Badge by K.L. Savage

 

It’s been a week since my shower with Badge and I haven’t seen much of him since. He’s kept himself locked away in the basement, never leaving the baby’s side. And damn it, that only makes me want him more. Seeing a tender side to a man is an aphrodisiac, which is why I haven’t gone downstairs once.

Me, Mary, Ruby, and Nora, are out at brunch right now. I had to get out of the house.

“I hope you guys don’t mind. I invited my friend Benji,” Nora says.

“Mateo allowed that?” Ruby stabs her salad with the fork.

“Mateo actually trusts Benji.”

“I don’t remember him,” I say, taking a sip of my mimosa and Mary narrows her eyes at me in betrayal. “I’m sorry.”

“No, you aren’t,” she huffs. “Jesus. Any day now would be great,” she talks to her belly, rubbing the sides to urge her son out. “Stubborn little shit. Just like his father.”

Everyone snickers.

“When are you due?” I ask, not remembering the exact date.

“Can you believe I technically have another week? I’m about to pop. My skin can’t stretch anymore. I swear, I’m not even birthing a human at this point,” she grumbles, sagging in the chair. “If they don’t induce me soon, I’m going on a killing spree.”

I try the supportive route. “I bet it will happen any day now.”

“It fucking better. I’m so damn grouchy. I can’t remember the last time I could wear shoes that weren’t flip-flops because my ankles are the size of biscuit cans.”

Ruby snorts out her tea and covers her mouth with her napkin. “I’m sorry. Now I see biscuits when I see your ankles.”

Mary laughs and then groans, clenching her stomach. “Don’t make me laugh. I’ll pee. Oh, damn it. Someone help me up. I actually need to pee.”

“Do you need one of us to go with you?”

“No, it’s okay. I just kind of straddle the toilet inside of sitting all the way down.”

I help her up by grabbing her hands and pulling her to her feet. “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. I’ll be back in a minute,” Mary says.

Just as she leaves, the door opens and a handsome guy walks through. He’s wearing a short-sleeve button-up shirt with flamingos all over it. He looks like he recently got his hair cut and he’s young, maybe a few years older than me.

“Benji!” Nora shouts from the table and he turns his head, grinning from ear to ear when he sees her.

He has straight white teeth and dimples in his cheeks.

Nora gets up from the table and gives him a hug. “It’s so good to see you. How was your trip? You went to Mexico, right? You look so tan.”

“Mexico was awesome. I caught some great waves too.” His eyes meet mine and there’s a moment of shock on his face, maybe interest. I can’t tell. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Benji.” He heads around the table and holds out his hand for me and Nora is smiling, nodding her head at me.

“Hope.” I shake his hand and the only thing I can think about is how it isn’t as rough as Badge’s. I can’t think about Badge anymore. He made his choice and I need to move on. I won’t wallow and pine. I spent too many years doing that and I swore to myself I wouldn’t do it ever again.

“Beautiful name,” he says.

“Thank you.” I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear.

Benji takes a seat next to mine and the waitress comes to ask what he’d like to eat. He orders chicken and waffles, one of my personal favorites.

After a few minutes pass, Mary finally comes hobbling back, plopping herself down in the seat. “That took forever. Oh, hey Benji.”

“Still pregnant?” Benji sounds shocked.

“It takes nine months, asshole.” And then her lips begin to wobble.

“Oh no. Seriously? You don’t say that to a pregnant woman,” I hiss at him, making sure to sound like I’m teasing too.

“I’m so fat,” she begins to cry. “Pregnancy is not beautiful. It’s a big fucking lie. Pregnancy sucks.”

Benji panics. “No, you look so great. If you were single, I’d… I’d totally have sex with you.”

I slap my hand against my face and Nora bursts out laughing.

“Really?” Mary sniffles. “That makes me feel better.”

Benji deflates. “Good. Oh, just don’t tell Knives I said that. I’m too young to die.”

I shake my head at him, and he shoots me a wink, making me laugh.

The rest of brunch is delicious and all of us get up after we pay. As we walk out the door, Ruby, Nora, and Mary walk ahead of me and Benji hangs back.

“I can’t believe I haven’t met you yet,” he starts to say. “I thought I had met all of Nora’s friends.”

“I haven’t come around too often since I found my dad. I, um, I recently had a baby a few months ago too so…”

“Really? Wow. You look…” he doesn’t finish his sentence and I look at him to see Benji checking me out. “You don’t look like you’ve had a baby. Boy? Girl?”

