Holding Her Heart by Melissa Tereze

16

With a shaking hand,Aster keyed in a code she knew she probably shouldn’t use. It was the code that would grant her access to Eden’s apartment building. Yes, she’d snuck a look one evening when they’d come back here together. She wasn’t proud of the fact, and she’d never had any intentions of using it without her boss’ say so, but Aster wasn’t sure Eden would answer a call from her, let alone invite her up to her apartment.

She’d checked the car park when she arrived here; Eden’s Mercedes was in her numbered spot. How did that make her feel? Honestly, Aster half wished that Eden wasn’t home. Then she wouldn’t have to see her. But the other half was glad she was home because Aster needed to collect her belongings from yesterday, including her camera kit. It went everywhere with her; she never knew when she may need it.

As the lock clicked, the door seemingly less heavy than usual. Aster quickly slipped inside and stood in front of the lift. Two floors up, and she would be standing outside Eden’s door. Thirty seconds more, and she would see the woman who tried to kiss her last night.

That moment had played on Aster’s mind from the second it happened, the tiredness evident in her eyes as she swilled her face this morning in the bathroom mirror. She hadn’t slept…not a wink. She lay in bed, the same music playing in her head that played last night as Eden gripped her hips, the vividness of the memory sending every hair on her body on end. God, the emotions were powerful. Almost too powerful to deal with.

Aster stepped forward, pressing the call button for the lift. She had no intentions of bothering Eden for any longer than necessary, so it was best to get this over with. She would take her things and allow Eden to get on with the rest of her Sunday.

But then her phone pinged in her pocket.

It was Dom.

D: Checking in with you this morning. How are you?

Aster appreciated Dom’s concern, but she was okay. That wasn’t strictly true, but her friends didn’t need to worry about her. She’d always figured life out by herself.

A: Good, yeah.

D: Are you sticking with that story?

A: Really, I’m okay. I’m leaving the city for a few days. I have to visit my dad.

D: Eden wouldn’t appreciate you running away.

A: I’m not running away. I’m visiting my sick dad. Stop trying to make me feel guilty for something I had no knowledge about, Dom. I’ll speak to Eden about all of this when I’m ready to.

D: Sorry, mate. Give me a call if you want to talk.

Aster shook her head, locking her phone. She didn’t need people to be nice to her today. She needed her camera kit, her phone charger, and then she would be driving away from Liverpool. It was that simple.

As the lift arrived, Aster’s knees weakened. She knew she needed to do this, but it suddenly didn’t seem like a good idea. Eden was a private person. Showing up here was going to anger her.

Too late. You’re here now.

The lift whooshed to life, shooting Aster up to Eden’s floor far too quickly. But maybe that was for the best. She’d planned to arrive here over two hours ago, but she’d talked herself out of it. As Aster stepped off the lift and moved towards Eden’s apartment, she froze.

The sweetest sound filtered through the tiny gap at the bottom of the door, the strum of a guitar taking Aster’s breath away. And then Eden started to sing, her voice husky and enticing.

She curled her hand and lifted it, only to refrain from knocking on the door. Instead, she placed her palm flat against the wood. “Oh, God.” Aster rested her forehead beside her hand, her eyes closing as she listened to Eden serenade her. The swell of emotion that rose in her throat was difficult to curb, but she managed to block the sob that desperately wished to escape. Tears fell, but the silence of the hallway kept her grounded.

Eden’s choice of song was both beautiful and heartbreaking, and Aster immediately recognised it as Sara Bareilles Send Me the Moon. The lyrics, the pain in her voice…Aster could barely contain herself. She needed to be on the other side of the door; she needed to be with Eden.

But everything felt so uncertain, and Aster had no idea the kind of welcome she would receive. Last night, she’d asked that they didn’t make a big deal out of Eden’s sudden attempt at a kiss. She’d shrugged it off so she didn’t hurt Eden’s feelings, but deep down Aster knew she’d done exactly that. The thought of Eden blowing her off left a heavy dread in her belly, so she couldn’t imagine how Eden must have felt last night.

As the song started to near the end, Aster cleared her throat and knocked on the door. The guitar stilled, and Aster’s heart rate shot up to an unimaginable tempo. Her mouth ran ridiculously dry.

The lock on the door clicked, and then Eden’s face came into view. Eden frowned, opening the door a little further. “How did you get in here?”

Okay, this was awkward. How did she explain to Eden that she’d basically stolen the code for the door? She could lie and insist that the main door was unlocked but lying had never been her thing. And Eden didn’t deserve lies. Aster had hurt her enough already. “I knew the code.”

“You knew the code?”

“I saw you putting it in last week.” Aster chewed her lip, shoving her hands in her pockets. “But that doesn’t matter right now.”

Eden quirked a brow, her usually alluring eyes tired and puffy. “No?”

“Could I come in for a moment? I had some stuff I left last night.”

Eden stepped aside, holding the door open. “It’s there.” She nodded towards the small pile on the floor. “I was going to drop it off to you, but I hadn’t gotten around to doing it yet.”

