Taken by E.M. Leya

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Ben stared up at the hospital, debating on if he really should go inside. Was he out of line coming to check on Trenton? Would he be too big of a memory of what had happened? There was something telling him to just drop by, say hi, make sure he was recovering, then let it go. The worst thing that could happen would be for Trenton to tell him to leave, and Ben understood if that happened.

Still, he hardly knew the guy. They'd both been through hell, but Trenton had been on the worst end of things. Yes, as Noam had explained it had taken both of them to bring things to an end, but he still felt like he was to blame for everything Trenton had gone through. Even if he hadn't been the one to take him, he'd been there in the role of captor and that was bad enough.

"Ben?"

He looked up to see Xander walking toward him. "Hey." He smiled, shifting the small duffle bag he carried from one hand to the other so he could offer Xander a handshake.

Xander shook it and smiled back. "Coming to see someone?"

He glanced up at the tall hospital, then back at Xander. "I was debating on visiting Trenton. I hear they lifted security and he can have visitors now, but the more I think about it, the more I'm not sure it's a good idea."

"He asked about you after he woke up from surgery. He asked us to get you a message and say thank you, but I'm betting we were all idiots and forgot with everything going on. I think he'd be happy to see you. Go on up. He was alone when I left him. He's supposed to go home tomorrow, but he's restless as hell. Maybe take him for a spin down to the courtyard or something." Xander shrugged. "Just don't mention food. He's about had it with hospital food."

"Then he'll like my get-well gift." Ben patted the bag he carried.

"Hell, you have food in there, he'll welcome you even if he hated you. The poor guy thinks they're starving him. We've been sneaking him in fast food."

"It's not a burger or anything good like that, but I hope he likes it." Ben met Xander's gaze. "I feel like I should apologize to all of you for not getting him out faster."

"You didn't know who to trust. We aren't exactly the good guys in many people's minds." Xander shrugged. "We just hope we can trust you to keep our secrets now."

Ben had thought a lot about that. As a police officer, he had a duty to turn them in, but he would never do that. Not after all he'd seen. In his mind, the team deserved to be treated like royalty. "Your secret is safe with me. Besides, I turned in my badge yesterday and quit my job. I'm thinking about working with Noam for a while as I try to figure out what I want to do with my life."

Xander slapped him on the back. "Then I guess we might be seeing you around." He nodded up at the hospital. "Trenton's on the fifth floor, room 506. Go keep him company."

"Thanks, Xander." Ben gave a nod before turning and heading inside.

As he got off the elevator, he slowed his pace, nervous even after Xander's reassurance that the visit was a good idea. But as Xander had said, they would probably see each other around if he went to work with Noam, and it was best to ease the tension now. Ready for any reaction, he headed down the hall and knocked on the open door, sticking his head in.

He found Trenton sitting on a reclining chair, staring up at the T.V. with a scowl. "Not a fan of daytime T.V.?" He stepped into the room so Trenton could see him better from the angle he was at.

"Ben, I'm glad you came." Trenton smiled. "You won't mind if I don't get up?" He gestured to his wrapped leg.

"I'd stop you if you tried." Ben pulled the bag up and opened it. "I come with gifts." He pulled out a large bottle of lemonade and set it on the bedside table. "And I'm not sure if you have dietary restrictions, so speak up if you do, but I thought you'd like some fresh fruit." He pulled out a bin of different sliced fruits and set it on the table. "Then of course, can't forget the cheese and crackers." He pulled that out.

"Give me." Trenton held out his hand.

Ben laughed. "Glad I decided on that."

"Me too. They're starving me here." He pointed. "Will you dump that water out of that cup for me and fill it with lemonade, please?"

Glad things seemed to be going smoothly, Ben did as asked. "How are you feeling?"

"Better. I'm restless and want to go home, but then I think about…" Trenton shook his head. "I just want out of here."

"Know when that's going to happen?"

"They say tomorrow. The team is trying to get me to go stay with them, but I just want my own apartment. I'm tired of everyone taking care of me."

"You able to walk?"

"I have to use that thing." He gestured to a small knee scooter beside his chair. "And I can't use my arm much for another two weeks, so there goes my racquetball game and morning jog."

Ben smiled as he set the lemonade beside Trenton, then took the seat across from him. "I think I've been doing enough jogging for both of us."

Trenton's gaze went serious. "Running from the demons?"

Ben nodded. "I'm not sure they'll ever go away."

"Yeah, I've been thinking the same thing. I'm okay until I close my eyes." Trenton offered the cheese tray to Ben. "Want some?"

"Nah, thanks though. I bought me one when I got yours." He looked at Trenton's wounds. "I'm sorry I couldn't warn you what was happening. Even I didn't know until it was over with. I've spent the last few days with the D.A., filling out reports and answering questions. Just when I think I've told them everything, I remember something new."

