Badge by K.L. Savage

 

“Look at you. You’re doing so much better than you were a week ago.” I bounce the little boy in my arms. “You’ve gained some weight.”

Doc nods. “He’s doing really well, Badge. I don’t see why he can’t make a full recovery. He is doing much better than I ever expected.”

“I’m not surprised at all. He’s going to grow up to be big and strong, isn’t that right?” I blow a raspberry on his belly, being gentle and careful of the wires.

A tiny smile stretches his lips and he giggles.

“Don’t tell anyone what you just saw. I have a reputation to uphold,” I tell Doc through a smile while I stare at the baby in my arms.

“Your secrets are safe with me. I’m never going to tell anyone that you love to make your voice all cutesy, or feed him, or bathe him, or try to make him smile, or change him, or any of that. Even though, everyone knows you have barely come up for air since this little guy has arrived. I don’t think it’s going to take much for people to realize that you care, Badge. Is it so bad?”

I guess the only person it affects is me. I’m the one who is so hesitant to care—but it’s too late for that, isn’t it? I do care. I care about this baby, I care about Maizey, Faith, and all of the kids.

“Do you know how hard it is to constantly pretend that I don’t care?” I don’t look away from the little boy, the baby that’s barely the size of my palm, and I can’t focus on anyone or anything else besides him.

“I’ve learned more about you in this last week than I have since I’ve known you, Badge. Why do you do it?”

I’ve never said it out loud before. I don’t know if I’m ready to. “I’ve been asking myself that for a long time.” I carefully place him in the incubator, watching his legs and arms stretch as he moves around.

“What happened?”

I tear my eyes away from Jay—the name I’ve given him but have told no one. It’s bad to name a baby who isn’t mine. I want him to be, though.

Maybe.

What am I talking about? No, I fucking don’t. I don’t need a kid. I don’t need any kids. I’m fine without them. They leave a person weak, which is what has been wrong with me since I found him in the dumpster. He isn’t my saving grace. He isn’t my chance to right my wrongs.

Jay isn’t mine.

He is someone else’s.

“Badge? Where are you going?”

“I need to go.” I trip over the stairs as I run away from the one thing I want more than anything in the world. “I need… he’ll be fine.”

“He only knows you. Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Doc takes a step forward, but Jay begins to cry, and I want nothing more than to go to him and tell him there’s nothing to cry about, but that would be a lie. “Get down here, damn it. He is here because of you.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.” I shake my head and spin around, my hands empty for the first time in a week.

I already miss the weight of him.

I’m nearly at the top of the stairs when Doc shouts, “You can’t run from this. He is going to need you.”

I open the basement door and run smack into Hope.

And she looks fucking amazing.

I run my eyes down her body and she’s wearing a tight red dress that hugs every inch of her body, stopping right at the knee. The seductive black heels have a red bottom to match. The neckline is low, showing her voluptuous breasts. Her hair is pulled back in an elegant French twist and she’s wearing diamond studs in her ears. Her makeup is light, simple, classy, and she smells like floral perfume.

“Where are you going? Special occasion?” I ask, her eyes brighter than usual from the mascara she is wearing.

“Oh, yeah. Hope has a hot date with Benji, Nora’s friend,” Ruby informs me.

“You’re doing what?” I sputter, my voice tight and low. A slight gravel clutches my throat as I try to contain my jealousy and anger.

Hope lifts her chin in defiance. “I have a date. I met Benji when me and the girls went out to brunch and Nora invited him. He is a very nice guy, and Dad, being the great grandpa that he is, is going to watch Faith.”

“You know I don’t mind.” Bullseye comes into the kitchen, tickling Faith right under the chin. She giggles. “I love her so much. Yes, I do. She’s the best little girl in the world.” Bullseye dips Faith and she screams with excitement, but my heart falls to my feet when I calculate the danger. What if he drops her?

