Taken by E.M. Leya

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Trenton woke as the lights in his room came on and a loud voice called out. He didn't make out the words, still lost in the dream he'd been having. Hell, not a dream. It had been a nightmare. He'd been back at the mansion, upstairs in one of the bondage rooms. This time in his dream he hadn't been the one being abused. He'd been tied to the cross, forced to look out over the rest of the room where small children were lined up. A large man in nothing but a leather mask stood naked, leering at the kids as he walked up and down the line of children as if inspecting them. Trenton knew the man. Knew him well.

"Trenton, wake up. You're dreaming again."

Opening his eyes, he stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to forget what he'd seen in his dream. The screams of each child as they'd been raped echoed in his head, and his arms ached as if the struggle to free himself from the cross had been real. In his dreams, he'd screamed, trying to break free to save the children, but he couldn't. He'd been forced to watch as the man moved from one child to the next.

"Trenton?" Ben's hands caressed down his arm. "Are you okay?"

Blinking, Trenton shook his head. "He raped them. Raped all of them."

"It was a dream. Only a dream. You're home. We're safe." Ben's hand brushed the hair back from Trenton's face as he knelt beside the bed.

Trenton tried to calm his breathing. Tried to slow his pulse. It wasn't real. It had been a dream. The problem was, due to his job, he'd seen so many videos of children being abused that it was like his mind had an endless loop of children to remember. The screams hadn't been from his dream. They'd been from his memories. Children he'd found and helped the team save, but in doing so, he'd had to watch their abuse to save the evidence they would leave behind for the police. This wasn't a dream. It was his mind remembering everything.

"Want me to get you some water?" Ben asked softly.

Trenton shook his head. "Don't go." He didn't want to close his eyes again and fade back into the dream.

"Okay, I won't leave you. Do you want to talk about it?"

Trenton shook his head. He'd never share what he saw in his head with anyone. No one needed to have those images in their mind. "Just sit next to me for a while." He moved over so there was room for Ben to sit on the edge of his bed.

The bed dipped as Ben sat down beside him. "You were dreaming about the kids?"

"Remembering them. All the ones we'd saved as a team, but this time I couldn't save them." He rubbed his hand over his eyes. "He had me tied up, making me watch."

"Who was he?" Ben asked.

Trenton shivered, running his hands up and down his arms as he debated if he was really going to share this with Ben. If he was going to do this, he couldn't look at Ben as he did. His eyes, his expression, all of it would give too much away. Besides, he didn't want to see the pity on Ben's face. He rolled to his side, his back to Ben. "My father."

He heard the shocked intake of breath, then a gentle hand was back to caressing his arm.

"Did your father abuse you?" The question was almost a whisper.

"Not me physically, but others. He'd make me and my brother watch. Sometimes help." Trenton curled his arms around himself. "He was the high priest of a fucked up cult. They tortured and sacrificed children to their gods. Members' own children were saved from the torture, but they always brought other children in who had been kidnapped or sometimes bought." He closed his eyes, needing to get this out. He'd said enough already that he might as well finish. "Parents were in charge of everything. As kids, we didn't have permission to decide anything on our own. They decided what we wore, what we ate, when we were allowed to use the bathroom. We were raised to think we did only what we were told. A good child always obeyed, no matter what was asked of them." He focused on the warmth of Ben's hand on his arm. "Fathers were in charge. Mothers were for breeding and housework only. The female kids were married to male members as they got older. The traditions are passed on from father to son, mother to daughter. You were raised knowing that someday you'd stand in your father's place and do the same things he did in praise to the gods. We were all brainwashed, but it was all we knew. We were homeschooled, never allowed around other kids. Seldom even allowed into town to interact with others. The adults, at least the men, they held normal jobs, lived normal lives to anyone watching, but behind closed doors, they were anything but normal."

Ben's hand stilled. "How did you get out?"

"One day there was a raid on the place. My parents were both killed. My brother and I were taken to a foster home and they tried to force us to testify against others. The thing was, we'd been trained to do nothing without permission. We had to be told to dress, to eat, to sleep, what to wear, when to get up and move from the living room to the kitchen. We didn't know how to be normal. It was harder on my brother because he was younger, but even I had trouble adapting to life outside of the cult."

"Did you testify against them?" Ben asked.

Trenton shook his head. "I was too scared. I'd seen them kill other kids, and while I was older than the kids they usually killed, I'd seen them kill other members' kids for acting out, for not obeying and following orders. I was sure they'd kill me or my brother if we said anything." He took a deep breath. "My father used to make us help him kill the babies they'd get. He'd take and make us hold the dagger over their throat. We were too young to be strong enough to do it alone, so my father would wrap his hands around ours and push the dagger in. We'd be forced to repeat the words the adults said, all in training so we could take over someday. Every member of the cult got a tattoo on their eighth birthday. A dagger on their right shoulder blade." He leaned forward so Ben could see it.

Ben's fingers found the small tattoo and traced it softly. "You never covered it up?"

"I thought about it, but it was a reminder of why I did what I did with the team. A reminder of where I came from and why I could never forget. Maybe a reminder so I wouldn't forget all the kids I'd helped to torture or kill."

"You were a child who had been raised to think it was normal. You didn't know different. You can't blame yourself for anything you did."

"But I do. Even then, even though I didn't know different, in my gut it was wrong. It felt wrong. My heart knew it wasn't right."

Ben bent down and kissed Trenton's shoulder softly. "It wasn't your fault. None of it."

"Hold me," Trenton said the words without thinking too much about them. He just needed to feel someone close. To know he wasn't alone.

The bed shifted as Ben stood, then dipped again as he eased down behind Trenton and wrapped his arms around his body, splaying one hand across his chest.

