Blinded By Love by Reana Malori

Chapter 8

Norah

I removed my dress and put on some shorts and a graphic t-shirt— typical attire when I finished my day. If I didn’t have in-person or video meetings, this was my work attire. I was all about living a comfortable life. Wearing a suit or dressing up every day just wasn’t something I wanted. That’s one of the reasons I gravitated to doing HR consulting. My expertise didn’t require me to wear 3-inch heels and makeup every day.

Once changed, I sat on the end of the bed and thought about the argument I’d just had with Cade downstairs. Was he right? Had I been doing only the bare minimum since I’d moved in? Thinking back on my time here, I could admit that he was right. Sure, I said my entire focus was on helping Lilly, but I also had kept my distance from her. What if she came to rely on me and something happened?

Was I expected to play the role of her replacement mother my entire life?

I was being selfish, and I hated myself for it.

When I agreed to be her godmother, that’s what I signed up for. So, what was stopping me from going all in?

Cade.

Just picturing him in my head caused my insides to flutter. He wasn’t the type of man who would stay single for the rest of his life. There was no way that women wouldn’t gravitate towards him. He was six feet, three inches of sexy goodness and had a body like a god, with tattoos to match. The man was still rough around the edges, no matter how much money was in his bank account or how many custom-made suits he owned. His voice was low and deep, smooth like a good-aged whiskey. And that walk… I couldn’t take my eyes from him, whether he was coming or going.

There was something about him that called to me. It had from the very first moment we’d met. Well, the night he met Rebecca. I couldn’t help but sigh at the direction my thoughts had taken.

“Forgive me, Rebecca.”

There was no answer. How could there be?

“How do I stop feeling this way?”

Again, silence.

Now I felt like I was losing my damn mind. Was I expecting her ghost to somehow show up and tell me it was okay to lust after her husband?

“Girl, you’re losing it,” I spoke into the silent room.

Those words sounded exactly like something Rebecca would say. I laughed at the thought of her sitting here with me, telling me how I needed to get over myself. She was always the one who could make me smile, even when I didn’t want to.

2 Years Ago

Rebecca and I were both lying in bed as we tried to watch a movie. I’d basically been down here for two weeks straight to help her as she went through treatments, which weren’t working at all.

It seemed like she was getting worse every day. It hurt to see my friend suffering this way, especially when there was nothing I could do to help her.

“Norah,” she said suddenly. I took my eyes off the TV screen and looked at her. “I know that things aren’t looking good. These doctors are trying to keep our hopes up for me to get better, but I can feel it inside. I don’t have much longer.”

I shook my head, still in denial. “Yes, you do. You’re one of the strongest people I know. We’re supposed to grow old together, sitting on our front porch while our husbands watch football, and our kids are off traveling the world. You still have to convince Cade to send us to Paris for the springtime.”

“And we’ll traipse all over the city and visit the museums and eat pastries all day.”

Nodding, I patted her hand. “See, we have things to do. Plans we’ve made. But wait, what about Lilly?”

Rebecca laughed, “Oh, she’ll be here with Cade.” At my groan, she continued. “I know he seems like a grumpy bear, but he’s good to me. To Lilly.” Just then, a coughing fit overcame her. I grabbed some water for her to drink. After a few moments, she continued. “I want you to have that kind of love, Norah.”

“I’m fine,” I denied quickly. With my luck, I’d never have what Rebecca had. Sometimes, I didn’t think I deserved it.

“Stop that,” she said, “One day, you’re going to get the happiness you deserve. Too bad, I won’t be here to see it.”

“Stop that, Rebecca.”

Rebecca’s chest rose and fell as her wheezing became worse. “Just promise me, Norah. If they can’t have me, I need them to have you. If things had gone differently years ago, you would—”

“Everything okay?” Cade’s deep voice interrupted. “I heard you coughing,” he said to his wife.

I wondered what Rebecca had been about to say, but I moved on from that thought when she spoke to Cade standing in the door like a guardian angel. There was a smile hovering on Rebecca’s lips as she looked at him.

“Hey, sweetheart. I’m fine. Just talking about the future.”

I watched a smile come over his face, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Maybe I was the only one who hadn’t accepted what was happening.

