Holding Her Heart by Melissa Tereze

18

Eden shookher hands at her sides; she needed to get rid of the nervous energy she’d felt all day. She wasn’t worried about dinner with Aster, but where it would go, she had no idea. Aster had hung around last night for a few hours, not leaving until after 1 a.m., but Eden hadn’t heard much from her today. Was Aster nervous, too? Was she standing in front of her own mirror, panicking about dinner? Eden hoped not. They needed to remain calm.

She held up a blue dress, wrinkling her nose as soon as she pressed it up against her. It didn’t do it for her. Not today. “Nope.”

Then she picked up the one Aster had insisted she wear last week. It was a no brainer. This was the one that caught Aster’s attention, and while it had brought her bad luck in terms of being rejected, Eden planned to change that tonight.

Don’t walk into the restaurant and throw yourself at her. Be you.

Eden sighed. What if she couldn’t do this? She’d failed time and time again when it came to relationships, and women were even more complicated than men.

Eden eyed her phone on the bed as she stood in her lingerie, debating whether she should call Blair. They hadn’t spoken since last weekend when she left the club, but Eden was slowly coming to terms with the fact that Aster had just panicked, so the humiliation didn’t feel so severe anymore. She cleared her throat and dialled Blair’s number.

“H-hello?” Blair spoke quietly.

“Hi, it’s me,” Eden said. Maybe she’d been a little harsh in not calling sooner. “Are you free for a few minutes? I understand if you’re not.”

“No, I’m free.”

“Right, well, I was wondering if I could speak to you about something?”

Blair remained silent. Well, this was awkward.

“Blair?”

Blair sighed. “Go on. I’m here. What do you need?”

“Are you mad at me?” Eden asked, her stomach lurching. She had every right to be upset with Blair last weekend, but she knew Blair would have been worried this week without hearing from Eden.

“No, I’m not mad. Just…thought you may have called before now.”

“I know. I needed space.”

“Well, I hope you found some. How are you?”

“I’m okay.” Should she tell Blair that she was going on a dinner date tonight? She felt as though she should, but Blair wouldn’t be impressed with the fact that she hadn’t told her about her meeting with Aster last night or last week. They shared everything with one another.

“Good. I never meant to make you feel as though I was humiliating you. Aster told me she was interested. More than interested. So, I don’t understand what happened. I am sorry it didn’t work out for you.”

“I’m going to dinner with her tonight.”

“O-oh.” Blair’s surprise wasn’t unexpected. Eden still couldn’t quite believe it herself. “Well, that’s nice. I hope you have a lovely night.”

“Honestly, I’m terrified.” Eden dropped to the bed, placing her head in one hand. A cold sweat developed across her skin, the air in the room thick with uncertainty. “What if she wants more tonight? As much as I’d love to get my hands on her, I don’t think I’m there yet.”

“I don’t think Aster is the type of person who wants a shag on the first date. She’s too respectable.”

“But, what if she does?”

Blair laughed. “Then you tell her it’s too soon and that’s that. But I don’t think you need to worry about her dragging you into bed. And if I’m not wrong, she’s probably feeling exactly how you are.”

“You think?”

“I’d be very surprised if she wasn’t.”

“Blair, I really like her. But I mean, really like her. And I know I’m nervous about tonight, but God, I can’t wait to see her.”

“Maybe now she’ll give you that kiss she turned down.”

Eden’s face heated. “That kinda happened already…”

“Oh, it did now?”

“She showed up last Sunday. God, she was breaking my heart with everything she said to me. And it just happened. I told her how I felt, but then she had to leave to visit her dad.”

“Okay. This is good.”

“Why didn’t you tell me how amazing it was kissing a woman? You’ve been keeping that a secret for too long!”

“She’s good then, huh?”

Eden’s insides swirled. “Oh, you’ve no idea.” If Eden had known how last week would have felt, she’d have done it much sooner than now. The longing, the desperate need to be with Aster, it could have been averted. But then wasn’t that part of the thrill? Didn’t it add to the excitement when that time finally arrived? “Tonight is everything I’ve been praying for. I didn’t think I’d see her again. My worst fear was that she’d leave the company and then I’d be left in the dark, but she came back with me last night when we finished working…”

“And?”

