Always Been You by Lily Miller

Twenty-Four

Olivia

After five daysof hiding away in my apartment, I have zero tears left to cry and I’m ready to go back to work. You just need time. This is the advice I’ve been given from multiple people, Kate and my mom included when I poured my broken heart out to them. I will just have to trust that whoever it was that said time is a broken heart’s best friend was probably right. I’m assuming they know this after having also had their hearts stomped on by an ex-boyfriend.

Ellie and Leah have been so patient with me, but I’ve wallowed long enough. It’s time to ditch the sweatpants and filthy hair and get my ass off the couch - if it’s not permanently stuck there at this point. I’ve been down this road before and I will survive another breakup with Parker. I have no other choice.

I may have stopped crying, but that doesn’t mean this is easy. Figuring out a way to stop loving Parker feels impossible. I haven’t been able to go more than five minutes without thinking about him. A rotation of memories plays on a loop through my mind. I wonder where he is or what he’s doing, if he is thinking about me as much as I’m thinking about him? Or has he already moved on with that bimbo?

I’m standing at the wooden worktable carefully trimming an order of ice blue lacecap hydrangeas. Their scent fills the air and brings me a little happiness. This is the most beautiful time of year at Bloom, when all of my favorite flowers are in season, marigolds, dahlias, peonies. I love them all, but peonies are particularly gorgeous. Especially the pale pink and white ones. They remind me of our garden growing up and I feel a pang of nostalgia each year when they are back in season.

Ellie and Leah are working across from me, trimming bunches of dusty millers and leatherleaf ferns, filler stems for the prearranged bouquets we sell. They are also doing their best to make me smile. This morning they brought me my favorite caramel apple croissant and a coffee for breakfast and switched out our playlist at the shop from Michael Bublé hits to country top 40.

Leah steps away to answer an incoming call, giving Ellie the opportunity to thoughtfully check in with me.

“You okay, Liv?”

“Yeah. I’m okay. One day at a time, I keep telling myself. I know it will get easier.”

“Good girl. I’m really proud of you. Kate told me you guys had a great dinner last night at your mom’s. She said it’s starting to feel a little like it used to. I’m really happy you are getting your family back. That’s one good thing, right?” Ellie’s eyes are full of warmth and I’m reminded that my life isn’t all bad. I have supportive friends who would do anything for me, a successful business that makes my work a joy and my family is back together. On the last front, the adjustment to my dad’s return has been better than I ever expected. It’s a reminder that even without Parker, I am not alone.

“Thanks, Ells Bells. It really was actually… nice. You will be able to see my dad tomorrow when he visits Bloom. He’s coming by for a visit to see the shop and then taking me out for lunch.”

“Wow, Olivia, big steps. That’s great.”

We both turn our attention to Leah who seems to be frustrated with whoever she is talking to on the other end of the call. She eventually puts the person on hold, rolls her eyes to the ceiling and sighs, turning to the two of us.

“This woman is obnoxious. She’s inquiring about a massive order of all white flowers that I’m not sure we can accommodate.”

“Like how many are we talking?” I ask.

“700! It’s a fancy clam bake at White Harbor Beach. I don’t even think Caroline Kennedy had that many flowers at her wedding. Who do these people think they are? She also seems very particular and nauseatingly high maintenance, like she expects us to just drop everything else.”

“When is the event?” Ellie asks with curiosity, putting down the stems in her hand and wiping her hands down her work apron.

“Friday. Can we do it? What should I tell her?”

Ellie looks at me and then we both look back at Leah. It’s like watching a tennis match, our heads turning from right to left.

“What do you think, Liv? Can we find that many stems in time? I’m free Friday to do the set up.”

“I think we can pull it off if we have all hands on deck,” I answer her. It will be a lot of work, but honestly, I could use the distraction heading into the weekend. Leah gives us a thumbs up letting us know she is available this week to help. If this event goes through, we are going to need her.

“Take down her info and tell her we will call her back this afternoon with a quote. We’ll need a fifty percent deposit if we are going to bring in an order that size.”

“On it.” Leah nods and returns her attention back to the phone call.

I dig my cell phone out of my pocket and call Mabel, hoping she can supply such a ridiculous amount of perfectly matched white blooms in time for Friday. She answers on the third ring and lets me know that she should have enough. She will confirm with me in one hour.

She also requests that I have my “hottie” assistant at Bloom with me when she does the delivery. Immediately my mind wanders to Parker, all six-foot-two of him, thinking back to how carefree and confident he was that day, when we visited Meadow Flowers. I’m reminded of how good it felt to have his muscular arms around me, and how I will never get to feel that way again. I wish, Mabel. You have no idea how much I wish.