"This okay?" Ben's breath was warm against his shoulder.

"Yeah, thanks." Trenton closed his eyes. He only wore underwear, but Ben was in sweatpants and a t-shirt. There was nothing sexual about them at the moment, but it was intimate. Trenton let himself enjoy the closeness, the simpleness. "After the raid, my brother and I were kept at the hospital for a long time. Most of the kids were. We went through a lot of counseling and programs to help us learn new ways, but it was hard. As I said, even after we got to foster care, we were afraid to do anything without being told to. Even picking our own clothes to wear in the morning was impossible at first. We knew we'd be punished if we didn't wear what we were told. I'm sure the foster families thought we were crazy, but at least they were decent to us. It could have been a lot worse had we ended up with abusive foster parents as well."

"What happened after that?" Ben asked.

"My brother and I floated around the foster care system until I turned eighteen. By then, I was somewhat normal and functioning as a typical person, only I'd withdrawn to sit behind my computer all the time. I was learning to hack, and I was good at it. I never really used my skills for bad, but I loved hacking into systems just to see what was there. I never stole information or transferred money. I just spied. I got a job with a small company working with system security, fought to get custody of my brother, and did my best to give us both a somewhat normal life." Trenton covered Ben's hand with his own against his chest and moved tighter into his embrace. "A few years later, Bryon contacted me. He was looking for his sister. His hacker had hacked me after seeing a digital trail that I'd left following updates about old cult members. He thought I might have information to help him find out if his sister was being held by any of the old members the raid had failed to pick up. I couldn't help him, but a friendship was forged. He introduced me to Carter, and I was part of the team. Carter had skills I could only dream of, and he trained me, teaching me everything he knew."

"And you've done that since?" Ben asked.

"Until the day I was taken. I don't think I can go back to doing it again. I just don't know how to tell them I'm quitting the team." He dreaded the disappointment in their eyes when he told them. He felt as if he was letting them down. If they were strong enough to get through shit, he should be as well.

"I don't think anyone will blame you for wanting to do something different. I think you've seen enough abuse in your life, be it your own or someone else's. It's time for you to do something different."

"I'm open to ideas." Trenton linked their fingers, enjoying the way it felt to be in Ben's arms. It was the first time since being rescued that he felt completely safe. He didn't have to have his guard up or be ready for something bad to happen. Somehow, he knew Ben would protect him.

"There's no rush to decide. I can help you with money if you need it while you figure things out." Ben brushed another kiss over his shoulder.

Trenton laughed.

"What?" Ben tensed.

"Money. It's the one thing I don't need to worry about. Working for the team was very lucrative. I never have to work again if I don't want to. I've invested well. I live a simple life, and up until this, spent almost all my time at work. I appreciate the offer, but money is about the only thing in my life that isn't stressing me out right now." He rolled to his back, keeping hold of Ben's hand against his stomach. "Are you going to go work for Noam?"

Ben stared down at him. "I'm not sure yet. I wanted to see how you feel about that. I don't want to keep you attached to the team if you don't want to be, and if we live together, my working with them will mean they'll still be part of your life in a roundabout way. And, so this isn't all about you, I also don't know if after what we've been through, I can get in the right mindset to deal with pedophiles. They need someone even-tempered for that job, and I'm not sure I won't go off screaming at someone who's flirting with someone they think is a child online." Ben shrugged. "Like you, I'm not real sure what direction I want my life to go. Once I get through testifying for the D.A., I will cut most of my ties with the department. Not that I have many there anyway. I'm open to any possibilities."

Trenton forgot about testifying. It was still months away, but he would not run from standing up against the men who'd kept him hostage. Too many of the others would be too scared to speak up. He would speak for all of them. He was embarrassed to admit what had been done to him, but he would speak about all of it if it helped lock the traffickers away for a very long time. "You'll be with me when I testify?"

"If it's allowed since we both have to testify. If I can't be in the courtroom with you, I'll be right outside the doors, waiting for you."

As he stared up at Ben and saw the warm honesty in his eyes, he wondered if he would ever be ready for a relationship again. He had feelings for Ben, feelings that were growing stronger every day, but sex was his issue. He was sure if he tried to be physical with someone again, he'd end up having a full-on panic attack and send the person running in the other direction. He reached up with his free hand and traced the line of Ben's jaw. He didn't fear Ben and knew he would never hurt him. He just wasn't sure in his mind he would remember that once anything physical started. "Can I kiss you? Nothing more, just a kiss?"

Ben's eyes widened, but he didn't pull away. "I'd like that."

Nervous in a way he hadn't felt since he'd been a teenager, Trenton lifted his head. He liked that Ben let him come to him and didn't try to take over. He let Trenton have complete control. He closed his eyes as he brushed his mouth over Ben's, then softly did it again before easing his hand around the back of Ben's neck and holding him there so his lips could linger and tease Ben's. It was a chaste kiss in many ways. Neither opened nor tried to push a tongue in the other one's mouth. They kept it simple. Just sharing the closeness.

When Trenton eased back down against the pillows, he smiled. "I liked that."

"Me too." Ben dipped his head to kiss Trenton one more time.

"Will you stay here with me the rest of the night?" Trenton asked.

"You sure?" Ben met his gaze.

"I trust you. You won't push me farther than I'm ready. I just feel safe when you're with me. I like the way your arms feel around me."

"Let me go turn off the lights and I'll be right back." Ben stood.

Trenton watched as he went out and turned off the living room light, then came back into the bedroom and turned that light off. Moving over to give Ben plenty of room, Trenton smiled when the bed dipped and Ben was right there by his side again, wrapping him in his arms and kissing his shoulder softly.

"Sleep. I'll keep the nightmares away."

Believing that, Trenton closed his eyes and relaxed.