Catherinelle by Diane Portman-Ray
25
The New Year’s party was an ordeal. I felt miserable. I had a migraine and the worst of it all, Hugo wasn’t here. Patty was hosting this year, and she had turned the entire ground floor of her house into a Venetian ballroom. She had dancers, an orchestra, people that were painted in gold and silver and played human statues. It was an extravaganza, and usually, I would have enjoyed it but not tonight.
I was excited for Hugo to see my dress, and it was a bummer that he didn’t show at all. The dress came from Milan, and it was a black and gold limited-edition Versace that took me forever to find. I liked how the bodice pushed my boobs up, making them seem fuller. The skirt was a baby-doll cut made out of many layers of tulle, almost like a ballerina tutu. It would have made my monster lose his mind. But he wasn’t here. Fuck!
When midnight rolled around, we were invited up on the rooftop to watch the fireworks. Frank Sr. went all out this year, gilding the sky with bright colors. The clocks struck twelve, Uncle Pepe yelled ‘1997!’ and the entire city roared in excitement. Gino pulled Muse into a kiss; mom hugged her sister, Vincenzo kissed Lola, Patty jumped into her husband’s arms, and Bianca was cuddling with the twins. Me, on the other hand, I turned to look at the Manhattan skyline over Central Park, wondering where the hell my Monster was.
Ever since Gino came home from his trip to Italy, I lived in a constant state of need. Not being able to be with Hugo was taking a toll on me, and today, the pain was more pungent. I hadn’t heard a word from him since Christmas, and I had no idea if Lola finding out about us spooked him or if we were still solid. On top of that, my Christmas vacation had not been a relaxing one. I ate so much, I got food poisoning, spending two days in bed feeling dizzy and nauseous, and mom insisted on us having some activity every day, especially since Aunt Di came back to the city. It was exhausting.
After the fireworks ended, everyone went back inside, and when I got to our table, I saw Gino helping Muse into her coat.
“Where are you going?” I said to Gino over the music.
“We need to make it to one of my clubs. I have to show face.”
“What? Does mom know about this?”
He laughed and pinched my cheek before kissing it.
“Unlike you, kitty Cat, I don’t need permission. Go kiss Muse goodbye.”
I did as he told me and hugged Muse tightly before kissing her on both cheeks.
“Muse, I know we live together, and we see each other every day, but I wish you would stay.”
She smiled, her sweet face contrasting with the killer red dress that was all hotness.
“I would, but Gino and Vincenzo are eager to go back and drink with the guys.”
“What? Cenzo is going too?”
“Yeah, he and Lola went to find their coats.”
“What guys?” My curiosity kicked in.
“Ignazio organized a party in one of Gino’s clubs. Hugo and Roman are there, Vito too, I think.”
Oh really.
I went back to Gino who was just saying goodbye to mom and our aunt.
“Take me with you,” I yelled in his ear, and he flinched.
“No.”
“Why not?” I wanted to see Hugo.
“It’s not your type of party, Cat. Stay with your family.”
What the hell was he talking about? He was my family too and so was Hugo. With the New Year and the holidays and everything that was happening, I was feeling fragile, and I just wanted my Monster to hold me for five fucking minutes.
“Gino, I want to come with you.”
“It’s not going to happen, Catherinelle. Drop it. I can’t look after you all night. I have guests I need to see to. Business.”
“Then make Hugo watch me.” Not that I needed to be watched, but this could work in my favor.
“Absolutely not. Give him a fucking break, Cat; you have made his life miserable enough.” I would have been offended if I didn’t know better. “He’s already tipsy, trying to score with a waitress. I won’t let you cock block him tonight; the man needs a break. You’re staying here.”
He turned to call for Muse with his finger, and I didn’t argue anymore because my mouth couldn’t form words. That couldn’t be right. Hugo wouldn’t do that to me, but if he was drunk…
My stomach revolted against the idea, and I was dangerously close to losing my dinner on Patty’s living room floor. I needed to get out of there so I tracked down Bianca and went straight to her.
“B, I don’t feel good. Can I go to your room?”
“Sure. Hey, you are very pale, Cat? Can I get you anything?”
“No, I just need to lie down a second.”
“I’m coming with you, let’s go.”
I might have looked worse than I realized. I felt like shit, but I thought I was hiding it well. My body was aching; my mouth was watering because I was about to throw up, and my head was ready to explode. Oh, I hated this so much.
The moment we made it to her bedroom, I crawled in the middle of the bed and got in fetal position.
“Catherinelle, Jesus. Do you want me to go get your mom?”