Three hours later, Mabel calls to confirm the order. She promises seven hundred of her best white peonies will be delivered to us on Thursday morning. That will give us almost two days to arrange them exactly how our client would like.

I make the call to Bianca, the customer who is hosting this insanely posh clam bake, to let her know we can do it. The bill is astronomical and frankly kind of ridiculous for a clam bake, but apparently Bianca has money to burn. Fine by me. She insists on paying the invoice in full upfront, adamant the flowers are to be delivered to the beach by five o’clock Friday evening. I assure her this won’t be a problem and graciously thank her for her business, ending the call. I shake my head. Some people in this town have more money than they know what to do with.

The next few days are spent working nonstop on Bianca’s order. Our uber-rich and rather demanding client has called several more times with added requests. I’ve got to hand it to her, she knows what she wants. Between her lavish order, dinner at my parents’ and an after-work shopping and dinner date with Kate, this week has fortunately turned out to be not half bad. It’s nowhere near great either, but it’s a start.

I’m still kept up at night with thoughts of Parker. I try writing my thoughts in my journal, but it doesn’t help. My mind is too jumbled to write more than a few words. Instead, I stare at my phone, part of me wishing he would call, and the other part not knowing if I would talk to him even if he did. I’m still so angry with him. I just want to be happy again. Most nights I give up, wrapping my arms around my pillow and fighting off thoughts of Parker until I finally drift off to sleep.

* * *

It’s halfpast four on Friday and we just carefully shut the back door of our Bloom van. We were able to fit the largest order we have ever received in it. The van is bursting with the most gorgeous soft white peonies arranged in elaborate bouquets, centerpieces and garlands. Their sweet and rosy scent is enough to intoxicate you.

Working on this order has been the rainbow in my dark and stormy week, the reprieve I so desperately needed to take my mind off of Parker. This order has possibly been my favorite project we have ever worked on and I’m proud of how it turned out. I can’t help but think how proud Parker would be too, if he could see it.

Ellie jumps into the driver’s seat and I take shotgun. We leave Leah at Bloom to run the store while we head to the location to meet Bianca. I’m secretly curious to meet this woman whose floral décor budget seemingly exceeds my annual mortgage payment. I soon realize that my assumptions about her were one hundred percent off track.

We are met by a smiling Bianca, who is wearing a pale blue and white striped off-the-shoulder sundress, her long hair swept up in a wavy high ponytail. She’s around my age and not pretentious in the slightest. She’s sweet, kind and eager to meet the two of us. Not at all the affected socialite I was expecting.

She greets Ellie and I with a warm hello and motions to the section of the beach where she would like the flowers to be set up. It’s secluded and private, tucked away from the crowds, and it looks like we are the first vendor to arrive.

I can’t help but notice she’s flustered, apparently waiting on the long tables and chairs to arrive, along with the rest of the décor she ordered. She tells us they’re stuck in traffic, looking more than a little concerned.

It takes Ellie and I a solid hour to unload each and every arrangement, carting the flowers back and forth over the cool sand. When we finish, we are a sweaty mess, exhausted and in need of a good calf massage and a shower. Unfortunately, that will have to wait.

We’re also disappointed that we won’t be able to see the finished look. Thankfully, Bianca has agreed to take Instagram-worthy photos and share them with us.

After thanking her for trusting us with her vision, we exchange hugs and head back to the van. I hop into the passenger seat and twist my hair, damp from sweating under the hot sun, up into a messy bun. Ellie takes a long drink from her water bottle then turns the engine to life, heading back to Bloom.

“That couldn’t have gone better. It’s funny, we had Bianca all wrong. She’s actually really cool.”

“I know, right? I don’t know what I was expecting but that wasn’t it.” Ellie holds her right hand in the hair, palm facing me, “Go team!” I high five her.

“I’m just bummed we won’t get to see our largest order ever all set up in its glory.”

“I know, but it’s going to be gorgeous. I’m proud of us.” Ellie beams from the driver’s seat, her window rolled down, the breeze whirling through her hair.

“Me too.”

We park the van behind Bloom and quickly head inside to grab our car keys so we can make our way home. Leah has locked up the store and gone home for the day, so our job here today is done. I follow Ellie out through the front door, and after she locks it, we both head towards our cars parked along the street. We agree that a hot shower and a quiet night in alone is all we can handle after the week we’ve both had.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Ells. Have a good night.”

