Taken by E.M. Leya

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Trenton sat on his couch, staring out his window. Bryon and Becca just left, and for the first time since before he was taken, he was finally alone. He didn't count being alone in the hospital room. It was different there. Someone could always walk in. Here, this was alone. No one was going to knock on his door or barge in to do a blood test. Nope, he was finally alone, and he hated it.

He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them as he tried to sort through the thoughts and figure out why being alone left him so uncomfortable, but he couldn't figure it out. His leg ached, but he ignored the pain, refusing to acknowledge the injury. He knew no one was going to come take him again. He was safe in his home. Still, there was an uneasiness he couldn't push away. Like he was on the edge, waiting for something to happen. Like he knew evil was on the other side of the door and would open it at any minute.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing. He could handle this. It was just a small anxiety attack. He would be okay. Faith would be over in an hour or so, and he'd messaged Ben to come a bit earlier. As soon as someone was with him, the fear and restlessness would go away.

He didn't like needing others, and he'd never admit openly that he did. Still, he watched the door, counting the minutes until someone arrived. He thought about turning on the T.V., but the evening news was on, and there would be reports about the mansion and what went on there. He didn't need the memories. If he turned on the T.V., he'd end up watching for information. He just couldn't help himself. Like when he was working on a case for the team, he wanted to know everything, collect the evidence, and build a case that would put everyone away. The fact that he couldn't do that with this case was hard. He needed to stay out of it for his own sanity, because digging into any part of it would stir memories.

He looked around his apartment, taking in everything. The team had stocked his fridge and made sure everything was clean, but his brother hadn't really left any mess. He wasn't upset his brother didn't stay until he got home. His brother didn't do well with drama or chaos. He liked his quiet life and Trenton understood that. They'd both been through a lot growing up, his brother more so than him. He'd actually been shocked his brother had come down at all. They'd talked on the phone often once he'd been rescued and it was enough. His real support came from the team, just like it always had.

Still, he wasn't sure the team was what he needed right now. Even if they tried to keep from discussing work, it always popped up in conversation, and hunting pedophiles and searching for evidence weren't things he was ready to focus on yet. He wasn't sure he ever would be ready.

The sudden knock on his door had him jumping, causing his arm and leg both to hurt. He sighed as he stood, hating he had to take the time to use the scooter to move anywhere. It rolled awkward on his living room carpet, and he took longer than he wanted to get to the door. He glanced through the peephole, and relief swept through him at the site of Ben. He quickly unlocked the door and tried to ease back out of the way to let him in. "Hey, glad you came." He meant that more than Ben would ever know. Just having someone else around seemed to calm him and take away the edginess that plagued him.

"Thanks." Ben held a box. "I brought a cake I picked up from the bakery. I hope you like chocolate."

"I love it." Trenton gestured to the kitchen. "Go ahead and put it in there. I'm too slow with this thing to do much of anything."

"Still getting used to it?" Ben asked as he headed to the small kitchen.

"I thought I had it down until I had to tackle this carpet." Trenton closed and locked the door, thinking about how he would never have locked it before when he'd been home, especially knowing Faith would be over soon.

"Yeah, I can see how that would make it difficult. Still, I think it would almost be better than crutches." Ben disappeared in the kitchen, then was back out just as fast. "Can I help you in any way?"

Trenton shook his head. "Just forgive me if I'm not a great host." He made it to the couch, got the scooter in position, then eased down so he was sitting. "And maybe answer the door when Faith shows."

"I can do that." Ben smiled as he took a seat in the chair across from Trenton. "Nice to be home?"

Trenton hesitated, wondering how honest he wanted to be. "It's too quiet. Is that weird? You'd think after everything I'd want quiet. I'd want my own space. It's just that I sit here and start to think too much."

Ben nodded but didn't say anything.

"At the hospital, I couldn't wait to come home, now I almost wish I was back there." He looked at Ben. "When does it get easier?"

"I'm not sure. What we're going through is different. I'm dealing with the guilt that I took part in any of the crimes committed. I struggle to justify not stopping it sooner. You're dealing with having been a victim of those crimes, of not having the power to stand up and fight for yourself. We had two different experiences. I can't tell you how to heal from yours, just like you can't tell me how to heal from mine. They can tell us to talk to someone, to get therapy, but you know as well as I do that every time they say that you just want to yell, because if you're anything like me, you feel you should be strong enough to handle it on your own. Maybe it's a guy thing, but I'm not comfortable talking to anyone about what happened there. I don't want anyone to have to know how horrible it was."

"That's why I can talk to you. You do know. You were there. I can't talk to Katie or anyone else. I don't want them knowing what was done to me." Trenton's eyes filled with unshed tears. "I mean, they know, at least have some idea, but they don't really know. They'll never understand the way you and I do." He swiped at the tears as they fell. "Fuck, if I'm this big of a mess after everything, can you imagine what those poor kids are going through?"

