My Ten-Year Crush by Olivia Spring

Chapter Twenty-Nine

The woman sitting beside me on the train jumped. Even though I’d covered my mouth, my yawn was so loud I must have scared her. I’d hardly slept a wink last night.

After reading Mike’s note, I’d paced up and down, wracking my brain, trying to work out why he’d left so abruptly.

I’d chewed it over on the phone with Sophia for almost an hour. Her conclusion? She didn’t think Dad was the reason Mike had left—he’d already shown he wasn’t afraid to stand up to my father at uni. Instead she reckoned hearing me mention our relationship to Mum had freaked him out.

Sadly, the gnawing feeling in my gut told me Sophia might be right. Just like she’d questioned when we’d gone to dinner and I’d also feared early on, despite saying he had changed, Mike was afraid of commitment. Hearing the word ‘relationship’ out loud must have made it real and he couldn’t handle it. If that was the case, he could have at least waited until I was off the phone to talk it through. Him leaving like that just made me feel like I was being rejected all over again. But this time, rather than burying my head in the sand, I wanted to know the truth. Immediately.

Even though he’d said we’d speak today, I didn’t think it was fair to leave me stewing overnight, so I’d tried calling later that evening. Twice. But both times it had gone straight to voicemail. Eventually, I’d told myself to try and get some rest and I’d drifted in and out of sleep. Waking up today was a struggle, but I’d forced myself out of bed, then onto the train.

It was time to face the music. I was now outside the classroom and my heart thumped against my chest. I’d arrived early hoping I’d catch Mike alone, but as I walked through the open door, I saw I was wrong. Faye and a couple of the other students were already there and deep in conversation with him. How could he be laughing and smiling with them when I had so many questions swimming around in my head?

I said my good mornings to everyone. Rather than greeting me with his usual sunny smile, Mike was more subdued. The corner of his mouth turned up slightly. He said good morning back but avoided my gaze. This was so weird. How had we gone from being so close and connected to feeling like strangers in a matter of hours?

Just as I was about to ask if we could speak privately, the door opened and the other trainees spilled into the room.

‘Looks like we’re all here.’ Mike stood in front of the whiteboard. ‘And twenty minutes early too. I’m impressed. Sadly it’s our last day together… today I’d like to go through continuing professional development and give you some career advice. And of course, later you’ll find out your provisional grades. Let’s get started, shall we?’

Mike and I didn’t get to speak at lunchtime. He was busy with Graham. When we returned to the classroom, it was the moment of truth: where we found out our results.

My progress reports during the course had been good, so I was confident that I’d at least pass. But until I saw my grade in black and white, I couldn’t be sure.

Graham handed out our candidate report forms individually. There were a mixture of squeals and quiet groans.

‘I passed!’ Faye screamed. I glanced down at my form, my heart beating fast.

No way.

I’d achieved a Pass A.

My eyes widened and I read the form again, just to be sure. It was right. I’d got the highest grade.

‘Yes!’ The words escaped my mouth before I’d realised. I wanted to jump up and down on the table, then sprint around the room and hug everyone. Even Petra, who’d been giving me weird looks all morning. I couldn’t believe it.

No matter how hard I’d tried at school, I’d never got straight A’s. I often just missed out. Take uni: whilst Mike and Sophia had both achieved first-class degrees, I’d got a 2:1. Still a perfectly acceptable result—the second-highest grade—but I’d still wished I’d done better. I supposed I was just too hard on myself. I felt like, being the daughter of a teacher, I should excel at everything, but unfortunately I didn’t always quite hit the mark. But I had today.

Even though the grade was provisional and still had to be sent off to the official body for confirmation, it was still looking super positive. I was so happy.

‘What did you get, Faye?’ asked Petra.

‘I got a Pass C!’

‘Sounds like you just scraped through by the skin of your teeth,’ Petra sniped. That was uncalled for. Faye had worked really hard.

‘I thought I was going to fail, so I’m chuffed!’ She grinned. ‘How about you?’

‘Pass B.’ Petra sat up straighter. ‘And you, Bella?’

‘Pass A…’

‘Well, we all know how you got that mark, don’t we…?’ She narrowed her eyes. Mike passed our desks and must have caught the end of the conversation.

‘Petra, can I speak to you a second, please?’ Mike said. She got up and walked to Mike at the front of the class. I could see their mouths moving, but with all the noise and excitement from everyone discussing their results, I couldn’t hear what they were saying.

Oh God.

I knew she wouldn’t let this go. She’d found out about us and now was implying that I’d only achieved that grade because I was sleeping with my tutor.

No, no, no.This was not how this was supposed to happen. I wanted to achieve this qualification on my own merits.