“And it felt so good to be alone with her. She just held me, Blair. We lay on the couch and relaxed with one another.”

“I like her. I think she could be good for you.”

Eden smiled. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“She certainly put me in my place last weekend.”

What did that mean? “How so?”

“I was angry with her when she turned you down. I found her outside talking to Dom, and we may have had words. There was some yelling involved.”

“Blair.” Eden sighed.

“Oh, she held her own. And the only thing she was concerned about was the fact that you’d gone home alone, and you were upset. She didn’t care about what I had to say, which I admire since it’s none of my business, but she was worried about you above all else.”

“I know I’m doing the right thing. Any consequences can be dealt with another time.”

“Consequences?” Blair asked.

“Any that may arise. Family, friends…you know.”

“Honey, they are the least of your worries. If they can’t accept the fact that you’ve fallen for a woman, simply don’t invite them to the wedding.” Blair laughed, and Eden followed. “But in all seriousness, I hope tonight is something beautiful for you both. Enjoy every moment of it.”

Eden exhaled a slow breath. “I only called to ask what dress you think I should wear. But it doesn’t matter. The fact that we’re sharing the evening together is the most important thing.”

“Correct. Call me tomorrow.”

“I will.”

Blair cleared her throat. “And I’m sorry. I never meant for last weekend to happen.”

“It doesn’t even matter anymore. I’ll call you. Love you.”

“I love you, too.”

* * *

Aster blew out a shaky breath, turning her watch towards her. Eden was due at the restaurant any minute now, but she had a sinking feeling that her date wouldn’t show. Aster had insisted she pick her up on the way, but Eden was determined to arrive alone. She shouldn’t think too deeply into it, but Aster’s mind had run into overdrive. If Eden didn’t show…devastated wouldn’t come close to how she’d feel.

She’d built herself up all day, had numerous pep talks from Grace, and now here she was. Waiting. Just…waiting. And this was the part she hated most. Standing around with no idea what would happen. And then Aster’s attention turned to how remarkable Eden would look tonight if she did show up. In all honesty, she wasn’t satisfied that she looked good enough to be on Eden’s arm.

Will I be on her arm? Would that happen? Could they walk into the restaurant as a couple, or would Eden prefer a more subtle entrance? As friends, perhaps? Aster had it all planned out in her head. The hand on the small of her back, the eyes across the table, the innuendo. But what if Eden didn’t want that? What if Aster was getting way ahead of herself? God, this wasn’t good. The feeling she had inside didn’t feel as wholesome as she’d like it to.

She’d never dated someone who wasn’t out. And she’d always told herself she wouldn’t. Aster liked to show off the woman she was dating. She wanted the entire restaurant to know that she’d bagged someone beautiful, someone who made her heart sing.

But tonight, that may not happen, and it was something she would have to accept. She’d agreed to give Eden time to figure this all out, to process it all when she was good and ready, but she already itched to kiss her in the street. Slip her hand to Eden’s backside as they walked together. Public displays of affection didn’t frighten her in the slightest.

Okay. Play it cool. Go slow. Give her time. That was the logical thing to do. If Aster got too comfortable with this, Eden could break her heart. Yes, this was a date—she assumed—but it was also a chance to get to know one another on a different level. Something more intimate. It didn’t mean they were together or that they would end up marrying one another. It meant that they wanted to eat dinner together. Maybe see where things went. You have to remember that. Protect your heart…while holding hers.

A white cab pulled up outside the restaurant. Aster couldn’t see who was inside, the windows were tinted, but her body told her it was Eden. It told her that she was about to go on a date with a woman who was a million miles from what she thought she’d ever be lucky enough to date. The door opened, and Aster knew immediately who those slender, tanned legs belonged to.

H-holy shit. Eden stepped out, her long dark tresses flowing down the front of her shoulders. And she wore the dress. Aster swallowed hard before Eden caught her eyes, smiling as she gripped her clutch bag in her hands.

