The Blush Factor by Deborah Bladon
Chapter Forty-Six
Matthew
“You broughtme here for what reason?” Roman tips the bottle of beer in his hand toward me. “You do know that I have a pregnant wife at home and two children who want to escape at every chance they can get?”
I huff out a laugh. “How’s Bianca?”
“Excited,” he admits. “Vivi is with her now. They’re talking names still. I’ve settled on what I want, but Bianca wants the kid to be Roman Hawthorne Junior.”
“You’re kidding?” I glance at him. “What will we call him? RJ?”
“That’s not bad.” He takes a pull from the beer. “But the name I have in mind has meaning. There’s purpose to it. It’s hard to explain.”
“Tell me the name,” I Insist.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I want the person I’m naming him after to hear it first.” He shoots me a look. “All right?”
“So, I’m safe to assume he’s not going to be called little Matt after all?”
“You can name your own kid that.”
I sip from the glass of water on the bar in front of me.
We’re at Rolly’s Pub. It’s a place we come to every year on our shared birthday. Roman met Bianca here in a twisted hand that fate dealt to the two of them.
They were meant to be. The stars aligned that day to make certain that they knew it. They took it from there and created a life I envy.
“Vivi’s great with B, but I need to get home as soon as I can, Matt.” He fists his hand around the bottle. “What if my boy comes early and I’m not there?”
Vivi is Bianca’s sister. She’s a trooper. She stepped into the role of Auntie to Dora and Georgie with nothing but love in her heart.
“I just need a few minutes.” I look up at the ceiling. “I’m lost, Rome. I’m so goddamn lost right now.”
His hand lands on my shoulder. I feel the comforting warmth through the button-down shirt I’m wearing. “You’re torn up, Matty. Tell me what the fuck is going on? A few days ago you were on top of the world. Today you look shattered.”
I swallow hard. “I fell in love.”
He punches my shoulder with enough force to sting. “You bastard. You tell me now? How long has this been going on?”
“Weeks.” I shrug. “I don’t know. It feels like I’ve known her forever.”
“Who?”
I turn to face him and look him square in the eyes. “Faith Upton.”
There’s zero judgment in my brother’s expression, just familiar understanding. He gets me. He always has. “She’s great, Matt. I don’t know her well, but she’s lovely.”
“She’s twenty-one,” I point out.
“So?”
I smile. “So?”
“Age has nothing to do with anything.” He turns on his stool to face me. “If you love her, fuck the age thing.”
I drop my gaze to the bar. “There’s something else.”
“What?”
“I saw Erin Stein the other day.”
“Erin Stein?” Roman chuckles. “Talk about a blast from the past. What’s going on in her world?”
“She’s one of Faith’s professors.” I shake my head. “Small world, right?”
“Very.” He narrows his eyes. “Does she not agree with what’s happening between you and Faith?”
“She doesn’t know,” I go on, “I value her opinion, but honestly, Roman, it wouldn’t matter to me what she thought. I’m fucking crazy about Faith.”
“So, why are we here?” He nudges my bicep. “Something has you knotted up inside. Tell me what it is?”
“Do you remember that conversation I had with Erin about Jimmy Ferguson?”
His eyebrows perk. “Jimmy fucking Ferguson? Her first? I remember Erin was pissed off that you told her she wasn’t in love with him. You called it sex love or something…no, fuck love.” He laughs. “You told her she was in fuck love and needed to fuck other guys to prove it to herself.”
I confided way too fucking much in my brother back then.
“With Faith, I’m worried that…”
“You’re her first?” he asks in a quiet tone. “Are you her first, Matt?”
I don’t answer. I can’t. I’ve pretty much blown that secret out of the water, but the thought of actually uttering the words feels like a betrayal of the woman I love.
“You’re not Jimmy Ferguson.” He wraps his arm around my shoulder. “You’re Dr. Matthew Hawthorne, a man who has given more of himself to the people around him than he should have. You’re the best man I know.”
I look at him. “I’ve done what was needed to be done.”
“You went over and above what anyone would have done,” he says, squeezing the back of my neck. “You stepped in when Mom couldn’t. You kept everyone fed, you made sure Callum and Delia made their grades, and you helped me raise my daughters when their mother fucked off.”
“You’re my family, Rome.”
“You’re my brother.” The words come out in a strangled tone. “It’s time for you to think about you. Be goddamn selfish for once. Chase her, Matt. Make her yours. Give her your all because love is the best thing that can happen to a man.”
“What if she needs more experiences?”
“What if she doesn’t,” he counters. “What if that woman is as in love with you as you are with her? What if it’s not fuck love, Matt? What if it’s real, sustainable, until the day you die love?”
“It could be.”
“My money is on it being exactly that.” He finishes his beer. “Talk to Faith. Tell her how you feel and let her decide if what she feels is everything she’ll ever need.”
