Smokey’s Turmoil by Erin Osborne
Chapter Two
Smokey
STAYING AWAY FROM Jasmine after she gave herself to me has been the longest and hardest three days of my life. Now that I’ve had a taste of her, I want more and more from her. Jasmine is the realest woman I know, and she has gotten under my skin in ways I never dreamed possible. All I want is to spend time with her, talk to her, and see her. Instead, I’ve been a fucking coward, locking myself in my room at the clubhouse drunk off my ass at night. During the day, I’m working on the current construction projects and trying to keep my mind busy enough not to think of her and remember the feel of her body writhing under mine.
Tonight, I can’t stay away from her any longer. I need to go to her and make sure she’s okay. These last three days have only given her time to think and get lost in her head. Jasmine does nothing but get lost in her head when she’s given ample time with no one else around her. Even if she spends time with Phoebe and the ol’ ladies, Jas would never say a word to them about what happened. She’d keep it to herself and certainly not talk about what happened between us. Not until she felt she had it all worked out in her head. Even then, she doesn’t trust the women enough to talk to them about something like that. It’s never any personal information given to anyone if she can help it.
Pulling up at my apartment, I shut my bike down and make my way upstairs. As soon as I walk through the door, I know something is very wrong. The base of my table is sitting just inside the doorway without the glass sitting on top of it. Jasmine is nowhere in sight though I hear her moving around in her room. as I step inside the living room further, I notice something sitting on the top of the table. Walking over, there’s an envelope with my name written across it in Jasmine’s handwriting. Picking it up, I wonder what is inside. A lot of something based on the weight and thickness of it.
Before I can open it up, Jasmine makes her way into the room with another envelope in her hand. It takes mere seconds for me to notice all the cuts on her arms, face, chest, and the way she’s limping into the room. Blood still drops from several of the cuts. Rushing to her side, I examine the cuts even more now that I’m closer to her. She looks as if she’s gone ten rounds with a damn cat and come out on the losing end of the fight.
“What the hell happened?” I ask her, not touching her yet.
“I’m so sorry. I fell into your table and it broke. I’ve cleaned up all the glass, so you don’t get cut,” she apologizes to me.
“Let’s go make sure it’s all cleaned out of your skin.”
Taking the envelope from her hand, I shove it in my back pocket before leading her to the bathroom. After setting Jasmine on the toilet seat, I pull a first aid kit from under the sink. After making sure there is no glass in her cuts and wounds, I carefully smear ointment on her skin before wrapping bandages over it where the worst cuts are still bleeding. Including her feet.
Being so close to Jasmine, her vanilla scent wafting over me, fills me with longing. Fire fills my veins as my mind replays her splayed out on my bed as I take her. These are the same images I’ve spent the last three days replaying on a loop in my head. Now, with her physically in front of me, I want to wrap her in my arms and take her to my bed. I want to show her more pleasure than just the first time in my room at the clubhouse. Jasmine is someone who can be extremely passionate if someone gives her the chance to truly explore sex and help her figure out what she likes and doesn’t like. Looking up at her, I take in the pain in her eyes as they shimmer with unshed tears.
“Are you okay? Do you want to go to the doctor?” I question her as I cleans up the mess from the ointment and bandages.
“No. Um, I’m fine thank you,” she responds, standing up and sliding her flip flops back on.
Jasmine walks down the hallway and into her room. I remain in the bathroom doorway until her door closes behind her. Walking into the kitchen, I grab the other envelope and place it in my back pocket with the other one. I’ll give her a little bit of time to herself before I make her talk to me. I’m not going to give her a chance to remain locked in her head about anything. Today is the first day I’m going to begin making my Song Bird trust me. She’ll tell me everything because she knows I’m here for her and won’t run away like everyone else.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I order dinner as I walk toward my room. I’m in desperate need of a shower and to change out of the clothes I wore to work today. Sweat, dust, and grime cover my body. I would have taken care of all this at the clubhouse, but I knew if I went back there again tonight, I’d stay there and that’s not what I need to do right now. I’m glad I went with my gut because Jasmine could have been hurt a lot worse than she was and she didn’t take care of her injuries properly to begin with.
