Smokey’s Turmoil by Erin Osborne

Chapter Three

Jasmine

SMOKEY ROCKED MY world about a week ago. Offering me the chance to be in his bed more than just the night he took my virginity. While I want to say yes and start making use of either one of our beds, the couch, shower, wall, or whatever else he has in mind, I know it’s not the time. This is something I need to think about and make sure I can do this without losing my heart to the man who stars in every fantasy and makes me feel things no one else ever has.

It’s not just feeling safe when he’s around. Smokey makes my insides fill with butterflies and my heart race with a simple look. Goosebumps break out on my body when he accidentally brushes up against me. If his eyes linger on me, I forget how to breathe. Something haunts him though. The way he guards himself is proof enough of that. That’s one thing I know all too well if I’m being honest. There is something in his past that’s shaped his life and made him believe with everything in his heart and soul he can never let a woman in. It’s the same thing I feel on a daily basis.

I’ve heard over the years about how if someone is told the same thing enough times, they begin to believe it. Well, I can tell you in no uncertain terms it’s true. My entire life I’ve been told what a fat ass I am, how I’m never going to amount to anything, and called a million and one names to degrade and belittle me. Every single time I thought I had finally made one friend, it would turn out to be some kind of cruel joke. That’s why I never let anyone in. I don’t share my secrets or try to believe someone wants to be in my life for more than what they can gain from me.

No one knows the pain I’ve suffered or how much I long to be part of a loving family. Even my aunt and uncle never wanted anything to do with me. I was too klutzy to be a part of their family. I overheard that conversation when I was supposed to be taking a nap with my cousin Charlotte. My aunt was trying to get my mother to have me tested because she was positive something was wrong with me. Yeah, I’ve been clumsy since I was little. More broken bones have been suffered at simple things than I care to remember.

However, that’s not what’s going on with Smokey. Whatever trauma happened in his past; he carries the guilt around with him like a weighted noose tightening around his neck. When he truly lets himself become vulnerable, his eyes turn stormy grey, and torture fills him. There is no rest for the pain he carries with him. It taunts him and follows him to his dreams turning them into nightmares. I’ve heard him in his room thrashing and kicking around on the few occasions he’s spent the night in the apartment. Those are the nights my heart breaks for him. Though I don’t let on I hear anything.

The only two things we have in common are we’re guarded, and we pay attention to those around us. Even at the clubhouse for my birthday, Smokey engaged in conversation with a few of the men, but his eyes were constantly moving. He takes in everything around him and doesn’t let anything slip past him. If someone in his family is hurting, he’s the first to know. Smokey knows when he needs to step up and talk about something with one of the men he calls brother. He also knows when to sit back and let them come to him. Or someone else. I’m the exact same way.

I don’t say much, but I pay attention to everything going on around me. That’s why I notice when Phoebe or Corrinth are having bad days. Their entire mood shifts even when they’re trying to hide it from those around them. It’s also the reason I know someone has been following me lately. Every single time I leave the apartment to go to the store or work, eyes follow me. Keeping my eyes open, I don’t notice anyone following me or sticking out. There’s only one person who would be coming around now and that means my life is about to change.

My father is still alive. He has been out there trying to get his hands on whatever he can from the death of my mom. He’s a greedy fuck who does not deserve a single dime from her estate. See, my mom was richer than she ever led him to believe. Her parents hit big on the stock market and put the money up in other investments or in high interest bonds. Their money was passed down to my mom who continued to invest and eventually ended up more than quadrupling the money her parents ever had.

When my father became abusive toward me, she began making arrangements to get us out. He ended up leaving just before we were meant to get new identities and leave. I’m not sure what made him leave other than another woman catching his attention enough to make him leave my mom, but he did. When he found out she passed away, I was the first phone call he made. My father demanded her life insurance policy and any other money I got from the sale of our home. I couldn’t bring myself to live there when she wasn’t with me anymore. That’s the only reason I sold it. Someone else can make happy memories in the home that once was my solace.

