Inked Devotion by Carrie Ann Ryan

Chapter 4

Benjamin

Istretched my muscles before I turned around and remade the bed. I hadn’t slept too well, but I never did on hotel sheets. We stayed at a decent hotel, not a motel off the side of the road, one that might not have room service, but had doors that went to a hallway rather than the outside, and the place didn’t smell of smoke, and there weren’t water stains everywhere. I counted that as a win.

The fact that they had had an extra room for me at the last minute was a plus, considering that Brenna had had her trip mapped out for a couple of months now, so her rooms had been settled. I was tacked on and might be paying the higher rate, but it was still worth it—just time to get away and to think. What was funny is it hadn’t taken me much time at all to make my decision. We hadn’t even left the state yet, and I knew what I was going to do.

I was going to donate to help two people very close to me have a baby. I didn’t know what the legalities of it would be or exactly how everybody else would understand it, but Brenna understood it.

I would tell my family. Just after the fact, as I had mentioned.

Honestly, I knew that they would all support the decision. Only I hadn’t wanted to deal with all of the pros and cons of it with them. Then it would be a thing, and knowing Paige, there would probably be a color-coded list and a planner of when I should make my deposit and all of that.

I shuddered, and yet couldn’t help but smile. My family was fucking weird, but I loved them.

I knew that while I wasn’t leaving them in a lurch because I had scheduled myself possible time off, I still hated going as quickly as I had.

I looked down at the clock, made sure it was late enough in the morning they’d be awake, and picked up my phone.

Me:You guys doing good there?

Beckett:Yep. Just getting to the site now. Clay’s going to be late. One of the kids has a dentist appointment.

Me: An emergency one?

Beckett: No. Something that was on the books already. I didn’t mention it to you when you said you needed time off because, hey, you never ask for time off. You and Brenna doing good?

I didn’t want to read anything into that because I knew nothing was going on between them, except for the awkwardness of whatever fight they had had. The two said that they were fine, but I didn’t know anymore. After all, I had been one of the ones that had thought that Brenna had been in love with him.

Me: We’re fine. Long first day, but pretty quiet.

I didn’t go into detail as this conversation wasn’t meant for texting. I would tell my twin my stories later when I needed to, but person to person. Donating sperm really wasn’t discussed by text.

Beckett:Good. Just take care of her. And yourself too. We’ll be here when you get back.

Me: I know.

I ignored the odd ache in my chest since I didn’t usually get sentimental with the family.

Beckett:Try not to strangle each other.

I frowned at that but shook my head and put my phone in my back pocket. I looked around, making sure everything was packed up, and headed out of the room. I’d told Brenna I would meet her in five minutes down in the lobby. There was a complimentary continental breakfast, so I’d pick up a bagel or some fruit, as well as some coffee, and call it a morning.

I wasn’t sure why Beckett thought Brenna and I would want to strangle each other. We didn’t have that kind of relationship. We were friends, yes, but we didn’t fight with each other. I didn’t know if we hung out separately enough to make that happen. Yesterday had been nice. We had stopped for lunch to stretch our legs, and I had driven a few hours before we had stopped to get gas, and then she had taken a turn. I didn’t know who was driving first today, but I didn’t mind. I liked her SUV, and she was a good passenger.

She had even unwrapped gum for me so that way I wouldn’t have to do it myself. We both laughed since she hadn’t even realized she was doing it until she had already been doing so. It was something that her mother did for her father, and therefore all of the siblings did for each other as well.

I remembered my mother had done something similar for my father a couple of times on our road trips, and now that I thought about it, probably the rest of us too.

It was just inherent. When I had wanted something to drink or snack, Brenna had gotten it for me, just like I had done the same for her. We worked well together, and it was a good trip so far, even though I still wasn’t sure why I was here or how I ended up sitting in a car with Brenna.

We had dinner last night at a local chain restaurant next to the hotel, so that way we could each have a couple of beers and then walk to our rooms. We said pleasant good nights, and we’d see each other in the morning, planned out our trip, and hadn’t spoken. It hadn’t been awkward or weird. It had just been…normal. There was no pressure, nothing pushing at me to be one way or the other.

I liked it.

