Taken by E.M. Leya

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

The T.V. was supposed to distract him, but all Ben could think about was the conversation he'd had with Trenton before coming home. Had it been a mistake to admit he was having feelings for him? Truth was, the feelings were growing each day they spent together, and though he knew he had to take things slow with Trenton, he found himself touching him more often. Just gentle touches on the arm or resting his hand on his thigh, but it was enough that Trenton would notice. At least he would if he'd been in his right mind.

The fact that Trenton was spiraling into full panic attacks worried him. He'd almost hyperventilated at the store earlier. It was more than Ben could handle, and he was glad they would be bringing Katie into the mix tomorrow. Of course, that was if Trenton didn't back out, which was a very strong possibility.

God, this whole thing was so fucked up. If only he could have met Trenton some normal way. He thought often about what a confident, strong Trenton would be like. He'd seen a bit of that man when he'd been held captive, but it was as if the moment Trenton had been rescued, he'd given in to the fear and insecurities that others usually displayed in the cages. He also saw that Trenton knew this and was frustrated by it. The mind was a strange thing, and even knowing he was spiraling into a mental breakdown, it was like Trenton didn't know how to stop it from happening.

The sharp sound of his cell phone ringing had Ben quickly reaching to quiet it. Trenton had fallen asleep before Ben had even gotten back with dinner, and he didn't want to wake him. "Hello?"

"Hey, Ben, it's Bryon."

"Oh, hey." He flipped off the T.V. "What's up?"

"Other than Trenton not answering calls from anyone but Faith, and is very vague with her?" Bryon sounded annoyed.

"Not a surprise." He debated on how much to share with Bryon but decided that being mostly honest was the best way to go. "He's having some trouble dealing with some things. I've finally got him talked into calling Katie tomorrow."

"What kind of things?" Bryon asked.

Ben let out a long breath.

"You don't want to betray his trust by talking to me?" Bryon asked.

"Something like that." Ben sat back. "I know you're all close, but…" He let his voice trail off, unsure how to explain things.

"But he's told you he doesn't want us to know, right?"

"Right."

"Can you give me any idea what kind of things we're dealing with?"

Again, Ben hesitated.

"Nightmares?"

"Yes."

"Panic attacks?"

"Yep."

"Anger?"

"Not so much." He blew out a breath and lowered his voice in case Trenton was awake. "Crowds, small spaces, being alone."

"Could he be struggling with having lost control of the situation when he was taken? Maybe lost confidence in taking care of himself?"

"You know, that kind of makes a lot of sense when you put it that way." Ben thought about all the things that were making Trenton uncomfortable. "What are you thinking?"

"Stuff I can't really tell you about. Do me a favor though, if you can get him talking, either to you or to Katie, have him dig into his past. I'm wondering if being kidnapped might have triggered some things from his childhood. He talked to Faith on the phone yesterday and she said he seemed unsure of himself, like he was scared to make decisions. It got me thinking about his past and, well, just see if you can get him talking about that. I could be totally off base, but you know how sometimes something nags at you and you can't let it go? It's like that."

"So it's nothing more than a gut feeling?"

"Yep, but when you're in my line of work, it's those gut feelings that keep you alive. I don't know why I suddenly can't stop thinking about Trenton's past. We never discuss it. It's one of those things I swore to him I'd never tell another soul about, and I won't, but if you or Katie can maybe hint that he should bring it up, it might help. When Faith said he sounded scared to make decisions, it triggered some memories I had about his past. I have no idea where his trust level is with you, but if he'll talk, it might help."

"Thanks, I'm willing to do whatever I can to help him." Ben glanced down the hallway toward Trenton's closed door. "If he won't talk to Katie or me, I'm going to ask you guys to step in. I don't know what else to do."

"That bad?"

"Getting there."

"How's he healing physically?"

"Still sore, but no signs of infection. He's about to throw that damn scooter out the window. I think I'll pick him up a pair of crutches tomorrow, if those don't put too much pressure on his shoulder and arm."

"I'll tell Beau to drop by in the next day or two for a check-up. I know Trenton and he'll be putting weight on that leg with or without permission." Bryon paused. "How are you holding up? Do you need anything?"

Ben didn't know how to take the offer. He wasn't used to anyone giving a shit about him or how he was doing. "I'm okay. I'll be glad when this whole investigation is over and I can move on. Being at the D.A.'s beck and call is not my idea of fun."

"Better you than me." Bryon laughed. "Alright, I'm going to go, but keep me up to date with anything new. Beau will be checking in soon."

