Blinded By Love by Reana Malori

Chapter 1

Norah

One Year Later

“Norah, you need to come back.”

As I listened to Cade’s voicemail, I could feel my body tensing. I’d just made it home from spending the weekend with him and Lilly. My body was tired. My heart was hurting. Being around them for more than two or three days brought me close to my breaking point. When I was with them, all I could think about was Rebecca. She should be the one there with them. Not me.

Yet, I also couldn’t help feeling as if I were right where I belonged.

Then he had to go and send me this damn voicemail. Collapsing on my living room couch, I looked around my empty apartment and sighed. My house reflected how I felt inside. Bare. No personality. Minimalist. I had survived this way for so long. It felt like this was all I knew. This was my real life. Not the one I pretended to have when I was with Cade and Lilly.

Hitting the replay button on my phone, I listened to his entire message again.

“Norah, you need to come back. Lilly won’t stop crying. It’s becoming too difficult for her when you leave. You’re her godmother. I don’t know why Rebecca chose you for the job when clearly you have no desire to step up,” he paused. Then I heard him take a few deep breaths. “You need to be here with Lilly. I expect a return call.”

Asshole!

What did my best friend see in him anyway? All he did was bark orders, especially at me. With Lilly, he was different. Then again, maybe that was it all along. I was simply his late wife’s best friend. To him, I was nothing, which is how he treated me; like the hired help.

Of course, I wanted to be there with Lilly. Hearing her cry for her mom at night broke my heart. All I could do was hold her in my arms and tell her that I loved her, and make sure she knew that I was there for her. Her beautiful blue eyes, so reminiscent of her mother’s, would gaze up at me with tears and doubt. For a small child, the experience of losing her mother must have felt like the end of the world. Then here I come, showing up on the weekends with smiles, doing all the things a mother would do, then I would dash away, leaving her alone for the entire week.

Glancing around my house again, I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to be around her. No, that wasn’t it at all. I was a damn coward. There, I said it. All things considered, I knew I was doing the right thing. Right?

Cade was probably waiting for me to call, but he’d have to wait a bit longer. Earlier, when his call came through, I was still on the road from Falls Church to Baltimore. Yes, it was petty, and I chose not to pick up. He’d called three times. The voicemail was left after his final attempt to reach me.

Standing, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. Just thinking about the look on his face when I climbed in my car had me shivering all over. Why did I have to be this drawn to him? Not once during their marriage had I even considered overstepping. Then again, that’s also one of the reasons I stopped visiting so much. When I wanted to see Rebecca, we arranged to meet at a neutral place, or she came to me. It was always easier to make the excuse that we needed a girl’s weekend. No boys allowed.

Unpacking my weekend suitcase, I threw the clothes in the wash. Then I made something to eat since I hadn’t stopped on the road. Glancing over at the clock, I’d been home thirty minutes and still hadn’t returned Cade’s call. Okay, fine. I didn’t want to talk to him. Remember what I said earlier? Yeah, I feel like a complete coward.

“Ugh. Fine!” I yelled out into the empty room. I picked up my phone and clicked on his name to push through a call. I’d now switched to a glass of wine because a girl needed some extra liquid courage. After two rings, he picked up.

“Are you on the way back?”

He could be such an asshole. “Wow! Well, hello to you, too. Yes, I made it home safely. Thanks so much for asking.”

His deep sigh came through the other side of the line. “Clearly, you’re safe because you called me. Why do you act like this? Never mind. So, when are you coming back?”

How do I handle this? On the one hand, I needed space. He had no idea how I felt about him, and that was for the best. He’d be appalled and disgusted. Hell, I was halfway disgusted myself.

“Cade, I’ll be back next Friday night. That was the arrangement. We agreed to that. Why are you changing the rules?”

“Hold on,” he grumbled into the phone.

I heard sounds on the other side of the line, as if he were shifting around. “Were you asleep?” I looked over at the clock, and it was only a little past nine. Wasn’t that a bit early?

“Not asleep. Just lying down and reading some reports. I finally got Lilly down to sleep after she spent two hours crying for her auntie Norah to return. Do you know how it feels to hear her crying for you? Don’t you think she’s been through enough? She can’t take much more of you leaving her right when she needs you the most. My daughter doesn’t deserve this.”

