Deadly Nightshade by Sem Thornwood
Chapter 14
Isabella
In the morning, Mia helped me get ready. It consisted of a lot of Mia brushing away my tears and hugging me. She already knew what happened before I told her. I didn’t even have the time to tell her, actually. When she came into my room, I just started crying. She rushed to me and held me until my crying got a little better.
At first, I thought maybe Alessio told her, but to my surprise, it was Salvatore. She was probably a year from marrying my brother, and their situation was weird. Him giving her that knowledge was an important thing, but I didn’t find it in me to ask about it.
Maybe I was a terrible friend, but I couldn’t think anything but my horrible fate. Mia, on the other hand, was a great friend. She was great all through my mother’s illness, and she was great now. She was all I had left now.
Salvatore was well aware of my headspace and actually stayed away from me. He didn’t ask why I didn’t come to breakfast and also didn’t try to push me into his car.
Alessio, on the other hand, was more oblivious, or he decided to act like that.
From the moment I stepped into the garage, his eyes bore into mine. He actually had the decency to go up to his car and call to me. “Bella, ride with me.”
For a moment, I could only look at him with an open mouth. There was no way I could make the drive with him. My reason was the same as why I didn’t want him with me last night. His closeness only gave me pain because when I saw him, the only thing I could think about was how I could never have him.
He had no right to torture me further with his presence.
First time in my life, I wished for Salvatore to intertwine to keep me away from Alessio. Only he didn’t. He only took his place in his car with Verona and Valerio. He was completely avoiding me, and I didn’t know if I should be relieved or angry.
“I am riding with Mia,” I announced as I walk past Alessio and his car. Only I couldn’t go much further because his large hand wrapped around my upper arm. Not hard enough to hurt, but still firm enough to stop me from moving.
“We need to talk,” he said, and when I didn’t even look at his way, he added, “Please.” Oh, and his voice actually cracked.
It was enough to shatter my heart into million pieces, but I shouldn’t give in. Being close to him would only make my pain worse.
So, I gathered all my strength to keep my tears away and looked at him. His eyes were bloodshot, but not from crying like mine. It was probably the result of a sleepless night, while for me, sleep was the only escape even though it was filled with nightmares without Alessio’s arms holding me.
The desperate look on his face almost tore me apart, but I resisted. I have to for my own sake, and also Alessio’s sake. He needed to let me go, or this would hurt him too. Maybe as much as it was hurting me. For some reason, I knew seeing him hurt would be so much worse than this pain felt right now.
“No,” I said firmly. “There is nothing to talk about.”
When I tried to move, he didn’t let me go. His hand tightened around my arm. “Why don’t you have just a little faith in me?”
“Faith?” I asked with a voice that made it clear how ridiculous his words were. “I did believe you for a while, Alessio, but I am done dreaming. Maybe we were meant to be, but the world we live in is not going to let us. Please just let it go, and let go of me.”
This time he leaned in, and I could feel his breath on my temple when he spoke. “I told you I’ll never let you go, Bella. If you don’t want to believe me, that’s fine, but at the end of this, you are going to be my wife.”
I felt the tears threatening to surface. His words cut me so deep. Hope would only make the fall so much worse. Yet, at that moment, I knew there was nothing I could say to Alessio to make him stop. He was too stubborn for that. So, I made the most coward move there is. I tried to flee.
“I want to drive with Mia,” I said, not looking at him because at that moment, stopping my tears was almost impossible.
“Bella…”
“Alessio, please respect my wishes.”
That made him move. His hand left my arm, but just before I stepped away from him, he whispered, “Mark my words Bella. This is going to end the way I want it.”
I hope it does, I thought, but I didn’t voice my opinion. There was no need to hope.
I got into the passenger side of Mia’s car, and just as she started the car, I let the tears slide down my cheeks silently. I did cry a lot these last months, and I thought it was all over when Alessio put that hope in me.
I was wrong. All the crying was just beginning. I was just another lost cause in Cosa Nostra.
When my mother fell sick, all I wanted to do was cry. After she got worse, I cried every night. Sleep was a distant memory for me at those times. After her death, sleep still didn’t consume me until I decided she was better dead than heavily sick.
She was at peace, and I know that now.
Yet, my discomfort always brought me sleepless days and nights. Now, on the other hand, my life was falling apart, and the only escape I could find was sleeping.
I slept like the dead yesterday night and today after Mia dropped me off.