“Oh, thank you.” I blush from the compliment. “And a girl. Her name is Faith.”

“I sense a theme. I like it. Pretty name.”

“Yeah, we had a long journey and I felt that faith is the only thing that got me through, so I thought it was perfect for her.”

“Do you have any pictures?” he asks, stepping closer to me.

I want to like him.

“I have a ton.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and swipe to get to the gallery. “Here she is.” She’s sleeping in this picture and looks like a peaceful angel, which she is not.

“She’s beautiful. Must get it from her mom,” he flirts, flashing those damn dimples at me.

Again, I want to like him, but right now, I’m comparing his youth to Badge’s maturity. I like the scruff Badge has with tiny flecks of silver. They can hardly be seen, but if someone stares hard enough, they could see. Where Benji’s hands are wrinkle-free and smooth, Badge’s are tough, scarred, and calloused from years of work.

I can’t judge someone to know if they are jaded or not. I’m young, no one expects me to be jaded. No one expects me to have experienced the hardships and cruelty the world offers, but I have. Maybe Benji has too, but something tells me he hasn’t.

Oh, well, he did see multiple people get killed at the clubhouse by accident. He seems to be fine, though.

Unless it’s wishful thinking. If he is anything like me, maybe he will wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night from a dream.

Well, a nightmare.

I act like I’m not haunted by my past. I’m pretty good at moving on, trying to make the best of my life, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have moments where I’m scared half to death. Anytime someone wants to take a picture of me, anytime I see a TV, there’s a slight moment where I panic. I forget my surroundings and I’m back in my room, on the bed, Patricia angling the camera at me, but then I hear the sound of reality and I get snapped back.

Small moments of fear happen, but I won’t allow myself to stay in the past. I lived there for too long already. I’m ready to grab life by the reins and own it. I know what I want out of life, and I know I don’t want to spend life alone. I loved Faith’s father, I did, but I don’t know if I was in love with him.

I’d give anything for him to be here. He was my best friend and he risked his life for me. There will never be a day that I don’t think about him. I wish he could be here to watch Faith grow, but I believe our circumstances made us be together. We didn’t have anyone else. I believe if he escaped with me, if he lived, we would be friends, but I don’t think we would be together.

He would have found someone and lived a long, happy life. We would have been best friends, forever bonded by our horrific experiences, but I don’t think we would have loved each other.

I’d give anything for him to be alive. Losing him was like losing a piece of my soul. He was the only person in my life, every day, for as long as I can remember.

“I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?” Benji asks. “I didn’t mean to offend if I did.”

“What?” I blink, nearly tripping over my feet and he catches me by the arm. “No, sorry. I got lost in my thoughts. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“So would you want to go out tonight?” he asks, tucking his hands in his pockets as he shyly looks away from me. “Unless you’re seeing someone? If so, I didn’t know—”

“—I’m not seeing anyone.” My heart pangs with an ache when I think of Badge. He made himself clear, and as I told him, I’m not going to keep throwing myself at him and making a fool out of myself. I have some dignity and I know when I need to hold onto the last of it. “I’d love to go out. I’ll need to make sure I can get someone to watch Faith.”

“We will watch her!” Mary hollers before she climbs into the car and groans as she finally sits down.

“I’ll just ask my dad,” I reply, wanting to give Mary a break. Pregnancy has been rough on her. The last thing I want to do is give her someone else to worry about when she needs to be taking care of herself. “He hates being separated from her anyway. She’s with him right now.”

“And who is her grandpa? Is it the guy who cuts out tongues? I’ve heard of him and I’m going to tell you right now, I’m going to have to tread very carefully here,” he chuckles.

“No, but he’s the guy who throws darts.” Ruby grins.

“Bullseye?” Benji practically yelps. He clears his throat and nods. “Alright. I can handle a dart to the ass better than I can live a life without a tongue.”

I toss my head back and laugh, holding onto his arm as leverage. “Stop. He isn’t that bad.”

“You women are insane if you don’t think those men aren’t fucking scary. But I am trying to prospect. Knives said he would talk to Reaper for me.”

“Really?” I look him up and down, surprised when I hear him say that.

“What?”

“You just don’t seem like the type is all,” I say, trying to sound as nice as possible. “You’re such a…”

“Jock?” he finishes.

“Yeah,” I say slowly. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I get it. I am, but I don’t want the life my parents are set out for me to have. I don’t want to play football anymore and I don’t want to be a doctor or a lawyer or whatever they want me to be.”

