Blinded By Love by Reana Malori
Chapter 7
Norah
Walking into the house from my outing, I slid off my sandals and pushed them against the wall, along with multiple pairs of Lilly’s shoes and even some of Rebecca’s that had never been moved. Cade didn’t have any shoes in the living room. For a man like him, that would never be acceptable.
Sighing, I closed my eyes for a moment as I braced myself to see him. It had gotten harder over the past three months, being around him, yet not being able to be who I truly am. Once I’d gotten the response from The Love Vixen, I knew I had to get a grip. My schoolgirl crush on Cade wasn’t very helpful.
It didn’t matter that my stomach clenched in need whenever he got close to me. Whenever we were in the kitchen, and he walked close to me, his cologne in the air, the heat of his body, would turn something on inside me. The man hardly ever touched me, other than maybe a hand on my arm to get my attention for something Lilly did. Nothing about our interactions could be seen as anything other than friendly, platonic, and boring.
There were moments when it was just the two of us alone at the end of the day, when it felt right just being here. We’d be in the family room while the television played. I’d be watching a show, feet tucked up underneath me. Cade would be sitting in the wingback chair, working on his laptop. Occasionally, he’d grunt or murmur in response to something happening on the show.
It was comfortable. It was how we ended most nights unless he stayed out late for client meetings or one of us had to travel. It was a good life. A stable life. But maybe it wasn’t my life to live.
Three months were left in our agreement, but honestly, I didn’t know how I was going to handle being in his presence that long. I was hanging on by a thread and it was getting thinner every day.
Take this morning when he asked me about where I was going. It took everything in me to leave the house. I was trying more and more to build a life outside of being there for Cade and Lilly. It had gotten so bad for me, that I was now starting to make up things to do just so I could leave. Yeah, it was somewhat childish, but what else was I going to do?
The longer I stayed, the more I wanted.
“Why are you just standing there?”
I jumped at his voice. “Damnit, Cade!”
He raised one eyebrow at me. “Why are you yelling at me? You’re the one standing by the door like a statue.” He held a glass in his hand, brown liquor filled the bottom as he took a sip. “Where have you been all day? I thought you’d be back home earlier than this.”
Home…that word still shocked me. Was this my home? I glanced around at the little things I’d done to put my stamp on things. It wasn’t my home, but it was where I lay my head at night. It was where the two most important people in the world lived.
“I called you a couple of times, but you didn’t pick up.”
Shaking my head to clear away the fog, I followed behind him when he turned and walked into the family room. “You called me?”
“Why didn’t you pick up?”
Damn, this man had a one-track mind. “I was busy.” I’d seen when those calls had come through, but simply chose not to pick up. Cade usually called at least once when I was out for the day. Usually, it was something mundane, but I had a feeling that he expected me to pick up when he called. No matter what I was doing, he knew I would answer when he needed me. So, today I decided to take a different approach. I wanted him to see that I wasn’t always at his beck and call.
“Norah? You keep zoning out. What’s going on with you lately?”
If only he knew. Watching him sit down on the couch, I knew we were in for a long night. His spot was the wingback chair. My spot was the couch. Staring at him, I shrugged my shoulders before walking to the other side of the couch and sitting next to him. Lifting my bare feet, I placed them on the table in front of us. I laid my head against the back cushion of the couch, and I sighed.
“Nothing’s wrong with me. I just had a day for myself. Whatever you needed couldn’t have been that important.”
He placed his drink down, then he half-turned to glare at me. “How do you know? You didn’t even have the decency to pick up when I called. What if something was wrong with Lilly?”
“Cade. We have codes, remember? It was what you asked for. If something was wrong with Lilly, then you text me the code you established when I first got here. Unless you’ve forgotten your own rules, which you would never do, I know for a fact nothing was wrong with Lilly.”
His nostrils flared as he breathed in and out. Those gorgeous lips of his thinned and his green eyes stared at me as if he wanted to say more. After a few more seconds, he huffed, stood, and walked over to his chair. He didn’t sit down. Looking at his back, it was like he took a deep breath before turning to face me.
“When I call, you answer. No matter what you’re doing or who you’re with,” he snapped.
I wanted to laugh at the fucking audacity. “No. It doesn’t work that way. If there’s an emergency, then put in the damn code. If you’re calling me about finding a barrette for her hair, then deal with it yourself. When I’m out—with someone—then I’m on my own time. I don’t answer to you.”
He shook his head. “How could you have been best friends with Rebecca? You’re so damn different. I can’t understand how she put up with your attitude for so long. Every word out of your mouth is a fucking challenge. You don’t know how to get along with anyone. I thought I was bad, but you just walk through life as if no one matters but you. You are here for me… and Lilly. You’re here to help Lilly. As her father, when I reach out to you, then it’s always something to do with her.” He briefly closed his eyes before staring down at me again. “When I call, you fucking pick up.”
As he continued fussing at me about answering my phone, I was still stuck on his words about my friendship with Rebecca. Our friendship was something that lasted our entire lives. Our differences are what made us perfect. She was the yin to my yang. She was sweet and I was sour. She was the lightning, and I was the thunder.
“Fuck you, Cade.”
“What?”
Standing from the couch, I rushed over to stand in front of him. “I said, fuck you. You don’t get to question my friendship with Rebecca. You don’t get to take out your bullshit on me. You don’t know anything about me.”
