My Ten-Year Crush by Olivia Spring

Chapter Twenty

Every time I thought about what happened yesterday with Mike, I cringed.

I’d had a hot half-naked man on my sofa, just seconds away from kissing me, and I’d passed up the opportunity just to answer the phone.

If it was just any man, that would be bad enough, but this was Mike Jones. The man I’d been craving for over a decade. My ten-year crush. The man that no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get out of my head.

For years I’d been secretly wishing for a do-over. A second chance to kiss him. I’d told myself that it was never going to happen. That he didn’t see me like that. To him I was just a friend. And when the opportunity had come to break free from the friend zone finally happened, what had I done? Let it sail straight past me.

After I’d called the car breakdown service for my mum and they’d got back on the road, I spent the rest of the evening chastising myself for not ignoring the phone. Even though, realistically, knowing it was my parents calling me, that was probably never going to happen.

I told myself over and over that I should have just asked Mike to stay whilst I got the number, then attempted to pick up from where we’d left off. Turned up the flirting dial. Even though I wasn’t good at the whole acting sexy thing, I could have tried. Mind you, if he had marking to do, that would have been selfish.

In any case, once he’d said he was leaving, I definitely shouldn’t have hurried him out the door. Especially seeing as he’d helped me so much with my CV and literally offered himself on a silver platter. Oh God. I groaned as I pictured his beautiful body on my sofa.

Then again, if I thought about it logically, I knew what my mum was like. If Mike had stayed a minute longer, she would have forgotten all about her car and kept insisting on talking to him. And Mike, being the nice guy he was, would have chatted to her for ages.

She would have wasted no time telling him about my failed relationships over the years, my non-existent love life now, how she just wanted me to settle down with a nice man and have kids. Oh, and I’m sure she would have asked him if he fancied marrying me because we were made for each other. The word ‘embarrassing’ didn’t even begin to cover how I’d feel if they’d spoken to each other.

Plus, at some point Dad would have come back inside the car and asked Mum who she was talking to. When he’d discovered it was Mike, he would’ve demanded to speak to me and I’d have had to listen to him banging on about how unsuitable Mike was. It would be like living back at home all over again.

Yeah… now that I thought about it sensibly, I’d dodged a bullet. If Mike had stayed, there would have been no sexy time—not last night, not ever. My parents would have scared him off for good.

I couldn’t change what had happened. I needed to focus on finding a solution. I’d decided that inviting Mike round for dinner this week was a good option. As a thank-you for his help with my CV. And if I was lucky, we’d have a moment again.

In the meantime, to take my mind off things, I’d go to the supermarket. What with working on my CV and Mike coming round, I hadn’t had the chance to go yesterday like I normally would. Plus, in an hour Cassie would be coming over and we were going to cook lunch together and have a catch-up.

I nipped out to Sainsbury’s and got the ingredients for the vegetable lasagne recipe Cassie had found on Jamie Oliver’s website. Not long after I’d returned home, the doorbell rang.

‘Hey! Come up.’ I buzzed her in.

‘Hey, you!’ Cassie gave me a hug, then handed me a big bunch of flowers.

‘Wow! These are gorgeous, thank you. What’s the occasion?’ I took a sniff of the pretty pink lilies.

‘I’m just happy that you’re finally doing this course! Call them an early congratulations for passing gift.’

‘Thanks for the advance vote of confidence!’ I went into the kitchen and took a vase out of the cupboard. ‘So, how are things?’

‘So-so. My flatmate’s driving me up the wall. She hasn’t done her dishes in three days and left the shower full of pubes. Still, at least I should be grateful she washed. I swear sometimes she goes a whole week without a drop of water touching her body. The whole flat stinks of her B.O.’

‘Oh, hon.’ I winced. ‘I thought it had got better. Can’t you just find somewhere else?’

‘It did get better—because she went on holiday, but now she’s back it’s the same as before. I’ve still got a couple of months on my contract. And it was the only place that I could afford.’

Cassie used to live in a lovely little flat with a super clean flatmate. But then the lady said her boyfriend was moving in, so Cassie had to find somewhere else to live. Not easy in London when the rents were sky-high.

‘Maybe try talking to her?’