Brenna stood in the lobby, her rolling bag next to her, as she frowned at the bagel selection. I had my duffel bag beside me and set it next to hers. She looked up at me. Her wide eyes were bright, though I didn’t know if that had to do with the lighting or the fact that she might’ve gotten some sleep the night before. She’d piled her hair on the top of her head, little tendrils going down her neck, and it made her neck look long and inviting.

I needed a coffee if I was going to let my thoughts wander down that particular path.

She smiled at me and gestured towards the bagels. “I can’t make a choice. Either way, I’m going to want cream cheese. And since I want to get on the road, that means there’s going to be cream cheese in my car.” She cringed, and I held back a smile.

“We’ll use napkins.”

“Then I was thinking about getting a banana, but I can’t eat a banana while in the car if you’re in it, because if we make eye contact, eating a banana with other people watching is weird.”

She said everything so fast that it took me a minute for my brain to catch up, and then I barked out a laugh. Someone gave me a weird look, and I shrugged before looking back at her.

“I’m never going to be able to think about eating a banana in public again. Thank you for that.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure you thought about that before, don’t even with me.”

“No, I’ve never once thought about making eye contact with someone eating a banana. Mostly because I break it into pieces before popping it into my mouth.”

“That’d probably be a smart way to do it.” She waved her hand at me. “Anyway, I think I’m going with cinnamon raisin, go with something sweet.”

“I’ll probably just go with a wheat bagel because an everything bagel is going to make the car smell like onion and get everywhere.”

She smiled at me, and I shrugged. “Thank you for taking care of my car.”

“I try. However, I need coffee.”

“I do too. They have the paper to-go cups, but I brought myself a traveling mug so that way I can get more.” She whispered that last part, and I snorted.

I reached into my bag and showed her mine. “Same.”

“We are the perfect traveling buddies.” She bounced on her feet, looking happier than I had seen her in a while.

I met her gaze, and she smiled, and I held back a frown. What the hell was wrong with me? Why did that smile do things to me? I needed fucking coffee. Or I needed to get laid. Or was I supposed to be saving my sperm for later?

I should stop thinking about sperm.

“Do you need me to drive?” I asked, and she frowned a bit, and I held up my hand before I went to fill my coffee. “I mean, you can. I was just saying, if you want to begin.”

“No, you’re right. I was thinking if I needed to answer email or not.”

“Even on your vacation?”

“As a business owner, you know we’re never on vacation. How many emails did you already answer?”

“Seven and a phone call, but Paige is dealing with most of it.”

“I’m glad that you have each other. You guys work well together.”

We did now, but it had taken a while to get there for that, and it had taken a family fight that could have broken everything with my parents to make that happen.

“Anyway, I’m all by myself when it comes to my business. That’s why I don’t own an actual bakery, and I decorate cakes and cupcakes on order.”

“And you do a fantastic job with it.” I wasn’t laying it on thick. I loved her baking. So much so that when she brought over samples, I had to make sure I worked hard outside to make up for it.

“Thank you. That’s sweet of you. I like what I do, I like coming up with new designs, and I have my sketchbook and digital book to make that happen as well, for when we’re on the road.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I couldn’t just leave it behind.”

“I’m glad that you didn’t.”

“Either way, I think since you already did some emails, you can drive, and I will work on my business stuff before I set it aside and just relax.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“I’ll work on your bagel if you make my coffee?” she asked as she handed me her mug.

I nodded, “Two sugars and two creams?”

“Yep. Thanks for remembering me.”

“Paige is better with things like that, but I sometimes remember certain things.”

“Paige is a maniac that probably has color-coded binders for each of us.”

“That is true.” I filled up our travel coffee mugs and we made our way past the front desk, dropping off our keys in a little box before heading to the SUV. We got situated, set up the GPS, and were on our way. It was odd that we’d already fallen into a routine considering this was the first time I’d ever been in a hotel with Brenna—even if it was in different rooms.

“We can make it tonight since it’s still decently early. However, I do have a refundable hotel set up for tonight in case we can’t make it.”

“I remember. We’re doing good.”

“That way, in case we see something on the side of the road, like the largest ball of twine, we can enjoy ourselves.”

“Why would we like seeing the largest ball of twine?” I asked honestly as I got on the highway.