I empty out my pockets in the bedroom so I can just toss my jeans into the hamper when I’m in the bathroom. Pulling the envelopes from my back pocket, I take the smaller one and open it. Reading over the words Jasmine wrote to me, my heart breaks. This is what I get for letting her stay alone and in her head. Though part of me is happy she’s not expecting more than I can give her. For now, the only thing I’m good for is sex. She can use my body to experiment and learn what she likes and doesn’t like, but that’s all I can give her. All I’ll ever give anyone.
Opening my drawer, I place the unopened envelope inside among my jeans, so it doesn’t get lost. This money I can guarantee is the only money Jasmine has and I’m not taking it from her. I don’t give a fuck about the table getting broken or anything else that happens in this fucking apartment. It’s all just possessions and things that can be replaced. The only thing important is Jasmine and how she’s feeling and doing. Her feelings matter to me no matter what she wants to believe or think.
Heading into the bathroom, I strip down before getting in the shower. Cold water blasts my body, a welcome reprieve from the fire running through my veins. Soon, it turns from freezing cold to hot. Stepping under the spray, I let the hot water rinse the grime away and soothe my aching muscles. Dropping my head, I let the water sluice over me, soaking over my entire body before grabbing my shampoo. Washing my hair and body, I quickly rinse off knowing a Prospect will have our food here soon. I don’t want Jasmine to have to deal with it when I’m perfectly capable of doing so.
Getting out of the shower, I grab a towel to dry my body before running it through my hair. Walking in my bedroom, I put on a pair of sweats and nothing more. I’m in the apartment and it’s not like Jasmine hasn’t seen my body. I don’t have to hide from her now. I’m not saying I’m going to walk around naked or anything like that, but just wearing a pair of jeans, sweats, or shorts is more than fine. Jasmine wears shorts that don’t cover her ass completely when she moves around, now she can see my body. It’s not payback; I’m simply not hiding anything from her any longer.
On my way out to the living area, I knock on Jasmine’s door. She opens it immediately as if she were waiting on me to come get her. Behind her sit her duffle bags. Her packed duffle bags. I know she wrote in the letter she was going to move out, but that’s not happening. I’m not mad or upset at her. There is no reason for her to move out only to live in her car once again. That’s not going to happen as long as I’m alive. She deserves better than sleeping in a car when someone can break in and hurt her before a single other person knows what’s going on.
“What are you doin?” I question her, letting my eyes fall on her bags.
“Um, I’m moving out. I’m not going to stay here with the risk of breaking more of your things. There’s an envelope of money to replace what I’ve damaged,” she tells me, not looking me in the eyes.
“I know what you wrote. And I’ve got the money. You’re not leavin’ here though. There is no reason for you to move out or start sleepin’ in your car once again. My apartment is yours to live in as long as you need to,” I tell her, purposely making my voice harder than normal.
I’m pissed she’d think of leaving here over a mistake. It’s not as if she purposely set out to break my table. Hell, even if she did, I wouldn’t give a shit. It’s just a table. I can buy another one and it’s not going to break me. I’ve got more than enough money saved up to do anything I want to do. Jasmine can bust everything in here and it still won’t break me.
“Dinner is almost here. Let’s eat,” I tell her, holding out my hand for her.
Hesitantly Jasmine takes my hand and lets me lead her to the living room. Her eyes have not left my body since she opened her door. It’s honestly making me believe she’s never seen a man not wearing a shirt or displaying his body. I put a lot of work into maintaining the muscles I have. Not just time spent in the gym, but time at work on construction sites doing manual labor. She can look at me for as long as she likes because it lets me know she feels some of what I do when I see any of her skin on display.
Sitting her down on the couch, I walk to the door just as there’s a knock. I know how long it takes to get pizza and wings. Opening the door, one of our newest Prospects stands there holding a large pizza box with a bag on top. I ordered pizza, wings and garlic bread with cheese for our dinner tonight. Jasmine has no choice but to have a cheat day. Yes, I know all about her eating healthy and working out to the programs on TV she’s found. There are cameras in my apartment. I normally don’t watch the feed, but over the last few days I’ve been compelled to catch glimpses of her whenever I could without actually being in the same place as her.
Closing the door, I make my way into the kitchen. Jasmine is already there, pulling down plates, glasses, and napkins for us to use. When I open everything up, she waits for me to take my food before even thinking about getting any for herself. This is just one more reason to dig into her background so I can find out everything about her. I want to know who has hurt her so bad she won’t eat without getting an okay. To believe she owes me money for eating food, using everyday items, or anything else here. She needs to save her money for whatever she decides she wants to do in life.
