All the Wrong Choices by C.A. Harms

Chapter Thirty-Five

Jonah

I quickly standwhen Addison steps into the living room alone. Looking behind her, I wait for Dani to appear, only she doesn't.

"She fell asleep," Addi clarifies.

They've been gone for hours, and I can tell by Addison's appearance she may have fallen asleep too. I can't help but wonder what took place in my bedroom.

"Is she okay?" I take a few steps in her direction, looking past her toward the bedroom fighting the pull to go to Danielle.

"She will be," the crack in Addison's voice hits me deep. "I think those walls she's built, the one that keeps her from feeling anything she doesn't want to, finally broke."

The ache in my chest is almost unbearable.

Hanging my head, I take in one deep breath after another. I need them to leave. I need to be alone.

Feeling a hand rest on my forearm is more than I can handle, and I think Addison knows it. Quickly she moves in closer, wrapping her arms around my waist, and I accept her comfort. She isn't the woman I want to be holding, but I've hit a moment of weakness, and Addison understands more than anyone.

When I regain my composure, I stand tall, releasing Addison. She smiles at me and wipes her eyes. "All you have to do is love her like no one ever has."

"I already do."

"I know you do," and I believe she does. I think Addison has been on my side from the beginning. "Now, you just need to show her that."

It's what I plan on doing. If I have it my way, Dani will never feel like she’s alone again. She'll know what it feels like to be loved unconditionally and always to have someone on her side. Someone who will eliminate anyone who thinks it's okay to attempt to hurt her or degrade her. And those people who call themselves her family, I'd prefer them to never be near her again. I'll spend every day telling her and showing her how much she means to me. And when she feels so overwhelmed with my love, I will love her even harder.

Saying goodbye to Tony and Addison, I stand in the open doorway, watching them leave. When they disappear at the end of the drive, turning out onto the main road, I close the door behind me and lock it. I walk down the hallway and enter my bedroom, pausing in the doorway. I can tell where Dani is only by the way the blankets are all bunched up around her. Only the top of her head peeks out from beneath. She is on the side I usually sleep, and I remember once, before everything fell apart, when she said my bed smelled like me.

The memory floods my mind, her crawling up my bed, wearing only her bra and panties, laying back against the pillows. She turned her head slightly and buried her nose in the pillow at her side.

"Mm," she sighed and remained there.

"Are you smelling my pillow?" I asked from the end of my bed.

"Maybe," looking back toward me, she smiled her knock me dead smile, and I felt its effects throughout my entire body. I'd never had a girl smile at me, and it makes me feel like I was floating, not until Danielle.

"This entire bed smells like you." I arched my brow, still feeling a little woozy from her beauty. "I'll admit your scent turns me on."

"My scent," I laughed at the words as I started to climb up the end of the bed toward her, her chest rising and falling quickly.

She nodded her head just as I reached her, and my body hovered over hers. "Manly and strong, it's what I think of whenever I smell it. Unpredictable and sexy," she added. It was the first time she'd slipped a little and had fallen out of that friends with benefits category she had so strategically placed us in.

"It makes you feel all those things, huh?"

"Yes," her breathy whisper was enough to tell me she was reeling from the moment as much as I was. "And so much more," she cupped my face and pulled my lips to hers. She was kissing me deeply while circling her legs around my waist to hold my body tightly to hers.

In my eyes, it was the one and only time Dani allowed me to make love to her. I know she felt it too, though she refused to accept it. The memory is so clear, etched in my mind. I've replayed that one night several times while we were apart. It was by far the one that blurred the lines more than any other night we were together.

During our time apart, even when I was with Heather, which I felt awful about, I was always lost in thought remembering Dani. I've seen her in my dreams; even when I was awake, I swear I smelled her perfume. I was hopeless. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, how angry I got, I never stopped thinking of her or loving her. I knew losing her would be something I would never truly recover from, but I was also a scorned man who had to lose it all to know life without her would be too hard to face.

