Treating a Sinful Earl by Henrietta Harding
Chapter 29
It would not do. Despite Catherine being present, the news from the doctor was all too crushing. He felt another coughing fit coming on and Jasper felt exhausted. Instead of allowing her to see any more of this, he quickly excused himself, saying that he preferred to take a cup of tea before they went in for supper.
“Can I get you some?” Jasper asked.
“That sounds agreeable.”
Catherine got up from his lap, which Jasper regretted, then he left the study. Before making his way to the kitchen, he stopped in the hall and pressed his back against the wall, willing it all to go away. The news from the doctor had been a shock, and now he was at a loss for how to proceed. Would Catherine still wish to marry him after she knew what he knew? Would she still love him? He shook his head in dismay and made his way to the kitchen, where the cook was hard at work.
“You look pale,” the cook said.
“It has been a trying day.” He massaged the bridge of his nose.
“Then come on inside and let me fix you something.”
“Two cups of tea will do.” That was when Jasper smelled the tantalizing aroma that emanated from the cook’s pots. “I am sure this shall be an excellent meal.”
The cook prepared the tea as she spoke. “Braised lamb, green beans, and potatoes. There is a soup course as well.”
“You are most skilled in your trade,” Jasper said, managing a smile.
She shrugged. “This is all that I know, and I have had the chance to witness you grow since you were a wee little one. I hope that my skill played a role in that.”
“It most certainly did,” Jasper said humorously, thinking it probable that his great height was due to his family’s cook. He observed her as she prepared the tea tray, thinking all the while that Catherine was entirely alone in the study. So be it. He needed to give himself time to regain his strength. He would keep himself in the most positive light, while also being resolved to tell Catherine the truth that very evening.
“Here we are then, luvie,” she said, carrying the tea tray over. “I shall summon a footman at once.”
“I can take it,” he assured her.
The cook eyed him intently. “You are struggling with your health today,” she observed.
“It has been most difficult. I know that the supper you have prepared will amend the situation…as well as my betrothed.”
The cook blushed and grinned. “My lord, if I may be so bold, I am ever so happy for you. She is one lucky lady!”
“I am a lucky man. Never have I been so in love. I trust that my love will continue to grow…with the time that I have.”
The cook frowned, understanding what he was implying. “Do not allow that to trouble you. My lord, you must embrace this time more than ever before. She is a lovely lady. I admit to peeking through the door into the dining room! Embrace her, show her your love in every possible moment, and trust that all shall be well.”
Jasper grinned from ear to ear. Yes, the cook was a strong force in their household, and he would hold onto this council. What’s more, he planned on doing everything that she had just instructed. He would inform Catherine of the truth, and if she would not have him after that, then he would have the peace of mind that came from knowing that he had done everything he could.
Although he wished to return to Catherine promptly, he needed this discussion to bolster him. “It is quiet in the house without the Dowager Countess.”
“If you ask me,” the cook went on, “I hope that this marriage encourages you to claim this estate as your own. You are a grown man, you have found your love, and now it is time to seize the day, even with the challenges that you face.”
He nodded. “You speak justly. For long, my mother has lingered. I know she has been concerned for my health. I feel that with this new love that I have discovered, I can finally claim my own.”
“And claim it you shall!” she exclaimed. “You are such a good man, my lord. I have seen it in you for all of your days. Embrace what you are, and know that even in the darkest moments, when the future looks grim, you are still the man that you were destined to be. No one can take that away from you.”
Finally, Jasper felt strengthened in the way that he needed to be to face Catherine yet again. Yes, no matter what the diagnosis stated, he was finally becoming the man that he always wished to be. The man that was in love, empowered, and had only one goal in life: to live the rest of his days with relish.
He picked up the tea tray, eager to return to Catherine. But he could not help but ask one more question of his sage cook. “Do you believe in remedies?” he asked, surprised that he had said it.
She looked up towards the ceiling. “I do. But if you ask me, the very best remedy is in one’s mind.” She brought a finger to her head. “It is all so vexing. You receive bad news, and you plan for the worst. But know that this bad news only makes the whole ordeal more difficult. Pretend as though you had never received any bad news at all and walk through life with that faith.”
Jasper was positively ecstatic to hear these words. Yes, that was what he would do! He would hold his head up high, confident in Catherine’s love.
