Raging Fires by Candace Camp
Chapter Thirty-Eight
All Jake had to do was get through the 4th of July party. After that he’d be off to California, and he wouldn’t have to see Kelli every day. Wouldn’t have to smell her perfume lingering in the air or see her walk across the parking lot. Or hear her saying all those sweet-stupid things to Toby. Or wonder if she would be at home when he came back to the house or… well, there were a hundred of those things that made him want to smash his head against the wall.
Gran had sucked him into working on the 4th party, just like he’d known she would. It was dangerous to be around her. Gran always knew when something was wrong and when you were lying, so that was a double whammy to try to conceal the break-up. Not to mention the fact that she could have taught the CIA a few things about weaseling information out of someone.
But he had managed to avoid being in close contact with Gran. He’d dealt with her on the phone as much as possible, and when he’d had to go over there, he had worked it so he had one of his cousins or Asa or Kowalski with him—Gran had taken a shine to Justin, for some reason, so Jake could divert a lot of the conversation to him.
She knew something was up, of course; she kept giving him that eye that said he wasn’t fooling her. But thankfully even Gran had enough restraint not to quiz him about it in front of his teammates. If he could just keep busy enough at the party, he could avoid both Gran and Kelli, which seemed to have become his major goal in life now.
Just keep moving. Keep your head down and go forward. That was the way to get through anything. Ignore all the side stuff. Ignore what went on in his head and his gut. His here and now mantra was wearing a little thin, but he kept at it. Eventually he’d be okay. Things never stood still.
He was doing okay at the party, dodging Gran as he and the guys hauled in the portable tables and chairs and set them up across the ample back yard. His aunts and cousins brought in a few truckloads of potato salad and coleslaw, along with enough hamburger patties and hot dogs to feed an army. Of course, they’d need it, what with the entire offensive line here tonight.
Jake’d brought Toby along with him—no way was he leaving him untended with fireworks about to happen—and the mutt was happily chasing some little kids and doing his best to overturn chairs and tables. When the food appeared, Toby deserted his playmates and hung out with the O’Malley cousins who were manning the two grills.
Jake’s great uncle Frank showed up with his ice-cream maker and so did his daughter, because you couldn’t have the 4th without homemade ice cream, both peach and strawberry. It was all normal and like always, except that Jake’s throat kept tightening when he’d think about Pops and how strange it was that he wasn’t roaming around, telling stupid jokes and slapping people on the back and laughing louder than anyone else.
“It’s not the same without Pops, is it?” Kelli said, and Jake jumped and turned.
“Nope.” And now he wasn’t handling it so well anymore, because here was Kelli looking like summer in a white and yellow sundress.
Suddenly he couldn’t think of anything except scenes from the past. Lying by the pool, the air so hot it practically burned your lungs to breathe, Jake watching Kelli beside him on a lounger. Thinking about tracing the path of a bead of sweat from the hollow of her throat to where it disappeared beneath her swimsuit. Imagining following it with his tongue. Enjoying the build-up of hunger and anticipation, knowing how the day would end with her in his bed in his apartment.
“You look good,” he said suddenly, brusquely, the words jumping out of him unbidden. Because she did. She looked better than good. And she looked like something he’d never have again.
Jake pulled back. Great. He’d just broken most of his rules, and now he was paying for it, the ache he had blocked off flooding his chest again. He turned away abruptly, knowing he looked like he was running, but he couldn’t stand here with Kelli another minute, feeling her warmth, smelling her perfume, being so close he could touch her.
Just at that moment, Toby spotted Kelli and came bounding up onto the deck to whirl around them a few times in excited circles, then flop down at the top of the steps, where he could provide the most interference possible to everyone, and stretch out for a snooze.
“Princess!” A voice shouted from the house, followed by a stream of curses. “Come back here, you little rat!”
Jake closed his eyes. Now they had the devil dog to contend with too? What had Gran done, invited every person she’d ever met? Jake swiveled to see a white ball of fur streak out the back door, with Howard hot on her trail. The little animal headed for Jake, and he waited, resigned, for her assault on his shins.
But Princess sailed right past him toward Toby. Oh, God, was he going to have break up a dog fight now? Jake followed her, saying, “Tobe, stay calm. Don’t eat her.”
Princess skidded to a stop in front of the bigger dog, and Toby raised his head. She put her nose to his, both of them sniffing away. Toby’s tail thwacked the wooden deck a couple of times, then he laid his head back on his paws, eyes closing. Princess curled up next to Toby.
Jake stared in shock. He could hear Kelli muffling her laughter behind him. Howard came up to him, his voice filled with awe, “I can’t believe it.” After another moment of gaping wonder, Howard turned to Jake. “Riley, can I buy your dog?”
“No, Howard, you can’t.”
“I’ll pay you,” Howard bargained. “What do you want? Five hundred bucks? A thousand?” He grabbed Jake’s arm as he started to walk away. “Whatever you want. He’s a Princess sedative.”
“Give it up, Howard.” Jake laughed.
“Mr. Perry,” Kelli said sweetly, stepping up and looping her arm through Howard’s. “Everybody loves Toby. But if you sold Princess to someone—”
“I wish,” Howard interjected.
“What do you think your wife would do?” Kelli finished.
Howard noticeably paled. “Something painful. Probably to my bank account.”
“So you can see Jake’s problem.” Kelli patted Howard’s arm and smiled at him sunnily. She lowered her voice confidentially. “He really can’t sell you our dog.”
