Until Love by May Gordon

Rose

"What’s his favourite flavour?" Alice wants to know as we plan a cake for Robert’s birthday. Which I didn’t know was coming up until I ran into Nico and Sophie the other day. She mentioned how Molly, his mom, would always make such a big deal about it.

"Sophie said he loves chocolate and cherry," I answer as I look through pictures of cakes she’s created in the past to figure out which one I want for him.

"That’s surprising. I would’ve pegged him for vanilla," she teases. I know he seems scary because of his size and demenor, but he's a giant teddy bear. Making my choice, I show her so she can write it down. “Big party?”

“No. December explained that his welcome home didn’t go well. I don’t want to put him through that again. You think that’ll be okay?" I want to know, now worried about my plans. So many people would want to come and celebrate but I don’t want to make a occasion worth celebrating into a nightmare.

"Just being with you and Posie will make it special for him." Giving my hand a reassuring pat, she reminds me, "Don’t overthink it." I know she’s right, but that’s easier said than done. Robert is a mix of simple and complicated. While we haven’t had a conversation to officially label it as such, we have essentially been dating since he saved Posie from those bullies those weeks ago. Yet referring to him as my boyfriend seems a bit trivial, as if it doesn’t match how I feel for him. He’s so much more than that. I mean, neither of us have used the L word, and honestly, the powerful feelings I have for him scare me, but… “You love him,” Alice states, seeming to read my mind?

Clarity hits me. There’s no point in denying it, or running from it. It’s fast, but that shouldn’t make a difference. "I do," I respond as my eyes fill with tears.

“You’ve only just met him.” She’s not trying to dissuade me, just being a good friend. She’s right after all, but I still know him, which is what I tell her. However, I feel guilty that I haven’t reciprocated with my own history, I plan on doing that soon.

"As long as you’re happy, I am, too." Alice states.

"Thanks, Alice. You're a good friend." After our conversation finishes, I pay for Robert’s cake and leave. Posie can’t seem to stop growing, so I need to buy her some new clothes. Robert overheard us discussing it and invited himself to go shopping with us. He then began poking fun at her tastes in fashion, using her avocado unicorn as an example, which started quite the debate between them.

As I walk down the street towards the clothing where I left them. Suddenly a hand covers my mouth and pulls me between two buildings. I try to scream as the person pushes me against a wall, but their hold on me is too tight.

"Shut up, Rose."

Well, at least my recent paranoia was justified. It’s one of my brother’s goons.

“Max, please. Just let me go.” I beg, but he doesn’t listen. His free hand grips my throat, squeezing until I have no choice but to claw at him to get air.

"Stupid bitch,” he sneers. “You think you can steal from Donovan? Give me the book and the girl. You can keep the money," he offers as if he’s doing me a favor. When he lets go, I drop to the ground, gasping.

"I'll never give her up." I wheeze out.

"Wrong answer," he responds, rearing his leg back as if he’s preparing to kick me.

“Rose?”Alice calling my name stops him. Shifting to see Max again, I discover he’s gone as she rushes toward me.

“What happened?" Alice asks when she locates me around the building. I can’t tell her the truth, so I lie.

“I was mugged, or at least he tried too.”

"Oh my god. Are you all right?" She kneels to help me up, explaining that I left my wallet at the bakery. If she hadn’t come after me…

I can’t continue to lie to everybody for the rest of my days, but I don’t know what else to do. "I'm fine, Alice. I promise. Can we keep this between us?"

"We need to call the police," she argues.

"Please," I beg her until she finally caves. Taking my wallet, I gather my scattered belongings, and let her know I need to go. “Posie and Robert are waiting on me."

Making haste, I rush to the clothing store. I’m so scared, yet I need to come up with a plan. Do I run? Try for a deal with Donovan? There’s no way in hell I’ll give him Posie, but the thought of moving her again hurts. She loves it here. So do I. And we both love Robert. Tears prick my eyes as the thought of leaving him hurts like hell. Fixing my clothes, hoping to hide any marks from Max, I see Robert, Posie, and Princess exit a store. He already has numerous bags in his hand, which I intend to reimburse him for.

“Hey, guys,” I say, forcing myself to talk normally.

"Mommy, I got so many pretty things," Posie states as she runs to me. If I so much as peek at Robert, he’ll know something is up, so I avoid eye contact all togeather.

"That's great, honey. Make sure you say thank you. We need to get going." I rush out quickly.

"But I want to play with Princess," she whines, reminding me about the barbecue later.

“Kid, why don’t you wait by your mom’s car.” Robert asks Posie. After handing her the bags and waits until she’s out of earshot. Great, he knows something’s up.

His voice is hard as he asks, "What's wrong?" Standing close to me. Stupidly, I raise my gaze to his, which reveals the red around my throat. His eyes widen and then he gently strokes the area, his tone is murderous. "What the fuck?"

It’s on the tip of my tongue to give him the same story I did Alice, but I can’t. Instead, I plaster on a smile and attempt to convince him nothing did. "Don't fucking lie to me, Rose. Who did that?" His anger shocks me, though I know he wouldn’t hurt me. I’m clearly still frazzled by my encounter with Max, which causes me to take a step back. He curses, rubs his hand over his face, and apologizes. "I'm sorry. I just can’t stand the thought of someone hurting you. It makes me want to kill, and I don’t say that lightly." He obviously mis understood me, I made him think I was scared of him.

His concern is all the more touching as I’ve never had anyone care for me like he does so fiercely, but I can’t drag him in to this. "I need some time and space.” I say my heart breaking as the words taste like poison coming out. That’s the last thing I want, what I really want to do is curl up in a ball with him holding me and tell him the whole story. Spill my guts like he did with me.

His jaw tightens so hard I’m surprised his teeth don’t crack. "You can have it, once you tell me who did that." Even with me essentially destroying our relationship, he still wants to help. But I can’t have that. He needs to be as far away from this mess as possible. Out of sight out of mind, right? Hopefully with enough time away it will be easier to forget him. I know that’s a lie the moment I think it. I will never be able to forget him. Ever.

“Goodbye, Robert."

His hand clasps my wrist hard when I try to leave, I know it will leave marks, his next words threatening to break me. A mixture of love and absolute "I'm never letting you go."

So, I do it for him; I yanked my wrist from his hand and walk away.

I ignore him shouting my name as I hurriedly get Posie practically shoving her into the car. This is the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do, but I need to.

For Robert’s sake.