I had done this course to be free from the ‘special treatment’ label that had plagued me during school and throughout my teaching career. I wanted to escape from the feeling of getting a job because my dad was my boss. But instead I’d just swapped it for securing top marks because of sexual favours.

This was so wrong. I’d worked hard all month. My assignments were good. I had strong feedback from my teaching practice sessions.

Then again, as much as I didn’t like her personality, Petra was a great teacher too. At least as good as me, so was she right? Did I get marked higher because of my relationship with Mike?

‘Here.’ Faye reached in her bag and pulled out some Haribo Star Mix. ‘Have a sweet. I can see you’re fretting. The sugar will make you feel better.’

‘Thanks.’ I tipped a handful into my palm.

‘Don’t you worry about a thing.’ She rested her hand on my shoulder. ‘You earned that grade fair and square. You’re the best teacher in our class by a clear mile. She’s just jealous. Of your talent and, you know…’ She glanced over at Mike.

‘You know?’ My eyes bulged.

‘Just an inkling… I don’t think anyone else does, though. And it doesn’t matter. Like I said, I reckon you were marked fairly.’

‘I appreciate you saying that.’ My shoulders relaxed a little. ‘It means a lot.’

‘No worries, honey. Thanks for all your help during the course. Can’t believe it’s over already!’ said Faye. ‘You coming for drinks at the pub afterwards?’

‘Yeah,’ I said.

Truth be told, I’d rather just go home and feel sorry for myself, but I needed to speak to Mike about last night. Plus, now this Petra thing had just unravelled, I wanted to make sure that I had been marked fairly.

My stomach plummeted. This should be a happy moment for me. I’d finally achieved my dream grade and now it was being overshadowed because Petra knew Mike and I had been up to no good in that classroom. Maybe I was better off being sensible and toeing the line after all. Right now, this whole living life on the edge thing seemed way too stressful.

It was official. The course was over. Four weeks of blood, sweat and tears had resulted in me finally achieving the PEFLITC qualification I’d wanted for years. Despite what Petra said before, I felt a sense of achievement. Whereas earlier I’d just wanted to go home, now I’d changed my mind. I should celebrate.

Faye and I walked to the pub and discussed our future plans. Whilst I explained that I wouldn’t use my qualification for at least another year, Faye was itching to travel and put it to use immediately.

‘I’ve already seen some jobs in Spain that I want to apply for. I feel much more confident than I did when I started. Thanks to Graham, but mainly to Mike. He’s a brilliant teacher.’

Yeah, I said to myself. I’d thought he was a great boyfriend too, until he’d gone all weird on me.

We stepped through the pub door. It was different to the more modern one Mike and I had gone to at the start of the course. It had the traditional decor—dark wooden bar and furniture with burgundy carpets. It looked like it had a pretty large beer garden, which was ideal for a hot day like this.

I spotted Mike coming out of the gents’ and knew I had to seize the opportunity.

‘Sorry, Faye, I just have to talk to Mike quickly. I’ll be back in a sec.’

‘Good luck…,’ she whispered.

I rushed over to him.

‘Sorry about last night,’ he said before I’d even had a chance to say anything. His gaze fell to the ground.

‘Pretty shitty you just walking out like that. What happened?’

‘I can’t talk about it here.’ Mike waved at one of the teachers who’d just come through the door. ‘Later. I promise.’

He headed outside to the beer garden, where everyone had gathered. I stood next to Faye and watched Mike from the corner of my eye. It wasn’t long before a swarm of female students had surrounded him. It was like being at the reunion all over again. I needed a drink.

After asking Faye what she’d like, I went to the bar and ordered a Malibu and orange for her and a Chardonnay for myself.

Within minutes of returning, I’d almost drained the glass. My head spun a little. Partly from the rush of alcohol, but also because of the many unanswered questions that had been swirling around my brain for too long.

I knew Mike had said we’d speak later, but I couldn’t wait. I edged closer to him.

‘Thank you sooo much again for all your help, Mike.’ Keri, one of the other trainees in our class, rested her hand on his shoulder.

My eyes narrowed. I’d seen her gazing longingly at him before, but she hadn’t been as forthright with her flirtations as Petra had. She’d clearly decided to wait until the course was over before making her move.

‘You’re welcome, but I was just doing my job.’ He shrugged.

‘True, but you’re really not like other teachers,’ she gushed, twirling her hair around her fingers. She was totally flirting. ‘I really feel like you’re always willing to go above and beyond the call of duty… I had a few questions, but I left them on my notepad at home. Would it be okay to take your number and call you about them over the weekend?’

Mike squirmed a little, then caught my eye. I knew I was scowling.