“So you want to be an outlaw? You realize that they are bikers, but they have jobs too, right?”

“I know, but what’s so great is I’ll have the freedom to do whatever the hell I want to do.”

“I can respect that.” I finally get to the passenger’s side door and Benji opens it for me.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket. “Can I get your number? I’ll pick you up at the clubhouse tonight? Seven?”

“Sounds great, Benji. I can’t wait.” I sit down in the car and he shuts the door, bending down to peek through the window.

“See you later, beautiful,” he says.

I try to muffle a smile. His obvious flirtation makes me bashful. I’m not used to it. “I’ll see you later.”

Nora hooks her arm through Benji’s and waves at us as Ruby begins to drive away.

“Holy crap. You and Benji, huh? I’m happy for you.”

“It’s just a date,” I shrug it off, but I have to admit I’m a little nervous. I’ve never been on a date before.

And for some reason, I feel like I’m going behind Badge’s back. Not that he cares or anything, but no matter what I try to tell myself, there is something between us.

“Badge will have to get over it,” Mary comments from the backseat. Her head is tilted back against the seat.

“Badge? What? No. Nothing is happening with Forrest—I mean—Badge.” I’ve always been a terrible liar.

“Forrest, huh? I didn’t even know his name,” Ruby says, flicking on the blinker as she comes to the red light.

“Nothing is going on,” I grumble, sinking in my seat.

“Girl, you can’t fool anyone when you two are in the same room together. The chemistry is so high, and the sexual tension is so tight, I’m surprised you don’t combust.”

“Well, he isn’t interested,” I finally admit. “I’ve tried and tried, and he keeps pushing me away. I told him I was done. I’m not the kind to keep running after him.”

“Good for you. This date with Benji should piss him right off and maybe get him off his ass.”

“That is not why I agreed to go on a date with Benji! I wouldn’t use someone like that.” I cross my arms and squint my eyes at Ruby,

“I wasn’t saying that. I’m just saying, sometimes a man needs a kick in the ass, and him seeing you with someone else is going to be that kick in the ass.”

“Don’t tell Dad about Badge. Dad is the reason why Badge won’t give us a try and Dad would kill him.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Ruby scoffs, the light finally turning green for us to make a left turn. “Come on, he loves you way too much to ever hurt you like that. If you and Badge ever were a thing, he’d be mad. Maybe a little confused. But he wouldn’t kill Badge.” She taps her fingers against the wheel and clicks her tongue. “Okay, well, maybe he’d maim him.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better.”

“Doesn’t matter anyway. You’re going out with Benji, a nice guy.”

A young guy.

I hate to say it, but I think I have a preference for older men.

“Benji is a good catch. The club likes him, Mateo likes him, I mean, do you know how rare that is?” Mary rubs her stomach again. “Just don’t get pregnant.” She lifts her head from the seat and sighs. “Don’t get pregnant again, I mean. I don’t plan on getting pregnant again. No way. Knives can get clipped. I’m fucking done after this.”

“Oh, man. I can’t wait for you to go into labor. I bet ten bucks you knock Knives out on his ass.”

“Make it fifty bucks. I bet she gives him a black eye,” I counteroffer Ruby’s bet.

“Deal.”

“I’m going to be a goddamn angel. You just wait,” Mary gripes. “Oh god, I gotta pee.”

“You just peed!” Ruby and I say in unison.

“Well, my bladder is a punching bag. You have to pull over.”

“I can’t pull over.” Ruby points out the window. “There’s nowhere to go.”

“You better figure it out within the next two minutes or I’m peeing on this seat,” Mary warns.

“Damn it.” Ruby flips on her blinker and drifts into the other lane and slowly gets over. The tires crunch as we drift off the shoulder of the road into the desert.

I hop out of the car and open the back door, then help Mary out of the backseat. “I don’t really have anything to block—oh okay. Right here. Out in the open.”

Mary groans as she lifts her dress and pulls off her panties. Cars honk as they drive by as she flashes her ass. “I’m never having another baby!” her voice echoes across the desert as she relieves herself.

“Oh, yeah, she’s knocking Knives out on his ass.”

“Yep,” Ruby agrees, waving at cars as they slowly pass. “I bet he misses the birth from being unconscious.”

“I’ll take that bet,” I shout over my shoulder.

And that’s when I realize I might be a terrible person. I’m betting on Mary knocking Knives out while she pees next to a cactus.

I guess we all can’t be perfect.