‘Pff. I’ve tried. She just says it’s her place, so she can do what she wants. I just want to be somewhere clean. I mean, look at how lovely your kitchen is. Always so spotless.’

‘Thanks.’ I smiled.

‘I even contemplated moving back home, but that would be a different type of bad, what with all the rules I’d have to follow. “Turn the lights off, Cassie. Don’t bring any men home, Cassie.” Then again, after my date last night, looks like that won’t be happening anytime soon.’ Cassie started unpacking a couple of bottles of wine and some snacks she’d bought for us, then washed her hands.

‘Oh no! Who was this one with?’

‘Just some guy I’d met at the coffee shop near work. How is it possible for a man to look so good on the outside, but have zero personality?’

‘All style and no substance dates are especially disappointing.’ I thought of that date with Edwin. When I’d told Gina what had happened, thankfully she’d sided with me and apologised. ‘It’s like seeing the most beautiful-looking cake through a bakery window, buying it, then sinking your teeth into it only to find it tastes like burnt toast.’

‘Exactly. He had no chat. I had to make all the conversation. Whenever I asked him a question, he’d just answer with monosyllabic answers. It was like getting blood from a stone.’

‘I feel your pain.’ I rubbed her shoulder. ‘It really isn’t easy out there.’

‘Sorry. I’m on a bit of a downer. It must be the Sunday Scaries. Or should I say the Single Sunday Scaries. Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes Sundays feel like the worst day of the week when you’re looking for love.’ She pulled a printout of the recipe from her bag and placed it on the kitchen counter.

‘Why do you say that?’

‘When you’re happy in a relationship, Sundays are the best. You can have morning sex and long lie-ins, then go for a nice walk or have lunch together and then spend the rest of the day snuggling up on the sofa watching TV shows. I really miss that.’

‘You can have a long lie-in, nice walks, lunch and watch TV when you’re single too. I know I do.’

‘You know what I mean. I know there are loads of women who are happily single, but I’d really like to find a partner. It’s nice to have someone to do things with. But when you’re single, sometimes Sundays just feel like a double whammy of sadness. You’re down because Monday morning is looming and you know you’ve got to go back to work and you’re wondering when you’ll meet someone decent. And morning masturbation isn’t quite the same as real sex. I miss that.’

‘Me too.’ I nodded. ‘It’s been so long.’

‘From what I hear, you have a man ready and waiting to service you in the bedroom…’ Cassie smirked.

‘Excuse me?’ My cheeks burned.

‘I knew it!’ She grinned.

‘Knew what?’

‘That’s why I didn’t mention anything on my text last night. I wanted to see how you’d react in person.’

‘React to what?’

‘Look at you, playing all innocent.’ Cassie raised her eyebrow. ‘I know Mike was round here yesterday with his clothes off…’

‘How did you know?’ There was absolutely no point in me trying to deny it. As she’d just proved, Cassie could read me like a book. She’d know I was lying.

‘Your mum called my mum and then she told me.’

See?This was exactly why I didn’t want my mum to find out.

‘Oh, no. What exactly did she say?’

I loved her dearly, but my mother was a hopeless romantic. It wouldn’t surprise me if she’d told Aunt Janet that Mike and I were about to get engaged. She was so keen for me to settle down that she’d let her enthusiasm run away with her. I knew at least she hadn’t told Dad. Otherwise I would have heard from him by now.

‘Only that Mike had been in your flat getting naked…’

‘What!? She… I didn’t tell her that!’

‘So it is true, then?’ Cassie beamed. ‘I need details. Now!’

As we chopped the vegetables, I filled Cassie in. On everything. Saying it out loud was even more cringey than it felt relaying it in my head.

‘Er, so let me get this straight: after spending years pretending you were over Mike and finding every excuse under the sun not to get in touch with him because as far as you were concerned, the fact that you two were tipsy when you kissed or whatever really happened that night meant he definitely didn’t fancy you, Lady Luck puts Mike in front of you, pretty much naked, and arranges for his lips to be millimetres from yours and you, what, decide to blow him off to speak to your mum instead and then kick him out?’

Cassie knew I still liked him all this time? That meant Sophia and Melody must have guessed too. Damn. I really thought I’d done a good job at hiding my feelings.