“Can I talk to you for a second, Hope?” I ask her between tight teeth. There is no fucking way another man is taking my woman out on a date.

“Sure,” she chirps and begins to walk in front of me.

My eyes eat her up, watching her plump ass shake under that dress. Jesus, is she wearing anything under it? Her heels click against the hardwood floors and she opens her bedroom door to invite me in.

Bullseye gives me a curious glance but doesn’t think much of it when I keep the door open.

“Can this be quick?” Hope asks, staring at her phone. “Benji will be here any minute.”

I rub a hand over my mouth and take a deep breath. “What the hell are you doing? You can’t go out with… Benji.” I nearly spit his name as I say it. I don’t like the guy. I used to, but not anymore.

“Why not? He’s around my age. He is kind. He is interested in Faith—”

“—He asked about her?” I grind my teeth together at his audacity. “She is m—” I almost say ‘she’s my little girl’, but I catch myself. I’m so messed up in the head. I don’t know when I started thinking that. I’ve barely spent any time with her. “Why are you doing this to me?” I whisper, realizing how selfish I sound.

“Doing this to you? I’m not doing anything to you, Forrest. I told you I wasn’t going to wait around. You said you didn’t want me. You pushed me away.”

“He isn’t allowed to have you,” I growl, taking a step forward, readying myself to rip that dress off her and show her who she really belongs to.

Hope shoves me in the chest and points her finger at me. “You arrogant bastard. You don’t want me but no one else can have me? Fuck you, Forrest. You had your chance and guess what?”

“Hope! Benji is here!” Bullseye calls out from the kitchen.

Hope lowers her voice and shoves me again. “And you aren’t going to have another one. You’re going to watch me walk out of here looking fucking amazing and you’re going to wish you weren’t being a coward.” She thrusts her shoulders back and clutches her black billfold against her chest.

Hope goes to walk around and I wrap my hand around her to stop her, tugging her against me. I don’t give her time to think. I clutch the back of her neck with my hand and yank her to me, pressing my lips against hers.

My soul is righted as soon as our lips meet. All the pain disappears; all the burdens I’ve made myself carry melt away. I want to admit everything I am to her. No other man can have these lips of hers. No other man can make her gasp and clutch onto them like I can.

Maybe I am an arrogant man. I never considered myself one.

But I am when it comes to her.

No one else can have my slice of heaven, not when I’m finally accepting her light.

She rips her lips from mine and before I can blink, her palm meets my cheek. “How fucking dare you,” she hisses. “You kiss me before I meet with another man, why?”

I wrap my hand around her throat and shove her against the wall, pressing my body against hers. My cock is pressed against her thigh and her swollen lips part, her lipstick smeared and all fucked up from our kiss.

Good.

“So when you’re with him, all you can think about, all you can taste, is me.”

“You are out of your damn mind if you think I’m going to be thinking about you at all.”

“Hope!” Bullseye calls out again, and I take a step back.

“Yeah, better get away from me,” she sneers. “Or you’ll have to deal with Daddy.”

My heart plummets. I screwed up.

“You better hope you got everything you wanted out of that kiss because that’s the last time you ever touch me.” She cleans the outline of her lips with her thumb, fixing the evidence of our kiss. “God, you’re unbelievable,” she scoffs. She stomps away to the bathroom to check herself in the mirror. “Tell Benji I’ll be right there. Sorry, I had to run to the restroom,” Hope calls out. “Badge is just asking for some advice on the baby downstairs.”

“He hates kids. Why would he do that?” Bullseye bellows.

“I don’t know,” Hope says so I can only hear. “Ask him yourself.” She gives me one final glance and marches out the door, leaving me cursing myself for how I just acted.

My cock is hard, my lust is boiling, my anger has reached its peak, and now another man is taking the woman I want out for dinner.

Something I should be doing.

“Fuck!” I slam my fist against the wall and head out of her room before I’m smothered by the delicious scent of her.