There is a trust in my name that I could get on my twenty-second birthday. I know it’s weird, but those are the terms my mom left in her will. Even though I can get my hands on it now, I’m not touching it. The lawyer has been instructed to continue investing and making the money grow even larger. When my father found out there was nothing he could do to get his hands on the millions of dollars sitting there, he started threatening me and making demands I refused to obey. That’s one of the reasons I will continue to move on each and every single time I know he’s found me again. No one will ever stop me from protecting myself against a man so evil he belongs in hell, and even that’s too good of a place for him.

I don’t plan on touching any of the money unless I absolutely have to. That’s why I was living in my car and why I work so hard to save money. My mom never touched the money until it became a necessity for us to get away from my father, and I won’t do anything unless it becomes necessary for me to go into hiding. It won’t be in Shadowville because I will not have any harm come to Phoebe or Corrinth because of my father. They are sweet, kind women who have been nothing but kind to me and I’ll repay them any way I can. That means, when my father makes his move, I’ll be packing up and leaving once more. I have to wait until I see him instead of believing I’m just being paranoid. That’s what my mom always told me.

Shaking my head, I push the thoughts to the back of my mind as I finish getting ready for work. I’m closing today at the diner with Corrinth. It’s Friday, so we already know it’s going to be extremely busy. Especially once the football game lets out. Even though it’s getting colder out, Friday nights Corrinth keeps the diner open later so kids and those who attended the game can get something to eat. Most of the tables will be filled with football players and their cheerleader girlfriends. I’m intimidated by them and have been since my own days of high school. None of them were ever nice to me. I was the punchline to every single joke they ever told. That’s when I learned to become as invisible as possible.

I’ve been rushing all day long. The diner has been busier than normal since I walked through the door before the dinner rush. Now, I’m cleaning and restocking so there’s less to do after the crowd fills the diner once the game is over with. The only thing I have left to do is mop the floor before they all get in here. It needs to be cleaned with how sticky it is from the messes I’ve made throughout my shift. This is insane and I really wish there was something I could do to prevent myself from being as clumsy as I have been my entire life.

As I got older, my mom would take me to specialists in order to find whatever was wrong with me. I’ve been a human pin cushion and had more images of my body and brain taken than anyone else I know. Including my mom when she got so sick, and they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her. There is nothing that’s making me be extremely clumsy except for that’s how I was born. On top of having specialists look at me to try and figure out what’s going on, I was also put in physical therapy and any other kind of therapy the doctors could think of to try to help me. Still, nothing worked. Now, I have learned to live with being a klutz. It’s just embarrassing more than anything else these days.

I’m done mopping and restocking by the time the crowd begins filtering through the door. It’s busy as hell and my mind is racing with how I’m going to embarrass myself this time. It’s just Corrinth, a Prospect who’s washing dishes, and myself tonight. She’s been talking about hiring someone else to help work the busy days and nights but hasn’t done so yet. Call me selfish, but I don’t want her to hire anyone else because it means I can work more hours. At least while I’m still here.

“Do you know what you’d like to order? Or do you need a few minutes?” I ask, walking up to a table filled with football players and cheerleaders.

“Burgers all around with the works and chocolate shakes,” the guy at the head of the table states, not taking his attention off the girl practically sitting in his lap.

“Coming right up,” I respond, making my way to the counter to hand over my ticket to Corrinth before making the shakes.

With my back turned to the tables as I make six shakes, the bell on the door continues to ring almost non-stop. Out of the corner of my eye, the table reserved for the club fills up with men and women. They actually take up the last three booths instead of just two. Smokey is here; I don’t need to see him in order to know he’s close by. I can just feel his presence. It’s weird as hell. Someone bumps into me behind the counter as I turn to face Phoebe. She’s heavily pregnant as I look at her with confusion filling my face.

“What are you doing?” I ask her, continuing to make the shakes.

“I’m lending a hand,” she responds as if it’s no big deal.

“No, you’re not,” I tell her, looking pointedly down at her stomach.

“I can help you out for a little bit,” she stubbornly states.

“Phoebe, I just got done mopping the floor and it’s going to be packed in about five minutes. Please, go sit down and I’ll be right over to take your orders,” I plead with her as she looks at the table.

Ink is looking at her with narrowed eyes. He’s not happy with her decision to try and help me because it’s busy in here. I’m used to this and there is nothing I won’t do to make sure she’s off her feet and resting. Phoebe is someone I could see becoming a good friend if I were willing to open up and let her in. Knowing that’s never going to happen, I offer her a small smile as she carefully makes her way back to the table. Ink nods his head at me in appreciation for not letting her do something he obviously already told her he didn’t want her doing. Phoebe’s stubborn as hell though and believes she can do everything she wants to.