“Because it’s ingenious? Someone’s hard work?”

“You’re right. Somebody loves it, did a lot of work to get others to see it. If I see a large sign for it, then sure, we’ll go visit the huge ball of twine.”

“Sounds good to me.” She sipped her coffee, grinned, and I shook my head as I took a bite of my bagel. I hadn’t even realized when she set a napkin on my lap, and she blushed, removing her hand quickly.

I ignored the heat in my groin at the action.

Maybe I needed to get laid if that touch had made my dick twitch.

“Sorry, force of habit.”

“I don’t mind,” I whispered, doing my best not to think about what her fingers had just been near. This was Brenna, for God’s sake.

We were on the road for about an hour before finally she set down her phone and rolled her shoulders back. “I should probably draw just because I have the itch for it, but I also want to take a nap.”

“Do whatever you need to. We’ve got a bit until we should pull off to get some gas.”

“And then it’s my turn to drive?” she asked, and I nodded, getting out of the way of a dumbass going twenty miles over the speed limit.

“My favorite part of that,” Brenna said, gesturing towards the asshole driving past us, “is that sometimes we’ll see them pulled over on the side of the road with a cop behind them.”

“Only in a just world,” I muttered.

“That is true.”

We drove in peace for a few miles before she squirmed in her seat. “You haven’t asked why I needed this road trip. Of course, I’m glad you’re here with me, and not merely because you’ll be keeping my mother off my back.”

I cringed. “That’s going to be interesting.”

“I’ll protect you.”

“I thought I was the one that was supposed to protect you.” I risked a glance at her and frowned when I saw her hands on her lip, tearing away at her napkin.

“I have no idea how it’s going to work, but either way, I do want to thank you.”

I shook my head, wondering why she was so nervous. “I should thank you.”

“I’m not taking this road trip just for my family,” she whispered after a moment.

Anxiety wrapped around me, but I ignored it. “What do you mean?”

“I need to tell somebody, and I haven’t told anyone. Since you told me your secret, maybe it’s time I tell you mine.”

I risked a glance at her, my hands gripping the steering wheel tight. “Are you okay?”

“I am. I’m such a hypocrite,” she whispered, and I nearly pulled off the side of the road so I could look at her.

“What’s wrong, Brenna?”

“I’m going to have a baby.”

This time, I had to slow down, grateful that I didn’t run us off the road. “What?”

“We really shouldn’t have these conversations when the other person is driving.”

“No shit. What the fuck, Brenna? I didn’t even know you were dating anyone?”

“I’m not,” she blurted, and I cringed.

“I’m going about this the wrong way. Congratulations?” I asked.

“Not yet. I’ve been getting fertility treatments because I want a baby. I don’t want a relationship. Therefore I’m going about it my way. I am going to have a child. I’m going to be a mom. There’s not going to be a father involved, so I’m going to look for donations. Which is why it was very ironic when you were telling me yesterday that you were going to be someone who donates.”

I blinked, my mouth going dry. “Holy hell.” My thoughts went in a hundred different directions, and I felt like I couldn’t keep up, so I said the first thing that came to mind. “You’re going to be a great mom, Brenna.”

I looked over at her then, and tears were rolling down her face.

“Shit, what did I say wrong?”

“Nothing. That was just a wonderful thing to say.”

My cheeks heated. “Well, you are. I see the way you are when some of my cousins bring their kids. Or even around any of the kids at various work functions. You’re good with them. If this is something that you want, I’m going to support your decision. You’re my friend. I hate the fact that you’re going to be doing this alone because becoming a parent is a lot of work, but if this is something that you want, then fuck yeah, I’m here for you.”

“Wow,” she muttered, and we took the next exit, getting on another highway according to the directions from the GPS.

We were silent for long enough the awkwardness began to set in again, so I kept speaking. “So, the treatments, did they hurt?”

“They aren’t fun, but I’ll be okay. I’m ready for implantation or whatever the hell we’re going to call it.”

“I don’t want to think about that, if that’s okay with you,” I replied quickly, and she laughed.

“You know, same here.” She paused. “I still need to pick a donor.”

She tapped a file on her lap.

“They’re there?”

“The sperm isn’t there, but their profiles are.”

