he served his last sentence. They took him from our house, and Mom tried to force me to stay in my room, but I peeked through a window and saw him walking out of the house, handcuffed and flanked by two policemen. The two lawmen were scared he might make a run for it, and now my brother had the same fear for me.

All the men on guard on the street were in front of our house, waiting for instructions. Usually, especially in the winter, they’d sit in the car or the building next door that Gino had set up for them, but I had no doubt some unhappy soul would end up spending the night under my window.

We walked into the house, and my mouth dropped when I saw the brand-new keypad on the elevator.

“You’re joking. You put a code on the elevator?”

“Yes. Stairs too. Turn around, I need to call it.”

“Gino, this is ridiculous.”

He was planning to keep me captive in a high tower.

“Catherinelle, turn around, or I’ll have Roman put a bag over your head. Your choice.”

Damn it! I spun on my heels and puffed out a breath, irritated by this entire situation. He was overreacting, and it was ridiculous. He almost shot his best friend, God damn it!

“When did you even have this installed? It wasn’t here this morning.”

“Right after Bianca came by looking for you.” Shit. I should have kept her up to speed. How could I have been so stupid? “After you told me you were spending the night with her and after one of my men saw you walking hand in hand with your guard and kissing him in front of his building.”

So we had a tail; that was how he knew. That was how he came directly to Hugo’s apartment, knowing he’d find me there. This was all my fault. Hugo would have never missed that he had eyes on him if I wouldn’t have distracted him. I was his liability.

When we got to the third floor, Muse was waiting in front of the elevator, walking in circles. The moment she saw me, I got pulled into a hug and responded gratefully. It was nice to see someone who didn’t want to gut me.

“Hey!” she said, and I smiled, filled with guilt.

My brother looked at both of us, his eyes still clouded by pure, visceral fury.

“You two will spend a lot of time together because you’re not going to see the outside until you’re thirty,” he said.

“You’ve lost your mind. You’re mad, I get it, but you can’t treat me like that just because I have a boyfriend. I’m going to call mom!”

“Don’t bother. She’ll be here tomorrow morning to help you pack. You’re moving to Great Neck.”

His words hit me in the solar plexus like a brick, cutting my air supply. He was kicking me out? No. He was making sure I couldn’t get near Hugo again, which was a thousand times more painful. I couldn’t even form the words to protest.

“Cat, are you ok?” Muse asked, concerned by my pale face.

“Why is everyone asking me that? He,” I pointed to Gino, “caught me with a man, not cutting my wrists. Muse, you need to talk to your man and calm him down. He pulled his gun on Hugo. I had to threaten to kill myself to stop him from doing something stupid and…”

“You did what?!” She grabbed my shoulders, staring at me. “Are you hurt; are you ok? Gino, what did you do?”

“She is fine, Muse. Don’t get involved in this.” Gino’s voice was low when he spoke to Muse, but he was still tense as an arch.

“Don’t get involved? This is not your business; this is your family.”

“My sister, Muse!” he roared, and I stepped back. Gino never – never – raised his voice at Muse. He was ready to slit the throat of anyone who did so. “My little sister, whom I was supposed to take care of. I had to come and pick her up from a man’s bed. Not any man, my general, my subordinate! She was there half naked like some kind of prostitute!”

Muse looked at him with her mouth gaping, and Roman shook his head with disappointment. Me? I would have rather had Gino slap me.

“Or a stripper,” Muse spit back at him. “I’m sorry for getting involved in your family, Gino.” She was using her words as a sharp machete, and she was aiming for his heart.

“Muse, I’m sorry, I…”

“I’ll go help Catherinelle get changed.”

“Muse,” he tried again, but she ignored him.

She took my hand and dragged me to the stairs, but I didn’t protest. I needed to get out of there as much as she did. I needed a moment of peace, away from Gino, so I could cry my eyes out.

I followed Muse into my room in grievous silence. Her fight with Gino only added to my bleak mood. The last thing I wanted was to see others hurt.

“Muse,” I finally said, “he didn’t mean…”

“I know.” To my surprise, when she turned to me, a smile was gracing her features. “Don’t worry about me, Cat. I’m alright. You two needed a few moments apart, and Gino needs to calm down before he says something he’ll regret.”

I puffed a gush of air and crossed my arms under my breasts.

“Too late for that.” He had said more than enough. Threatening Hugo, telling me to move out of his house. It would take some time before I could look at my brother again. “Thank you, Muse, for taking me out of there. Gino won’t even listen to me.”

“Give him some time, ok? You shocked him tonight. When your cousin came here to ask if you wanted to go out to dinner with her, I saw him going white as a sheet. He thought something might have happened to you.” My stupid, overprotective brother. “Hey, let’s all just sleep on it and start fresh tomorrow.”

“Gino’s banishing me to the suburbs tomorrow.”

“He will come around, Cat. I’ll go get you something to change into.”

Change? Oh, right, I was still dressed in Hugo’s t-shirt and Roman’s coat.

Suddenly, everything crushed into me like a tsunami of sadness and self-pity. The fear I felt for Hugo when the gun was aiming for his head, the look he gave me when Gino dragged me out the door, like it was the last time he’d look at me.

A knot settled in my throat, and my knees buckled together, almost giving out. I couldn’t let Gino do this to me. I didn’t care if he sent me to Great Neck. He could ship me to Italy for all I cared, but I wouldn’t let him keep Hugo away from me.

Muse looked my way and stopped.

“Cat? Are you ok?”

“Yeah, umm…” I took off the coat and hand it to her. “Here. Ask Flora Maria to launder this for Roman.”

“Sure. Let me get you some pajamas.”

“No!” I braced myself, clutching at the t-shirt.

I couldn’t let go of it right now. I was feeling hollow, and the piece of clothing drenched in his smell was the only thing that was keeping me together. If I took it off, all my cracks would show.

“Oh, honey.”

Muse took me by the hands, walked me to the bed, and we sat together on the edge. I didn’t know what to do, and the wound in my heart was too raw to talk about it, so I just put my forehead on her chest and cried in silence. My tears were falling, forming small wet stains on Muse’s jeans, but I kept the sobbing for me.

There wasn’t much to say or do, and Muse had to go and make amends with Gino. There was no need for her to live my misery with me, so after about half an hour of crying in her arms, I insisted I was ok and rushed her out the door to go find my brother. He was so callous tonight, nothing like I’d ever seen before. She was the only one who could tame him, and maybe in the morning, I could talk to him like normal people.

Finally alone, I went to my nightstand and opened the drawer, pulling out a white envelope. I wasn’t crying anymore, but my head was booming with pain. I had no idea if it was because of the pregnancy or the horrific events of the night, but I needed something gentle. Hugo wasn’t here, and the worst part was that I had no idea when I’d get the chance to get close to him again.

I opened the envelope and dumped it on my pillow. A handful of white petals fell and covered my pink sheets. Rose petals from the first and only flower Hugo ever gave me back in the Hamptons. A few weeks had passed since, but it felt like a lifetime ago. It was weird, like my life didn’t exist before Hugo, and now I had a hard time seeing life after him too.

NO!

This would not be our end. I wouldn’t let it. A Nucci always gets what they want.

But what happened when two Nuccis went head-to-head?