Taken by E.M. Leya

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Things were slowly getting better. After two meetings together with Katie, and one solo meeting each, Trenton was calming down as far as going out in public went. Ben noticed it as they walked out of the apartment and down the sidewalk toward the small park that was about a block away.

It was simple things like Trenton's grip not tightening in his when people walked by or the simple suggestion from Trenton that they go out to eat for dinner that night instead of ordering take-out. Ben wasn't sure if it was talking to Katie or something else, but things were changing.

"Faith called. She wants us to come over to Matt and Xander's for dinner and see her one more time before she heads back to school." Trenton glanced over at Ben as they walked.

"You up for that?" Ben would leave any plans concerning the team up to Trenton. He wasn't going to force him into anything he wasn't ready for. Faith had been by a few times to visit and bring them dinner, and Beau had come by to check on Trenton's injuries, but that was it.

"I think so. As long as they don't ask a lot of questions about what happened." Trenton led them to a bench and sat down, extending his leg, and rubbing around where he'd been shot.

"Sore?" Ben asked.

"A little. More stiff than anything. It feels good to be able to put weight on it, but the muscles are tight." He continued to rub it. "What I can't wait for is the stitches to come out so I can take a shower without you having to help wrap me in plastic wrap."

"Soaking in a hot bath would do your muscles a lot of good. How long before he said the stitches come out?"

"At least another week." Trenton sighed.

"I'll give you a massage tonight and see if that helps," Ben offered.

"You spoil me." Trenton glanced at him. "Thank you for that."

"It's what friends do." Ben shrugged.

"We're more than friends and we both know that." Trenton held up their still joined hands. "I wanted to talk about that."

Ben tensed.

"Don't look nervous. I just think it's time we talk. We mentioned over a week ago about you moving in with me but never brought it up again. I know you have to be out of your apartment by Friday. Do you still want to be roommates?" Trenton asked.

Ben wasn't sure how to answer. He wanted more than roommates. He's spent the last week in bed with Trenton. Ever since the night he'd opened up about his past, they'd shared a bed. Things hadn't gone any farther than kissing, but the kissing had been amazing. "Do I still want to live together? Yeah."

"Do you still want to get a two-bedroom place or are we happy with mine now?" Trenton asked with a nervous glance.

"Are you okay sharing a bedroom?" Ben countered. "This has to be something we both agree to."

"Which is why I wanted to have this talk. I mean, we're like boyfriends, but I don't know if I'm able to be everything a boyfriend should be. I'm afraid I'm going to freak out and mess things up."

"You mean sex?" Ben smiled. "I'm okay without sex, Trenton. Yes, I would love to have sex with you, but it's not important enough for me to stop whatever is happening between us."

"But what if I'm never ready to…" Trenton waved his hand.

"Then we don't. I've been taking care of things myself for years. The feelings I have for you don't have a damn thing to do with sex. Yes, I'm attracted to you, and I will admit I do hope somewhere down the road things might change and we might try, but hell, it's only been a couple of weeks since you were…" He didn't continue. They both knew what had happened a few weeks ago. "I'm not rushing anything. Even I have issues about sex because of what I saw there. I'm not in any hurry to jump into a physical relationship that is more than what we've already done. Holding you in bed at night and kissing you good morning each day is enough for me."

"So do you consider us a couple?"

"Yes, but I don't want the term to scare you."

"It doesn't. It actually makes me feel safer. I don't have to worry about anyone else trying to…" Trenton sighed. "What I'm saying is, I'd like you to move into my room permanently. Move your stuff into my apartment, share my bed, but only if you are okay with that. For now, I'm not sure there can be more."

Ben nodded. "I can go without the sex. That isn't the worry. I need to know I'm there as a partner, as a boyfriend, and not just because I make you feel safe right now. Not because I know your secrets and that makes you feel at ease around me. I need there to be something more. Something here…" He tapped Trenton's chest over his heart. "I want to be more than a security blanket." He saw his words hurt Trenton, but he didn't take them back. He needed to know there was something more than a shared trauma between them.

Trenton sat back. "How do I prove that to you? I can tell you, but you don't have to believe me. I get why you'd worry that's why I want you around, and maybe a little of it is how safe I feel with you, but isn't that how I should feel with a boyfriend? Should only my boyfriend know my darkest secrets? It's more than needing a companion or a babysitter. I'm the first to admit I'm fucked up. Right now, I feel like everyone at that picnic table is whispering about me. I'm paranoid, and insecure, and probably a million other labels you could pick from, but I am sure that I don't want to wake up to anyone else's kisses. I don't want to laugh at stupid T.V. shows with anyone else, and I don't want to try to figure out what my future holds with anyone else by my side. If it was just for security, I'd go hang with Xander. He'd kill anyone that looked at me wrong. There's something more here, and we both know it. We just have to admit it and explore it."

Ben agreed, but he'd needed to hear Trenton say it. He needed to know that he'd looked at things from all angles and knew what they were getting into together. He didn't want to wake up next week to find Trenton healed and no longer in need of his support. "Okay then, let's give this a try. We can go pack up my place tomorrow. I don't have much. The furniture and stuff were mostly there when I moved in. I just need to get my personal things and hand the keys back over to the department to handle. But if this gets too much, if it's more than you can manage—"

Trenton put a finger to Ben's lips. "I want this. There aren't doubts about you, just the unfairness of you having to deal with my issues." He moved his finger, then bent close and kissed him. "I haven't dated anyone seriously in a long time. Maybe five years or more. I'm rusty. I'm going to mess up, but be patient with me. I've thought a lot about this. The fact that I told you about my past, about my father, that was the final point in me knowing you mean a lot to me. I don't tell anyone about that. Bryon knows because he dug into my past, but none of the others on the team know. I wouldn't tell them. I've never told a boyfriend or lover about it. I trust you with everything about me. What I've done, what I've been through. It's refreshing not to hide anything from someone for a change. I've always had to hide my past, hide what I did for the team, hide who I really am, but I don't have to do that with you."

"I want you to know me the same way. You already know my greatest sins. You lived them alongside me. As for my past, it's what it sounded like. An abusive father, a mother who wouldn't leave him. It's the past. I'm sure we'll discuss it more, but it's not important. What is important is that you and I are able to walk away from the last few months and figure out a way to put it behind us. Maybe after this all blows over, we can go away for a while. Clear our heads and decide what we want to do with our lives. Where have you always wanted to travel?"

"I've never been to Hawaii." Trenton shrugged. "Never had anyone to go with or a reason to go. I really haven't traveled much at all."

"I've never been there either. So let's plan on that. Once we both get our feet back under us and we feel we're ready, let's just get away. I think a fresh start will be good for us."

"Agreed." Trenton grinned. "So we're officially a couple?"

"We are. You can tell Faith you and your plus one will be joining them for dinner." Ben winked. "Maybe we can bribe her out of her meatball recipe before she goes."

"Not a chance. I've tried everything." Trenton leaned into Ben's side. "We're going to be okay, aren't we?"

Ben put his arm around Trenton's shoulders and nodded. "We are. We just need to come up with a good lie about how we met because I don't want to be telling any grandkids we might have someday the truth."

"We met in the deli browsing cheese trays." Trenton raised a brow.

"Perfect. No one would question us once they know our shared love for cheese." Ben rested his chin on Trenton's shoulder. "I hate why we met, but I'll never regret that we met."

"Same." Trenton looked around. "Crowds are growing. "Can we go home?"

"Sure." Ben took Trenton's hand. It was slow progress, but he knew full healing would take time. "Let's go home."