Kite In The Snow by Karla Lopez

 

I’m lying on the grass under mine and Travis’s favorite tree. Before his accident, we used to come every day to just talk and be lovers, but after he started drinking, it wasn’t something that he wanted to do.

Since we found out I was pregnant, he’s been a little better. He hasn’t drank for about two weeks, and I can already see the difference in him. Maybe the baby was what he needed to snap out of his addiction.

He’s also been so gentle with me that it throws me off because I’m used to his rough demeanor. It was his idea to come to our spot, and it made my heart happy.

“You know, I’ve been thinking.” I stare at Travis while he sits up and turns my way.

“About what?” I ask him while I watch him closely. Even though I know he’s doing better, it still scares me that he might snap. It might take me a while to overcome our past.

“That we should move in and get married.” He looks away from me, and I see his cheeks flush. The sight makes me smile. “You’ve always talked about getting married. You know—” he turns away from me. “Before the accident,” he whispers.

“Travis.” The way I say his name brings his attention back to me, and I can see it there. The anger that’s brewing inside of him.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to get married. I feel like there’s so much we need to fix to be able to have a good marriage. The baby shouldn’t change the fact that we’re unhealthy together.”

He scowls, and the fear that’s always brewing in the pit of my stomach rises. “You don’t love me anymore, Mae?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper. “You ain’t the same guy I fell in love with.”

I can see the tears in his eyes, and it breaks my heart. It’s easier to tell him about things like this when he’s drunk. It doesn’t faze him.

“You hurt me, and I’m so terrified that you’ll hurt our baby.” He stands up fast and roughly, causing me to jump.

“That’s bullshit! I would never do that. I-I love y-you. Both. So fuckin’ much it hurts.”

I shake my head as tears run down my cheeks. “But your love hurts.”

I know I’m breaking the man in front of me. Part of me knows he deserves it, but the other knows that this is the good part of him that I’m breaking. I can’t risk that he’ll drink again and hurt us both.

“So, what, Mae? You’re just gonna keep my kid from me? Is that it?”

“If to protect them, I will.”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “I fuckin’ hate you, Mae. You fuckin’ destroyed me.”

He walks away toward his truck, leaving me there without another word. “You destroyed me first,” I whisper to no one.

 

 

I watch Wyatt make popcorn for the movie we’re about to watch. Since we’re snowed in, there isn’t much for us to do, but every moment I spend with him is making me more and more comfortable to be around him.

He doesn’t cross any boundaries and he always keeps his distance. It’s like he knows that if he doesn’t, I’ll freak out. I’m glad that he doesn’t.

“What are you planning on us watching?” I ask him as he walks over to the couch and places the large bowl in the middle. He sits at the far end of the couch and part of me is relieved, but the other craves physical touch so badly.

I know it’s mostly the hormones because the amount of horniness I feel is insane, especially from someone who hasn’t even enjoyed sex. The thought of being sexual with someone turns my stomach, but at the same time, makes me crave it. It’s a weird combination.

“I was thinking of having a Harry Potter marathon.”

“Oh. That would be a good idea because I haven’t seen them yet.”

His head snaps toward me, and he stares at me in disbelief. His face makes me laugh.

My laugh makes him smile. “You can’t be serious. I can’t have you living here without ever having watched Harry Potter.”

My heart tugs at him referring to me living here. I just shrug and chuckle.

“You know, Harry is my middle name?” I laugh hard, and he watches me with a small smile.

“No, it’s not. Your middle name is Carter.”

His eyes narrow playfully. “How do you know that?”

“That’s what Camila calls you,” I admit.

“Oh. Yeah, she does. She’s sweet in that way.” His smile is warm.

There’s a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach hearing Wyatt talk about Camila. She is sweet, and I really like her, but I don’t like hearing Wyatt sound like he likes her.

I grow quiet, and I can see him staring at me like he can read me, but I pretend like I don’t notice. He plays the first movie Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone and the way his eyes light up like a little boy makes my heart flutter.

After watching the first movie and asking a thousand questions that he was more than happy to answer, I see Wyatt in a different light. There’s just something about him and the way he is that makes me feel safe.

It’s a dangerous feeling to have.

I get up to go pee, and when I come back, I see that he already has the next movie ready to play. I chuckle and his beautiful, poetry eyes meet mine.

He gives me one of his famous soft smiles and my heart flutters again. Stupid Heart.

“Who’s your favorite character out them three,” I ask while we watch the screen.

He pauses for dramatic effect; I just know it. I chuckle at his shocked face. “Are you crazy? You can’t have a favorite out of the three of them. They’re all special in their own way. Don’t ever disrespect them like that,” he argues playfully.

