Treating a Sinful Earl by Henrietta Harding
Chapter 31
Having no sophisticated plan that he could put in place, Jasper thought it best to venture to the forest the next morning in hopes of discovering Catherine there. To his dismay, she was nowhere to be found. He walked for some time, recalling every moment they had shared in that same forest, and all of these thoughts only made his pain greater. Had he lost her forever? Just at the time when he needed her most, would she flee from him?
He took the time to sit upon the same stump he had once sat on, gazing up at the tall trees that provided respite and shade. If he could not have Catherine back, Jasper came to the conclusion that he could simply leave Bath and spend the rest of his days in a foreign country, dreaming of Catherine and the life he could have had. Sod it! He pulled his hand through his hair and tried to collect himself. No, he would not sink into anguish and bitterness. Jasper would choose to be happy that there were so many good memories to cherish, and that would occupy his mind.
Jasper heard the footfall of a horse and turned. As if the timing could not be any better, Walter Pembroke came riding down the path, a rather tall hat upon his head. Jasper called out to him, “Hello there, good man!”
Walter seemed to be confused at first as to who was calling him. It was only when he came closer that recognition took hold. “Is that Simmons?”
“It most certainly is.”
A smile came to Walter’s lips. “My lord, never have I encountered you here before. I expected to see that young lady yet again. I wished to thank her for her suggestion to brew dandelion tea.” Once Walter was close enough, he dismounted his horse and tied it to a tree.
The very mention of Catherine made Jasper’s heart sink yet again. He stood. “You are a lucky man to have encountered her,” Jasper said softly.
Walter approached and remarked, “You are a lucky man for having her affections.”
Jasper’s brows rose. “What makes you think that I have her affections?”
“She wears her heart upon her sleeve. It is not difficult to tell.”
Jasper turned downcast and heaved a deep sigh. “I fear that I have her affections no more.”
Walter froze and fell silent. Without being asked to do so, he seated himself and motioned for Jasper to be seated once more. “It seems like you need someone to talk to, my lord.”
Jasper nodded. “I think that your timing is impeccable.”
Walter removed his hat and toyed with the brim. “Whatever has happened, I would not let it upset you.”
“It is upsetting me greatly.”
“These matters are always trying. In the beginning, after putting so much effort into pursuing my Minnie, I was able to obtain her. I felt like I was the victor in some way! Sadly, this was all for nought, for Minnie pulled away her affections, and I was left a bereft man.”
“Did she do so? But you are still married to this day.”
Walter nodded plaintively. “As they say, the course of true love never did run smoothly. In hindsight, Minnie said that she was terrified of the prospect of falling in love. She went to a nunnery.”
Jasper could not help but laugh. “A nunnery?”
“Indeed. She said that she was done with mankind and wished to devote herself to the Almighty. The only satisfaction that I gained from this was that I knew that no other man could have her! But alas, I thought that I might never see her again.”
“And what happened next?” Jasper asked, curious to see how the story panned out.
“She remained in the nunnery for one year’s time. I wrote her letters all the while because I was a determined man and wanted her to know that I loved her, no matter what choices she needed to make. Well, one morning, there was a knock upon my door, and I went to answer it. There stood Minnie, no longer in her nun’s habit. She was dressed in plain clothing, and there were tears in her eyes.”
“Tears of remorse?” Jasper wondered.
“No, no. Tears of affection. She had spent her time with God then returned to me with the realization that it was an ungodly life that she preferred.”
Both Jasper and Walter laughed at this. “I think that she made the right decision,” Jasper said with amusement.
“That is up for debate. But we married soon thereafter and have kept the same company since. You see,” Walter went on, leaning in, “whether it is the man or the woman that pulls away, there is a reason for doing it. Trust that if you let the object of your affections go, there is still a chance that they will come back.”
Jasper fell silent. Walter’s words had stirred him, and he felt hope rekindle in his breast. Yes, perhaps the news was merely too shocking for Catherine, and she required this time in order to examine her own heart. The only problem was that Jasper did not have time….
All of this would be shared with Walter, as well. “I am a sick man,” Jasper went on. “Catherine’s remedies have helped me in some measure, but a frightful note from the doctor has changed everything. Since she saw this letter, I have not been able to speak with her.”
There was shock and sadness written on Walter’s face. “This is dreadful news.”