"I'm glad things happened the way they did. It was safer."

"Says the man with two bullet wounds."

"I'll heal."

Ben wanted to ask how, but it didn't seem right. Trenton had been through so much more than he had, yet Ben wasn't sure he would ever heal from the things he'd seen. "Did you get your meatballs yet?"

"Tomorrow night. She's going to cook dinner for me tomorrow when I get home." Trenton glanced up at him. "You should come over and try them. Maybe she'll give you the recipe and I can buy it off you when she's not around."

Ben laughed. "I'd love to accept, but I think she might want it to be a special night for the two of you. What was her name again?"

"Faith, and while you are probably right, I could use the company. I'm afraid she'll want to talk about things I'm not ready to talk about yet. I also don't want her trying to play babysitter while I heal. If you're there, she wouldn't be as likely to try and push me to talk or mother me the way she would if I was alone."

"You sure? I wasn't convinced you'd ever want to even see me again after everything that happened. I thought I might remind you of all the bad stuff." Ben shrugged.

"You don't. I mean, that stuff is in my head anyway. You being around doesn't bring them forward in my head. The memories are already front and center. If anything, it's easier around you because you know already. You know what happened there. What they did… I don't want to talk to anyone about it, but even if I did, telling them isn't the same as having been there. Like you, I've been talking to the D.A. a lot the last few days as well, and I know now that you really were trapped there almost as much as I was. You were doing a job you thought would end with the criminals arrested, but find out the criminals are actually some of the men you were working for. You didn't know who to trust any more than I did, and, same as me, one wrong move could have cost you your life."

Ben sighed. "I hated what I did, what I saw, but it was nothing like what you—"

"Don't. Don't compare. It's done and we move on. It's all we can do now. As I was saying before, come eat dinner at my place tomorrow. You'll love Faith. She's a great cook, and you'll save me from too many pillows propped around me and having her worry over every little injury I have. She's pre-med and a pain in the ass when it comes to anything she might be able to fix."

Ben laughed. "Can I bring anything?"

"I'd love to say beer, but they have me on some heavy pain meds still. Besides, it was beer that got me into this in the first place. Maybe I should quit drinking." He stared off in space for a moment, then sighed. "I'm sure the guys have already restocked the place after my brother went back home, so unless there is something certain you want, you don't need to bring anything."

He didn't feel right just showing up empty-handed. He'd pick up dessert or something, but he got the feeling this was more about Trenton not being alone with people who might ask questions. "If you're serious, I'll be there. I just don't want to make you uncomfortable. I came here just to say thank you. I almost didn't come, but as I was about to turn around and leave, I ran into Xander outside and he convinced me you'd be okay if I dropped in."

"I asked about you several times. I worried you'd been there and hurt. I knew it was night and you should be home, but I didn't know if you'd come to help them or…" He shook his head. "You have nothing to thank me for. You're the one who took all the risks. Without you, I wouldn't have gotten out of there."

"It took both of us. You had to admit your connections for me to contact them. That put you at risk. All your friends at risk."

"You'll keep our secret, right?"

Ben smiled. "What secret? Of course, I will. I have questions, but I don't feel it's even proper to ask. It's better to forget what I know and go on."

"Forgetting would be good, but you don't forget something like that. Maybe someday you can ask, for now, it's best if we just let it go. Too many risk factors, especially now with the D.A. and his team involved with everything." Trenton took a piece of cheese. "Do you have a family?"

"No, I was an only child and my parents have both died. With the job I did, I didn't form close ties with people. I moved from one place to another and kept to myself. Now that I quit, I'm trying to decide if I should stay here or not. Noam offered me a job with him, which sounds great, but then I wonder, can I keep my cool after everything I've witnessed? Can I still play a role and not let my anger get in the way?"

"I've wondered that too. I'm not sure I can go back to doing what I did before. Which sucks because I'm good at it. I just can't see myself being able to separate my emotions from it anymore." He took a drink of lemonade, then looked at Ben. "But what the hell do I do if I don't do what I've always done?"

Ben smiled. "That's kind of where I am. I need to get a place to live. My apartment was part of my cover. Do I buy a house, get another apartment? Do I even want to stay in the area or move clear across the country? Part of me thinks fishing in Alaska for a few months sounds like the perfect way to get my head back in the right place, but then I almost feel as if I'm running away."

"Is running away so bad?" Trenton asked. "I know I'd love to just take off and not have to face all the questions, all the looks. They keep comparing me to Faith. She was kidnapped when she was young and held by a pedophile. We rescued her. Yeah, we both were raped and held hostage, but our experiences were very different. What worked to heal her isn't going to help me the same way." Trenton shifted in his seat. "Truth is, I don't want to talk about it all, but I know they are going to try and make me talk. Even if it's to Katie, I'm just not ready for it. I need some time and I worry they won't give me time."