We take our plates into the living room, each sitting on an opposite end of the couch to use the end tables for our drinks. I’m drinking a beer while Jas grabs her usual bottle of water. I turn on a movie, making sure the volume is low so we can still talk over what’s happening on the screen. It’s not until I’m done with the food on my plate, that I turn to talk to Jasmine.
“So, where do you plan on sneakin’ off to?” I question her, knowing that’s exactly what she’s planning on doing.
“I’m not sneaking anywhere. It’s never been in my long-term plans to stay in Shadowville, Smokey. I don’t know where I’m going or what I plan on doing. All I know is my plans can change in a second because there is nothing holding me here,” she says, not looking at me as she finishes her piece of pizza.
“What about Corrinth and the diner? Or Phoebe? I think both of those women would have somethin’ to say about you leavin’ here without a word,” I state, telling her nothing but the truth.
“I’m just someone here who continues to make mistakes and make messes at the diner. Corrinth would probably take a sigh of relief if I weren’t workin’ there anymore.”
“Do you want me to call and ask her?” I taunt her, knowing she’s not going to win this conversation.
“No. You don’t need to do that,” she finally says, a little bit of sass coming out as she glares at me. “Why are you doing this, Smokey?”
“Because there’s no reason for you to run away. I’m goin’ to stay here every now and then. Other than that, you have the apartment to yourself to do what you want in. I’ll save your money and make sure not a dime of it isn’t spent. It will be there when you need somethin’ or want to move into your own place,” I tell her, hiding the fact I don’t want her to ever move out.
I want Jasmine in my space permanently. She’ll never go for it because I can’t give her what she wants or needs. Especially if she is pregnant. I’m not a man who knows how to be a father to anyone or who will be there every single day. The club has runs I’ll have to go on and times when I’m gone for extended periods of time. Not to mention Jasmine and a child would forever have targets placed on their backs simply from being in my life. That’s not something I’ll ever willingly do to someone I care about.
“There are a few other things we need to talk about,” I tell her, as she stands up to take our plates into the kitchen.
“What’s that?” she asks, walking back in with another beer for me.
“I know you said you don’t expect anythin’ to come of the time we spent together. However, I wouldn’t mind if we spent more time gettin’ to know what you like and don’t like in bed. I’ll let you use my body to discover exactly what you want out of man when it comes to sex. There are no strings attached, and you don’t have to say yes. All I’m sayin’ is the option is there if you want it,” I tell her, taking in her eyes widening in shock as her gaze travels my body.
Jasmine bites down on her lip causing me to growl out in response. I want to taste her, to kiss her deep and put everything I’m feeling into the kiss. Everything I can’t say to her because those words don’t deserve to come out of my mouth to anyone. Finally, she nods her head letting me know she’ll think about it.
“The other thing is if you are pregnant, I’ll be there financially to help you raise our child. I cannot be in his or her life though. And I won’t be in yours. I’m not the man to have a relationship with or to help you raise our child. Please don’t get upset; I’m savin’ you in the long run. I’ll do nothin’ but hurt you,” I tell her, watching the tears fill her eyes.
“I know Smokey. If I choose to take you up on your offer, I know it won’t lead to anything permanent or mean we’re in any type of relationship. Honestly, I wouldn’t know how to have one anyway. That’s not anything I’m focusing on as I try to figure out what I want to do with my life. Other than work at the diner for now. Eventually I will move on and everyone will have to accept that. There is nothing here for me on a permanent basis. I’ll miss Phoebe and Corrinth, but I’m not close to them and they have lives. I understand everything,” she tells me, a deep sadness filling her as she wraps her arms around her body and closes herself off.
Standing up, she lets me know she’s going to head to bed early. Her body hurts and she just wants to lay down. Nodding my head, I silently watch her walk down the hallway. Just before her door closes, the faintest whispered ‘goodnight’ fills the hallway from her. I miss hearing her sing and it won’t be long before her melodic voice fills my ears once again. Even if I have to watch the cameras to hear her. With nothing more to do, I sit on the couch thinking as I drink a few more beers before heading to bed myself. It’s going to be a long night as I toss and turn with thoughts of Jasmine filling my head.