“That’s okay.” Aster turned, studying Eden’s body language. She appeared uninterested, perhaps busy with other things. “H-how are you?”

“Fine. Why?”

Aster huffed out a breath. She knew exactly where this was going. Maybe she’d blown this all out of proportion in her own mind, because Eden didn’t seem to care about what had occurred between them. “Just…last night, you know?”

“Oh! That?” Eden barked a laugh, waving a hand between them. “I’m so sorry I threw myself at you. I was drunk.”

“You were?” Aster’s brows drew together. Eden hadn’t seemed drunk.

Eden nodded. “I was. I didn’t realise how much until I tried to kiss my lesbian employee. How embarrassing.” Eden’s cheeks didn’t heat, something Aster expected would have happened if Eden was embarrassed. “Thanks for pushing me away. Imagine if I’d actually gone through with it. We’d have been the talk of the office.”

“R-right.” This didn’t make any sense. Blair had told Aster that Eden was interested in her, but as she stood here this morning, she wasn’t getting that impression at all. “Well, so long as we’re cool?”

“Of course we are.”

These basic responses from Eden weren’t what Aster expected. She couldn’t read this woman at all. “Okay, well I’ll be out of the office this week, but I’ll be back in time for the twilight wedding on Friday.”

“Aster, if I’ve made you feel bad, I’m sorry.” Eden hesitated as she stepped forward, lingering somewhere in between.

“No, you haven’t. I’m visiting my dad. I’ve told him I’d be there this week so Lily could have a break. But he knows I’m working Friday.”

“Look, if you need me to find someone else for Friday, I can do that.”

Aster frowned. “You want to replace me?” Her heart sank, she couldn’t do this right now. She’d come here, listened to Eden pour her heart out via song, and now she was being given the cold shoulder. If Aster got a hint of how Eden was feeling—truthfully—she’d tell her everything she was feeling herself, but this was all completely odd. She didn’t know what the truth was anymore. “I mean, if you want to do that for your own reasons, you know? I’d love to remain an employee, but if you want me to leave, I can do that. F-for you. I’d do it for you.”

“I want to do what’s best for you.”

Aster grabbed her camera bag from the floor and shoved her phone charger into a side pocket. “I want to further my career and do the best job I can. I’ll plan to be at the wedding on Friday, but if anything changes, let me know.”

“Aster…”

Aster backed up towards the door, blindly gripping the handle behind her. “Nice song, by the way. Sounded great.”

“Y-you heard that?” Eden asked, tears welling in her eyes as her bottom lip trembled.

Why is she suddenly so upset?

“I did. Whoever you were singing about is one lucky bastard.” She knew she should leave, but Aster’s feet wouldn’t move. Instead, she cast her eyes on the floor, shifting slightly.

“Aster?” Eden spoke with such softness that it brought tears to Aster’s eyes. “Are you okay?”

“You have a beautiful voice,” she said, her voice low. “And I don’t only mean when you’re singing. I mean all the time. But I love it most when you laugh. I wanted…needed you to know that.”

“Th-thank you.”

Aster considered running out, but instead, she removed her hand from the door handle and lowered her camera bag back down to the floor. She had the chance here to be honest with Eden, and even if it came to nothing, Aster could walk away knowing she’d put her heart—her feelings—out there. Being honest could never be wrong. And yes, she was probably going to lose Eden as a friend, but Aster knew deep down that she couldn’t keep this up. She wanted so much more than a friend in Eden. God, she wanted to show this woman what being loved felt like.

“How you’ve brushed last night off, how you said that you were drunk…” She swallowed, finally meeting Eden’s eyes. “Well, did you mean it? Were you trying your luck with me last night?”

Eden watched her, while she watched Eden.

“I’m quite happy to walk away right now if that’s what you want, but I would like you to be honest with me. I have people telling me one thing and then you telling me another.” Aster blew out a breath, her mouth awfully dry. “And I don’t think I can handle it much longer.”

Eden frowned, wrapping her arms around herself. “I-I don’t…”

Aster’s stomach rolled. “Is there any chance I could get a small glass of water? I didn’t think this would all be so hard to say.”

Eden remained silent, fetching a glass of water for Aster. She handed it over, her own hands shaking.

“Thanks.” Aster gulped it down, placing the glass on the kitchen island. She opened her mouth to speak, but Eden held up a hand.

“Aster—”

“No. P-please. Let me speak.”

Eden nodded, resting against the counter. Aster took a moment to admire her in casual clothing. Yoga pants, an oversized off-the-shoulder jumper, and barefoot. It wasn’t often she was blessed with such simplicity, and her heart almost settled.

“Last night shocked me,” Aster explained. “And while I’ve been waiting for that moment since the day I met you, it doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you. Which, by the way, I never wanted to do. I just…I didn’t know. I wish I had and then this could have all been different, but I didn’t know there was even a possibility that you felt the same.” Aster focused fully on Eden; she needed a hint of whether what Blair said was true or not. “I’ve been pushing down these feelings since day one, terrified that you would find out and ask me to leave. Or worse, laugh at me. I considered telling you, but then I couldn’t do it. Because you knowing and nothing coming of it would have meant that there wasn’t a single chance I could ever call you mine. And I guess, deep down, that was the hope I was clinging onto.”