“That’s good, baby. Hey, Lilly wants to come in and hangout with you two. Do you feel up to it?”

Rebecca nodded and shifted her body to sit up a bit straighter. “Of course. I’m always up for a visit from our Ladybug,” she said just as Lilly squeezed past her father’s legs and ran over to the bed.

I glanced up at Cade. For just a brief moment, I saw the raw emotion on his face as he watched his wife and daughter. Rebecca may want me to move on and have a life, maybe find someone to love, but she didn’t understand what she was saying. Sure, I’d dated over the years and felt deeply for some of them, but they were all missing something. That spark. The sizzle. The only man to ever make me feel that way was off-limits.

My best friend was gone. But I was still here living. I would miss her until my last breath, but Cade was right. I was here for Lilly. To help her grow. To give her all the love I had for my best friend.

For so long, I felt like I’d been in that casket with Rebecca. Felt like I was unworthy of having a life and enjoying myself because she was gone. But I now realize that’s not what she would have wanted. It’s not what I wanted either.

Lilly was sleeping over at a friend’s house tonight, and that was a good thing. It would give me time to get my head right. Cade had a point. My attitude needed an adjustment. No more doing things half-way.

Standing from the bed, I grabbed my phone and walked out of my bedroom. Once I was back downstairs, I looked toward the back of the house and noticed that Cade was still sitting outside.

The first thing I needed to do was apologize. I would hate it, because I’m sure Cade would never let me forget it, but it was something that had to be done. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and took a deep breath to gather my strength. Knowing this moment was long overdue, I walked out the back door and made my way to Cade.

Stepping up to the side of his chair, I looked down at him. His eyes seemed unfocused as he stared out across the large expanse of the backyard.

“I sometimes feel that I don’t have the right to be here.”

He didn’t respond other than to pick up his glass and take a sip of his drink.

“If I don’t get too close to you and Lilly, I won’t be heartbroken when I need to leave.”

The one hand resting on his thigh clenched tight. “Why would you need to leave?"

Now this was a moment of truth. Should she tell him the real reason she felt that way, or should she lie? “One day, you’ll move on. You… Lilly, won’t need me anymore. Then what happens?” Okay, maybe a half-truth.

His lips thinned and he finally looked up at me. Those green eyes of his were challenging and full of… something. “Lilly will always need you. I…” he cleared his throat. “No one will ever take your place.” He took another sip. “Are you finally finished running?”

Slowly, I sat down in the chair next to him, unsure of how to answer his question. Would it be a lie if I said I was?

He sighed and said, “Listen, I know what I said earlier, questioning why the two of you were friends hurt you. That wasn’t my intention.”

“Then what were your intentions? It seemed like you were pretty sure of what you wanted to say to me.”

Glancing over at me, his gaze held me frozen. “Rebecca left something for you. A letter that was recently delivered. I was supposed to give it to you when I felt you were fully onboard with helping me raise Lilly. Are you fully onboard?”

What? “A letter? For me? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Did you hear nothing I said just now? It just arrived and Rebecca left it up to me to decide when you were ready. Her only request was that I wait until you were truly accepting of your new role with Lilly. Up until now, I wasn’t sure if you were there. But with everything that’s happening, I think you are.”

I stood. “Of course, I am. Give me the letter right now. Where is it?”

“In my study. Stay here. I’ll go grab it.”

A few minutes later, he returned, a sealed envelope in his hand. Snatching it out of his hand, I wanted to curse his ass out for keeping this from me. Instead, I took a few deep breaths. It wasn’t his fault my friend had a flair for the dramatic.

“You didn’t open it?”

Cade shook his head. “No. It wasn’t my letter. I have my own that was delivered the same day. Your letter was included in the package. Since it was sealed and meant for you, I felt it best to keep it that way.”

“You have a letter, too? Well, what did yours say?”

He paused, staring at me for a few extra seconds. “My letter was for me. Not you. You have your own letter in your hands. Worry about that. I’ll be inside if you want to talk.”

Turning on his heel, he walked away, shutting the patio door behind him. I immediately opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. Rebecca’s handwriting jumped out at me, and I smiled. That woman, she definitely knew how to be unforgettable. Starting at the top, I began reading…

Hey Girl…