I thought Alessio was the reason I could sleep now, but after yesterday night, I started questioning it. Maybe it had nothing to do with Alessio, and it was simply because now I believed that Mom was at a better place.
Or maybe when Mom was sick, I wanted to stay awake and live my pain so that I could get rid of it, but now I knew there was no escape from my pain. Maybe sleep was really my only escape.
Though it was not enough.
Lying on my bed, I couldn’t help but feel like Mom, only worse. Her pain was physical, while mine was more emotional. She was waiting for her end by death, and I was waiting for my end by marriage. Hers definitely seemed so much better.
Was she really in a better place?
That was the question I have been asking myself since I woke up a few minutes ago. If she really found peace in death, maybe I could do too. I didn’t get upset over her death as much as I got upset over her sickness.
I felt like she was truly happy now. Maybe I could be happy like her.
Her last days were painful, yet she seemed happy. She was surrounded by people she loved.
My last days were happy too. Not just because of Alessio. I was at the lake house, and that place always made my mood better. I was with my siblings, and Alessio and Mia. It would be better if I could also see Antonio, and I didn’t feel this endless rage towards Salvatore. I’d want to have a nice goodbye with them too.
The thought of ending it all seemed cowardly, but it was also so comforting.
I always thought I was strong. Growing up with a father who wants to kill you toughens you up.
Not enough, apparently.
I was not strong enough to endure the destiny my father laid out for me. I couldn’t let Brando Panaro touch me, and I couldn’t live a life where I was constantly scared of getting raped or getting beaten up.
Alessio was dreaming of rescuing me. Sadly, that was really only a dream. My idea, on the other hand, was perfect. It was a flawless escape plan. Of course, it was going to be sad for so many people, but I couldn’t put them before me. I could not marry Brando Panaro just so I don’t break their hearts.
They have to understand.
Surely, I wanted to have one last goodbye. When Mia dropped me off earlier and offered to stay, I barely said “No” and didn’t even look at her. My last encounter with Salvatore was horrible too. Alessio, on the other hand. Oh, how much I want to kiss him one last time.
But there was no way to have a goodbye. I could not wait that long. Also, I could not risk losing my will. If even one of them guessed what I was about to do, they’d stop me.
I didn’t want to be stopped. I just wanted to feel at peace, just like Mom.
There were various ways to do it, I suppose, but I have always been too poetic for my own good. I felt like I should include Mom, and I also felt like what really ended me should be me.
The people left behind did deserve at least a suicide note, but I could not do it either. I could not risk having a panic attack in the middle of writing or changing my mind. I had to do this fast. So, I just stopped thinking and got out of bed.
They had to forgive me. They had to understand.
The hall was empty as I left my wing. I could hear some mumbled voices from Dad’s office. They were probably having a meeting. I didn’t care who was there. I didn’t even fill with rage. I was going to get rid of them all soon. I avoided them and just went to my mother’s green room.
Before she got sick, she spent almost all of her time here. She loved those plants. There were all kinds of them, but her favorites were always poisonous but beautiful. She found meaning in them. She named me after one of them.
Belladonna.
In her death bed, she did tell me I didn’t have to be like Belladonna. I didn’t have to endure that. I could just use it to free myself. Eating those sweet dark cherries didn’t even seem like a chore.
I was happy.
I was sure.
I held the delicate golden handle of the door and pushed it to make my way to the very familiar Deadly Nightshade.
Only I couldn’t.
When the door was open, I froze in place. It was not the same room. It was not the room my mother put her heart into all those years. It was not the place she found happiness. Oh, no, it was definitely not that.
It was empty.
My mother’s very dear plants were gone. Everything was gone. I couldn’t even think about the poisonous cherries or my plan to reach peace. My mother was gone. She was more gone than when she died. Her legacy was no more. Her presence was no more.
This could not be happening.
“Miss Vasile, are you okay?” A thin voice asked behind me. I was too terrified to even notice the footsteps.
I turned in my heels. I knew my eyes must be filled with pure rage, but I didn’t try to contain it even for the sake of our housemaid Maria. “Who did this?” I asked between gritted teeth.
Her face actually turned uncomfortable and maybe a little scared, but she didn’t step back. “You mean the greenroom?”
Of course, I meant the greenroom. My mother’s dearest possession was gone; what else could I talk about? “Yes.”
“Mr. Vasile wanted all of it gone since most of the plants were poisonous. He also packed your mother’s clothes and jewelry to be stored.”