“See you tomorrow, baby cakes,” Ellie winks, before sliding into her car.

Forty-five minutes later, I’m showered and full from a plate of leftover pasta from my fridge. I’m cozy on my couch with a blanket and a mug of peppermint tea. With the business of the day finally done, my mind immediately drifts to Parker. I find myself wanting to call right now, to tell him about the order and how well it all went. I want to tell him about Bianca and her completely over-the-top clam bake. I want to tell him about the largest order we’ve ever received and then watch his face beam with pride for me. I want him to run a hot bath for me because that’s exactly what he would do if I told him my legs were sore from walking the beach back and forth all afternoon. Then I would ask him to join me in the tub. We’d share a bottle of wine and swap stories from our week.

I pull the blanket up to my chin, wishing I could go a day, an hour, even a minute without thinking about him. Fat chance.

I flip through shows on Netflix, finding nothing that holds my interest. I’m in no shape for a rom-com and I’m sure my mind is too scattered for a drama. I sip my tea, finding myself staring into the steamy hot liquid a minute or two later. My gaze is broken when my phone lights up on the coffee table in front of me. My heart immediately leaps in my chest, wondering if it’s Parker. It’s not. It’s a phone call from Ellie.

“Hey, Ells.”

“Hey, Olivia. Shit,” she says, talking fast. “Bianca just called in a panic. She said she’s missing the table runner of peonies and her guests are arriving in thirty minutes. How did we miss that?”

“I don’t know, but that’s not good.”

“No, it’s not. I’m putting on my shoes and I’m heading to work. Can you meet me there?”

“You bet. I’ll be ten minutes behind you. I just need to change out of my pajamas and I’m on my way.”

“Great, see you soon.” I end the call disappointed in myself.

I get changed out of my pajamas as swiftly as possible, throwing on a sundress and a pair of strappy sandals. I take my hair down from its top knot and run a brush through it, in hopes of looking somewhat presentable for Bianca. I shake out my hair and it falls into loose, beach waves, making me thankful for the natural curls I used to curse when I was a kid. There’s not enough time for makeup but I manage to coat my lips in a thin layer of lip gloss and run a little blush over my cheeks.

Grabbing my keys, purse and cell phone, I’m out the door and on my way to Bloom to fix our blunder and make sure Bianca is happy with how we quickly remedy the situation. We’ve worked too hard on this event to have an unhappy client or worse yet, a negative review.

Ellie is waiting for me when I arrive, the runner of peonies safely placed in the Bloom van before I even put my car in park. Ellie offers to drive, and I don’t argue.

“So, should we be scared for our lives? How mad was Bianca when she called?” I ask Ellie.

“No, she was actually very reasonable. It’s going to be fine.”

“On the bright side, at least we will get to see the setup.”

Ellie’s eyes remain focused on the road, the corners of her lips turning up in a smile.

“Can I ask you something, Ells?”

“Of course, shoot.”

“Anything happening with you and Liam? You two were so cute that night at our beach house party. You haven’t said much since.”

“Nope, nothing.”

“Really? You two seemed like you hit it off. Have you heard from him at all?”

“Maybe once or twice.” She smiles.

“And you kept this from me? Ellie…”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d want to talk about a Bennett. You know I would’ve told you under any other circumstance.”

“I know, but I’m fine. I’m a big girl and I can be happy for you even if my own love life is a wreck. So, tell me more.” I shift in my seat. The sounds of a Friday night in Reed Point billow from the busy streets. I can’t help scanning the crowds for Parker.

“There’s not much to tell. We’ve traded texts a few times and he’s asked me to go out with him. But I said no.”

“No? Why would you do that?” My gaze whips around to face her.

“Well, because I’m not looking to start a relationship right now. The timing is off.”

“Are you kidding me, Ells! There must be more to it than that. Don’t ninety-eight percent me. That’s the most ridiculous thing that has ever come out of your mouth, and that’s really saying something.”

Ellie earned the nickname in college because ninety-eight percent of what she says is exaggerated or made up to make her story more impressive. This is one of those times.

“You missed the turn, Ells. Make a U-turn right up here.”

Ellie ignores me and continues to drive further past the area of the beach where we set up earlier today.

“Ellie! You need to turn around.”

She grins but remains silent. It’s pretty clear she is ignoring me. She shrugs and a smile creeps over her mouth.

“What are you doing? Where are you going?”

“I love you, Olivia, you know I do, but you can be so stubborn sometimes. I’m going to need you to trust me on this.”