‘Of course I’d be happy to answer your questions if you email them to me. My address is in the welcome pack everyone received at the start of the course, but I can give it to you again now, if you want to write it down?’

‘Might be best to cc in the general department email too just in case, seeing as Mike will be leaving us soon. That’s also on the pack,’ added Esther, the director of training, who’d just walked over with a few of the other tutors and caught the end of the conversation.

‘Oh… okay,’ Keri sighed. Her little plan to get Mike’s number had failed. I couldn’t blame her for trying.

‘I know I’m speaking on behalf of all of the trainees and your colleagues when I say we’ll be sorry to see you go, Mike.’ The other tutors nodded. ‘Sure we can’t persuade you to stay?’

Mike fidgeted. As confident as he was, sometimes he got uncomfortable with public praise or attention about his work, which explained why he’d started sweating. Although I was annoyed with him, I couldn’t deny that Esther was right. He was an amazing tutor. I’d learnt a lot from him this past month. Not just in terms of the course content, but his teaching style. Mike was always so calm, cool and relaxed. He made everything look so effortless.

Despite having asked him a few times, Mike hadn’t told me about his new position, but whatever school he went to next would be lucky to have him.

‘Um, well, I’ve really loved it here, so you know—maybe in the future, I’d love to come back, if you’ll have me.’

‘In a heartbeat!’ She beamed. ‘So, are you looking forward to your new role in Vietnam? Sounds like a brilliant opportunity. It’s next week that you leave, isn’t it? You must be so excited!’

I froze.

What did she just say?

My throat tightened and my stomach felt like it had just plummeted down a hundred-foot lift shaft.

Either my hearing needed testing or Esther had just asked Mike if he was looking forward to going to Vietnam. And not for a holiday. She used the word opportunity like it was for work.

He had a job in another country. Not across the channel in France or somewhere in Europe, but in Vietnam. Asia. Practically on the other side of the world.

She said he was leaving next week.

And he hadn’t told me. This—us—wasn’t serious for him after all. It was just a fling. He hadn’t changed. He wasn’t ready for commitment. He was rejecting me. Again.

My thoughts swirled around my head so quickly, I felt faint.

I looked at Mike, who was now sweating profusely. He held my gaze this time and swallowed hard.

‘Er, yeah, it’s a great opportunity…’ His voice trailed off. ‘Would you excuse me, please, Esther? I just need to grab a glass of water. I think all the heat is getting to me.’

‘Better get used to it, Mike. Vietnam is a lot hotter than London!’

Mike got up and dashed inside the pub, signalling with his eyes for me to follow. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind, but I needed a moment. It was like my whole body was paralysed.

All night I’d worried about the fact that he’d left my flat without saying goodbye and left a cryptic note. Little did I know that would pale in significance to the bombshell that had just been dropped. How could he do this to me? Especially after what had happened before.

‘You okay?’ Faye tapped my arm. ‘Bella?’

‘Huh?’ I slowly regained consciousness. ‘Yeah… I… I’m just going to the toilet. Think I’ve drunk too much and it’s gone straight through me.’

I pushed my body forward, willing my legs to support me, praying that I’d have the strength to put one foot in front of the other. Luckily, I made it inside. I saw Mike pacing up and down by the toilets.

My shock turned to anger. I stormed towards him. Mike spotted me and he dragged his hands over his face.

‘Bells, look, I’m so sorry… I wanted to tell you. I tried… before things happened, but…’

‘You should have tried harder!’ I snapped. ‘How could you do this to me? After everything that happened before?’ My chest tightened.

‘I didn’t mean to hurt you, and this isn’t like before.’

‘It is! You’re leaving! Just like you did before. No, actually, you’re right. This isn’t like last time. It’s worse.’

‘Let’s go somewhere more private and talk properly. I was going to tell you. This evening.’

‘But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re going! What more is there to talk about? I told you, this was it for me. I told you I was all in. And you just used me. Took advantage of poor, sweet little gullible Bella. I’m such a fool! Well, that’s the last time you reject me. Now it’s my time to walk. Have a nice time in Vietnam. And don’t bother looking for me at the twenty-year reunion, because I won’t be there. Find some other sucker to fall for your charms. I’m sure you’ll have lots of takers.’

I stormed out of the pub, desperately trying to hold back the tears, but it was no use. I heard Mike’s footsteps behind me and I ran and ran. I just needed to get away. Away from the pain and humiliation. Away from him.

I’d thought this was it. That I had a second chance at love. But I’d just made the same mistake twice. I should have trusted my gut and stayed away from that reunion.

What an idiot.

But I wouldn’t make the same mistake a third time.

Mike and I were over. I never wanted to see or hear from him ever again. And this time, I really meant it.