All the Wrong Choices by C.A. Harms

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Jonah

I wake up hearing,we’ll make it, it's nothing more than a whisper, but I hear it clear. I open my eyes to a dark room, the sound of Danielle breathing softly next to me. I turn toward her and freeze when I see she is facing me, her eyes open and using a tissue to wipe her cheeks.

"What?"

"I said we'll make it," she repeats, and I slide very carefully toward her, needing to be closer. It's dark, yes, but I can see the uncertainty in her features, the way she worries her lip and looks away from me when my eyes lock with hers.

"Dani, what's going on? Talk to me, tell me. Do you want this? Me?"

"Yes," I hear the shuddering sound when she takes in a deep breath. "It hurts me to know you don't look at me the same as you once did."

I am moving to her, quickly rolling my body over hers partially as she rolls onto her back. Still avoiding looking directly at me, and it bothers me more than I could ever say.

"I know I disgust you, and you don't want me the way you used to—"

"Hey," I hold her face in my hands, "no, no, no. Dani, baby, no."

Again she shudders and, seeing how upset she is, is killing me. "Is that really what you think, that I don't want you?"

"You can't even look at me."

"I can't look at you? I can't take my eyes off you."

"Only because you're afraid I'm about to self-destruct." Lifting her hands, she puts them over mine. "You used to look at me like I was all you saw, and even though I pretended it meant nothing, it meant everything. I loved the way you looked at me. I loved how just one glance from you made me feel so alive."

"I still see you that way."

"No, you don't; I know I lost weight, I know I'm a train wreck, but—" I stop her by pressing my lips to hers in a searing kiss. How can she think for a second I'm not attracted to her? She's right about the weight, but she is still the same girl who made me feel like I was burning from the inside out. I have never felt the kind of attraction I feel for Danielle toward anyone else.

Since this is confession time, and she's managed to tell me what her fears are, I figure now is my time to lay it out there. If we are going to get through this, we have to start somewhere.

"I'm afraid if I say the wrong thing, you'll run." She opens her eyes and looks directly at me. "I've been all-in with you from the start, but you didn't want that. So I've been conditioned to accept only the little you can give me. I think I'm still playing that role. I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"I'm not gonna run," I want to believe her. "I need you. I didn't know how much until I no longer had you. But I need you to see me. I need you to be the same guy you were that night in the restaurant. I need you to want me the way you did then, and I need you not to hold back when you want something. I don't want either of us to hold back."

Dani stares at me, her gaze penetrating every ounce of fear I have.

"I need you to want me," she repeats slower, refusing to take her eyes off me.

"I do want you," more than anything.

"Then show me," I know what she's asking, and I continue to crawl over her, covering her completely. Her legs part, and I slip perfectly between them. My body is already reacting to the feel of her against me, the way it always has.

"You are all I want," So much it's crippling. I crave Dani. I need her.

Slipping my hand beneath the heavy sweatshirt she is wearing, she shivers when I slid my palm over her side. Farther and farther, I grip the material and begin to lift it up and over her head.

Instantly her nipples harden and press against my chest. My heart races, my body hums with adrenaline as it courses through me in a controlling wave.

Quickly I seek out her mouth, needing to kiss her. "No one has ever made me feel the way you do," and that is the truth. I’d never been consumed to the point of no control, and Danielle does that to me. From the start, I was in over my head with her, knowing resisting her was impossible. The pull I feel towards her when we are together it's uncontrollable, and it has not faded. I think it's magnified to the point of addiction.

Dani slips her hand between us, gripping my growing erection, and slowly begins to move her hand up and down, taking my breath away. I let her have her feel, my stomach tightening with intense lust as I enjoy the satisfaction on her face.

Thrusting my hips forward, I push into her hand and watch as she bites her lip and arches into me. Her hips are rising as if to tell me she needs more.

Hurriedly I grip my boxers, lowering them, and then grab for hers only to pause. Looking down between us and then back to Dani, I find her smiling. "Babe, are you wearing my boxers?"

"I don't have any clothes here," she giggles, and I fucking love the sound of her happiness. I've never missed anything more than I've missed her laughter and beautiful smile.

"That's hot," I confess with a smile. My clothes on Danielle provide me with a sense of possessiveness. This woman is mine, mind, body, and soul.

Moving down her body, I take my boxers off her on the way. Kissing over her thighs, from one hip to the other, then one last one directly below her belly button. I look up to find Dani watching me, practically panting with need.

Without taking my eyes off hers, I slowly glide my tongue over her. I feel like pounding on my chest when she moans loudly and pushes her wetness against my mouth. She's on fire.