The blankets around Danielle move, falling away from her face when she rolls to her back. While she scans over the room from one side to the other, she pauses on me where I still stand in the doorway of my bedroom—quietly observing her, getting lost in my memories. I was afraid to wake her, but now that she's awake, I am desperate to feel her.

A sense of urgency hits me, and I move forward, crawling in next to her, wrapping my arms around her, resting my head on her stomach. Dani places her palm against the back of my head, softly running her fingers through my hair. Curling in even tighter, I bury my nose into her shirt and breath her in.

"Is everything okay?"

I have the opportunity right then to pretend everything is excellent and hide what I'm feeling, but I can't. So instead, I shake my head, taking in one more deep breath. When I look up she looks concerned, and it leaves me feeling even more unsettled. We can never go back, never be what we were. There is no way I can hold back this time. I'm not about to start now.

"I want you to stay here for a while."

"What?" Her hand pauses on my head, coming around to my face, and cupping my jaw, staring at me.

"I don't want you to go back to your apartment quite yet." Or ever, to be honest.

She smiles at me, and it hits me hard, causing weakness in my chest. There's my girl, my smiling beauty. "I'm okay to be alone, Jonah."

What she doesn't know is she will never be alone again. "Maybe you are, but I'm not."

"Jonah," Closing my eyes, I fight the urge to lose the battle inside me. This place, the one we are currently in, it's a place I don't like. A place where I'm afraid to touch her, kiss her, afraid to say or do the wrong thing because I don't know what is going on inside her mind. "Come here," she whispers, and I open my eyes once more to find her staring at me. Gone is the blank look in her eyes, and now she holds that same kindness and sincerity she had before.

Crawling up her body until I'm at her side, I rest my head on my propped arm.

Soothingly Dani traces her thumb over my jaw and along my lower lip. "I was such an idiot."

"Babe," I shake my head, and she stops me by pressing her finger to my lips.

"Let me say this, please." She pauses, waiting. I'm sure to see if I'm going to interrupt her again. When I nod for her to continue, she lowers her hand and begins toying with the collar of my shirt. "When I was with Matt—"

"Dani, I don't want to hear this," I start to get up, and she sits up with me, holding on to my arm.

"Let me finish."

"No guy wants to hear about his girl being with another man. And I say a guy with hesitation because that little shit, is no man."

She laughs and then bites her lip tightly to attempt to stop it. The guy is a complete and total tool. What she ever saw in him is beyond me. He's pathetic, with his over moussed hair and plucked eyebrows.

"Understood," she finally speaks again. "I'm not talking about Matthew. I'm trying to tell you who I was when I was with him."

"Well," this keeps getting better and better, "that's just going to piss me off too because I saw the version of who you are around those people, and it's not my Dani."

"Your Dani?" I shift my gaze back to meet hers and find her smiling happily.

"Yes," I cup her cheek. "Mine," when she smiles again, only wider than before, I take a chance, and I kiss her softly. I swear she sighs the second my lips touch hers. Something had shifted inside of me when I found her at her parents' house, a possessive nature that may have been there before but was able to maintain suddenly ignites.

"Will you please let me finish?" I'm also having a hard time not giving her anything and everything she asks for. The problem is she's not asking for much, so this, I can give her. Even if I know, it's going to grate on my nerves. I can suffer through it.

"Fine, but this is it," I want to move forward. "After this conversation, it's got to be over. No more him, no more shit family who doesn't see you for who you are, none of the fucked up crap that is going to piss me off. That part of your life is over." It has to be, or I'm going to lose my shit and do something stupid.

She stares at me, and for a minute, I'm unsure of what she is thinking. Then she slowly nods, accepting I mean what I've said.

"Okay," I sit back, resting my back to the headboard and bracing myself for what she is about to tell me. I know I am about to get pissed, but not at this beautiful girl. I am pissed at the people who have hurt her.