Ben stood and went to the kitchen. When he returned he held out a paper towel. "Those kids will have a lot more help than you do. The therapy will be forced on them. You're an adult. They can suggest it, but only you can decide to take what is offered. I don't blame you for not wanting to talk about things. I know I sure as hell don't want to. I think it's just going to take time. For you, you need to learn to trust yourself again, and trust others around you. For me, I need to find a way to forgive myself and not hate everyone who put me in that position. I'm so fucking mad at the department. They should have known. They should have seen what was going on. Someone other than the chief and captain knew we were working there. Something happened to force the chief to send us in. I want answers, but I fear I'll never get them."

Trenton sighed as a knock came at the door. "That's Faith, will you let her in?" He used the paper towel to wipe his eyes.

"You ready?" Ben asked from the door.

"Yeah, thanks." He took a deep breath and hid the paper towel in his pocket. He needed to be okay for Faith, and somehow, Ben knew that. He watched as Ben looked out the peephole, then opened the door.

"You must be Faith, or I'm letting some strange, young woman in." Ben smiled. "Here, let me help."

"Thanks, you must be Ben. Trenton told me you'd be joining us." She handed him a stack of Tupperware dishes. "Just set everything on the kitchen counter. I'll take it from there. I just need to do a few simple things and it's ready." Faith smiled across the room at Trenton. "Hey, you holding up?"

He hoped his eyes weren't red. It had only been a few tears. "I'm good. Just tired. I keep forgetting I'm not in top shape anymore."

"We'll get you back into shape in no time." She hurried to the kitchen.

Trenton sighed, wondering if he would ever be back to the same condition he'd been in before. He'd lost a good twenty pounds or more. A lot of it had been muscle because he found himself weaker than he remembered. He also tired quickly, and it was from more than just his injuries. Beau had sworn the drugs would have no lasting effect on him, but that didn't mean all the days of freezing and starving wouldn't. Despite the fact he'd been eating a ton since he'd been rescued, he still hadn't gained any weight or strength back.

Ben walked out, his eyes filled with amusement. "She just kicked me out and said she'd call us in when she was ready."

"Sounds like Faith. She's worried we might learn the secrets to her meatballs." He spoke loud enough for her to hear.

"You'll never get my secret," Faith called back.

Ben laughed. "These better be amazing meatballs."

"The best." Trenton smiled. "I remember when she was about fourteen, she told me that she hated cooking, then she met this girl at school and her mother was some big-time chef for the Hollywood elite. I don't know what happened, but the next thing I knew, Faith was cooking for the team almost nightly.

"I finally learned what good cooking was and that what Dad and Xander cooked weren't the only options I had." Faith walked in. "After eating Xander and Dad's cooking for years, I thought everything just tasted bad."

Ben laughed.

Trenton grinned. "Why do you think we always grill burgers or steak when we get together? Becca and you are the only two good cooks in the kitchen."

"It's a miracle you survived before we came along." Faith stood, looking at him. "You want to eat here or in the kitchen? I'm good with either, I just need to know how to serve it."

He glanced into the kitchen and then back to where he was, already comfortable. "If you two don't mind, can we stay in here?"

"I don't mind." Ben shrugged. "From the smell of the food, I could eat it just about anywhere."

"Thanks." Faith grinned. "No worries. Ben can come serve his own plate, and just this once, I'll cater to you." She bent down and kissed his cheek. "Ranch dressing on your salad?"

"Please." His stomach growled. This beat hospital food or burgers any day. "You'll spoil me."

"Maybe, but you deserve it this once." She turned and headed into the kitchen.

"I'll go help." Ben got up and followed her.

It was only a few minutes before plates were scattered across the coffee table, and everyone was digging in. He didn't miss the fact that Faith and given him twice as many meatballs than normal. He would bet she would keep feeding him like this until he put the weight he'd lost back on.

"So, Kasey has a baseball game tomorrow afternoon. You up to going?" Faith asked.

Trenton focused on stabbing the lettuce under his fork as he shook his head. "Not yet. I need a few more days before I go venturing out in public. Thanks for the offer though."

She frowned.

Trenton sighed. "Listen, I know you guys are trying your best to get me back to normal, but I hurt still. It's going to take a few more days before I can move around without tears coming to my eyes. I love you guys for wanting to help me out, but I've got to take it slow."

"If you'd let Beau give you something for the pain…" Faith narrowed her eyes at him.

"I did. And if the Ibuprofen doesn't help, I'll take something stronger. Right now, I need a clear head. I've got a meeting tomorrow morning with the D.A. and the last thing I need is to feel sluggish through it."