"Thanks, Bryon." Ben hung up the phone. It was then he noticed Trenton scooting down the short hallway toward him. He stood. "Hey, how you feeling?"

"Better. The nap helped." Trenton made it to the couch and sat down.

"You want food?"

"Yeah, sorry you had to eat without me." Trenton positioned his leg on the coffee table.

"I didn't. I waited for you. I had some calls to return. I'll get it now and we can both eat." Ben headed into the kitchen, then came back a minute later with the Mexican food he'd bought. "Drink?"

"Just water."

A few seconds later, Ben sat down beside Trenton and put the drink on the table. "That last call I was on was Bryon checking in on you. He said Beau would be by tomorrow or the next day for a check-up."

"What else did he say?" Trenton opened the Styrofoam container and pulled out his taco.

"That Faith talked to you and mentioned you seemed nervous and insecure. That you don't want to make any decisions." Ben focused on cutting into his burrito instead of giving Trenton his full attention.

"Do you agree with that?"

"Maybe a little, I'm not sure if it's about decision making or just trusting yourself to do the right thing. I'm thinking you're doubting yourself a bit. Maybe your subconscious thinks because you got kidnapped, you shouldn't make any big choices because they could lead you to bad things?" He glanced over at him. "I'm not the one to be psychoanalyzing you. That should be Katie's job."

"What else did Bryon say?"

"He said he thinks it all might have to do with your past just as much as it might have to do with the kidnapping."

"Did he tell you everything about my past?" Trenton didn't look over at him.

"No, but he did tell me to get you to tell me or Katie. He said things might make more sense if I knew about it."

Trenton didn't say anything. He just focused on his food and ate silently.

"Not a topic you want to talk about?"

Again more silence.

Ben let it go. He wasn't one to talk about his own past, and something told him after talking to Bryon that Trenton's just might be worse than his own. "Anyway, mostly he just wanted to know how you were healing physically. Said he was worried when you were only answering Faith's calls."

"I'm just not feeling sociable."

"Well, I have to move out of my apartment soon since it was part of my undercover identity. I need to go out and find a new place to live this week. You going to be up to going out with me?"

Trenton looked up. "You can stay here."

Ben smiled. "Which is great for a few nights, but I need more than a couch in your living room."

"Yeah, I guess that's true. Sorry, I didn't think…" His voice trailed off.

"What's worrying you?" Ben set his food on the coffee table, giving Trenton his full attention.

"It's nothing. I knew there would come a time when I'd have to deal with being alone. You have a life too. I can't expect you to be here all the time." Trenton wiped his mouth and set his food container on his lap. "I've been rude making you sleep on the couch this week. It can't be comfortable. You have to miss having your own space."

"I actually enjoy being here with you. Your place is much nicer than the dump they rented for me. Still, I do miss a comfortable bed and having my own things around. No matter what I do, I have to pack up and move out of where I am. Since I'm not up to staying on your couch for another month, maybe we could rent a new place together? Get a two-bedroom apartment? I bet they might even have some here we could move to." He hadn't thought it through really, just reacted, but as he made the offer, it felt right. He didn't mind staying with Trenton, he just wanted his own bed and a place to put things. Living out of the living room wasn't working for him.

Trenton's eyes widened. "Seriously, you'd do that?"

"Sure, you're easy to be around and live with. I just need you to be sure. You're not really thinking normally right now and I don't want you making a huge change in your life if you're going to regret it later. Once you've handled some of your trauma, are you going to wish you were still living alone? Your life has turned upside down the last month and I'm not sure making a huge change is the right thing. It's a big decision."

"Yeah, but one I like."

"I do too, but I'm not going to decide with one conversation. Let's take a couple of days and think about it. See where your head is after talking to Katie tomorrow." He loved the idea of living with Trenton, but for him, his reasons were more selfish. He hoped for something more in time. He wouldn't let his desire for Trenton push either of them into rushing into something that might do Trenton more harm than good in the long run.

Trenton nodded. "Okay, but know I like the idea, and not just because I have this need for company. I don't think I could live with anyone else, not even the guys I've known most of my life. We do get along, despite all my crazy."

Ben reached over and touched Trenton's leg. "You're not crazy. You're recovering. There is a big difference." Still, he could see that Trenton didn't believe his words. He wished there was more he could do, but he just didn't know what. He prayed Katie could get through to him, because if not, Trenton might keep withdrawing from the world, and that was something that shouldn't happen.

As they fell back into silence and finished eating, Ben imagined a day well into the future, where they were able to sit like this and laugh without all the events of the past month weighing them down. He wanted to move forward, but to do that, he needed Trenton to want to as well. They had to do this together, he just wasn't sure how.