Taken by E.M. Leya

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Ben woke to the sound of a cry. It took him a moment to realize it wasn't in his head but coming from nearby him. He opened his eyes to find himself in a strange room, with the glow of the T.V. illuminating the darkness.

Trenton's, he was at Trenton's. He sat up, forcing the sleep from his mind as he looked around. Trenton lay on the opposite side of the couch, restlessly tossing and turning. It was clear he was dreaming. A sheen of sweat covered his skin, and he seemed to be trying to push something away from him.

Unsure what to do, Ben watched for a moment. Should he wake him? He hated to imagine what he was dreaming. He gave it a few moments more, but when Trenton cried out again, this time sounding as if he was in severe pain, Ben couldn't sit by silently. He moved closer, careful not to get close enough that Trenton could hit him should he wake up confused. "Trenton, it's Ben. Wake up. You're dreaming." He touched Trenton's foot only to have Trenton kick at him. "Trenton, you're dreaming. It's not real." Though he knew from his own nightmares it felt real.

Trenton flayed his arms and cried out again, this time falling halfway off the couch as he did. That woke him up. He sat breathing heavily for a minute, looking stunned and confused.

"It was a dream," Ben said softly. "You were dreaming."

Trenton looked up, his face filled with fear as he stared at Ben.

"We're at your apartment. Not at the mansion. You're safe, Trenton. No one is going to hurt you anymore."

Trenton stared at him for several moments, then tears filled his eyes and he started to cry. Heavy sobs that shook his body. Ben let him be, leaving him to cry, guessing it was the first time he had since being rescued. It broke his heart to see him in so much pain, but he wasn't sure comforting him was the right thing to do. It would remind him that he wasn't alone and he'd throw the mask back on instead of letting everything out.

Once he realized how hard he was crying, Ben got up and went to the bathroom, returning with a box of tissues. He set it on the coffee table, then moved to sit on the floor near Trenton. He gently touched his shoulder, unsure how to help or if he should. He thought of a million things to say, but none of them were right. Telling Trenton it was over and he was safe was a lie. The abuse might be over, but it was all still very real and going on in his mind. He could tell him that he wasn't alone, but the truth was, he was. No one knew what was going on in Trenton's mind and they both experienced and remembered different things. Being here for him physically didn't help when he was fighting demons in his head.

Ben wasn't sure if Trenton calmed or simply ran out of tears. As Trenton sniffed, Ben handed him a tissue from the box. "Here."

"Thanks." Trenton's voice was raw as he took the tissue and wiped at his nose and eyes. "I hate this. I don't cry. I swear I'm not a crier."

"The stuff we saw and you went through is enough to change anyone. You needed to cry. You needed to let out the anger, the hurt, the fear, all of those emotions you'd held so tight the last few weeks. Others broke down in the cage, but you refused to. You held it in, determined to survive it all. Now that you're home and safe, those emotions need to come out."

Trenton reached for another tissue. "You sound like Katie."

"I don't know what Katie would say, but I do know that I spent nearly a day crying and working through my guilt and anger this week. I broke things around my apartment when I got angry, I sat on the floor of my bathroom after vomiting as I remembered every bit of abuse I witnessed and didn't stop. We had different experiences, and yours was much worse than mine. If I broke from it all, then you're bound to as well." He caressed his palm down Trenton's back, noticing how damp his shirt was from sweat. "Can I get you a glass of water?"

"Thanks." Trenton took a shaky breath and stood up from the floor and retook his spot on the couch where they'd been before they'd both fallen asleep. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

Ben didn't answer until he was back from the kitchen with a glass of cold water. He handed it to Trenton. "I'm not. If nothing else, I was here to make sure you're safe and that you didn't tear up your apartment the way I did mine. I'm pretty sure the department won't be getting their security deposit back."

Trenton gave a small smile. "I'm not sure I have it in me to be mad yet. That's just it, I don't know what I feel." He reached for another tissue. "I hate myself for getting taken in the first place. I know better than most what to watch for. I hate I didn't fight more, but I know if I did, I would have had it worse. There are so many things I would change now that I'm free, but I know deep inside what I did in there was to keep me alive so I could get out."

"You did everything you could to stay alive. Don't question any of that. Anything you did was so you could walk out of there at some point." Ben didn't add in his own guilt that if he'd acted faster, he could have had them all out of there sooner. If he'd only been stronger and not worried about his job. He should have followed his gut.

"Did you ever work upstairs?" Trenton asked.

Ben shook his head, but then spoke since only the dim light of the T.V. filled the room. "No. I never went up there." He didn't want to think about what happened upstairs. He'd heard enough stories. Witnessing it would be too much. But then Trenton had experienced it. He'd lived through the hell of what happened in those rooms.

