Raging Fires by Candace Camp

Chapter Thirty-Six

Kelli screeched into the parking lot, too furious to be careful. She probably should have stayed at the motel to make sure her mother didn’t wake up and do anything horrible in public, but she couldn’t stand it. Let her embarrass herself. Let her reflect badly on Jake. Kelli was past caring.

She slammed on the brakes in front of their little house. Jake’s SUV was sitting there too. She knew he was all right because he’d sent her two phone calls and three texts in the last thirty minutes. She’d listened to the first one long enough to hear Jake say, “I’m sorry, Kell.” Then she’d erased it and got rid of all the others without opening them. She hadn’t been sure whether he’d be home, though. He could have still been out doing whatever the hell had been more important than her.

Kelli was glad he was home because she wanted to tear into somebody, and Jake was the perfect choice. She grabbed her keys and purse and jumped out of the car. As she walked swiftly toward the house, she jammed her keys back in her purse for fear she might throw them at Jake if they were still in her hand. Although she still might throw the whole damn purse at him.

The front door opened and Jake came out, “Kelli, babe, I’m sorry.”

“That’s what you’ve got to say for yourself? Babe, I’m sorry?” She stalked forward, and Jake wisely backed into the house. “How about ‘Babe, I lied to you?’ Or ‘Babe, I can’t be trusted.’ How about ‘Babe, I’ll let you down every damn time.’”

“I didn’t lie to you,” Jake protested. “I was going to be home on time. Hell, I was going to be home early.”

“Only you weren’t.”

“I didn’t know your mom was going to come in early. That’s not my fault.”

“Nothing’s ever your fault, Jake. You could have looked at your texts! You could have answered my phone calls.”

“I left my phone in the car.”

“Handy way to avoid them when you know you’re going to be late.”

“I didn’t plan to be late. I didn’t know it was going to take so long. She came in early. I’m not responsible for your mother’s change of plans. She’s a flake, which is not my fault.”

“She’s not a flake; she’s a drunk.” Pain twisted in Kelli’s chest. “She’s a stumbling, loud-mouthed, maudlin drunk. She came here to see me to apologize for being a drunk, only it was too upsetting so she started drinking.”

“Ah, Kell, I’m sorry.” Jake started toward her, reaching out.

“No!” Kelli raised her arm, pointing her forefinger at him. “Don’t you dare offer me sympathy. I don’t need it. I don’t need your hugs or your pats on the arm. I don’t need your lame apologies. I needed you two hours ago, Jake. I needed you when I had to haul my mother away from flirting with some very uncomfortable twenty-year-old guy at an airport bar. I needed you when I checked her into the motel and they said she didn’t actually have a reservation like she’d said so I had to make one on the spot before I dragged her up to her room.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Kelli. I hate that I didn’t think to take my phone in with me. I wouldn’t have done it if I’d had any idea she was going to show up an hour early.”

“Don’t give me that crap about her being early. You still weren’t here when you were supposed to be. You said you were going to be home at 1:15, and I know you didn’t even look at your phone until after two because that’s when you started calling me.”

“I called you before that.” Now he was getting loud and trying to turn it on her. Typical. “I called you, and you didn’t answer. I told you I was stuck and going to be a bit late. I told you to leave your mom sitting at the airport, and we’d go when I got home. And if you’d answered the friggin’ phone, you could have told me what was going on, and I’d have left early.”

“You did not call me until after two, Jake.”

“I did. I called you on Mike’s phone because I left my phone in the car.”

“Who the hell is Mike?”

“Michael Borelli.”

Kelli gaped at him, momentarily stunned into silence. “You were with Mike Borelli?” She flung her hands up. “Well, that’s just great. You chose today, the day you’d promised to be with me, when you knew I needed you—that’s the day you decide to go over and make up with Michael. And just what were you and Michael doing that so important? Playing video games?”

“No.” Jake looked at her with a pained expression. “I can’t tell you. I promised I wouldn’t.”

“Oh, for God’s sake.”

“I promise, Kelli, it was for something important.”

“And I’m just supposed to believe you?”

“Well. Yeah. Cut me some slack here, Kelli. You know me.”

“Yes, I know you. I know you are just the same as you used to be. I know I can’t rely on you to be there when I need you. I know I was an idiot to think you’d changed.”

“That’s not fair.” Jake’s eyebrows snapped together. “Just because one time I was an hour late, it doesn’t mean I’m always irresponsible.”

“It was one time that was really important to me. I let myself be vulnerable enough to tell you it was important to me. And that wasn’t easy for me—and, yet, it still wasn’t enough for you to make being here a priority.”

“I knew it was important. I stopped to get flowers because I knew it was a big deal, and then I realized how close I was to Mike’s, and I was just going to swing by quickly. I had no idea it would turn into this big thing.”

“Oh, yes. The big important thing you’re forbidden from speaking of?” Kelli rolled her eyes. “That excuse might fly if we were talking about being late for dinner or a movie. But this was you not showing up when you knew I needed you. You knew how anxious I was about seeing her again. I was scared about her coming in and messing everything up. And, sure enough, there she was, drunk and creating the kind of chaos she always does. But you don’t care, do you, because you’re the same way she is. You don’t mind disorder and uncertainty. In fact, you thrive on it.”

“I am not like your mother!” Jake roared, his eyes flashing.

He was seriously pissed off now, and somehow that gave Kelli some satisfaction. “You’re not a drunk, but you’re self-centered and careless. You like the edge; you’re reckless. You enjoy the thrill.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you’re too tight-assed and judgmental,” he shot back.

“I’m not!” Kelli raised her voice to match his.

“No? Nothing is ever good enough for you. I have done everything I could think of to show you that I have settled down, that I don’t do crazy stuff anymore. But whatever I do, you always have some new test for me. Some other thing to hold against me. What am I supposed to do?” He flung his arms out to the side. “Huh? Cause I don’t know anymore. Nothing ever works. What do you want from me?”

“I want you to be different!” Kelli snapped.

Her words shocked both of them into silence. Kelli watched Jake’s face change, anger and frustration sliding away into emptiness. No, wait…

“Well, that’s something I can’t do, Kelli. I’m just me.”

“No, I didn’t mean it that way.” Kelli’s heart was beating wildly in her chest, like a bird trying to escape its cage.

“I think that’s exactly what you meant. We both know it. I’ll never be what you want. I was an idiot to think we could make this work. It’s pointless.”

“Jake…” Kelli didn’t even know what she wanted to say. She only knew that there was a big block of ice inside her now.

“I’m tired of all this,” Jake went on, raking a hand back through his hair and looking away from her.  “I’m tired of chasing after you, tired of trying to be whoever it is you want me to be. I think it’s just… time I gave up.” He looked around as if unsure what to do, then turned and started toward the door.

“Jake, wait. Where are you going?”

“I don’t know, Kelli. Just someplace that isn’t here.”