"Do you need a ride?" Faith looked hopeful.

"Actually, Ben's going to take me." He prayed Ben wouldn't say different. Truth was, he just planned on grabbing an Uber. It would be his first attempt at facing the world on his own again. He was nervous as hell, but he had to push past his fears.

"Yep, I've got an appointment about the same time. Figured we'd get the meetings over and grab lunch together after." Ben grinned at him as he reached for a breadstick.

"Oh, okay." Faith sighed. "You'll be coming back to the team house soon, right?" she asked.

Out of all the members of the team, he thought that Faith would understand more than anyone that he might need his space for a bit, but it seemed she'd either been nominated or nominated herself to be his nanny. He loved her to death, but he couldn't deal with the overprotective, worrisome thing she had going on. "Not right away. I need some time before I dive back into work."

"You don't have to work. We can hang out and just play video games like we used to." She looked so hopeful as she stared at him.

"Aren't you going back to school?" he asked.

"I don't have to rush. I have a few weeks." She shrugged. "Besides, I need to make sure—"

He held up a hand stopping her. "Faith, please. I know you're worried, but you know better than anyone that this is going to take some time. There is no magic, make it all better wand you can wave. Aside from my physical injuries, there's some stuff I need to work out in my head. And yes, before you say anything, I will talk to Katie, but some of it just has to happen on its own. I love you, and I really appreciate you and the others worrying about me, but please don't push."

Faith set her fork down. "Sorry, I was, wasn't I? I swore I wouldn't do to you what they did to me. Dad kept wanting to take me out to my favorite places, plan vacations, and just keep me busy, but you're right, when I got home, I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't want to be around people. You guys were okay, but I didn't want to go to the zoo or the movies."

Trenton gave her a small smile, hating he was breaking her heart. "Yeah, it's like that. I know how you feel. I want me better too, but I'm not sure when that will happen. It's only been a few days, and those days I was stuck in the hospital dealing with investigators and hospital and state-appointed counselors. I just want to sit back for a few days and think about everything, and as odd as it might sound, figure out how I feel about it all."

Her eyes filled with worry. "I'm sure I'm not alone when I say we don't want to leave you alone to overthink things."

Again, he glanced at Ben and hoped he'd have his back. "I won't be alone. Ben's going to come over every day and make sure I'm okay. He was there. He knows what happened to me. I know what he saw. We've got a kind of understanding."

Ben nodded. "And I have Noam and Xander's numbers should I think he's falling apart. I even have Katie's office number programmed into my phone. I won't let him sink into a depression or go to some dark place. I promise."

Trenton reached over and touched Ben's arm. "Thanks." He turned to Faith, keeping his hand on Ben's arm. "I know you want to be here, but right now, I just need someone who is going to let me work through this. I know you've seen the worst of the world too, but even knowing that, I can't talk about this with you, Faith. I wouldn't."

"I'm not a little—"

"It has nothing to do with you being young or you being a woman. I wouldn't talk to Xander or Matt about this. I won't talk to anyone other than Ben right now because he was there. He was part of it all. I don't have to explain things to him because he was there. In time, maybe I'll talk to Katie, but as for anyone else on the team, I just can't. They know all they are going to know." He saw the hurt his words caused in her eyes, but he wouldn't apologize or take them back. He didn't want to share his personal hell with anyone. It was bad enough it played back and forth in his head every night. He didn't need others knowing about it too. "I love you, and you know how much the guys mean to me, but I just need time."

She nodded. "I understand. I really do. It's just hard. I want to help."

"You know there is nothing that will help but time."

Ben covered Trenton's hand with his own, reminding him that he still had it resting on Ben's arm. "There are so many layers to the things we've both been through. This isn't just about the rape or kidnapping. It goes deeper. Stuff only someone that was there could understand." He looked at Faith. "I promise I'll call if he needs you guys. And I'm sure he's not saying don't come over at all. You can still check on him. Just don't expect the same guy that he was to show back up right away."

Faith nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay then, but I still might bring you some meals. I'll drop them off and go. You don't have to entertain me. I just know you. If someone doesn't cook, you'll live off pizza and frozen dinners."

"I'll agree to that for a bit, but you really need to go back and get ready for school to start. You don't need to be wasting your time here. We can Facetime and stuff so you know I'm okay. My life was disrupted, but yours shouldn't have to be." He took a bite of his meatballs, trying to get things back on track. "I feel guilty enough for things, don't make me feel guilty you got off to a slow start at school this year."

"You know better. I won't mess up school." She picked her own fork back up. "In fact, I talked to my roommate earlier and things are good to go. I got all the classes I wanted, and we're volunteering at a clinic off-campus."

"Trenton told me you're pre-med?" Ben asked.

