Kite In The Snow by Karla Lopez

 

ONE MONTH LATER

 

I watch the ultrasound tech as she puts jelly on my almost nonexistent belly and adds pressure with the doppler, as she tries to get a good reading of the baby.

We were silent for a moment before there’s a knock at the door and we both turn toward it to find Travis walking through. Shock fills me; I haven’t talked to him in weeks.

I lied to my father about it. After he made me kneel on salt and forced me to take Travis back, I told him I did. I’ve been taking my time on that.

“What are you doing here?” I ask him cautiously. The tech makes herself busy looking at my baby.

“Your mom told me you had another ultrasound. Why? I thought you only got three?” Surprise fills me that he actually listened to me.

“I was bleeding,” I whisper.

So many emotions pass through Travis’s face, and the one that doesn’t leave—regret.

He comes near me and watches the screen with me as the tech continues doing her job. The heartbeat fills the room, and I close my eyes in relief. This baby is everything to me and my reason to live. I need to keep going for him or her.

Travis doesn’t say anything. He just follows me out when we finish and offers a ride. He’s really quiet for most of the ride. “I miss you, Mae.” I don’t say anything because the man I miss either no longer exists or I won’t be seeing him any time soon.

He clears his throat. “Okay.” He keeps driving in silence before he says my name with a hardened tone. I turn toward him, expecting to see anger, but all I see is hurt.

I wish I could help him because somewhere deep down in me I know Travis has a good heart. Or at least, I’d like to believe.

“I’m sorry. Please, I want to be part of this baby’s life, and I want to be part of your life. More than parents sharing a child. I want to have the whole thing we once talked about. Please, Mae.”

I run a hand over my belly and close my eyes, not knowing what to do. The naive part of me craves that from him, but the part he hurt, broke, and tore apart wants to run away so far that no one will ever be able to find her.

“Say something, Mae.” I turn toward him, scared of his reaction to my conditions of us being together.

“I don’t know if there’s any future for us but get the help you need. A therapist, go to an AA meeting, something, only then will you’ll have a future with your son or daughter.”

He hits the breaks hard, and I fall forward and hit my forehead on the dashboard. I grab my head to soothe the burn as Travis’s next words hit me.

“Mark my words, Mae. I don’t have a problem, and if I wanted to change, I could on my own. I also have the resources and the money, and no one, and I mean NO ONE, will keep my child away from me. Not even you. Now get out!”

Tears cloud my eyes as I get off his truck and watch him leave me on the side of an empty road…again.

 

 

7 MONTHS PREGNANT

 

I wake up startled. I blink rapidly to try to clear my vision. I sit up and look around me and see that I’m in Wyatt’s clean, artsy room. With a smile, I see the dark wooden shelves filled with poetry books. I turn toward his huge single window and look out to the snowfall coming down peacefully.

I watch the snow to calm my racing heart. I’ve been here for three months—two with Wyatt and one on my own, and I haven’t had a nightmare about Travis or my parents in a while. The more I get comfortable with Wyatt, the more he cures all the bad dreams.

It feels nice to have someone like that, but all in all, I’m terrified to depend on someone like that. The more time I spend with Wyatt, the more I feel like I could have a life here with him. When he kissed me at the ultrasound, it made me feel whole again. Another thing that freaked me out; him having the ability to do that after everything I’ve been through is scary to overcome.

He treats me the way I should have always been treated and the warmth surrounding my heart just becomes stronger and stronger. Even with the fear of someone hurting me again, I trust Wyatt. I realized that not all men are like the ones in my hometown. Wyatt is a good man, and he cares very deeply for everyone.

Even the customers just passing by; he wants to treat them all with kindness. It’s so endearing to see. James, the baker and Wyatt’s best friend, is a good man too. He’s a little odd and not really mentally here in Alaska, but after he accidentally touched me, and I freaked out, he’s made the effort to get to know me. To allow myself to become comfortable around him.

I feel more and more at home here. It’s a small town, but the people are friendly and not in a hypocritical kind of way. They all really want to make you feel welcomed, especially into their culture.

I read the time on the clock next to the bed and see that it’s four in the morning. Knowing Wyatt will be up soon, I make my way out of the room as he’s getting up and rubbing his neck tiredly.

A pang of guilt hits me that I take up his big bed capable of holding two people while he sleeps on the couch. “You should start sleeping with me.” The words that leave my mouth are so unexpected that all I can do is stare.

He laughs awkwardly. “What?”

I realize how that sounds, and my face heats. I see that he’s affected too when he puts his hands in front of his privates.

I rush to say, “No. Uh, not like that. I meant, you can sleep in the bed with me, so you won’t be so tired. You’ve been sleeping on the couch for almost two months now.”

He stares at me for a moment, making me feel naked. He stares at my belly before shaking his head. “No, that’s all right.” He turns and goes into the bathroom.

The rejection stings, and I turn on my heels to hide in the room until I know Wyatt has left. I can’t help feeling disappointed. It makes me scared that I’m overstaying. Wyatt told me I could stay for as long as I’d like, but Wyatt is too good for his own good.

After a few hours of overthinking, I go downstairs to start my shift. I head toward the back door of the kitchen to grab my apron, when I hear my name. I stop in my tracks and listen to Wyatt talk to who I’m guessing is James.

“I don’t know, dude. I would feel weird sleeping in the same bed as her.”

“Is it cause she’s pregnant?” James asks as I hold my breath for Wyatt’s response, but it never comes, I feel like someone has knocked the air out of me. Tears run down my cheeks as I make my way back upstairs.

He doesn’t want to sleep in the same bed with me because I’m pregnant. It’s a turn off to him, of course. I’m so stupid to think I wouldn’t be a burden again.