Her Pack by Tamara White

Chapter Eight

I’m grippingJason’s hand tightly as we stare up at Eli’s house. I’ve been here for ten minutes, trying to build up the nerve and go in and face Pete. We need to talk about what happened as adults. I can’t let emotions get the better of me. I know he would never say those things to hurt me, but it doesn’t mean I can just sweep it under the rug either.

I close my eyes, and take in a deep breath. "I don't know if I can go in there," I admit nervously.

Jason doesn't say anything for a moment, simply pulling me into his side and squeezing me tighter in comfort. He can probably sense the anxiety coming off me in waves.

The four of us spent the last hour just talking, each of them catching me up on what had happened while I was asleep. When there was nothing left to tell, Jason insisted it was time to come back here. For me to talk to Pete about everything that occured but now that I’m here, I can’t help but be anxious to go in.

Jason presses a kiss to the top of my head before turning to meet my eyes, his gaze filled with encouragement. "I know this is hard. But if we're all to be tied in the mating ceremony, our relationships must work. As a whole and individually. You can't run from this. Neither can Pete."

I know he speaks the truth but it doesn't stop that inner wuss of mine from wanting to get the hell out of dodge. Put me in the path of an angry wolf, I can handle that. An evil Alpha intent on killing everyone in my life? Yeah, I think I can handle that too. But relationships? I know nothing about them so how the hell am I supposed to fix one?

However, I also don't want to be one of those girls who just hides from her problems, so I pull up my big girl panties and get ready to face down with my mate.

As I prepare myself mentally to talk to Pete, the front door to the house opens and Cam appears in the doorway. I expect him to beckon me inside but he actually walks out and down the stairs stopping before me. He cups my cheeks tenderly. "You've got this." He winks, presses a kiss to my lips quickly, and removes his hands. Then he turns and walks off towards the woods we came from.

One by one, the rest of my mates walk out the door and past me, each of them offering me encouraging smiles. But no one else stops to speak.

Finally, when everyone but Pete has left the house, I realize what they've done. They're giving us this time alone to talk. My heart melts at their care before it occurs to me that no one but Jason knew I would be coming back.

My gaze lands on Jason, a question in my eyes. He shrugs his shoulders with a sly grin. “Jake called ahead the moment he knew we were coming back. He knows you two need time alone.”

I look back at Jake and Rick who are standing by the trees talking to each other in hushed tones. As if they sense my gaze, they both look over. Jake obviously understands straight away what we're talking about.

He grins at me, pointing an accusing finger in Pete's direction as he appears in the doorway. "The two of you needed this time alone but I also made sure Pete is well aware of the fact that if he hurts you in any way, mate or not, he may find himself buried alive."

I shake my head with a fond smile. What better friend could a girl ask for?

"Thanks for looking out for me Jake, but I think I can handle it."

He bows playfully and turns to follow the same path my mates took. Rick takes his hand as they walk away leaving me with Pete who is now standing on the front porch and Jason who’s still at my side.

Jason gives me a quick kiss on the cheek, before turning to glare at Pete. "You screwed up, now you better damn well fix it."

Pete nods with a dejected expression. "I will."

With that, Jason takes his leave. I linger on the bottom step looking up at someone I once thought may have loved me but now I just feel all levels of confusion. I know he said those words more out of the heat of the moment than anything else. But would he say them if there wasn't a small part of him that actually felt that way?

Neither of us say a word, the silence stretching between us. I sigh, knowing one of us has to be the first one to speak. We need to use the time we have to talk and figure out how to move past this. Even more than that, I need to make sure that we're on the same page with our relationship.

Our relationship isn't like what I grew up watching out in the world. It’s not one man and one woman like every other human partnership I was exposed to. It’s been hard to adapt my thinking to that of a wolf and not of a human.

I can't just 'break-up' with Pete in a few months time if there are too many issues between us. Our mating ceremony is a lifelong commitment. One we can't back out of once it's completed.

If Pete is any way doubtful of what is between us, then I need to know now before it can't be undone.

I trudge up the stairs and into the house, brushing by Pete who still stands in the doorway. I fight a shiver of arousal that rushes through me and a low moan makes it way up my throat.