I walk out of her room and slip down the hallway before anyone takes notice of me, slipping into my room so I can be alone. I run my hands through my hair and take a deep breath before scrubbing my fingers across my beard. I haven’t shaved. I’ve been too tired and too stressed out.

My cock is throbbing, dying to inch inside and claim Hope as mine. I yank my shirt off and kick the door shut, locking it behind me for good measure as I strip. The hard length bobs as I yank my briefs off.

I wrap a hand around myself and squeeze, groaning as I tilt my head back and stroke.

It isn’t enough.

I need more.

The image of her in that dress won’t get out of my mind. I’m pissed off at myself knowing I could be the man taking her home tonight. I don’t deserve to come, but I need to.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I open the second drawer in the nightstand and pull out a tube of lube and something else I haven’t used in a while: a pocket pussy.

I squirt a generous amount of lube across the silicone opening and get into position. I get on my knees and press the silicone hole against the head of my cock, then push my hips. I groan as it sucks me in, snug and slick from the lube.

Nothing feels better than the real thing, but the only real one I want right now is Hope’s, and I have a battle ahead of me to get it.

I shut my eyes and lean all of my weight on my forearms, inching my hips back and thrusting forward, imagining that I’m sinking into Hope. My sack slaps against the toy with every rock of the bed, using the mattress as support to hold the toy in place while I fuck it. It’s so much better than my hand. Everyone has their kinks.

I have a few others hiding under my bed as well.

And I plan to explore all of them with Hope.

“Fuck,” I hiss as my orgasm becomes closer. I hold the pillow against my chest and turn my cheek. My imagination has always run wild, and right now, I’m imagining sinking myself into her hot, wet cunt as she writhes under me, our breaths hot and our limbs tangled in passion.

She’s moaning my name loudly and her eyes flutter shut the harder I fuck her.

“You like that, Angel? You like my cock fucking you hard, don’t you?” I tell no one in the room but wish she could hear me.

God, the more I think of it, the more real it becomes.

I grip the top of the mattress and slam myself inside, but it isn’t enough. I flip over and arch my back, quickly stroking myself with the toy. Faster and faster. I can hardly breathe.

Fuck.

Oh god.

I watch myself sink inside the fake silicone pussy, the sheen of lube glistening against the light.

“Mine,” I say out loud. “You’re mine.” The words are a choked whisper as I come, my orgasm rushing out of me in thick waves, like lightning through my veins. I watch as the come drops out of it and dribbles onto the top of my cock. I groan as I slip the toy off, the slight suction around the tip sending another spasm running through me.

And after a moment of pure bliss, I feel empty.

I gasp for air and sit up, my cock half-hard and leaking the remnants of my seed against my thigh.

Orgasms won’t feel the same unless I finally give in and convince Hope that she’s mine. I have to for the both of us. She doesn’t belong with Benji.

She belongs with me.

I’ve known it since the first time I saw her.

I stand on shaky legs and sway. Hope just gave me the strongest orgasm of my life—and it was just thinking about her. I crossed a line that I can’t come back from. Thinking of her is one thing, giving in to the lust I feel for her is another. The image of her won’t do.

I need her.

But I royally fucked up.

Heading to the bathroom, I clean the toy in the sink, dry it off, and throw it back in the dark where no one else can see it.

I slip on a new pair of briefs and sit down on the bed again, wondering how the hell I’m going to get through the night while Hope is out with Benji. He’s a good kid, but he’s not what she needs. He still has some growing up to do.

The case. I need to focus on the case. While downstairs with Jay, I did some research on my phone. There have been similar cases all over California, Arizona, and now here.

I think they are all related.

All pregnant women. None have been married and I can’t help but wonder if any of them were interested in adoption.

While I wait for the sound of her bedroom door to open, I hunker down and begin to work, trying to piece together enough information that will lead me to the killer.

All while pieces of me are absent because Hope has them.