I take my time tasting her, teasing her, and driving her crazy. But the truth is, I love doing this to her as much as she loves receiving it. When she reaches down and grips the back of my head, thrusting forward as she tugs the ends of my hair, I know she's close.

It has been far too long since I've had her at my mercy, far too long since my beautiful girl has been in my arms.

Reaching her peak, I continue to suck on her until she screams my name and her back arched off the bed. Nothing is more satisfying than seeing her in this state. She’s ultimately lost to her pleasure, taking what she needs without shame.

Moving up her body, again, I leave a trail of kisses along the way. I love how soft she is, how silky her body feels to mine. Pausing near her chest to gently suck on one nipple and then the other, she writhes beneath me.

When I'm hovering above her, the head of my erection pushing against her, she looks up at me, and I pause. Her eyes are glossy, and I start to panic until she speaks.

"I love you," she whispers, placing one hand on my chest and the other on my hip.

"Because of what I can do for you," I tease, and she shakes her head.

"No," suddenly, she is nothing but serious. "I love you because you are the greatest man I know and because you make me feel whole again."

Pushing inside of her slowly, completely seated, I pause and lower my entire body over hers. I brush back the hair from her face, wanting nothing to obstruct my view of her. With one elbow propping the weight of my body from completely crushing her, I cup her face with the other and lower my lips to hers. Our tongues mingle, our mouths moving in sync. Many things are spoken with just one kiss; there is no need for words.

Slowly pulling out of her, she moans into our kiss, and I begin to move.

"I love you too, baby," I whisper near her ear, getting so lost in the way she feels. "You're it for me," these aren't just words spoken in the heat of passion; they are my reality. I'm so incredibly in love with Danielle that time will not weaken that connection. Forgetting her is impossible. This gorgeous girl entering my life changed me. She is part of me, a part I never want to lose.

* * *

I waketo an empty bed and quickly sit up, looking around the room. Hurrying to get up, I practically trip over the covers as they tangle around my body.

I jog down the hallway toward the kitchen, the smell of something cooking filling the space as I skid to a stop.

Standing at the stove, wearing my sweatshirt, which falls mid-thigh, is Dani with her back to me. The soft sound of music plays from the surround sound speakers, and she's yet to notice me standing there.

The panic I'd felt moments ago slowly leaves me as I try to slow my racing heart.

That's when she turns around and freezes, her eyes slowly scanning over me, before she covers her mouth to hide her giggle.

Following her gaze, it hits me I'd been in such a hurry to find her that I'd foregone getting dressed.

"You forget something?"

Smirking, I start toward her stark naked, not caring the slightest, and pause at her side. Reaching past her, I turn off the stove and move the pan off the burner. "Not something, someone," I state before hooking her waist and lifting her to the countertop before stepping in between her now parted thighs. "But I found her," kissing her jaw; she arches her neck to give me full access. "I may have panicked when I woke up, and you weren't there," I confess, smiling against the base of her neck.

"I was making breakfast."

"I know," I push up the sweatshirt to find she’s wearing nothing beneath. Growing hard, I run my thumb over the crease of her leg, and when I make contact with her clit, her back arches. "But I want you first, then food."

Stepping in closer, I grip my hardness and find no resistance when I push forward to enter her slowly. She places her hands on my shoulders, and her fingernails dig in deeply as I thrust forward.

"Better every time," I growl. Made for me, I swear Dani is perfect. "You are so incredible," no words can describe what she does to me; believe me, I've tried to find them.

The sound of my doorbell ringing makes me instinctively cover her up and look back over my shoulder. It's not like anyone can see us where we are, but just the thought that we’re in my kitchen, with me buried deep inside of her, and someone is standing at my door just around the corner is unnerving.

When she buries her face to my chest and starts laughing, I glance back at her. "Expecting company?" I ask.

"Not me; this is your house." True, but something about her statement bothers me.

"It could be yours too," the words are already out of my mouth before I have time to think about them. I mean them, but the timing probably isn't the best choice.

"We should," she tries to move away, and I grip her hips and hold her tightly to me. "Jonah."

"No," no way is she getting away from me. "I don't care who it is. I'm where I want to be, with the only person I want to be with." I push my hips forward, and her lips part as she once again moans at the feeling of me sliding inside her body. Covering her mouth once more, I start to grind against her. The sound of the doorbell fades amid our panting.

Gripping her hips tight, I pull her closer to the edge of the countertop. I speed up my movements and focus on holding her upright as she grows closer to release. Sex in the kitchen is my idea of a perfect morning. I meant what I said. I want her here, not just now but every morning. It's a topic I'll be revisiting, but for now, I'll focus on convincing her she wants this too.