‘What, so I was just supposed to put the phone down on my mum and tell her to wait until I’d finished snogging him? I couldn’t do that.’

‘Sometimes you’re too kind for your own good. You could have just let the phone ring or go to answerphone. Anything! That was a once-in-a-decade opportunity.’

‘You’re right.’ I hung my head, contemplating whether I should start banging it on the worktop in frustration. ‘But it’s done now. I’m going to invite him round for dinner this week. Hopefully I won’t have to wait ten more years for another chance.’

‘Actually…’ She put down the knife. ‘What am I even doing here today? You’ve waited ten years. Ten years to see Mike again, so why are you going to wait to invite him to dinner? Surely you should be seizing the opportunity for hot sex with your crush immediately. Call him. Right now!’

‘What?’ That was just the kind of thing that Melody would say. ‘I can’t. I’m with you. We’re cooking together. We’ve had today planned for ages and I already cancelled on you last week. I’m not going to blow you off for a man.’

‘You’re not! I’m insisting. I know how long you’ve liked him. And at least one of us should have a bit of fun.’

‘But we haven’t had a chance to catch up properly.’

‘I’ve told you about my date. It was a disaster, just like my love life. I’m living with the world’s worst flatmate. Nothing new to report at work. You’re enjoying your course, you’ve updated your CV and you almost kissed Mike yesterday. Anything else to add?’

‘No, but…’

‘Call Mike now, and I’ll help you prepare the meal so that everything’s ready.’

‘You really wouldn’t mind?’

‘I wouldn’t suggest it if I did. Here.’ She picked my phone off the worktop and handed it to me. ‘Call him!’

I went to select his number, then put my mobile back on the counter.

I wanted to call him. I really did. But I was scared of misreading the signals and that it would make things weird between us.

‘I can hear you thinking…’ Cassie frowned. ‘What’s wrong?’

I paused. Maybe it was time to lay my cards on the table. Properly. Seeing as Cassie had realised I’d held a torch for Mike for so long, I might as well be honest. I’d bottled everything up for years and I needed to tell someone.

‘Do you want to know the truth?’

‘Of course!’

‘It was Mike who stopped the kiss that night. It wasn’t because we both agreed to just stay friends like I’d said. He said it was a mistake and I was crushed. So now I’m just worried about being rejected again. It took ages to get over the pain last time. And like you guessed, I don’t know if I ever did. I know there’s a mutual spark there this time and I feel like things really could go all the way, which would be amazing. But I’m also worried what will happen afterwards if they do.’

‘I’m sure Mike had his reasons back then and didn’t mean to hurt you. Maybe the timing wasn’t right. Maybe he was scared. I’m guessing you never got to talk it through properly back then, so it might be worth doing that now. People and circumstances change. Clearly you have a connection and he fancies the pants off you, so I’m pretty sure he won’t be stopping it like last time.’

‘But this is it for me, Cass. If we cross the line today, I don’t think I’d be able to handle him leaving again, whether it’s tomorrow morning, in a month or in a year. I’d be devastated.’

‘If I was in your situation, what do you think my wise, logical cousin Bella would be saying to me?’ She folded her arms.

‘Probably that there are no guarantees in life and nothing ventured, nothing gained…’ I sighed, wondering why it was so much harder to take my own advice and practice what I preached.

‘Exactly! And if it didn’t work out, which I’m sure won’t happen, it’s not as if you’re still best friends, so you’d be throwing away years of friendship. You’ve survived without Mike before. You can survive without him again.’

Yes, I had survived. But when we’d stopped talking, it was like being struck by a bullet. It had left a hole in my heart. It wasn’t like I’d spent the past decade lying in bed, unable to function. I’d carried on. I’d pursued my career, had good friends, family, a decent flat, lived comfortably, but I’d always felt like a part of me was missing.

Now he was back in my life, it felt like Mike could be the missing piece of the puzzle. I didn’t want to lose that.

I knew what I needed to do. I dialled Mike’s number. With every ring, my heart beat faster. My brain swirled, wondering whether the conversation would be awkward. Things were kind of weird when he’d left last night. Plus, it was super short notice. He probably already had plans. Oh well. Like Cassie had just said, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

‘Hey, Bells,’ Mike answered brightly. He sounded happy to hear from me.