So, it was his fault. So, he didn’t stop at selling me to a brutal bastard. He also got rid of my mother.
Oh, only if I could trade his life for his.
But no, I could not take my mother back. I could not have her as my savior anymore. Yet, I could make the other part happen. I could get rid of the monster.
Yes, I could do that.
Fuck, I was going to do that.
I walked past Maria as my blood boiled. Maybe because I was too angry or because I was too close to ending my own life, I didn’t care about the consequences of my actions. I was ready for any punishment. There was not a worse faith than the one I already have anyway.
I barely noticed Maria calling for me, and I didn’t care. With every step, I got faster. With every step, the fire in me grew. With every step, I wanted to kill my father more and more.
When I got into the door of his office, I yanked it open, startling everyone. I felt the whole room looking at me, but I didn’t waste time to see who was in there. One of them started, “What the fuck…” but he couldn’t finish because I hurled towards my father.
I tackled Giovanni Vasile.
I tackled the Capo of the Chicago Outfit.
I tackled the guy who hated me since the day I was born.
His eyes widen with shock. He was not expecting this. Well, it made my job easier. He was under me, and I was straddling his chest, keeping him there as I started throwing punches all over his face. I didn’t care where I hit or how hard I hit, but I did it with everything in me.
I wanted to hurt him.
I wanted to kill him.
My ears were ringing so loud with my anger that I didn’t hear him or anyone else. I didn’t even hear my own screams as I punched him again and again. Still, I knew what I was saying. “How dare you?”
I punched as his hands tried to push me, and I punched as one of his hands wrapped around my throat. I was ready to die as long as I got to take him with me.
As strong arms came to my waist and pull me back from him, I felt that my cheeks were wet. I was crying, but this time it was not sad tears; it was hateful tears.
Arms pulled me away from him, but I still shouted, “How dare you?” To his shocked red face. There was pain somewhere in my body too, but I was too far gone to care. I pushed and kicked the air as I could still hurt him. I wanted him to know. I wanted him to fear me just like I did since I was a little girl.
My savior was gone, but I didn’t need a savior anymore. I was ready to take the world and make sure he saw that in my eyes just before I was hurled away from the room.
When he was out of sight, I stopped punching, kicking, and crying. Even though all the pain and rage inside me, a stupid smile took place on my face. I just went limp on the arms carrying me to my room.
Only when the strong body put me in my bed could I see he was Salvatore. His eyes were wide, his mouth was in the shape of an “o” and his brows were puckered. Hell, probably everyone in that room was looking like that right now.
“What the fuck Bella!”
I gritted my teeth to keep myself from punching my brother too. I was angry at him, yes, but it was nothing compared to my feelings towards my father. “Did you know what he did?”
“What?”
“He got rid of Mom’s belongings. He made her disappear.” I couldn’t help my voice cracking, but luckily there were no tears. “She is no longer here to save me from him, Sal, and I cannot even have her memories now.”
With that, my brother’s face suddenly softened. He kneeled in front of me and took my face between his hands. Apparently, I was too far gone to push him away. “He cannot take her memories from you, Bells. You are making things hard. Please be patient, and I will find a way, okay?”
A sound between a sob and a laugh came from my mouth. “Like you found a way when he gave me to Panaro?” I shook my head as pain glimmered in his eyes. “Just leave me alone, Sal. I am ready to take his punishment.”
He opened his mouth to answer, but before he could make a sound, a big form appeared on the threshold. “Salvatore, you need to come back.”
Both of us turned to Antonio, startled. Just like most of the time, there was no emotion on his face, but I could see his body was tense. “Go, and talk to your father. I am going to take Isabella to the mansion.”
Sal rose to his height and face his best friend. “Is this an order from him?”
“He is startled. I took advantage. Now go to him before Panaro fills his head with stupid shit.”
I couldn’t help but shiver with his name. I was not aware he was there too.
For a second, Salvatore stood there, but then he nodded. “Okay,” he said and walked to the door. Before leaving, he patted Antonio’s shoulder. “Thanks.”
Antonio only answered with a small nod, and after he left, his eyes found mine. “Let’s go.”
I didn’t argue. I wanted to get away from Panaro as far as possible. Also, I didn’t have the energy to fight Antonio. His plans were usually the best option. He was a great counterpart to Salvatore. Sal was high-tempered, and Antonio was always cold and calculating.