“Nope.”
“What happened? You were fine a minute ago.”
I took a deep breath and exhaled every drop of air in my lungs to calm down before talking.
“Hugo is in one of Gino’s clubs trying to get lucky with another woman.”
“No! Really?”
“That’s what my brother said.”
“Hugo? Is he crazy? It’s bad enough he’s sleeping with the boss’ sister, but now he wants to play you?”
“Calm down, Bianca, he wouldn’t. Not on purpose anyways, but he will drink his weight in bourbon, and I’ve seen the way women sniff him around.” Bitches! “I just want him here.”
“Oh, so he’s not…ok. Hey, how about I bring us a nice bottle of champagne from downstairs, and we get through tonight, huh? Mom lifted my two glass limit for the night.”
Here we go.
“I…can’t.”
“Ugh, you feel that sick? It’s Dom Perignon.”
“No, I…I…B, can you keep a secret?”
“Obviously.”
“I think I’m pregnant.”
Bianca froze in place and time, her eyes round as two gigantic buttons. She didn’t move for a hundred and thirty-six seconds – I counted – and when she finally did, the hyperventilation started. I didn’t know what was happening to B, but it looked like an asthma attack.
“Holy motherfucking shitballs!” she said in one breath.
“Christ, Bianca, your mouth needs an exorcist.”
“Motherfucker cock sucking son of a bitch! He left you pregnant?”
I was still curled in a ball, barely reacting to her tantrum. It was the first time I had said it out loud, and it had left me a little numb. Was this good news? Was this bad news? I had no idea. I wanted kids, sure, but not now.
“Bianca, calm down.”
“Calm down?! You’re gonna be a single mother. An eighteen year old single mother.”
“I don’t know for sure, B, and Hugo would never walk out on a child. Why does everyone think he is such a dick?”
Bianca jumping to this conclusion was adding to Lola’s first reaction when she walked in on Hugo and I and asked me if he was forcing me in any way. They were assuming the worst about Hugo, and it had started to bug me.
“He will not have a choice, Cat. The family will kill him, and it won’t be an easy death. My dad will hold him down while Roman, Gino, and Vincenzo carve out his balls and feed them to the fishes.” Ok, she was definitely hanging too much with her brothers. If Patty heard her foul mouth, B was going to have to eat a bar of soap. “And your grandpa! Your grandpa will fly in and put his cane so high up in Hugo’s ass, he’ll choke on a splinter.”
“Bianca…”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Cat. This is crazy. This was not the plan.”
“Don’t you think I know that? I thought it would be a fling, a wild adventure before stepping into my role of mafia socialite waiting for some boss to marry me. But it’s not. I’m so in love with that man, I don’t know what to do with that many feelings.” I finally pushed myself up and looked my cousin in the eye. It was unfair to drop this secret on her, but I had nowhere else to go. Mother was out of the question. Lola would lose her shit and call my mom, and Muse could never keep a secret from my brother. “I don’t know what to do, B.” My voice was just above a whisper.
She looked at me with compassion and came to sit on the edge of the bed so she could reach me for a hug.
“I’m sorry I screamed. This is a lot to take in.”
“I’m not even sure it’s true.”
“You didn’t take a test or anything?”
“No, not yet, but I have felt so weird lately. My head hurts all the time. I’m nauseous, and I’m so fucking tired. All the signs are there.”
“You need to take the test. Maybe it’s just a scare.”
“I need to talk to Hugo first. Tell him.”
“Um, shouldn’t you tell him after you know for sure?”
“I don’t want a child, B, not now. I need him to be with me when I find out and help me…I don’t know…end it.” A shiver ripped through me.
“Wow.” She took a deep breath through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. “I’m not judging. If you’re not ready then you’re not ready, but it will be a hard thing to do.”
“I know.” That was why I needed Hugo to push me through it.
“And you can never let your mother find out about it. Remember, we’re catholic. Simona will drag you to a monastery to have your sins washed away or something.” She wasn’t wrong. Mom had a strong relationship with God, and she wouldn’t take this lightly. “I’m here if you need to talk it out, Catherinelle.”
“I just need to get through tonight without losing my mind.”
“Hey, new plan. I’ll go downstairs and tell mom you and I are calling it a night and bring a chocolate cake back.”
“An entire cake?”
“Yeah, we have like six extras. You are pregnant; we can eat whatever we want.”
“How are you included?”
“Shut up, bitch. I’m fighting the shock with chocolate.”
I laughed while she skipped out of the room, grateful for my cousin. I’d have lost my mind without my family, and I might lose my mind because of them.