As I’m finishing up the shakes, Corrinth lets me know the burgers are done too. Placing the last glass on the tray, I slowly and carefully begin to make my way over to the table. The kids are all laughing hysterically as I get closer to them. At the last second, the kid who placed the order stands up quickly. His chair slams into me as it scrapes across the floor. In my attempt to maintain my balance, I struggle and flail until the tray and glasses go flying in the air. I watch on helplessly as they begin to fall back down directly on top of the kid who made me stumble in the first place. He’s now covered in chocolate shakes.

My face heats in a blush as I rush to get a cloth from the counter where I placed it earlier. It takes seconds for me to get back to him, pathetically holding out the cloth for him to get cleaned up with when he starts yelling at me.

“You fat fucking bitch!” he yells, causing all talking and laughter in the diner to cease. “Look what you fucking did. How can you continue working here when you’re nothing more than a fucking menace to society? Get the fuck out of here with that.”

“I’m so sorry,” I apologize to him, trying to maintain eye contact.

“I don’t need your fucking apology. Get the fuck outta my sight and don’t ever try to wait on me again you fat fucking cow,” he yells once more as everyone begins laughing hysterically at the tears falling down my face now.

Racing from the floor, I collide into the corner of the wall leading to the bathrooms before falling on the floor. I land hard on my knees causing me to cry out in pain. Laughter hits me as they’ve heard the commotion I’m making with more clumsiness. It takes me a minute to get up and limp into the women’s bathroom where I can cry in peace until I can compose myself. The things he yelled at me were nothing I haven’t heard a million times in my past. It doesn’t mean it hurts any less each and every single time I hear them.

There’s a soft knocking on the door as Phoebe lets me know it’s her at the door. I ignore her, sitting down on the closed toilet seat to look at my arm and knees. On top of the cuts I got from crashing through Smokey’s table, there are more marks to add to my ever growing collection. Blood coats my skin where it’s been broken open and bruising already shows on my pale skin. I’m trying to catch my breath as I look in the mirror at the absolute mess I’ve become. Chocolate is splattered over my face, head, and uniform as my face turns beet red under my freckles and drink. My hair is disheveled right along with my uniform.

I listen on as a loud commotion fills the other side of this door locking me away from everyone else. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m thankful I’m out of there. For someone who hates confrontation, I’m not sure how many times a day I’m yelled at by a customer because of my klutziness. Before I can think of anything else, there’s a loud pounding on the door.

“Song Bird, let me in,” Smokey’s voice filters through the door, not hiding the demand he’s making of me.

“I’m okay,” I assure him, trying to take a few deep breaths.

“I’m not playin’, Jasmine. Let me in,” he demands one more, giving me no option but to unlock the door for him.

I hobble over to the door and unlock it for him. Smokey slides in the door without letting anyone else see inside. Taking one look at me, he pulls me against his chest, not caring about the blood or chocolate covering my skin and clothes. Words are whispered that I can’t make out as he simply holds me close to him. I don’t want to leave the safety of his embrace, but I know I have to. It’s time for me to pull my big girl panties up and get back to work. It’s what I get paid for after all.

“I need to get back out there,” I tell him, not caring about the soreness filling my body.

“No, you don’t. You need to take a few minutes so I can look at your injuries. If I think you need to go to the hospital, you’ll be goin’ without complaint,” he tells me, his voice harsh.

“Smokey, I’m fine. I’ve definitely done worse damage to myself before and I know when I can work and when I can’t. Please excuse me,” I state, leaving him in the bathroom alone.

Walking back out on the floor, Corrinth pulls me back inside the office to clean up the blood from my knees and arm. Once that’s taken care of, I carefully make my way to the floor. The table full of football players and cheerleaders is empty as other people fill the diner. I continue on with waiting on each table, trying to forget the scene I just created. That’s how the rest of my night goes as I limp around and work as fast as I can. Smokey doesn’t leave until I’m ready to head out. It’s nice to have him follow me home when the feeling of someone watching me hasn’t gone away all day.