"So you're saying I should pack two fishing poles because you'll be hiding out with me." Ben grinned.

"Something like that." Trenton sighed. "I'm so tired. I just want to go home to my own bed. I want my own things."

"You got someone picking you up tomorrow?"

"Yeah, Bryon and Becca are going to get me home, then Faith will be over about six with dinner. If you want to show up a bit before that so I'm not alone, that would be great." Then he sighed. "That sounds wrong. I'm not trying to use you to keep me safe from their being overbearing and over-worried pain in the asses, I really do want you to come over and enjoy dinner with us."

Ben smiled. "It's okay if you need someone to run interference for a bit. You've been through hell, and while I'm sure they're good friends, I do know they love you like family, and family can be the last thing a person needs around when they need time to heal. Family and close friends will expect you to be the Trenton you were before. They won't understand that after everything you've been through, you might never go back to being the same again."

Trenton looked up. "How is it you get me? You'd think doing what we do, the team would understand. I know Faith went through the same thing of sorts, but even she looks at me like she wants to just fix everything and make it better. Hell, maybe I'm just paranoid that's what they want to do and reading too much into things."

"Does it matter? It's how you feel and that's not wrong. If you need time, then take time. If that means you tell your friends and family to leave you alone for a while until you're ready to handle things, then so be it. No one should tell you how to heal from this. I don't care if they all went through the same thing, you're all going to heal differently."

Trenton put the lid back on the cheese and pushed it aside. "I hate that everything feels different."

"I don't think anyone would expect you to jump back into your old life and not have changes. You're not the same person you were a few weeks ago."

"But I dealt with that stuff daily. It was my job to search out the videos, the photographs, the perverts. It was my job to collect the evidence so the others could do their job."

"You collected the evidence. This time you are the evidence. There's a big difference. I don't mean to be so blunt, but… Well hell, yes, I do mean to be blunt because there's no other way to be. In the past, you could separate your life from work, but this time, work became your life. You're not looking at another person's suffering, you're looking at your own. It changes everything."

"How do you sleep at night?" Trenton asked.

"I don't. At least not well. I can't remember the last full night's sleep I had where I didn't wake up from hearing kids screaming or dreaming about something I saw. I try to tell myself it was just a job, but it wasn't. It was a living nightmare. The first night I worked, it was bad. I was in training with Stan. He's the guy who beat the other guy you were brought in with. Anyway, he was vicious. He would pull girls out of the cages and rape them whenever he desired. There were three or four a night sometimes, and he'd do it right there with everyone watching. He kept offering them to me, but I couldn't. I went home that night and spent hours throwing up and crying. I almost quit my job, but then I remembered the woman's face and knew if I didn't stay, she might never get help. I told myself that night after night to get myself through it, hoping and thinking that in just a few days, the captain would say we had all the evidence we needed and we'd save everyone. But that day never came." Ben stared out the small window of the room because it was easier to talk if he wasn't looking directly at Trenton. "It doesn't make sense to me. Why did the chief put us in there in the first place? You'd think he'd want to cover up any knowledge of the place, not put an undercover sting operation on it. What did he think would happen? And who brought this to the chief's attention so that he had to do something about it?"

"Did you ask the D.A.?" Trenton asked.

"Yeah, but he's not sharing info yet. I can tell he knows more than he's letting on, and I understand that, but it's hard not to get the answers I want quickly. I feel like they're patting me on the back, saying good job, then shooing me out of the room so the adults can talk."

Trenton grinned. "I felt the same way. I swear they asked me the same questions they were probably using to interview the six-year-olds they rescued. When I started using much more adult language and details, they looked a little shocked."

Ben looked up as a young woman walked in.

"Shit, save me. She looks innocent, but she's mean." Trenton sighed as the woman smiled.

"You just don't like therapy." She set a clipboard down on the bed. "I promise, unless for some reason you aren't discharged in the morning, this will be our last torture session."

"I think that's my cue to head out." He took the pen from the small bedside table and quickly wrote his number on a napkin for Trenton. "If you're serious about tomorrow night, text me the address. I'm glad you're doing well enough to get out of this place."

"Thanks, Ben. Seriously, for everything."

"It took both of us to make it all happen. Good luck with your torture session." He grinned at the young therapist, then gave Trenton a wave before heading out the door.

As he walked to his car, he was glad he'd dropped by. He wasn't sure if they could salvage a friendship out of this, but for now, it was nice to have someone around who understood and had been there. As much as Trenton seemed to need to lean on him, he needed Trenton as well.