***
Catherine sat in the study patiently. She anticipated Jasper’s return, but she was still plagued with nerves. No, his health did not seem favourable when she saw him last. What else could she do? Had she failed in her attempts to heal him? Nonetheless, she would hold onto hope, for her undying love for him was just that: undying.
She paced around the room, wondering what it was that he was hiding from her. Felton had appeared so fearful, and she could not help but be infused with this fear, as well. Perhaps they should elope that very night and not care about the consequences? Then, a sickening feeling took hold, and Catherine returned to the desk to seat herself. Was it all in her head, this fear that something terrible was about to happen?
Just then, Catherine saw a piece of paper placed upon the desk and folded. She looked all around, even though it was clear that no one else was within view. Although it seemed like snooping, Catherine reached over and took the paper, unfolding it. As she read, her heart went from a steady beat to a loud thunder! She could not believe the words that were written there. All at once, life felt like a nightmare, and Catherine did not know where to turn.
She read the piece of paper yet again—written by Jasper’s doctor—and brought a hand over her mouth. The paper eventually fell from her hand, and Catherine looked up at the ceiling in disbelief.
Six months to live…Six tiny months to live.
Tears threatened, and she managed to hold these back for a few moments. She convinced herself that this was something that she already knew. She was already aware of Jasper’s troubles, but the note from the doctor was a humbling reminder that the situation could not be expressed with words. It had to be felt and sensed. The note drove home for her just how excruciating the situation really was.
Why was indignation rearing its head? Why was Catherine suddenly so angry? It must have come from the sentiment that Selina had expressed, that Jasper had a reputation, and was he using her in his final days? Had he known of this information for some time and now he sought to get the most out of her, to have some enjoyment at the end of his life?
Not knowing what to do, Catherine stood from the desk and brought a hand to her breast, feeling wholly unsteady. She could wait for him to return and tell him of her discovery, or she could flee into the fresh air, where she could breathe and try to collect herself. Catherine chose the latter, knowing that she needed to understand the horrible thoughts that were careening through her head. She rushed to the door of the study, ran down the hall, and flung open the front door where the night sky greeted her in silence.
Catherine broke into a run yet again, wishing to be free from Jasper’s presence, if only briefly. She needed to think! And also, even though their relationship had been strained, she needed to speak with Selina. In fact, she needed to speak with anyone. Since she was running, it did not take her long to reach her home, where she snuck in the back door and ran up the stairs, straight to her room. Once she was safely within, she discovered Selina seated by the window.
“You are back much sooner than last time,” Selina remarked.
“I have terrible news.”
This brought a horrid expression to Selina’s face. “What has happened?”
Despite herself, Catherine flung herself onto her bed and brought her face to her hands. “I discovered a note,” she shared. “I note that I fear to speak of, but I must.”
Selina came over and seated herself on the bed. “Tell me all.”
Now, the tears could finally fall. “Jasper has six months to live. There was a note…from the doctor…explaining the truth.” She tried to speak through her sobs.
“Oh, Catherine, this is what I feared.”
“What did you fear?” she asked, hoping that Selina might be telling her the truth.
“That he was…using you in some way.”
It was bitter medicine to swallow. Although she had been hesitant to accept Selina’s advice, Catherine truly needed it now. “Do you think that he is using me?”
She cocked her head to the side and frowned. “Naturally, he is. Oh, Catherine. You have been blind all this while. Can you not see that he knew of this all along, and he has been trying to live out the rest of his days…in pleasure? This is the reputation that I spoke of before. Oh, men are so trying. I feel bad for you, my dear, sweet friend.”
Everything within Catherine’s being was collapsing. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have been so deceived? Although it was hard to accept Selina’s words, she had to admit to herself that her friend made a sound point. Catherine had been blind, and also, she had perhaps been foolish because love had coloured her vision. This was the reminder that she needed all along. She had not been able to see the truth.
“But…I truly believed that we were in love.”
Selina sighed. “That is how love works, Catherine. It is all blindness. I see things so clearly from the outside, but I halt myself when it comes to expressing what I see. From the very start, he has used you. I am so sorry, my dear friend.” Selina brought a hand to Catherine’s back as the sobs continued.
Could anything be more distressing? Could anything be more mortifying? For Catherine, this was the epitome of pain and suffering, for the man that she had loved most in this world had deceived her.
But had he?
It was all too confusing to understand. But for now, she allowed the tears to fall and the anguish to penetrate her whole body.