"The walls were thin. You could hear the screams from the other rooms. Hear the laughter of the abusers as they did whatever they desired. The screams from the cages were bad enough, but from those rooms, it was worse. When they finished with you, they would leave you there and you'd have to just listen to the others. Imagine what was happening to them."

Ben closed his eyes.

"How do I forget that? How do I sit here alone and not hear those screams in my head?"

"I don't know. I wish I did, but I don't. I can tell you what everyone else will and say time will help, but we both know that's bullshit. Time won't stop the memories of what happened there from haunting us. It will never go away, and I'm not sure I want to just accept that it's going to always be part of my life. I don't want a future where I know every time I try to close my eyes and go to sleep, the memories are going to haunt me." He reached over and touched Trenton's arm. "I do know, I watched you be strong and go through hell with the will to survive the worst things anyone can go through. I can't tell you if you'll ever be who you were before all this, but I can tell you, the man I know is a survivor, and no matter how hard it is to move forward, you will. You won't let what happened to you dictate your future. It might not be today, hell, it might not even be this year, but you will find a way to move on with life and not let those who took you win."

"You think I'm stronger than I am." Trenton arched his head back as if staring at the ceiling.

"No, I think the last few weeks made you forget just how strong you are. You just need time to remember. Stop trying to be okay right now. Give yourself time to deal with everything you went through. I don't think anyone who was at that mansion is going to just pick up the pieces and move on right away. It's okay to take time. Don't let your team, your therapist, or even me try to tell you when you should be okay. It's going to be different for all of us." Ben sighed. "I hate talking like I'm including myself in this. I didn't go through half the stuff you and the others did. In fact, if anything, I failed to stop it quicker. All I'm saying is, I know how bad it was there and I would never blame you for needing time to get through it all. But I also won't let you sink deeper into yourself the way many of the others did while in the cages. The fact you're free now doesn't give you permission to withdraw now. You fought then to survive, and you'll fight now." Ben caressed his finger over Trenton's arm. "You need someone around to keep you moving forward. Your team knows that. If you push me away, one of them will step in. You know that. I don't care if it's me, Faith, or someone else, you need someone checking on you every day."

"And who checks on you?" Trenton asked.

"I guess you do." He didn't have anyone else. The few guys he worked with weren't that close, especially now that everything had happened and he'd quit the department. "For me, the risk isn't so much I might withdraw from society and hide in my room. It's more I'll try and wash away my guilt with booze. You have no idea how many nights this week I've wanted to just pick up a bottle and drink until I forget. I won't because my father used to do that. He'd drink until he forgot he had kids. Drink until he forgot he shouldn't hit his wife. I don't want to forget if that's what I become." He shook his head. "Sorry."

Trenton reached up and took his hand. "Don't be sorry. You're dealing with a ton of shit too. We both have to figure out how to handle it all. I'm sorry your father was like that. That's something else we have in common." Trenton sighed. "I'm going to try to push you away, but the truth is, I need you. I don't want the team here. I don't want to have to explain why I'm having nightmares or what they are about. You know already what I dream. I'm a mess right now, but I'm scared to be alone. I feel like someone is always watching me or like someone is going to crash through the door any minute and take me back there. I know you have a life, but I'd appreciated it you really would stop by once a day and make sure I'm not curled up in a ball, losing my mind."

Ben couldn't refuse. He needed Trenton just about as much as he needed him. "And you'll keep me from picking up that bottle and drinking the memories away?"

Trenton threaded their fingers together, holding his hand tightly. "I might make you want to drink more."

"No, you will remind me why I can't. You'll remind me that we both have to find a way without self-destructing." He gave their joined hands a squeeze. "We're going to be okay. I don't know how long it will take, but we'll be okay."

Trenton nodded. "I hope so. I hate being scared."

Ben knew how hard it was for a man to admit his fear, but he knew Trenton wasn't lying about how scared he was. "Want me to stay on the couch tonight so you're not alone?"

Trenton nodded. "You sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all. Go grab me a blanket and I'll turn off the T.V. and double-check the door is locked." He released Trenton's hand. "We'll get through this together."

"Thanks." Trenton slowly stood. "I might even be nice enough to find a pillow."

Considering how many nights Ben had left Trenton to sleep on the cold cement floor, anything was a blessing and undeserved. It was the past and they were going to try to move forward. He couldn't keep thinking that way. "That would be appreciated."

As he waited for Trenton, he wondered about their friendship. It made little sense, but then again it made perfect sense. They'd both been through hell and seen things they'd never forget, but he couldn't get past the thought that Trenton should hate him. He should blame him for at least the things that happened while he was in the basement, including what Dr. Frank had done to him. How Trenton could forgive him for that, he'd never know, but he also knew he needed Trenton's support just as much. He just wasn't as willing to admit it yet. He was more fucked up than anyone knew, and he wasn't exactly sure what to do with that.