“Why would I want to?” Harsh words from a cruel man.
Didn’t he realize everything I did, every day of my life since Rebecca had died, had been for him and Lilly?
“You’re an asshole,” I yelled at him.
“That’s what others have told me.”
My anger burned hot. I’d only left today because I needed him to focus on spending time with his daughter. Every day, we spent time as this family unit, but it was all wrong. It made me feel raw. I thought that I’d stepped into a life that didn’t fit me. Looking at the man who filled my dreams at night, the one man who could heat up my body with just a look, I regretted the day I met him. I wished he had never entered my orbit. Maybe then I wouldn’t want him so much.
“Why did Rebecca even marry you? Maybe if you hadn’t married her, my friend would still be alive.”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. That wasn’t fair to Cade. It wasn’t his fault that Rebecca was gone. Once she was diagnosed, he’d done everything in his power to get her better. The best doctors. The best nurses. No matter how hard it was, he was right by her side.
“I’m sorry!”
He took a step back as if I’d landed a physical blow. “Is that what you really think? That being with me killed Rebecca?” His body was stiff and his words were rough.
Shaking my head, I reached out one hand to touch him. He pulled back, as if repulsed. “Cade. I’m sorry.”
“No. Don’t apologize now. You said what you felt. Now I know this is how you feel about me. You blame me for Rebecca’s death. Is that why you leave sometimes? Is that why you don’t answer my calls?”
I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. “No, that’s not what I feel at all. It was just… hell, I don’t even know what I felt. But I shouldn’t have said what I did. I know how much you loved her.”
He didn’t speak for a few seconds before he stepped around me and began to walk out of the room.
“Where are you going?” It was now my time to ask.
“I think I’m going to sit outside tonight. I need some fresh air.”
Now he was the one trying to get away from me. My mom always told me that I was too impulsive. That saying everything that was on my mind would get me in trouble one day. My temper flamed hot and went cold even quicker.
Looking around, I realized Lilly wasn’t hovering around or peeking down at us from the stairs as we yelled at each other. “Where’s Lilly?”
He rubbed a hand down his face. “That’s what I was calling you about. She spent the night at her friend Jamie’s house. We couldn’t find her pink blanket with the unicorns.”
My eyes widened. “The one Rebecca bought for her?”
Cade nodded. “Yeah, that one. She wanted it for tonight, for her first sleepover. We searched the entire house for it. It wasn’t my intention to interfere with your day, but we both thought you would know where it was. But you ignored every message. I finally found it under her bed. Crisis averted.”
At his words, I nodded. Not responding or returning his call had backfired. “Damn, Cade. I didn’t realize… I didn’t think…”
“That’s the problem, you didn’t think. You blame me for Rebecca dying, and I can accept that. Hell, I blame myself for not doing more. Not noticing something was wrong. But, right here, right now, you’re the closest thing to a mother that Lilly has. She depends on you to be there for her. Even in her five-year-old mind, she knows that having you here is a replacement for her mother. Norah, you agreed that you’d be here for her. For us. I know you need your own life—”
“This is my life. Here with Lilly.” I wanted to add that my life was with him, but wisely held my tongue. This was so not the time to open that big ass can of worms.
Cade nodded at my interruption, then he snapped. “Then act like it. Stop going off and ignoring my calls. Stop acting as if you’re the fucking babysitter. For three months, you’ve walked around here as if you’re a fucking visitor. If you want to be here for Lilly, then be here. Stop hiding. Stop running. Be the mother she needs.”
I couldn’t help my outburst. “But I’m not her mother. Rebecca is dead!”
Lifting his eyes to the sky, it was as if he prayed for divine intervention. “You don’t think I know that? I sleep in a room every night that has her scent, her clothes, those silly romance books she couldn’t help but read. I know she’s dead. But her daughter is alive. Do you hear me? Lilly is alive. It’s bad enough that her mother, my wife, died. But I sure as shit don’t want to live in a house with a woman who walks around like she’s an invisible guest. A zombie. So, like I said. When I call, you pick up the fucking phone.”
After he chewed me a new ass, Cade walked through the house and exited the door leading to the back of the house.
“Fuck!”
My head fell into my hands, and I couldn’t help the tears flowing from the well of my eyes. I thought I was over feeling this way.
Guilty.
He was right. I was trying to escape him, this home, and this life, but not for the reasons he thought. It was space from him and the feelings I had. If I didn’t separate myself occasionally, it would only get worse. When I spoke to my mom the other day, she asked me if I was doing okay. At first, I thought she was asking about Rebecca. But she clarified that she was asking about how I was doing living with Cade. I’d almost confessed everything to her. My feelings for him—that it was difficult living in the same house while hiding my emotions. That I dreamed of him at night. Visions would play in my mind of his head between my legs, bringing me pleasure as I screamed his name. Or his beard rubbing along my thighs as he lapped up my essence.
Guilty.
Yes, I was guilty of wanting him and it was eating me up inside.
Glancing toward the back of the house, I made a move to go talk to Cade, but decided to leave it alone. We’d said some harsh things to each other. I, for one, was not ready for another round. All I needed to do was say the wrong thing. Well, that had already happened. Just my luck, I’d say something even worse.
Turning to the stairs, I decided to go change. At the silence around me, I realized this was the first time Cade and I had been alone since I’d moved in three months ago.
Yup. I definitely should have answered the phone earlier.