“Yeah.” Howard cast a wistful look over at the sleeping canines. “But, hey.” He swung back to Jake. “Maybe you could bring him up to the office sometime.”
“Sure, Howard.” A smile twitched at Jake’s lips. “She’s settled, so might be a good time for you to get something to eat.” He gestured toward the table on the other side of the deck.
“You got a point.” Howard brightened and started toward the food.
“Thanks, ba—” Jake turned to Kelli, smiling, then caught himself. He couldn’t call her babe anymore. He couldn’t be this friendly. He stiffened. “I mean, thanks. For getting rid of him.” He nodded toward Howard.
“No problem.”
“How, um, how are you?” Kelli asked tentatively.
Oh, God, not this. I ripped your heart out, but how’s that hole in your chest mending?
“I’m fine,” Jake said shortly and turned away.
But at that moment Asa walked up, smiling. “Jake, my man. Kelli—haven’t seen you in a while.” He punched Jake lightly in the arm and leaned over to kiss Kelli on the cheek.
“I, uh, I’ve been busy,” Kelli replied. “Hey, Justin!” She waved at Kowalski as he started toward their group.
Asa introduced his date, and Gramps joined them and began to talk about the show last week. And pretty soon Jake’s Cousin Joe showed up, and he and Asa began to talk about the year of the 4th party when Joe set the lawn chair on fire. Joe protested that it wasn’t nearly as exciting as the year the wasp got after his sister and she took off, screaming and waving her arms around and knocked Aunt Alice into the potato salad.
Then they launched into more reminiscences, Joe, Asa, and Kelli regaling an increasing group of people with various horror stories from family reunions, weddings, funerals, and 4th of July parties. Given the number of things that happened when the Kents and O’Malleys got together, this could go on all day.
Great: breaking even more of the rules that he’d structured for life without Kelli. He stood beside Kelli, stiff and uncomfortably aware of her, while everyone chattered around him. He knew everyone was wondering what was up with him since he was so silent, but he refused to get caught up in the memories and let his barriers fall. Kelli, of course, had no trouble, yakking away and showing no signs of distress.
Finally, he used the old cell phone trick, pulling it out of his pocket and glancing at it, then easing out of the group as if he were going to take a call, leaving Kelli with all her adoring fan base. The rest of the day he kept an eye out for her, careful to avoid any area where she was standing, which was made more difficult by the fact that he was trying to dodge Gran, as well. It seemed like Kelli was everywhere he turned, looking gorgeous and smiling and laughing like she hadn’t just broken up with him. Again.
Okay, now he was getting bitter and resentful, and he’d sworn he wasn’t going to fall back into all those old ways of thinking that just kept Kelli front and center in his mind. He needed to get out of here. With this crowd, nobody would notice if he slipped away.
He went into the kitchen, which he immediately realized was a stupid thing to do since it was Gran’s center of operations. He should have gone out the side gate. Gran called his name and started toward him.
“Hi, Gran.” He walked on, giving her a casual wave, even though he knew there was little hope of Gran accepting that. He plowed forward through the people crowding the hallway, but he wasn’t quick enough. Gran snagged his arm and pulled him to stop.
“Where are you going? I haven’t had a chance to talk to you all day.”
“Yeah, um...” Jake tried to tug his arm from her grasp. “Later. I gotta make an ice run.”
“No, you don’t.” Gran narrowed her eyes at him and tightened her grip. “Neil just came in with three bags.”
Of course he did.
She pointed her index finger at him. “You’ve been avoiding me for over two weeks. Come on.” She dragged him with her into the nearest room and closed the door behind them, leaning back against it to keep anyone else out. “Now talk. Why are you so unhappy?”
How did she always know? “I’m not—”
“Jake.” She held up a warning finger.
“Okay. Yes, I’m not happy. There. You satisfied?”
“No, I’m not satisfied. Why are you unhappy?”
“Seriously? You forced me to marry the last woman I wanted to be with and you wonder why I’m unhappy?”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t want to marry her,” Gran shot back. “You didn’t keep coming back and arguing with me, and I know you. You wouldn’t have given up that easily if you hadn’t wanted deep down to be with her again.”
“Okay. Maybe I did. Hell, I don’t know. You and Kelli always seem to know a hell of a lot more about me than I do. But I didn’t want this.”
“What happened? What’s gone wrong?”
“Everything! The whole thing was wrong from the beginning. You can’t just shove two people back together and expect it to work. You can’t make us get along. You can’t force Kelli to love me.”
“What do you mean? Kelli’s crazy about you. I saw you three weeks ago, and she was all starry-eyed.”
“Yeah, well, that didn’t last very long.”
“What did you do?” Gran frowned.
“Nothing. Why do you always think I did something? Okay, I was late. But you don’t dump somebody just because they were late and left their cell phone in the car. She doesn’t want to be with me.”
“Jakey…” His grandmother’s voice softened, her face troubled. She raised a hand to cup his cheek. “Sweetheart, are you sure? Couples have spats all the time, and—”
“I’m sure, Gran. It’s not just a spat. We can’t get along; we’re too different. We’re always at odds. And worst of all, she doesn’t trust me, and she never will. I can keep trying until the end of time. But it’ll never be enough if she won’t trust me.”
“But you used to be so good together. You two were so happy.”
“That was a long time ago,” Jake said flatly. “I’m not the guy she wants anymore. I have to face it. You have to face it. It was never going to work. And now it’s over.”
“Jake…” Gran’s eyes filled with tears, but she stepped aside.
Jake strode out of the house and headed for his car. Damn, he was getting tired of leaving.