Eden sniffled, wiping a tear from her jaw.

“And then you tried to kiss me last night, and I freaked out. I knew it could never be, that you’d never want me…how I want you. So when you did that, I’m sure you can understand why I pulled back.” A sob escaped Aster’s mouth; this was useless. Eden was giving her nothing. “I think this conversation alone has shown that Blair was talking rubbish. Y-you’ve never told her you were into me, have you?”

Eden squeezed her eyes shut, exhaling a deep breath. Her mouth tried to move, but nothing came out.

“That’s all I need to know. But maybe it’s a good thing that this happened, because now you know how I feel. I know this means nothing to you, but I need you to know that you mean a lot to me, Eden. Probably more than I should admit. And working with you has been a dream for me,” Aster said, retrieving her camera bag. “But I don’t think I can work with you any longer.” She backed up, sadness rolling through her. “Kissing you is all I’ve wanted to do since I laid eyes on you, so turning you down is something I’m going to regret for the rest of my life.”

“Aster…” Eden’s voice trembled, her feet moving as she finally found her voice. “You…”

Aster stared; she had nothing else to say. She was all out of words and almost all out of caring.

Eden lifted her hand, brushing Aster’s hair from her face. The touch was gentle, feather-like, a shiver travelling throughout her entire body. “I don’t know what happened the moment you walked into my office and my life, and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to find the courage, but I wasn’t drunk last night.”

Aster’s pulse quickened. “N-no?”

Eden’s hand settled against her cheek as she stumbled back, connecting with the wall.

“I don’t know what I’m doing from one day to the next when I’m around you, but you make me feel some kind of way, and I had to tell you. Perhaps at a bar wasn’t the greatest idea, but I have all these feelings building up inside of me, and I don’t know where to direct them or how to deal with them.”

“Y-you feel the same way?” Aster wasn’t sure if she’d spoken those words, but then Eden nodded, the gentlest of smiles curling on her mouth. “I mean…y-you really do?”

Eden pressed her body to Aster’s, her light breath tickling her face. Aster’s palms, clammy and itching for something more, tentatively settled on Eden’s hips. Just the sensation of Eden’s body beneath her fingertips sent a rush of energy through Aster. God, she’d dreamt of this moment.

It didn’t matter that she was supposed to be leaving, and it was irrelevant that she was in some ways angry with Eden for leading her to believe she didn’t mean last night. What mattered was that Eden’s supple body was pinning her to the wall, ultimately grounding her once and for all.

“You know that kiss you refused?” Eden whispered, her hand slipping around the back of Aster’s neck.

“Foolishly, yes.”

“I think it’s time you made up for it. Because the more I look into your eyes, the harder I’m finding it to let go of you.”

Aster didn’t need any other invitation than that, and she was done holding back on how she felt.

Their lips met in the most passionate dance Aster had ever been subjected to. With knees already weak, she held onto Eden as though her life would end the moment she let go. Eden, her lips, nothing would ever be the same again. This woman was devastatingly beautiful with the ability to break Aster’s heart in mere seconds. But if she pushed that from her mind, arousal flooded her body. Because Eden also had the ability to make Aster come alive. And in the months since they’d met, Aster had never felt this alive. Eden…had the power to change Aster’s life.

Eden pulled back, her breathing laboured. “I…want you.”

“I want you, too.” Aster curled her fingers under Eden’s chin, her heartbeat beginning to adjust. Had Eden’s voice always been so alluring? So…sexy? “You’ve no idea what you do to me. And I’m starting to wish I didn’t have to leave.” Eden evidently felt the same way, judging by the sadness in her eyes. “Hey.”

“Yeah?” Eden dipped her head, a blush settling on her cheeks.

“Thank you. For being honest with me,” Aster paused, unable to comprehend the fact that she’d just kissed Eden. “It means more than you know.”

“I…had to. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. But last night, I shouldn’t have told you. It wasn’t the right time or the right place.”

Aster wanted to spend the rest of this day kissing Eden. Honesty, in Aster’s book, was sexy. “Don’t worry about it. It’s out there now.”

“God, I thought I’d lost you in every way possible last night when I walked out of that club.” The pain in Eden’s eyes was devastating to Aster, as was the tremor in her voice. If she’d known just how much she was hurting, Aster would have been here sooner. “But I should have been honest with you before now.”

Aster leaned in, her lips ghosting over Eden’s. She held back the urgency she felt. If she didn’t, this could run out of control far too soon. “I’ll be gone all week, but I’m so coming back. For you.”

Eden sighed. “If you get back earlier, will you call me?”

“I’m about to add you to my speed dial.”

Eden grinned, leaning back in and pushing Aster harder to the wall. Her expressive eyes showed how much she wanted to say, to do, but Aster would never leave if she didn’t do so right now. “I have to be at the venue early on Friday.”

Aster feathered her thumb across a soft cheek, smiling. “I promise to come and find you.”