My first reaction was anger that he was blaming me. My second reaction was hurt. It was never my intention to make things worse for Lilly. I thought the weekends with me would be enough. That having me around, even for that little time, would help her get through. Maybe I was wrong.

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to say—” Cade interrupts me before I can continue.

“You need to shit or get off the pot. You’re her godmother. Rebecca wanted you to be there for Lilly if something ever happened to her. Well, it has. My wife is gone. Your best friend,” he spat out, “is gone. Her daughter needs you. So, what are you going to do? Keep running? Hide away from everyone who needs you? That’s what you do best, right? Run? Well, I won’t let you. Next time you come back to house, then you’re here to stay.”

“Man, you have lost your damn mind.” Now, I’m seething. If I was a dragon, you’d see fire coming from my mouth right now. He was so arrogant and controlling. How did Rebecca deal with his insufferable ass? “You don’t get to tell me what to do. I’m not your wife.”

“Yeah, I know. You’re nothing like Rebecca. She was light and sweet and everything that was right in this world. You are most definitely NOT my wife.”

My response to his words caught in my throat. What was I supposed to say to that? No, I wasn’t his wife. Rebecca brought out the best in everyone she was around. Whenever I was sad, she could bring a smile to my face with just a few words. I was still in a state of shock when he continued speaking.

“Listen, Norah. I’m—I’m—”

In all the time I’d known him, he’d never apologized to me for anything. This was a momentous day.

“If you’re unwilling to help me full-time with Lilly, then maybe it’s best if you don’t come around at all.”

Skkrrrrtt!! Wait. What did he just say? Did I hear him wrong? “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. I can’t have Lilly crying herself to sleep every night when you’re not here. My daughter is everything to me. She’s all I have left of Rebecca. If you can’t be here for her the way she needs, then maybe it’s better if you don’t visit for a while. I need her to have stability. She needs people who will choose to be around. Losing her mother was out of her control, and she doesn’t understand it.”

“I know that!” I couldn’t help but yell through the phone. “Do you think I wanted to watch my friend die? Rebecca should be here with us. I wasn’t expecting this. My life is here in Baltimore.” I had to repeat the words because they had to be true. My life wasn’t with them. It couldn’t be. There was no way in hell I could step in and be a full-time surrogate mom. That’s not how I was built.

“Then I guess I have my answer.”

This dude was like a dog with a bone. “No, I haven’t given you an answer yet. Cade, what am I supposed to do about my life here?”

“If I recall, you’re a consultant. You can work from anywhere. This house is large enough for you to have your own office for work. Norah, I’m not going to beg you to come back here to help Lilly. I’m simply telling you what she needs. If you can’t be there for us… for her, then don’t come back. If you show up at my doorstep, then I’ll take that as a sign that you’re here for good.”

He honestly had no idea what he was asking me to do.

“Cade…”

“If you need to think about it that much, then it seems you’ve made your decision. Goodbye, Norah.” He hung up the phone, and I sat there in silence as I thought over his request… no, his demand.

That man acted as if I owed him something. I didn’t.

No, but I did owe something to Rebecca. She’d trusted me to be there for her daughter. So how could I not do what Cade asked? I’d already noticed that every time I left, Lilly became a little more inconsolable. Her tears would fall faster and harder as she watched me climb into my car for the long drive home every week.

I wanted to be there for Lilly. I needed to be there for her, but what would it do to me, my own peace of mind, if I stayed in the house with them every day?

You know what? Maybe I needed to stop being so damn selfish. This was not about me. This was not about my own skewed feelings for a man that I could never have. Maybe the best thing I could do was just focus on myself and Lilly. Living with them would be no big deal, right?

My work could be done from anywhere. My apartment lease would continue until I returned, maybe. He didn’t say how long he wanted me to stay with them, but I’m positive it would only be a couple of months. At least until Lilly was able to sleep at night. I could totally do this.

Although I was going to take him up on his proposal, I wanted to make his ass sweat a little longer. The man was just plain rude. Ever since I’d known him, he always seemed to get what he wanted. Sure, I’d do this for him, but it would be on my terms. If he stayed out of my way, I’d be fine. Right?

I could feel my eyes drooping as a wave of exhaustion came over me. Time to go to bed. I’d worry about Cade and his demands tomorrow. Right now, I needed sleep.