And then it hits me all at once when she makes the left turn towards the beach house. One more right turn and we will be directly in front of it. My pulse starts to race.

“Ellie, what’s going on?”

A second later, Ellie is pulling our Bloom van into the driveway of the beach house. My eyes narrow on Parker standing in the doorway and I feel like the air is squeezed from my lungs. It all happens so fast that I’m not prepared for the thousand different emotions I’m hit with all at once. Seeing him for the first time in over three weeks sends chills over my skin. He’s wearing jeans that fit him perfectly in all the right places and a short sleeve black t-shirt. His hand grips the door casing above his head. Why does he have to be so sexy?

And then comes the sinking feeling as I remember why I haven’t seen him in weeks, and it hits me like a freight train. It all comes back to me, flooding my thoughts. I’m supposed to be mad at him. I am mad at him but it’s like my heart hasn’t quite caught up to what my brain is telling me. Ellie must see my body tense.

She reaches over the center console and squeezes my hand. “Hear him out, Olivia.”

“Why the hell would I do that?”

“Could you live with yourself if you didn’t and possibly miss out on something amazing?”

“Ells, you are supposed to be on my side.”

“Let me ask you a question. Do you still love him?’

“You know I do. I’m the idiot who can’t stop loving the man who chose to cheat on her.” I say, trying not to cry.

“Then you owe it to yourself to hear him out. I promise. You can do this.” She squeezes my hand in reassurance.

“I don’t think I can, Ellie.” I blow out a breath.

“I know you can. Trust me, you are going to want to hear what he has to say.” She gives me the nudge I need to move my body from the passenger seat.

On shaky legs, I exit the car and walk slowly towards him. I stop inches away from him, my heart beating through my ribcage. We are face to face, only the breeze from the ocean between us. I can feel myself wanting to reach out and touch him, but I restrain myself. There’s so much he needs to explain before I even consider allowing him to touch me.

“Hey.” His voice is hesitant but sure, with the slightest hint of a smile. “Will you come inside with me? Can we talk?”

“We can talk here.”

“Livy please. I only need ten minutes of your time. Please come in.”

“This is a bad idea, Parker.”

He considers this. “I promise you, Livy, ten minutes. That’s all I ask.”

I’m so nervous I’m shaking, but recalling Ellie’s advice, I follow my instincts and nod. I can listen to what he has to say and then leave.

I follow him through the front doors of the beach house and freeze. It takes me a second to realize what he’s done. I inhale sharply and my palm covers my mouth. I’m in shock.

“Parker….”

“Do you like it?”

Of course, I like it. I love it. The room is filled with Bianca’s order. Every corner and every surface are blanketed with the white peonies that we delivered to her on the beach today. It’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen. They scatter the countertops, the coffee table, spilling from the mantel and hearth, even the floor. The house is barely visible underneath the hundreds of flowers. It’s breathtaking. But it doesn’t change the fact that he cheated on me.

I can feel Parker’s eyes on me, looking for my reaction. I want to tell him how beautiful the room is. I want to ask him how he did this, how he knew peonies were my favorite flower? How did this happen? But I can’t. Not yet.

“It’s okay, Livy. You don’t need to answer me. All I ask is you hear me out.” Parker steps further into the room and I follow hesitantly. His eyes find mine, a crease forming across his brow.

I look away because I have to, focusing on the explosion of peonies covering the coffee table.

“Shit, I had everything I wanted to say to you in my head but then I saw you and I’ve forgotten it all.” He pauses, inhaling a deep breath.

My eyes find his again, my heart aching at the sight of him.

“Livy, I know now what you saw, or at least what you think you saw.”

“Your mouth on some woman in a hotel lobby bar is exactly what I saw.”

“You’re right, you did see that, but I promise it’s not what you think.”

“Parker, I know what I saw. It was pretty clear.” I press my lips together, trying to steady myself. He shakes his head, his gaze falling to the floor then back to me.

“Let me finish, Livy, I can explain. What you saw was a very aggressive woman that didn’t want to take no for an answer. All I wanted that night was a quick drink at the bar before heading back to my suite to Facetime you. I definitely wasn’t looking for company when she sat down on the stool beside me. I was trying to leave when she literally assaulted my mouth. It made my skin crawl, Livy.”

I laugh a little. ”You really expect me to-”

“Livy, why is that so hard to believe? When have I ever intentionally hurt you? When?” His voice is firm. My heart riots behind my ribcage. “I can answer that for you. The answer is never.”

“Well, I guess there’s a first for everything. Breaking hearts all over Manhattan wasn’t enough for you, you had to come home and break mine too.”