“Hi.” Eden had gone for false eyelashes tonight. But they weren’t too much. Just the right length. They only brought out the definition in her eyes further. The dark makeup surrounding them had Aster squeezing her thighs together. She was a sucker for a woman with come to bed eyes. “I’m not late, am I?”

Aster distracted herself, looking at her watch. “Nope. Right on time.”

“Okay, good.” Eden stepped closer, pressing a kiss to Aster’s cheek.

Okay, not what I was hoping for…but it’ll do.

“You look remarkable.” Aster refrained from taking Eden’s hand, instead shoving her own in her pockets. If she didn’t keep them out the way, they would be trailing Eden’s body for the world to see. “And you don’t know how happy I am that you actually showed up.”

Eden wore a slight frown. “You thought I’d stand you up?”

“I…can’t believe we’re going to dinner together. So, yeah. It kinda was at the back of my mind.”

“Well, I’m here. And I’m looking forward to having dinner with you. Should we go in?”

“Definitely.” Aster opened the door, holding it for Eden. “After you.” Eden offered a shy smile, passing by Aster. But it hadn’t been the best idea. Aster’s eyes were now firmly glued to Eden’s arse. “Did, uh…did you go into the office today?” She shook herself from her thoughts, aware that she was almost drooling.

“No. I stayed home and got ready for tonight.” Eden glanced over her shoulder as they waited to be seated. “I may have had a slight panic, but I’m fine now.”

“Why did you panic?” The same reason as you. Don’t pretend you’ve been cool all day.

“This is all very new to me. I’ve never been to dinner with a woman before. I mean, I have, but not like this.” Eden smiled, interrupted by the waiter.

Once seated, Aster lifted the menu, unsure as to what was and wasn’t acceptable this evening. If Eden wasn’t worried about people seeing her, she surely would have taken Aster’s hand, perhaps linked arms as they made their way inside. The not knowing was frustrating.

She lowered her menu. “Hey, so I was wondering what’s what with us tonight?”

“I don’t understand.” Eden’s eyes remained on the menu.

“Like, are we here as friends, so to speak? A business meal, I don’t know…”

“A business meal?” This time Eden did look up from her menu, confusion etched on her face. “Why would we be having a business meal?”

“What I’m asking is…am I to keep my hands to myself? Do I have to avoid anything that would be considered flirting?”

Eden’s face morphed into a look Aster wasn’t sure she recognised. Fear? Apprehension? “I-I…” She looked around the restaurant, and then her eyes landed back on Aster. “I don’t know. I hadn’t thought about it.”

Aster held up a hand. It didn’t matter. What counted was that they were here at all. “You don’t need to worry about it. I completely get it.”

Eden sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want to…”

“Eden, it’s okay.” She offered a genuine smile. She didn’t want Eden to feel uncomfortable. “Should we order some wine?”

“Yes, okay.” Eden lowered her eyes, closing them momentarily as she shook her head. Aster knew she wasn’t supposed to notice it, but she did. “You choose. I don’t mind what we have.”

Aster cleared her throat, sitting up straight. “No pressure here, okay?”

Eden nodded, the smallest of smiles playing on her lips. “Thank you.”

“Now. Let’s eat, drink, and enjoy ourselves.” Aster took the lead. She had to remember that Eden was putting things on the line here tonight.

“You look gorgeous, by the way.” Eden’s eyes pinned Aster, her focus not wavering.

“Thanks.”

* * *

Eden slid her credit card into the leather wallet, placing it on the edge of the table. Dinner had been exceptional, the company even better, but now it was over. What was she supposed to do? She didn’t want it to end. Aster had been the perfect date, and the fact that she was willing to understand Eden and her predicament meant the absolute world to her. It hadn’t gone unnoticed.

“Eden, let me at least pay for half of it.” Aster slid her hand across the table, pulling it back when she realised what she was doing. Eden would love to hold her hand, but she wasn’t quite there yet. Not in public, anyway. “Sorry.”

“I asked you to dinner. That’s the end of it.”

Aster smiled. “Well, thank you. It was lovely.”