All the way to Antonio’s car, I only prayed for not seeing Panaro. Even though we heard them arguing, I actually didn’t see his face. When we heard the loud mumbling from my dad’s office, Antonio actually wrapped an arm around my shoulder and hurried me to the garage. I wouldn’t say this to him, but actually, I was grateful because that move made me feel safe.
Antonio was not good at understanding emotions, but he was always good at guessing what people needed, and he often gave it to them. Or at least he gave it to the people he cared about or what was the equal of caring for someone in his dictionary.
As we get into the garage, I realized I was biting my lip. I release it and felt a metallic taste on the tip of my tongue. God, was I that nervous.
Antonio glanced at me before reaching the driver's door. His eyes were so very still. He gracefully pulled a handkerchief from his chest pocket. If there was a man who would carry a handkerchief, it was definitely him. He cared about his looks too much and always looked more proper than Alessio or Sal.
He gently wiped my bottom lip and explained without looking into my eyes like he heard my thoughts about being too nervous. “Your lip was already swollen because of the punch. Try to be gentle to yourself.”
I let out a surprised sound. “Did he punch me? I didn’t feel a thing.”
This time he looked at me. “You were too high on adrenaline and anger. I thought it was special to Sal, but it turns out it was a Vasile thing.”
I opened my mouth to answer to protest and list my reasons, but he was not having it. He moved towards to driver’s side door. “Get in the car.”
Again, I obeyed. There was no point in arguing.
Before starting the car, he texted on his phone. I only buckled up and waited. I was very eager to leave this house. I wanted to be away from my dad, and Panaro, and Sal.
“You know that was a pretty dumb thing to do, right?”
I turned to him, startled honestly, I knew he was not supportive of my behavior, but I was not expecting him to attack me. In our little group, Antonio was the person I was least close to. We did grow up together, but he was never too open with me.
Other than my shock, I was also a little pissed off. I was mesmerized by his openness, but he had no right to judge me on this. “He threw my mom’s plants! You know how much she loved them.”
He nodded, but he was not going to stop anytime soon. “Doesn’t change the fact that it was stupid, Isabella.”
If any other person would call me Isabella, I would feel more attacked, but he was all for the full names. He didn’t even let anyone call him Tony. So, I actually tried to contain my anger, but I was probably still high on adrenaline like he said. “I am sorry, Antonio, but that made me sad and angry. Unlike you, I have human emotions.”
“I know that.”
“But still think it’s stupid, right? It’s okay. I am not expecting you to understand.” I am just expecting you to shut up.
He shook his head like he cannot take it anymore, but when he spoke, his voice was the same monotone tone. “I don’t have to understand, Isabella. I am telling you it was stupid, and I am right. You may not be emotionless like me, but you should learn how to control them. You shouldn’t do something stupid like that again.”
“Why? It is not like he can punish me in a worse way.”
“Do you think attacking your father is going to solve your problems?”
“No, nothing will but at least when I hurt him, I can feel better for a while.”
He threw a look at me, and his hazel eyes cut through my soul. “That will only mess things up further. I mean, do you really believe we are going to let Brando Panaro, have you? We will find a way, but you have to be patient and not complicate things further.”
Okay, I was not expecting that. Hearing it from Alessio was one thing, but hearing it from Antonio… It was too real. “Do you have a plan?” I asked with a dry throat.
“Well, not yet, but I will. If I let it to Alessio, he is going to get himself in trouble, so I am going to find a safe way out.”
“I don’t think that is possible.”
His lips twitch. It was the almost only indication of amusement in him. Seeing Antonio fully smile was a rare occasion. “Just my type of scheme then.”
“It is crazy,” I said. I wanted to believe it, and hearing it from Antonio did feed the hope inside me, but I knew I shouldn’t believe it. It was too dangerous to believe it.
He turned the steering wheel and parked the car into the garage of the Mazzoni mansion. Only then he fully turned to me. “I know you don’t believe you can be rescued. I know you think Alessio is intoxicated by his love for you.” More like his obsession for me, but anyway. “But you know I am not blinded by any kind of emotional shit. I don’t think I am capable of love, but both of you are very dear to me, and I am going to make this right for you. So, please, even if you are going to get sad or angry, do it silently. Just go with what you are told. I am going to make sure you will be happy at the end, okay?”
I knew I should say no. I should have rejected him and his words. Maybe I should have just left the car without a word, but sadly I couldn’t find it in me. I only nodded and said, “Okay.”