“Indeed,” Jasper replied weightily. “I do not know if I would have told her immediately, had I the chance. I have already asked for her hand in marriage, and prior to the letter, Catherine shared with me that she accepted. But now…I guess that six months is not long enough to be married.”
Now, Walter looked positively bereft. “My lord, if I may be so bold, could I do it all again, I would have waited that year for Minnie, if only to spend six brief months in her company.”
“I feel much the same. But alas, Catherine does not.”
Just then, quite unexpectedly, footfalls were heard, and Jasper looked down the path to discover Catherine coming their way with her chaperone in tow. Jasper instantly stood, delighting in the sight of her. Alas, she did not seem as delighted, for she stopped dead in her tracks and stared at him in shock. He did not say a thing, not wishing to startle her. After being frozen for what felt like an eternity, she came closer.
Walter was the next to stand, and he said, “I shall leave you. This is an important moment.”
“I think that it might be,” Jasper replied. “I thank you for your sound counsel.”
Walter placed his hat upon his head. “I wish you all the luck in the world, my lord.”
“You are a good man.” He watched as Walter untied his horse, jumped atop it, and fled in the opposite direction. Then Jasper turned his attention to Catherine, who continued to approach tentatively. Once she was in earshot, he said, “I came looking for you.”
“I did not plan to take a stroll today.” She clutched herself. “It has been a trying morning.”
“Is there anything that I can do? I have been desperate to speak with you.”
She shook her head. “The news did not come as a shock, merely the timeline.”
“I was not surprised by it myself. I am merely sorry that you had to discover that letter without me telling you first.”
She gazed off into the distance. “It does not matter in the end, does it?”
“Why would you remark that it does not matter?”
“Because I fear that what Selina said was true.” Catherine finally met his eyes, and there was anguish in them. “She said that you were using me.”
“I never once used you,” Jasper assured her.
“But…why did you kiss me? Why did you propose to me? So that the marriage could be consummated before you left this earth.”
Jasper was treading on delicate ground. He knew that the chaperone could hear all, but Jasper did not care. “I would indeed be lying to you if I said that I did not look forward to that. But this was not the only thing that I wanted. I wanted all of you, body and soul. If that would only be for a brief period of time, then so be it. I wanted to know true happiness before I left this earth.”
“But did you consider what that might do to me? To my heart?”
Jasper nodded. “Yes, I knew that it would be painful in the end, and it was selfish of me to still want it. For your sacrifice, I was willing to give you all that I possess so that you might live a life of freedom.”
Tears fell from Catherine’s eyes. “But I desire you more than my freedom. Oh, I never fully considered it. I merely wished to be with you, and I did not consider the hurt. It is difficult to not believe what Selina said, and I find myself so confused most of the time that I do not know what to believe!”
“Then believe me.” Jasper stepped in. “Believe the man that loves you. Trust in me, and please take what I am offering you so that I can die a happy man.”
Catherine stepped back and put up her hands. “Please, do not say such things.”
“But it is the truth.”
“Even if it is the truth,” she gazed into his eyes, “it is too difficult to hear. Before reading that letter, I held onto hope. I truly believed that I could heal you, and this whole mess would be behind us. I was a fool to think so. The letter made the reality of the situation all too clear, and now I find that…I am not as strong as I thought I was.”
This seemed like the final admission. This was Catherine telling Jasper that she could never go through with it. He felt the life slip out of his body as though he might die that very moment. But no, Jasper would not give up. He would continue to live if only so that the memory of her could linger for the rest of his days.
“I cannot convince you otherwise,” Jasper went on, “but if I continue to try, please do not find fault with me. I am a man in love, and I must do what I must do.”
Catherine brought a hand over her mouth. “Please…give me the time and space that I require.”
With that, she turned and fled, her chaperone following quickly behind her. Jasper bent his head forward, thinking that there was no sense in telling Catherine that he had very little time to wait. She knew that, and she still made her choice. And yet, he would give her the time and space that she required. He would do anything that she desired. But he could not help but think of Walter’s story and how Minnie had returned to him in one year’s time.
Maybe God would be merciful, and Jasper would have more than six months. Maybe he would have a year or two, just enough time to greet Catherine upon her return.
Jasper banished these thoughts. He was unsure if holding onto vain hope made any sense at all. All that he could do was wait, and hope, and pray. Alas, there was nothing more in the world that he wished for than to have Catherine accept him. Even if God only gave him one day with her, he would exchange that one day for six months without her.