“So you know, I’m fully expecting you to invite me to dinner in the not-too-distant future.” Eden sat back in her seat, her fingers stroking the stem of her wine glass. “Since I’m not impressed that this date is over.”

Aster shrugged. “Doesn’t have to be.”

Oh, God. She’s going to suggest her place…or mine. “I have an early start tomorrow.” That was a complete lie, and Eden felt awful as it slid so easily from her mouth. Don’t do that. Aster wouldn’t appreciate it.

“Oh.” Aster sunk back against her seat. “Well, maybe another time then. I was looking forward to a walk along the dock.”

Eden’s eyebrows rose with surprise. “You wanted to take a walk?”

“Mmhmm. But I’m sure we can do it again. Maybe I need to check you don’t have plans the following morning first…”

Could she backtrack? Take Aster up on her offer of a walk? “I mean, I could walk with you.”

The waiter appeared, a single nod in Eden’s direction as he took the leather wallet. Eden focused back on Aster, watching her intently.

“You said you needed to get home.”

“I suppose I should take what I can get with you. I have a packed week coming up, and I’m away for four days of it.”

“Anywhere nice?” Aster asked, her tone holding an element of disappointment. But Eden felt the same. Not seeing Aster through the week was kinda shitty in her book, too.

“Business trip.”

“It’ll be nice to get out of the office.” Aster pushed her chair back when the waiter returned with Eden’s credit card. “You must get bored sitting there all day.”

“Until recently, yes.”

“Something changed around the place?” Aster asked, her eyebrow quirked as she stood. She never once took her eyes off Eden.

“New staff. Kinda nice. Very pretty. I have a bit of a thing for them.”

Aster smirked. “Well, I hope they treat you right.”

“So far, so good.”

They left the restaurant together, side by side as they crossed the road and headed for the bright lights of the dock. The temperature was around the average for the time of year, but Eden had brought a wrap with her this time. She wouldn’t have Aster shivering again.

“Maybe we could walk along the front?”

“Okay.” Eden followed, careful of her heels on the cobbled pavement as they entered the dock gates. As they reached an even surface, the sound of the water lapping against the wall, Eden linked her arm through Aster’s. It was quiet with not many people about. “Thanks for a lovely evening, Aster.”

“Thanks for inviting me to dinner.”

“I’d like to think we can do it again, but if you don’t want to, that’s perfectly fine. I wouldn’t expect you to hide who you are for me.”

“It’s not about hiding who I am,” Aster explained. “And yes, it’s different for me, but I’m respecting what you want. That isn’t an issue for me. At least, not right now.”

“No?” Eden studied Aster’s profile and smiled.

“I mean, you may decide next week that you’re not actually into me. You could decide that it’s not worth the hassle in your life. So, I’m not getting my hopes up.”

“That wasn’t in my plans, if that means anything to you.”

“I know you’re not out to intentionally hurt me, but you don’t know how you’ll feel down the line. And I understand that. I’ve always known who I was. This must be difficult for you.”

Difficult? No. Different and unusual, yes, but not difficult.

“I want you to know that it’s totally fine if you change your mind. I’d be hurt, but I’d get over it.” Aster stopped and winced. “Wait, that sounded terrible. But I’m not very good at explaining what I mean.”

“It’s okay. I know what you mean.”

Aster smiled weakly. “But do you?”

“I do.” Eden guided them off the path and towards a wall. She wasn’t overly keen on looking down at the water; it made her queasy. And when they moved away from the streetlight, Eden felt much braver. “I know it’s going to take time for you to trust me. To trust that I’m genuine.”

Aster sighed. “It’s not that I don’t trust you.”

“Then what is it?”

Aster looked up at Eden, fear in her deep brown eyes. “I don’t want to be a mistake to you.”

Eden’s heart constricted. Aster could never be a mistake to her. Instead of trying to explain to Aster how she was feeling about her, Eden dipped her head, her lips pressing softly against Aster’s. A strong hand gripped Eden’s hip, a breathy moan escaping Aster’s lips as Eden pulled back, smiling. “You’re not a mistake. You’ll never be a mistake. And if you need some space while you think this all over, I understand.”