‘Hey, um, sorry again for last night…,’ I stuttered. ‘Mum calling threw me, I…’

‘Don’t worry about it.’ Relief washed over me. It was at times like these that I was so grateful that Mike was so easy-going. My shoulders relaxed and I felt more confident about asking him round. ‘I’m sorry I had to rush off too.’

‘So I was wondering, I know it’s short notice, but if you’re not busy today, I thought you might like to come round for lunch or dinner… just as a thank-you for all your help and to apologise for the interruption?’ I held my breath, waiting for his response.

‘No thanks or apology necessary, but yeah, I’d love that. I’ve just finished a basketball match in Crystal Palace, so I’m going to have a shower, then a drink with the guys, so I could be there in a couple of hours. That cool with you?’

‘Great!’ I said quickly.

‘Want me to bring anything? A drink?’

‘Can do, but no worries if not. Just bring yourself.’

‘Okay! See you soon, Bells.’

‘See you.’

Cassie was jumping up and down on the spot.

‘Bella and Mike sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!’ Cassie started singing and dancing around the kitchen. ‘Tonight’s the night that Bella gets it on with Mike!’Now she was thrusting her hips back and forth.

‘Are you five years younger than me or five years old, because right now I can’t tell!’ I laughed.

I’d done it. Mike was coming round and Cassie was correct. All being well, we’d be getting it on…

Crap.

The realisation hit me fully.

Sex!

Sex with Mike was really on the cards. It could really happen. Tonight.

A shot of excitement raced through me. Followed by more fear. I was completely unprepared.

‘You’re freaking out, aren’t you? Cassie rested her hand on my shoulder.

‘Just a bit…’ I took a deep breath. ‘He’s going to be here in a couple of hours and we haven’t even put the food in the oven, I have no idea what to wear, I—’

‘Calm down. We’ve already done all the prep. Once we put it in the oven, it’s pretty much done. And this is Mike. Remember? You don’t have to dress up for him. Just be yourself. He said yesterday how beautiful he thinks you are, so don’t change a thing.’

‘At least I have condoms.’ I always kept a box in my drawer, just in case. Even if the likelihood of needing them was slim, I always liked to be prepared. ‘I better check they’re still in date, though…’

‘Go!’ Cassie shooed me out the kitchen door. ‘Do whatever you need to do. I’ll take care of this.’

I checked the box of condoms, then slipped into a purple lingerie set. I contemplated putting on the silky dressing gown again but dismissed it. If things were going to happen tonight, maybe it was better that they happened naturally. I opted for a vest top and pair of jeans instead.

It didn’t matter that I hadn’t planned my outfit in advance. I hadn’t yesterday either and it was fine. I didn’t always have to be so rigid. Like Cassie said, I was just going to be me.

I came back in the kitchen. Everything was in the oven and Cassie had poured me some wine and put some crisps in a bowl.

‘Here, drink this.’ She passed me the glass. ‘It’ll help with your nerves. And eat these too. We all know what a lightweight you are, so you need something to line your stomach.’

‘When did you become the mothering one? As the older cousin, I thought that was my job.’

‘It was. But then Mike came back in your life and turned it upside down, so I’m taking over Bella’s motherly duties until you two do the deed, you both realise you’re made for each other and then end up living happily ever after.’

I gave her a hug. I was so glad she was here, supporting me. I wasn’t used to feeling so out of control.

‘Thanks for everything.’ I squeezed Cassie again.

‘You’re welcome. And don’t worry. It’s going to be amazing. Right, I better get going. Text me later to let me know how it all went.’

‘Will do.’ I walked her to the door. Once she’d gone, I stood with my back against the wall, took a deep breath, then checked my watch. Only half an hour to go.

Just as I was about to go in the kitchen to check on the food, the doorbell rang. Cassie must have forgotten something.

‘Hey!’ I pressed the buzzer.

‘Hey, it’s me.’

Already?

He’d arrived early.

My stomach flipped.

Mike was at my door. I didn’t know exactly what would happen in the next few hours, but it was possible that our friendship—in fact, our lives—were about to change forever…