“I didn’t think their sperm was there, and between yesterday and today, this is a lot of sperm talk.”

“All of the sperm talk,” she said with a laugh. “I can’t make a decision. I think it’s mostly I just want the baby to be healthy. I’m not looking for a rocket scientist unless they want to be a rocket scientist. There’s just so much information, and yet not enough. I don’t know. It’s a lot.”

I drove for a few minutes, thinking as she muttered to herself, tracing her finger along the edge of the files. “Why haven’t you told anyone else about this? Annabelle, Paige, Beckett?”

“That’s why I’m a hypocrite. I got mad at Beckett for not telling me about the shooting. For keeping his secrets, but it wasn’t that…”

“You know, I wasn’t thrilled with him either,” I growled, thinking about the shooting that Beckett had been in and the fact that he had hidden it from everybody except Lee.

She reached out and squeezed my arm before letting go. “I was angrier that every time that I tried to tell Beckett I was excited about this new journey for me, he pushed me away because he was hiding his secrets. I wasn’t sure where we went from that. Who we were supposed to be. I feel like a horrible person. He was pushing away, and I tried to tell him numerous times and he always changed the subject. And yet, did I push enough? This is a huge decision for me, and I have been keeping it to myself. Mostly because I don’t want someone to say it’s wrong, and what if it doesn’t work? What if I can’t get pregnant and then I put everybody through this situation for nothing? For nothing but heartbreak.”

The clouds darkened around us as rain started to splatter against the windshield, and I turned on the windshield wipers. “Brenna, you don’t have to tell us everything. You would tell us if and when it happened, though, right?”

“Well, first, I wouldn’t be able to hide it, and of course. I was figuring out a way to do so, and I thought Beckett would be the person I would talk to because we talked about everything. Then it didn’t work out that way, and I just needed to think. I’m glad I could tell you.”

I couldn’t look over at her as the rain started to pour down harder, and I frowned.

“I’m always here for you. You know that.”

“I do,” she whispered. “And I knew it was supposed to rain today, but I didn’t know it was going to be this bad.”

“Considering where we are, we’re coming up on the river soon, and this is going to suck,” I said.

We kept driving for a couple more hours, but finally, we hit a roadblock.

I cursed as we pulled over to the side. We saw an eighteen-wheeler had skidded off the road and hit four other cars in its path, all damaged, ambulances all around. I could barely hear my heartbeat ringing in my ears over the sound of the rain hitting the windshield, and when a deputy came over to us and tapped our windshield, I rolled down the window.

“Road’s out from here on out, trees are down, and there’s another eighteen-wheeler up on the highway. We’re surrounded by trees here, and the only way you’re going to get out is off this exit, but there’s no way out of that town either. Not for now. Storm will get worse before it gets better, so you guys better find a place to stay for the rest of the afternoon and into the night.”

“There’s seriously no way even to go back?” I asked.

“Mudslide washed out the way to get back, so we’re all stuck here. I would be pretty quick about getting that room. There are not many places around here.”

I looked at Brenna, who cursed, looking down at her phone. “There’s no cell service.”

“I guess we better find a room.”

“Damn, this is not what I was expecting.”

I sighed as we pulled into the hotel, other cars pulling in as well, and Brenna hopped out. “I’m going to need to get there first, just do my best.”

“Sounds good.”

I pulled into a spot far away, secured all of our belongings as well as possible, and ran through the rain into the hotel lobby. Brenna was coming towards me, plastic keys in her hand, a scowl on her face. “Looks like the storm is indeed going to get worse before it gets better, and I have some bad news.”

I raised a brow. “Worse than a storm blocking off the highways and people getting into accidents?”

“Okay, not the worst news, but there’s only one room.” She held up her keys. “We’ve got the second to last one, and that family with six kids needed one right behind us. Instead of getting both rooms, I only took one because I’m not a monster.”

I shrugged, wondering why the situation felt weird when it shouldn’t. “That’s fine with me. We’re adults. We can do this.”

“There’s only one bed, Benjamin. The only room that they had was a king room. Tonight is going to be a very long one.”

I looked at her then and knew precisely how long it was going to be. Because hell, one room? One bed?

Thank God Brenna and I were just friends, or else that would be very, very interesting.