“My favorite is Ron, he’s sweet and funny. Him constantly being scared of everything makes him even more hilarious.”

He laughs. “That is true. I agree, but I can’t pick between them.”              

We end up watching two more movies until Wyatt gets up to make us lunch. I feel weird being served, I’m not used it, but he told me to stay put while he makes pasta.

He presses a button on his cassette player and Hozier starts playing. I chuckle and ask him how on earth does he have Hozier music in cassette form. He says he transfers them himself. I’m quite impressed and it’s refreshing. I always listen to music on my phone, but it’s a different experience hearing it on cassette.

I crave to look through his cassette collection, but I don’t think we’re there yet, where he’ll let me openly look through his stuff. Especially, music. It’s personal and it tells you a lot about a person and what their heart looks like.

I crave to see what his heart looks like.

The music stops and a clicking sound comes on. “You can pick something if you want.” I try to suppress my smile, but it’s hard.

I run my fingers through his collection, he has so many amazing artists. The 1975, Coldplay, Taylor Swift, SYML, and so many more. X Ambassadors catches my eye, and I decide to play that one.

I take the cassette out and place the new one in, then realize he has the case labeled as ‘Hozier, my heart.’ I look over to Wyatt as he chops away at vegetables. I’m amazed by him. This man is something else.

Unsteady by X Ambassadors starts playing and my heart clenches. Every time I hear the lyrics, they hit home like no other. I’m too familiar with them.

I gasp when I feel a sharp pain on my side. In an instant, Wyatt is next me, but doesn’t touch me. “Are you okay?” Concern is laced in his voice.

I breathe through the tightness and nod. “The baby just kicked, and I’m trying to get used to it. He’s going to be a soccer player or something. He kicks hard.”

His face lights up as he watches me rub the spot where my baby kicked. “Yeah, that’s my man.”

My heart does that pitter patter thing again at his words. His man. He just met me, and he makes it seem like he’s excited to be part of my baby’s life. I shake my head at the absurd thought.

“You know it’s a boy?” he asks as I wince again at the feel of another kick. He winces with me as if he’s the one in pain too. It makes me chuckle.

“No. I just hate to call him ‘it’. He’s more than that.” He nods in understanding.

“We have to get you in to see a doctor.” The way he says we makes me feel good, as if I’m not alone.

“I don’t have insurance.” I look away, embarrassed.

Wyatt steps closer, but still allows me enough space. “Hey, don’t be embarrassed. I offer insurance through your job.”

I breathe a sigh of relief that I will have medical care for my baby because of this human that barely knows me. I grab my stomach and wince again, getting kicked from the inside is not as sweet as some moms make it out to be.

“Here,” Wyatt says as he gets on his knees close to my belly. I hold my breath, scared of what he might do.

“Hey, bean. I’m calling you bean because you might be a girl too, and your mama is rude for calling you a boy, but don’t worry, I got you.” I chuckle and stare at him in awe.

“You have to chill out because you’re hurting your mama. I know you want to get out already, probably running out of space, but I hate to break it to you, you still have a few more months.” He looks into my eyes before he leans closer, causing my heart rate to skyrocket.

“You want to know a secret?” For a moment I think he’s talking to me, but he’s really talking to my baby. He looks back down, and I see his urge to touch my stomach, but he stops himself.

For some reason, the thought of him touching my stomach doesn’t scare me as much as it did yesterday. The mind works in weird ways.

“I can’t wait to meet you,” he whispers, and I feel the tears cloud my vision. “It hasn’t been long since I met your mama, but I have this urge to be close to the both of you. She amazes me with the way she’s protecting you. I can’t wait for you to meet her.”

His words hit me hard and tears run down my cheeks. It’s like he knows, but there’s no way that he knows I’m running from this baby’s dad. There’s no way.

“Thank you,” I whisper. My baby’s kicks change to light flutters like he’s trying to say something.

I rub my stomach and watch Wyatt as he leads me to the island to eat. We eat in comfortable silence, and we sneak looks here and there. The more time I spend with this man, the more I feel better. I never thought it was possible.

We end up watching one more movie before my eyes are dying to close. I say goodnight, and I feel his eyes behind me as I walk into his room. His scent is everywhere, and it hugs me like a blanket.

Like a security blanket.

I lie in bed while tears run down my face. I know it’s only been a few weeks of watching him and two days of knowing him, but he makes me feel safe. Makes me feel like there are kind men in this world. And maybe, just maybe, that I deserve to have those kinds of people in life. I close my eyes to tears hitting his pillow.