“I don’t know what I need,” Aster spoke, her voice thick with emotion. “I want to be with you. God, I do. But the thought of you never truly giving me all of you…it scares me.”

“Y-you mean…sex?”

“God, no. No, it’s not about sex.” Aster shook her head, running a hand through her hair. “I worry that we’ll have our fun, I’ll fall for you, and then you’ll realise that this wasn’t what you wanted. I can deal with the secrecy and the hidden intimacy, but I can’t deal with you turning your back in the end.”

Eden reached out a hand, feathering her thumb across Aster’s cheek. She completely understood. “Why don’t we take this slow. Really slow. And then down the line, when it feels right, we can try again.”

“You’re already having second thoughts, aren’t you?”

“Quite the opposite, actually. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this because you know I’m attracted to you. I know you willingly came back with me last night, but was that because you thought you had to? So as not to hurt my feelings?”

Aster stood tall, pushing off the wall, no longer slumped against it. She looked Eden dead in the eye, her focus intense. “I want you. I want all of you, Eden. But you’re right. I think we have to take this slow. The last thing I need is for you to feel overwhelmed by it all and then I get complete radio silence. Just promise to talk to me. If things get to be too much, I need you to be honest. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Because if we can communicate, nothing can go wrong.”

Eden knew Aster was right. Here she was, offering Eden time to work out this new life in her head. To decide if she was truly sure. That meant a lot.

“Why don’t we have a great holiday with the team and see what’s what when we get back? I’ll take a separate room, you can have your fun. And if when we get home, you still want this, then we will work through it together.”

“Have my fun?” Eden’s eyebrows rose.

“You never know, someone else may catch your attention.”

Oh, no. That wouldn’t happen. Not in a million years. “I think you forget that I explained myself last night. I’m not attracted to multiple women, Aster. I’m attracted to only you.”

Aster smiled, a blush flashing on her cheeks. “Yeah. I remember that bit. Still hard to believe that of all the women in the world, I’m the one you like.”

“Take a bit of credit. You’re one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met. You make me smile. You make me laugh like nobody else ever has. You just…I still haven’t figured out what it is I saw in you. Perhaps it’s your natural beauty. Or it could be the incredible eye you have for the things around you. I only know that when I’m with you, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.” Eden paused, frowning. “Does that make any sense to you at all? Or am I talking complete rubbish?”

“No.” Aster took Eden’s hand. “No, you’re not talking rubbish. I feel the same when I’m with you.”

“Then…that’s what counts, right?”

Aster grinned, pulling Eden closer to her, their bodies flush. “It’s the only thing that counts right now.” Their lips met, a surge of emotion rushing through Eden’s body. Aster’s hands held her waist, one slipping around her back, the gentlest touch she’d ever felt. “I’m not doubting you, Eden. I want you to be sure.”

“I know.” Eden chanced a kiss. “Come on. We’ll go back to mine for coffee if you like?”

“You have to be up early.”

Eden cleared her throat. “That was a slight white lie.”

Aster stopped in front of her, looking expectantly at her.

“Don’t be offended, but I thought you were expecting more tonight. You know?”

“Ah. You thought I was going to get my lesbian hands on you and keep you up all night.” Aster nodded, laughing. “Trust me. When I want you…you’ll know.”

A rush of arousal had Eden’s body throbbing. Aster, when she was being herself and confident, was something to admire. “Oh?” Eden started to walk, but Aster tugged at her wrist, pinning her to the wall.

“One more kiss before we leave.” Aster pressed her body against Eden, the warmth of it inviting. “There’s something about you and those eyes in the moonlight.”

“Yeah?” Eden’s skin flushed hot and cold, Aster’s leg between her thighs.

“Oh yeah. Makes me come over all funny.”

Eden grinned, gripping Aster’s face. Aster pressed her hand to the wall beside Eden’s head, capturing her lips with a hunger that almost knocked Eden off her feet. God, she could kiss. She could really kiss.

Aster pulled back breathless, taking her bottom lip between her teeth. “Shit, I could kiss you all night long.”

“All in good time.” Eden leaned in once more, smiling into a kiss. “All in good time.”