She nodded. "I've been training with Beau for years, but I have to make things official. If I want hospital privileges, I sorta have to have the degree too." She rolled her eyes.

"Beau spoiled you," Trenton commented before shoving another meatball into his mouth.

Faith jabbed her fork toward him. "You all spoiled me."

Ben laughed. "I haven't had the chance to meet Beau. I'm assuming he's a doctor?"

"Oh, sorry. I thought you knew about the team and everything." She looked worriedly at Trenton. "Did I say too much?"

"No, he does know about the team, but he hasn't met everyone and we haven't discussed what role everyone plays." He glanced at Ben. "Beau is our team doctor. He handles all the unexpected injuries. We have a small clinic at the main house where he can do minor surgeries and stuff."

"Wow, you guys have a plan for everything." Ben looked impressed.

"We have to. We never know when a sting will go bad." Trenton shrugged.

Faith leaned in as if she was telling a secret. "Most of the injuries are because these guys are so competitive. Sprained ankles from a game of basketball in the driveway, or what was your last one, Trenton? Oh yeah, a broken wrist after a racquetball hit your arm just right."

Trenton shrugged. "That wasn't my fault. Becca distracted me."

Faith laughed. "You're really blaming Becca."

"Damn straight." He reached for his drink. "Seriously, Faith, dinner is amazing. Thank you for bringing it over."

Ben nodded. "I have to admit, I didn't think meatballs could be that good. I see why they are Trenton's favorite."

"Next time I'll make his favorite roasted chicken, but I think I'll have to borrow his kitchen for that. If I try to make it at home, Xander will eat it all before I get it here." She took a bite of the green bean casserole she'd brought with. "Was that a cake I saw in the kitchen?"

"Ben brought it." Trenton smiled over at him. He was so glad he was here to help ease the tension. It was probably a tension only he felt, but it was there.

"Chocolate?" Faith asked.

"Is there any other kind worth having?" Ben raised a brow.

"You know, I think I like you." Faith stood. "Everyone want a slice of it?"

"Please," they both answered in unison.

The rest of the evening went smoothly and Trenton was relieved that Faith seemed to back off a bit about trying to get him back into what used to be his normal routine. He owed Ben for lying for him and saying he'd be around. It was just that he couldn't handle everything right now. He wasn't sure where his mind was, but it wasn't a good place. He needed time, and somehow, he needed everyone to give him that time.

"Well, I guess I'll go. I'll call tomorrow and check on you, and I'll bring dinner by again in a few days." Faith had cleaned up and put all the leftovers in the fridge.

"Thanks. Tell everyone thank you for stocking my kitchen and cleaning my apartment this week." Trenton bent and kissed her cheek. "I'm really okay. Make sure they know that. I don't need them all checking in on me throughout the day."

"They will anyway." She smiled, then glanced at Ben. "It was nice to meet you. Call one of us if…" She shrugged. "If anything changes." She cast a quick glance at Trenton.

"I will," Ben promised.

Trenton let the door click shut, then let out a long breath before turning to Ben. "Thank you for covering for me. I know it was a dick move putting you on the spot like that."

Ben shrugged. "I don't mind, but I also won't lie to anyone, so I will be checking in on you daily to make sure you're okay."

"You don't need to. I'll be okay." Trenton didn't want to bother anyone. Even if he could tolerate Ben around, it wasn't his place to make sure he was okay. He'd be fine in time. He just needed… Well, he wasn't sure what he needed, but he'd figure it out.

"You're telling me you're okay being alone here?" Ben looked at him knowingly. "You're fine here stuck in your own head, playing things through over and over again?"

Trenton sighed.

"I know how it is. I hate being home alone. I close my eyes to sleep and all I hear are children crying or women screaming. I see their faces when they come back down from upstairs or remember the fear in their face the first time they were taken upstairs. But you know what the worst is for me? It's knowing how that fear turned into nothing after a few weeks. How people lost all emotion. It was like they'd shut down their emotions to protect themselves and didn't even react to what was done to them anymore. They lost all their fight and I lie in bed wondering if they will ever find that fight again now that they're free."

The things that haunted Trenton weren't exactly the same, but he understood. He also heard the screams when he was alone, and he also remembered the torture, the pain, and the degrading things he'd been forced to do in the name of someone else's pleasure. He wasn't sure he'd ever recover from some of those things. "So you'll stay for a while tonight? Maybe watch a movie or something?" He really didn't want to be alone.

"As long as I get to pick."

Trenton tossed him the remote for the T.V.. "Deal."

As they settled in for a mindless night of watching movies, he wondered if Ben really did hate being alone or if he was just saying it because he knew Trenton needed someone right now. He really hoped it wasn't out of pity or sympathy because that was something he couldn't handle right now. He felt sorry enough for himself. He didn't need others doing it too.