Damn hormones! I’m supposed to be pissed, not horny. I won’t let my heat override this.

Doing my best to tamp down all the desire, I push forward until I reach the living room and collapse on the sofa. I cross my legs tightly, my thighs rubbing together to ease some of the tingling that have started at my core. Damn wolf hormones.

Pete enters the lounge with a somber expression, crossing straight to me and dropping to his knees. When his gaze meets mine, I'm taken aback by just how much pain is there. "I am so sorry, Dani. I was scared of losing you, scared that I'd never see you again when you walked out and barely noticed me. I wanted to lash out. I wanted to hurt you the way I was hurting. I swear I never meant a word of what I said though. You mean everything to me. To us. Lia is nothing, I swear. You are my mate and always will be."

As I stare into his eyes, all I feel from him is a deep sadness and loss of hope. I can tell he regrets ever speaking those hurtful words. I reach for him and tug him up to sit beside me. He startles but does so, wrapping an arm around me and holding me close.

"I understand why you said it but it doesn’t take away from the fact that it hurt me. Life has been so damn busy that I have been too distracted to pay you all any attention. And when I finally gave into one of my mates, and gave total honesty in what has happened between Eli and I, you went and threw it in my face. Which makes it hard to believe that I could ever be honest again without fear of it again being used to insult me."

He goes to speak but I reach up and cover his mouth with my hand. "I'm not saying that I wouldn’t, just that it didn’t make me feel great to think I would have to lie to you all to protect your feelings. But after talking with Jason, I think before open honesty about how intimate I’m being with one of you, I need to work out some kind of schedule with you all. To let you into my life on more of a one on one basis. To take time with you each when I can get it. And then after Luke has been dealt with, well then, we can schedule my time a little better. Maybe plan some date nights. Ones that involve us leaving the pack lands because we will no longer have to fear an attack at any moment."

Pete relaxes against me and I move my hand. He takes it in his and gives it a firm squeeze.

"That sounds good. Though, please remember it is not your role alone to keep this relationship working smoothly. We all contribute to making it effective and I have not given my all. That will change though, I promise you. Jealousy is bound to happen, but it’s not your fault. If I want to be part of this relationship, I need to get a handle on my emotions."

I smile at my mate, the calm I feel in my heart assuring me that things between us will work out sooner or later. I just have to remember that we get what we give. If I’m not putting anything into our relationship, how can I expect much of anything from them?

Pete raises his hand to cup my cheek tenderly. He leans forward slowly, giving me the chance to pull away if I wish, but I don’t. I want his kiss. I close my eyes as his soft lips brush against mine, a sigh of contentment coming from me. He pulls away, a warm smile on his face.

"I'm sorry I let such a petty thing like jealousy rule me. I should have just talked to you, especially when we have so many more important things going on, like ensuring the survival of our packs.”

Damn, way for him to bring down my mood. I know he didn't mean to though. Sadly, he’s just speaking the truth.

"Yeah, about that. I’m starting to wonder if there’s been some kind of mistake. At this rate, it seems impossible for me to help the packs if my soul is so damn dark that even the old magic here couldn’t cleanse me.”

"Your soul isn't dark, Dani. It's simply more complex than any of us could have realized. You've been through so much. It was stupid of us to even assume that being cleansed could help."

"So you'll come with me when I try again? I'm not sure how busy you guys will be while you’re here but I don't think it's safe for me to go alone after last time."

Pete's eyes go wide in horror. "You can't honestly think we'll let you go back there?! Dani, you almost died! Why would you even think of going back?"

I glare at him, not liking the tone he uses one bit. It holds no room for argument and while his mind is made up, I don't argue. There's no point. I am going back there. Nothing he or the others can say or do will stop me. I came here to be cleansed and I will be damned if I don't do it.

I just have to find a subtle way to broach the subject with them all in a way that makes them understand why it's important I try again. I just hope that time is on my side. Luke won't wait for me to go through a soul cleansing journey to find out who I am and let go of my anger. He simply wants the threat I pose to him eliminated.