“Livy, you know that’s not true.” The air suddenly shifts in the room, the temperature in my body spiking to what feels like two hundred degrees. “Who picked you up from White Harbor when you called needing stitches in your knee? Who drove halfway across town to pick you up from that bar that you had no business being in when you were too drunk to drive yourself and thought you were dying? Who took you home from school in the middle of Spanish class the day the news hit that your dad had been arrested, so you wouldn’t have to walk out to whispers? Who, Livy? It was me.”

I blink twice, the memories flooding back one by one like a tsunami barreling at full force towards me.

“Me, Livy. How can you not see that I am the constant here? I have always been there for you. I would do anything for you. I always have. I’ve never hurt you and I never will. That hasn’t changed.”

Parker rubs a hand across the back of his neck as I realize what I’ve done. I feel dizzy, my mind is muddled. My knees go weak, and I reach for the armchair to latch on to.

“I swear on my life, Livy. I know what it must have looked like, but I wanted nothing to do with her. I would never do that to you. You have to believe me. I love you. I love you so much.” Parker’s voice is full of emotion.

One thing I know for sure, what I’ve always known, deep down: Parker would never lie to me. The truth hits me, and I realize that I if only stayed a few more minutes or given him the opportunity to explain himself, this could all have been avoided.

“Do you believe me? Say something. Please.” His chest rising and falling waiting for me to say something. To say anything.

“I believe you.” There’s relief in his eyes and he’s smiling when I look at him. “I’m sorry I never gave you the chance to explain. I shouldn’t have ignored your messages. This is all my fault. I was just so scared when I saw you with another woman.”

He reaches for me, his hand catching mine, “It’s okay. It’s all in the past. I just want to move forward with you, Livy. These last two weeks without you have been the worst days of my life. I don’t want to spend another second of my life without you.”

“I’m sorry, Parker. I’m just so sorry,” I say.

“It’s not your fault. I would’ve reacted the same way if I saw what you saw. Scratch that, I would have pummelled him on the spot. I’m not mad, Livy, I’m just happy I have you back.”

He takes my cheek in his hand, his thumb brushing over my edge of my jaw. I feel every ounce of tension drain from my body.

“I do have you back, right, Liv?”

I can’t hold back the smile that is tugging at my lips. “I’m yours. I always have been.”

Parker pulls me in for a slow kiss and I wrap my arms around his neck. He holds me tighter against him, so tight I feel breathless. Nothing has ever felt so good. He breaks the kiss and pulls back to look me in the eye.

“I’ve been dying to kiss you since you stepped out of the van. You taste so good.”

“I’ve missed this, Parker. I’ve missed us.”

“Come with me, I want to show you something.”

He slides his hand into mine and walks me in the direction of the patio. The doors are wide open, and my heart stops at the sight before me for the second time tonight. I stop in my tracks and gasp.

More of our white peonies cover the patio. It’s hard to see anything but the white velvety blooms mixed in with tea light candles. Behind the patio and the ocean, the sun is setting leaving the sky in swirls of reds and oranges. It looks like a painting it’s so beautiful. I shake my head, taking in the incredible sight before me. My heart feels like it grows larger, expanding through my chest. My eyes fill with tears.

“I can’t believe you did this all for me.” My tears are hot as they roll down my cheeks.

Parker takes my face in his hands, wiping the tears away with his thumbs.

“I’m happy you like it. Ellie helped me surprise you.”

“She did?”

“From the start.” I can’t believe Ellie was able to keep this secret from me.

“And Bianca?”

“Bianca is a friend of my sister’s. She loved my idea to win you back when Jules called her. She was all over helping me out.”

“You’re kidding, Parker.” I shake my head. “What about the flowers? We delivered them to the beach.”

“I now owe Liam and Miles a huge favour. The three of us hauled them from the beach to here. There were a few complaints, but they were happy to do it. For us.”

I’m speechless. Never have I ever felt love like this. Not only do I have the person I love most back in my life, but I also have a space in his family too.

“Thank you, Parker. I will never forget this as long as I live.”

“I’m glad you like it. I missed you so much, Livy.”

“I missed you too, Parker. So much.”

I smile watching him bring his hands to my face. He cups my cheeks and presses a slow kiss to my lips.

“Any ideas of what we should do now?” He flashes me a smile, lust in his eyes.

“Bedroom, Parker. Take me to the bedroom.”

Parker laces his fingers through mine and lifts our joined hands to his mouth, pressing a kiss to my hand.

“There’s nothing I want more. Follow me…”